Five Traits Men Have that Boys Don’t…

naked-thighs.jpgI have a Blackberry so my only access to Instagram is the pictures I see on Facebook or Twitter. However, I often see these quotes and words attributed to pictures and I think what’s happened is people have started to set expectations that are just not real. You have to crawl before you can walk. If a man cares about you, he’ll be honest with you.

Telling a woman we have to do Redbox and eat dinner at home for the rest of the month because I had to spend a thousand dollars on truck parts doesn’t scare me. Spending time with my grandfather or talking about God with my grandmother isn’t a chore for me. Women are going to have cramps and wear big panties (hopefully not too big). They’ll be real conversations about bills and old loves that brought her to her weakest point. I can deal with these things because I’m a man. Two years ago, I probably couldn’t have. The difference between men and boys is that you can’t be selfish or prideful because those traits won’t allow you to ever make her happy.

Four- Sickness and in Health– Have you ever been around a woman when she’s sick? Not a small cold or a headache but an actual virus. Throwing up, running to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Bad breath and Lysol. Soup and orange juice. There’s nothing scarier in the world than having to clean up that bathroom after she’s destroyed it. Having to literally bathe her and change her clothes and get her in the bed. Boys run from this because “It’s not sexy.” Men have no choice because you love her.

Three- They have wings? – I’ve personally never had to go pick up tampons. I thank God for that but if I was asked I’d go do it. My logic is it’s crazy to have sex with a woman, to put your mouth in and on certain places… but you can’t go buy tampon? I wouldn’t be excited about it or go in Target or Whole Foods but I’d over pay for some at the corner store. It’s not that men think that periods are nasty or a “woman thing.” It all comes back to pride. Why is she making me do this?! You’re doing it because she’s either not feeling up to it or doesn’t want to bleed all over the hallway or your good towels. Boys whine, men just do it.

Two- Women with Children– Children are needs, whiny, spoiled and in some cases just bad. As a man I can never ask a woman to choose her child over me because two things can happen. The first is she tells me to go to hell and I never talk to her again, the second is she actually sends the child off to his father or a grandparent. Either way our relationship will never be the same. Men accept the children that come with the women because you know they’re a package deal. The same way she has ten toes and ten fingers that child is a part of her. Boys get mad that she can’t spend enough time with him. Men step up and offer to come to that little league practice or take them out for pizza.

One- Sex- Women love sex just as much as we do but understand this, there will be plenty of nights where sex will just not happen. Boys decide to tell themselves, “If she won’t give it to me, someone will.” Men ask questions, make her feel loved when she doesn’t feel sexy. Talk to her about whatever stress has her not wanting to be the freak you fell in love with. Believe me when I tell you… there’s always a reason for the well closing. It’s never, “A headache.” Boys go elsewhere and widen the gap, men stay and hide their frustration until she realizes you aren’t going anywhere.

 

 

Walking Down the Aisle II:Till Death Do Us Part (Excerpt)

Chapter One

Jessica

 “Jacob! Jacob! Don’t do this please! I’m sorry baby! I’m sooo sorry! Jacob! Call an ambulance! HELP! HEEELP! Please don’t go, not like this! Not like this! I’m sorry baby! I’m sorry!”

The room was spinning, I woke up wiping the blood on my sweats. Wait, there’s no blood on my sweats. There’s no blood on my hands, since the day he got shot every dream was the same. Every nightmare was the same. Holding him in my arms, the blood soaking thru my clothes, getting in my nails.

It was impossible to get it out of my nails.  

His body still, Terrence standing there smiling, my heart breaking. My heart beating.

The bullet just inches away from his heart was still in his body, it was too close for them to remove it with the swelling. Another bullet collapsed a lung and the last bullet hit a major artery in his thigh which caused a lot of blood loss. Sitting in the waiting room you would have thought I was the one that got shot. I should have been the one that got shot.

We lived in a city with one of the best medical centers in the world. I knew they were doing everything they could but it was out of their hands now. My baby needed to fight! He needed to wake up and fight!

