“Deception”

“How bad is it?!” I couldn’t breathe, I was trying to catch my breath but I couldn’t breathe!

I’d never liked hospitals, I was never here for an happy occasion. Not for the birth of a child or someone getting out of a cast. It was always death and pain, always dreary and dark. Cold and sterile.

His head was down, there was blood on his shirt but I didn’t see a scratch on him. Why wasn’t he saying anything?! Why wasn’t he saying anything?!

“How bad is it!!?” I grabbed his face so that he would look at me, his eyes met my eyes and I knew. I knew, what the fuck?! What?! We were talking without talking!

“Dead?! He’s dead!!!” My mouth opened but no screams came out, the tears welled in my eyes but they didn’t fall. His face, his smile, his hands, his laugh, they all flashed before me. I saw us in bed last night, I saw the last text he sent.

“He’s not dead Keri…” I couldn’t take my eyes off the blood on his shirt, why was there so much blood on his shirt?! My hands were in my hair, I needed them there to stop them from

shaking.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE’S NOT DEAD!!!? Stop with the fucking riddles!!!” I grabbed his shirt, he pushed me away, I flew into the table! Magazines and chairs went everywhere! People in the waiting room, nurses walking by. They all stood up and looked at him, he looked at me!

He knew…

No….

How did he know?!

How did he know?!

“Bitch!!! What did you think was going to happen!? He’s in a fucking coma!!! He’s brain dead! BRAIN DEAD!!!”

He launched at me! I jumped behind a chair and tried to run, he grabbed my jacket, I came out of it! A doctor tried to grab him, he hit him in the nose! People were yelling, I didn’t look back running down the hallway! Security grabbed him, it took three of them to hold him and drag him off!

“YOU KILLED HIM! HE’S FUCKING BRAIN DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS SHIT! You killed my best friend, you killed my best friend…”

I could feel everyone looking at me, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t hear myself think. They were all looking at me, judging me but they didn’t know. They didn’t know, it wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!

I don’t know how long I sat in the waiting room alone, the rain falling outside, the cold air causing me to sniffle. I heard him before I saw him.

“Mrs. Hall, this is always a difficult decision but your husband no brain function left. He’s only breathing with the help of a machine, do you want to unplug the machine?”

I should have called his mother, his sisters, I should have cried and asked if it was more they could do….

But…

“Do not resuscitate him. Pull the plug.”

 

Taking Another Man’s Wife (Spring Edition)

I didn’t know any women that had heart attacks at twenty five but the way my heart was beating out my chest I think I just may be the first in my circle of friends. All he talked about was how he didn’t care and how this was all fun and games. If that was the case, why was my husband yelling and screaming at me, trying his best to kick in the bedroom door?

He approached my husband and told him everything, piecing together the story there was an altercation and from there he came straight here. If it wasn’t for the call I got right before I was about to open the door I think I’d be lying on the ground with his hands around me.

“Raquel, you should leave! You should leave now! He knows…” I had a million questions, I didn’t have any questions. But I knew when I heard the tires screech and the door slam that he wasn’t trying to hear me out. And without actually knowing what he’d told him there was no way for me to lie. Grabbing my keys and trying to make it to the garage crossed my mind but running out the house in a tank top and panties with no purse wasn’t the best option.

His key was shaking in the door, I had the deadbolt on hoping that would cool him off but when I heard the first kick I was afraid for my life. For the first time in my existence I was afraid that the man I slept next to every night would hurt me. What scared me most was the silence, he wasn’t screaming, he wasn’t cursing or asking questions. He was just trying to get to me.

“I don’t want to call the police, please calm down so we can talk about this! Please baby!”

“Boom!”

“Boom!”

“Boom!”

Each kick sounded like thunder, sitting on the bed, my phone in my hand. Did I have a choice but the call the police? If he killed me or hit me I couldn’t blame him, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to. Throwing on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, shoes and no socks. I couldn’t call the police, I couldn’t ruin his life like I was pretty sure I’d ruined our marriage. If he came through that door he was going to have a hell of a fight on his hands! I’d never let a man hit me before and I don’t care how mad he was, I wasn’t going to let him start now.

I’d never actually used it but I remembered him giving it to me last Christmas, it was in my sock drawer. I ran over throwing socks everywhere until I found it. The taser was supposed to be able to take down a full sized bear. Putting that much electricity into him wasn’t ideal but it was better than him choking me to death.

The door came open and there was blood on the front of his shirt, his right eye was closed and his chest was heaving up and down! The knuckles on his right hand looked busted and he just stood there looking at me.

“It’s not what you think! It’s not! Just talk to me… Tell me what’s going on!” I kept the bed between us and my hand on the taser in my hoodie. His silence was scaring me more than his bruises.

“Are you really pregnant?”

Shit! Did he know I wasn’t or was he thinking back to all the stories I’d told him? If I told him I wasn’t would he attack me? He was certain about the affair but we could survive that… I know we can survive that. But we wouldn’t survive me lying about a baby.

