Fall Is Falling In Love Season

Can I be honest with you all for a minute?

I’m not afraid of talking about love or feelings or fears. I’m an adult, adult’s talk about these things. There are plenty of guys that want to be the coolest or hardest in the room, that’s not me. I’m not built like that, I cook and write and flirt and love the little things that make women women. That’s who I’ll always be and I thank God for that.

Living a life where I’m anything or anyone else would make no sense.

Every season is falling in love weather. You can’t control when you meet someone and everything starts to make sense. But something about the fall is just sexy to me. I have better days when the sun isn’t shining as hard and the nights are cooler. I tend to be on my phone less during the day because I actually enjoy working outside.

No matter how cool technology gets it will never compare to the feel of body heat next to you on a couch or porch when that first Fall breeze hit your face. When you have those moments of peace, conversation and attraction falling in love is the most natural vibe in the world.

We fall in like during sunshine and falling leaves. We fall in love when the sun goes down and it’s not quite cold enough for a sweater but just cool enough for her to sit under me because she has goosebumps. When the seasons change so do our outlooks. With beautiful weather comes beautiful memories and with beautiful memories comes sensations that make our lives matter.

I’m sure a lot of people that’ll read this love summer, short dresses, late nights after day parties and summer vacations. I’d never knock summer but Fall is when I feel most alive and how can you not fall in love when you feel alive.

It’s cool to be cynical and feel like love is an overrated word or romance is dead. If you feel that way I can’t blame you because you’ve dealt with stressful men or women in your life. But if you are that person, all I can say to you is to not let that taint the season coming up.

Picnics in the park where the bugs aren’t as bad and the sun isn’t as dreadful. Late night drives to Galveston where you can’t tell just how dark the water is or just how rocky the sand can be.

Stop letting the past haunt you and say yes to whatever guy asked you out last week. Say yes to whatever woman is throwing signs at you but she may not be your type. Say yes to making memories and maybe falling in love.

 

 

 

Demez F. White  winter

Love Isn’t Always Being Strong Enough To Stay; Often Times It’s Being Strong Enough To Let Go

I’m not sure how old I was when I started to relate to love songs. Not understand what sex was or heartbreak was but I listened to the words and could literally relate them to my own relationships and situations. Love is universal, you can speak different languages and be from different religions and still understand what your heart is speaking.

If you’re at home or at work or hiding in the bathroom trying to get a break from the kids, I want you to imagine with me. Imagine where you would be right now if you didn’t let go of a love you thought was irreplaceable? Imagine if you didn’t find the strength to leave that guy that wasn’t affectionate enough, the woman that only called when she needed something. Imagine if God would have answered your prayers when you said you couldn’t live without him. Happy Endings aren’t always relationships prospering, sometimes the Happy Ending is you being able to walk away.

We live in this world now where technology has made everyone feel more closely connected when the truth is technology is often a barrier to the connections we so deeply seek. Twenty years ago if you hurt someone you love you called their house and when they didn’t answer you went to them. You talked or argued, you broke up or made up, but it was real. Now not answering the phone means text and tweets and Facebook post. Relationships that should have ended just thrive in limbo.

I believe I’m going to be an amazing writer not because I can create characters out of thin air. I believe I will be an amazing writer because I’m transparent like every great writer before me. You have to take off the mask and the filter and tell your story. The good, the bad, the ugly. It won’t always be flattering and romantic but it will be a story people can relate to.

It doesn’t make you weak to fight for someone you love when you don’t feel like they’re fighting as hard for you. It doesn’t make you a savage to tell someone that will give their last to you, “This isn’t working anymore.” We have become a generation that gets our advice from meme’s and actors that give us words we want to hear instead of getting advice from our hearts.

When the day comes that you feel more comfortable sharing your day with strangers or friends then with the person you’re with. Sit down and have a serious conversation with yourself. That’s not only loving the person you’re with but loving yourself enough to know, it’s time to let go.

Find Someone That Can Help You

IMG_0629When I was growing up my grandfather and uncles would always tell me to “find a woman that can help you.” And I never really understood what they were saying because for the most part they all worked and paid all the bills. Were they telling me to get a woman that would “take care of me?” Were they telling me to be a leech? That literally made no sense to me, especially coming from them.