Looking down at my ring finger it was a sad irony that I was wearing the ring Terrence gave me to sneak in here like a criminal at night to see him. I told the nurses I was his fiancé and didn’t want to be bothered with people and questions during the day.

That wasn’t all wrong. Jacob was more of a husband to be than any man could ever be, we didn’t need rings or ceremonies to know we would have done anything for each other. Ten PM to Nine AM I was sitting at his bedside, reading a book to him, talking to him. Reminiscing with him, touching him.  

His family hated me, his sister most of all. They all blamed me and I couldn’t blame them.

I couldn’t help but think none of this would have happened if I just would have just married Terrence. Sacrificing my happiness, a lifetime of happiness was worth him talking, smiling, breathing without a machine.

I sent her away, I helped her lie to him and the whole time that child was alive. His cheeks, his eyes, he was him and I deprived them of each other. No matter how many times I thought the tears were done they would start to fall again. My eyes hurt to the point where it was easier not to even wipe them away.

I prayed to God as hard as I could when I found out I couldn’t have a child. I just knew he was punishing me for having an abortion. I prayed even harder when I asked for strength to make it work with Terrence. And after all those prayers weren’t answered I just quit. What sense did it make to pray anymore?

What sense did it make to even care?

If God wasn’t going to help me be happy I would do what I had to do. So I lied to the one person that stood by me thru everything from the moment I met him. I lied to him with a smile on my face, I lied to him when he went to sleep every night on my shoulder with a broken heart over the child he would never know.

And after all that, after all the lies and the failed prayers we were going to be happy. Until three bullets shattered our world and God reminded me of why I should never have stopped praying. So here I was holding a vigil for my best friend, my lover and the man that saved me from myself.

 “You don’t belong here!”

I didn’t need to turn around to recognize the voice. I knew this moment would come sooner or later, I was hoping later. She was never supposed to come back, maybe if Jacob hadn’t been looking at that little boy he would have seen Terrence. I just stared out the window; I didn’t want to face her.

I could taste the bile in my mouth at what we did, she was my coconspirator. We were both guilty but that didn’t stop me from blaming her just as much as I was sure she was blaming me.

Not now, I couldn’t face her now.

“He looks dead.” She was talking but I just wanted her to leave.

She kept talking like I wasn’t standing there.

“I keep thinking I should bring Julian to see him, I keep telling myself he should see his father. Maybe if Jacob feels him here he’ll wake up. But I don’t want him seeing him like this, not for the first time. I shouldn’t have ever left, the entire year I was gone. Being in the hospital surrounded by strangers I kept telling myself I did the right thing but when I saw him I knew there was no doubt.”

I was losing it! 

“I don’t care!” I turned around and walked towards her! She was standing here, her hair sitting over her shoulder, everything about her too perfect!

“How in the hell did you have time to get your hair done, your nails… Where have you been if you were so worried about Jacob?! It’s been a week! You left because you’re a selfish bitch! You came to me because you weren’t willing to fight for him so you ran! And now you show up here telling me I shouldn’t be here! I was taking care of him when he was drunk and throwing away his life because he thought that child was gone! So fuck you!”

I saw her for what she was, it was frustration, hate, guilt, all of that I’m sure but I saw her for what and who she was! My voice wasn’t loud but my words were intense!

“You were more than willing to have me gone! Call me what you want but I’m not the one that got him shot! I’m not the one that kept him on a leash for years and only ran to him when you got embarrassed at you wedding! When he wakes up he’ll hate me and he’ll hate you more but I will always have his son! And you know this! That’s why you wanted me gone in the first place!”

I cocked my hand back to slap her but I put it down, what was I doing… Jake was clinging to life and I was arguing with her? What the hell was I doing, the fight left me.

She smirked and walked over to Jacob, I started to grab her arm when she touched his hair but I just stood there with my arms folded. The glare from the street lights on Main coming thru the window.

Beep…

Beep…

Beep…

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep….

“Nurse!!!!”

“Nurse!!!!”

“Nurse!!!”

She screamed it before I did and when the nurses and doctors came running into the room she looked at me and I looked at her and at that moment we were thinking the same thing.

Jacob isn’t going to make it…

“He’s coding! He’s coding!!!”