She’s Out Of Your League…

I didn’t feel bad about what I’d done, some men deserved to be with certain women. She was just not built for him, the way her ass fit right in everything she wore. She made every car I owned look good, we went out last night, every head turned. I know it was fucked up but real niggas just take what they want. He was standing in front of me looking like he was about to cry, I was tired of having this conversation with his love drunk ass.

“What did you expect?”

Handing him the drink he downed it in one motion and poured himself another, I’d never seen him look this rough in my life. Wrinkled jeans, an old t-shirt, he was a pretty boy to the core. I guess he was really fucked up over this.

“I didn’t expect this shit! I loved the girl!”

Sitting my glass down on the rail, taking off my suit jacket, it was time to be real with him. The fireworks looked amazing from up here. I was about to tell him of Renee’s Independence.

“Let me ask you a question? Is Renee the baddest bitch you’ve ever been with? Seriously, we’ve been with a lot of women, you ever seen one realer than her?”

He downed another drink and stood next to me on the balcony, it wasn’t a hard question to answer. We both knew the answer to it.

“Of course not, the first night we saw her in the club every dude in there was trying to get at her and I’m the one that got her number.”

I smiled at the memory, he was always good at getting numbers, he just couldn’t keep them.

“And you got mad props for that shit, the whole team was giving you love because you scooped her up but I knew it wouldn’t work.”

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew he knew. Maybe he didn’t know I was fucking her and she was on her way over here but he knew something. It was inevitable.

“WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOME SHIT LIKE THAT TO ME?! YOU KNEW IT WOULDN’T WORK! I’M GETTING HER BACK MAN! THAT’S MY WORD!”

I turned and faced him, took my gun out my holster and sat it on the rail next to my drink. He looked at it and took a step back, I wouldn’t shoot up but I needed to prove a point.

“Calm your ass down! And listen to me for a second. Women like Renee, she’d rather be with a made nigga that’s paid, trickin, layin pipe… than be with an average nigga that’s treating her like a Queen. It’s not her fault though, look how fine she is, look at all the attention she gets. Why the fuck would she ever work a real job?”

His hands were on his head, he was pacing, looking at my gun. I’d taken the clip out just in case he tried to grab it but the truth was I didn’t think he had the heart to grab it. He just wasn’t built like that.

“So what you sayin D? Me loving her ain’t enough? I see the way she looks at me, she want me like I want her! We talk on the phone all the time, I know I’m not imagining shit!”

This nigga talking about “talking on the phone,” and I’m talking about taking her to places she’s never seen. Buying her shit that hugs her body like a glove, he just doesn’t get it. Maybe for some women it’s about the love but for her…

“Look, you my man so I’m go keep it real with you… She out of your league, she was from the first night you tried to talk to her. I don’t know why she gave you any play in the first place. Maybe it was because you’re a good man. And you are a good man. How many times have you covered for me? Lied for me? You even took that weed charge for me when you knew I was on probation. You a good dude but this game not made for suckers.”

He threw his glass across the living room and it shattered into the door.

“You calling me a sucker because I’m a “good dude.””                   

I grabbed his shirt and slammed him into the patio door!

“I’M CALLING YOU A SUCKER YOUR BITCH CHOSE! THAT’S WHY I ASKED YOU TO MEET ME OVER HERE! Look outside, look at the view. Look around you, women like Renee, she knows I’m not about shit when it comes to being faithful or holding her down if she’s sick or some shit. But I’m giving her the life, the access, shit you can’t give her because you’re not a made nigga.”

I was ruining my friendship but some women were worth a friend or two.

“WHAT?! ALL THESE YEARS AND YOU DO THIS TO ME OVER A WOMAN? I LOVE HER GOT DAMMIT!”

“AND I DON’T LOVE HER! BUT I LOVE HER ASS AND THE HEAD AND EVERYTHING ELSE COMPLETELY MATERIAL AND PHYSICAL ABOUT THE BITCH! WE BEEN BOYS A LONG TIME, YOU COULD HAVE RODE WITH US WHENEVER YOU WANTED BUT YOU CHOSE TO BE AVERAGE! YOU CHOSE THAT LIFE! AIN’T A DAMN THING CHANGED WITH ME, YOU STILL MY MAN! BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO CATCH FEELINGS AND ACT LIKE A BITCH OVER THIS! THEN FUCK YOU…”

I let him go and pushed him, I was tired of it. Tired of pretending we didn’t live in different worlds.

“You call me a sucker, take my girl and disrespect me?” He was standing there with murder in his eyes.

“I did and it’s nothing you can do about it but move on… Go find some lame bitch and have lame kids and a white picket fence. Get the fuck out of my apartment before I forget we WERE boys.”

He didn’t say anything else, just looked at me with murder in his eyes but he was a lame. I wasn’t scared. He opened the door and Renee was standing there tipsy and smiling, when she saw him she jumped back, surprised.

“I’m sorry…”

He spat at her, “Fuck you bitch!”

I knew it wasn’t over…