Now that I’m older I’m starting to understand what they meant and it has nothing to do with a woman “taking care of you.” I believe it has to do with finding a woman that understands she has to be someone that knows what she has to do. That knows it not only takes more than one income but knows how to make moves that will benefit the relationship.

This is the thing about life. If you aren’t going forward, you’re going backwards, because even if you’re standing still you aren’t progressing.

I’m at work listening to this new Drake album and one thing stands out to me. He keeps referencing that “I did this all by myself.” And it’s music so I won’t take it literally but I have noticed that our generation has this mindset of, “I’m doing this alone and that makes me cool.” The thing is though, none of us do this alone. No man or woman is an island and what’s important is that you find someone who wants to not only help you keep your island afloat but who wants to make your island the best island ever.

I never write about marriage because I’m not even engaged nor have I ever been married. I’d feel like a snake oil salesman trying to tell a woman how to be a wife or a man how to be a husband. But I do often write from my own mistakes. I have been with women that weren’t doing so well and instead of being supportive or calming I was an asshole. Dismissive, belittling, impatient. Everything I tell men not to be. Finding someone that can help you isn’t just finding someone to split bills with. It’s finding someone that will understand when there’s no money to split bills with. That will still see your worth after life happens. Anyone can help with a check, can you help when the light at the end of the tunnel feels 500 miles away?

A Person You Used to Know

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Have you ever been trying to find an email or some information so you’re looking through old messages and you come across someone you used to talk to everyday? When you think back to that moment in your life you would have thought it was unimaginable that you’d never talk to that person again. But it happened. Now they’re just a part of your history, memories that will fade as you get older and someone new has taken their spot.

One day you’re sitting at work wondering what you can do for her to make her smile. One day you’re worried because her stomach won’t stop hurting or she has these headaches that won’t go away. So you read somewhere that taking too much Tylenol is dangerous so you’re googling green tea recipes’ and different ways for her to get better. You go from all this to nothing, not even a text on a birthday or a card when you find out someone important to her has died.

In those moments right after it happens you’re sick, sick that you ever met her, sick that you ever loved her, sick that you still want her. In those moments you literally can’t imagine life without her but guess what happens? Time happens.

A week turns into a month. A month turns into several months, a year turns into making different memories. Instead of planning a wedding you’re planning a trip alone. Instead of game night you’re at a sports bar talking to strangers like you’re bestfriends.

Caring about someone more than you care about anyone on this earth and in the blink of an eye you aren’t even on speaking terms. That’s going to leave a bruise but bruises heal. It’s going to hurt, you’ll want answers some nights, some nights you’ll want to hold them, some nights you’ll want to fight them and then one night you’ll stop dreaming about what could have been. Part of being human is having feelings. It’s not just feeling and tasting the beauty but also the hurt.

Maybe it’s right person, wrong time.

Maybe it’s right time, wrong person.

Maybe you just messed up.

Either way, life goes on.

You Can’t Be the Source of Her Tears and Wonder Why You Aren’t the Source of Her Happiness

FB-Ring.jpg You Can’t Be the Source of Her Tears and Wonder Why You Aren’t the Source of Her Happiness

Have you ever seen a woman cry? Have you ever seen her not be able to control her tears because she loves you that much and she’s hurting just that badly?

As men we have to be leaders and protectors and that’s not hard to do. You hear a strange noise outside, you tell her to lock the door and you grab the bat or gun and go see what it is. You see a mouse, you don’t jump on a chair, you kill it. You see it’s been raining all week and now it’s a beautiful Saturday; wash her car. What we seem to be failing to protect more than anything is hearts.

A lot of men look at tears as weakness or heartbreak. That’s not true. If a woman still loves you, she’ll cry for you and fuss at you and hate that she loves you. Her tears aren’t tears of, “I can’t do this anymore.” They’re tears of, “Why can’t this man just realize I love him like I’ve never loved another?” You can’t ask her to stop crying when you’re the reason she’s crying. You can’t ask her to be happy and forget about that argument last night because you’re the reason you argued.

