Effort Is A Reflection of Interest…

What I wish I would have known five years ago, hell, two years ago. Those moments when I was broke or needed a haircut or wasn’t happy I ignored some really cool women, blew them off because I couldn’t “impress” them. And now I realize that making an effort to simply let your interest be known matters way more than appearances. Some of my best encounters have been meeting and walking at the park, eating candy and people watching. Going to happy hours with twenty dollars in my pocket and two dollar margaritas. When you make the effort and you’re confident and honest and she see’s that you’re not where you want to be but everyday is a step forward. She’ll appreciate it and you may have only spent 15 dollars plus a tip but you paid the bill and were wearing really good cologne while doing it.


a pink gift box“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

“If you can’t understand that I had a life before you…”

“I got your phone calls; I answer every third time you call.”

People can make up hundreds of excuses as to why they aren’t available when you need them to be available. But what we all know whether or not we want to admit it is that when someone wants to be around us they will find a way. Now this doesn’t mean if I call tonight I’m seeing her tonight but it does mean she’ll make the effort to see me sooner rather than later.

When I was younger I can admit I was all about playing the game. I get your number on a Wednesday, God forbid I call you on a Thursday. We have a really good date on a Friday, how dare I ask you out on that…

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Five Things Women Do That Make Guys Crazy… (In A Good Way)

a couple prayThese five tidbits of information are strictly from my experiences. I’m positive every man doesn’t feel the same way, I’m sure every woman doesn’t take pleasure in doing the things on this list. But none of them are vulgar or weird, it’s Friday and the other day I wrote ten things that women do that baffle men so this is balancing that blog out. Good Morning!!!!!!! By the way! It’s Friday and beautiful and let’s get it!

Five– Men love sex, this isn’t up for debate, but what I can tell you from firsthand knowledge is that men love “She’s only doing this for me,” sex waaaaaaay more. Look, some women are naturally deceptive and charming, she’ll have you thinking you’re the only one when she has a husband or five other men but that’s not most women. Most women may have had their fair share of men but even with that there’s only certain places they were willing to go with those men. The really freaky stuff, the showing up in trench coats and lingerie, the Friday night, “in a booth,” kinkiness… Every guy isn’t getting that and when we do, especially from a woman that’s our equal or better than us. We go crazy!

Four– Do you know there are alternatives to going out to dinner or having someone come to your home? Dating in the 21st century is weird because everyone is skeptical but the thing is it won’t hurt you to be thoughtful or creative. When a woman cooks for me you know what I’m thinking… She went to the grocery store, she prepared the food, she cooked the food. She took time that could have been used doing a dozen other thing for me. That’s unusual these days and let’s say she asks to meet me in a parking lot and gives me the food in Tupperware or wrapped in foil. I’m going to appreciate that effort to no end! Men go crazy for those sorts of gestures!   

Three- As much as women think that men aren’t aware of how much beauty cost or what it takes to maintain and groom, we do. The last woman I dated, she spent around 200 to get her hair fixed, pedicures and manicures were around 80, waxing and eyebrows, going to the gym, lingerie. Being sexy and put together isn’t cheap and it’s time consuming. So if we have a date on Friday night I’m aware of how much she had to go thru between Thursday after work and today. Knowing she put all this effort into wanting to look good for me, knowing she could have put off getting her hair done to the first or did her own nails but chose not too because she realizes how much I love seeing her this way. We go crazy for that!

Two– I don’t know how many men this will apply to but it applies to me. I love writing and reading and I love when I can incorporate the two with a pretty woman. Everything these days is short hand, quick responses, everyone is in a hurry. When I get a notification on my phone and it’s a well written email about her day or a FB message even though she could have easily called me I smile. It takes time and thought to write out your thoughts. It’s energy that’s positive and sweet. There’s a certain amount of caring that’s attached to that. I got crazy for that!

One– Picture text and not just the freak ones. But at her desk, in the bathroom, driving to work. Pictures that she’s not sharing with Instagram or Twitter or Facebook; pictures she took with me and only me in mind. Guys aren’t stupid, I’m not going to ask you for a freaky pic at 10am and you send me four in a row. You didn’t take those for me, I may enjoy them but so did some other guy. I’d rather have the pic of you “as is” and know you took it with me in mind. Men go crazy for that!

Flirting, Courtship and Romance…

On Saturday I thought about the concept of writing a relationship book. But like I said I’m not in a relationship nor have I been in awhile so writing that would simply be a bunch of romantic ideals. Not practical life tested words. And I can’t do that. But what I can write about and what I am quite good at is courtships and flirting. I can be sitting at a bar and make conversation with ease, I know when to flirt, what questions to ask. It comes natural.

People will tell you that dating is about asking questions and setting goals. That’s bullshit. Dating is about making someone smile and not just being interesting but being real. The worst thing you can do is show your “representative” to people. If you can’t afford to go to a five star restaurant, don’t make it seem like you can. Go get pizza and beer or a cheap bottle of wine.

To court a woman is not to try and make her see you’re a great person, there’s a lot of great guys that never get call backs or have sex or get her to fall in love. To court a woman is to tie into her emotions, her mind and her sensibilities as a woman.

These are a couple of facts that I promise you no woman will dispute.

(A)   Women are turned on my mental and social aggression, tactful, of course. No woman wants an indecisive or weak man. I learned this early, if you make plans make sure you know where you’re going and why you’re there. She’ll appreciate it because I guarantee you several men have called or picked her up on some… “So where do you want to go?” stuff.

(B)   Women love gifts. This doesn’t mean you have to show up with purses, watches or Tiffany’s. But it does mean if you show up with a cupcake, some chocolates, flowers or even some Starbursts. Ask yourself one question? When is the last time a guy simply brought her some candy because he was thinking about her. Grand romantic gestures sound great but when you’re just starting off it’s simplicity that matters.

(C)   Be yourself, I don’t care if all she talks about on FB is work and Basketball Wives. Or maybe you’ve looked thru her albums and every guy she’s dated is 6’3 and looks like Edris Elba. The simple fact of the matter is she’s out with YOU. She’s opened the door because there’s something about you she likes. So be yourself, be passionate about whatever it is you do and at the very least she’ll respect you and probably be turned on by your confidence.

(D)   Don’t try to be her friend. Women have friends, be honest about why you’re there. You’re attractive, you’re sexy, I want to eventually get to the point where I’m cooking you breakfast and watching you sleep. Now maybe you shouldn’t be that blunt but you get what I’m saying. Flirt and let her know that I’m a man and you’re a woman and this date is the first step in us building something. You don’t even have to be serious when you say it but just be charming.

I have no problem admitting that I enjoy dating. I enjoy getting to know people and asking those same questions knowing no woman will have exactly the same answer. Do I want a girlfriend and a real relationship, of course I do. But until that time comes this is the life I live.

My point… I may not be able to write about how to make a marriage work but I can write about how to make those first 3 months of a courtship turn into something much more. I’ve had a lot of women fall in love with me and I’ve probably fallen in love with so many more. The falling is the easy part, it’s the staying there that I’m still working on.