You can take her to her favorite restaurant and buy her something to wear with shoes to match. You can book plane tickets to Egypt or Belize and take a dozen pictures of her soaking in the sites, sounds and people. You can try and do everything to make her smile, to make her laugh. The ironic thing is, all you need to do is be the man she’s crying over.

Texting the most inappropriate and flirty things as soon as you leave the driveway for work. Recording her singing in the kitchen or snoring, when she swears she doesn’t, and sending it to her in the middle of the day with a caption like… “If you don’t go out with me tonight I’m going to let the world know you snore.” Getting her to understand and feel as though you’re her bestfriend and loving her, hearing about her day, laughing at her corny jokes. That all those things, all those small things, add up to her not crying and being happy.

You Don’t Have to Put Her Down to Lift Her Up

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n I don’t often talk in absolutes but this is the one instance I will. Some of us are really bad at being adults. What does that mean? We don’t know how to be mature and view things from the standpoint of “Everything isn’t about me.”

If you’re the type of man that has to put down the woman you used to claim to love in order to make another woman feel better about herself than the simple truth is you probably aren’t capable of loving the woman you’re putting her down for. Some relationships aren’t going to work. No matter how hard we try or how much we want it; they just don’t happen. That doesn’t mean that the love that existed between the two of you vanished. So telling the world how much he or she sucks or is worthless says more about you than the person you’re trashing.

I’ve seen people that were head over heels in love with someone in December talk about them like a dog in February. I’ve seen people that couldn’t stop letting us know when they were on a plane together or at their favorite restaurant look at that same person in disgust. When breakups first happen, they hurt like hell. There’s resentment, anger, jealously, rage, depression but at some point the sun is going to come out. That’s when you have to decide whether or not you’re going to move on.

Putting down someone us to let another person know how dope they are just isn’t cool and ask yourself one question. Should the foundation that you have with her be based on what you didn’t have with someone else?

I Was A Better Man Than Boyfriend; That Had to Change For My Relationship To Survive

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Once you grow up being a man is relatively easy. You keep your word as best as you can, you take care of the people you love, you go to work and try to live honorably. There will be times you don’t do everything perfectly but understanding that you messed up and trying not to make the same mistakes twice is what makes us better.
There may be times when you lose your job or your car is in the shop and you need help from your woman, that’s cool, we all go through things but you can’t make it a habit.

As far as I know, I’m a good man. My reputation professionally is solid, I keep my word, I love my family and I try to be the man that people expect me to be. The man I expect myself to be. It wasn’t until the first several months into my relationship that I realized being a good man didn’t mean I was being a good boyfriend. As a matter of fact, being a good man blinded me to the fact that I was on the fast track to becoming a horrible boyfriend or single again.

Being a good man is about having a certain level of pride and confidence that won’t allow you to lose. It’s about taking control and leading when you see there’s a void. It’s about doing what’s necessary. Relationships are about compromise. Pride and confidence are great traits but if you’re not yielding, you’re not willing to see her side. For so many years it was easy for me to walk away from situations knowing that even if I was wrong, I was right. How can you have that mindset in a relationship? You can’t.

Most men don’t know how to lead because we’ve never mastered the art of being led. We go into these relationships feeling like we should be the head of the house or the leader but leadership is earned, not given. Saying “I don’t know” or “can you help me” makes you just as effective of a partner or leader than saying, “I can do this on my own and she’s just going to have to get in line.” Being able to ask for help, being able to talk about past struggles or disappointments, being able to open up is what helped me be a better boyfriend.

So often we compare other people’s inadequacies in their relationships to our own. She tells me, “You don’t call and check on me enough, you don’t ever ask me how my day is going.” My response shouldn’t be, “It’s not like I’m cheating on you or I’m talking to other women. I’m at work, I’m busy. I know women that would love a guy that worked as much as me.” Being a man means you’re responsible to your obligations but what happens when you ignore being responsible for her heart? Being responsible for her feelings. A woman that’s willing to tell you what you’re not doing is a woman that’s still fighting for you.

Anyway, those are some early 2016 thoughts. I hope you all have a great year!