Effort Is A Reflection of Interest…

a pink gift box“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

“If you can’t understand that I had a life before you…”

“I got your phone calls; I answer every third time you call.”

People can make up hundreds of excuses as to why they aren’t available when you need them to be available. But what we all know whether or not we want to admit it is that when someone wants to be around us they will find a way. Now this doesn’t mean if I call tonight I’m seeing her tonight but it does mean she’ll make the effort to see me sooner rather than later.

When I was younger I can admit I was all about playing the game. I get your number on a Wednesday, God forbid I call you on a Thursday. We have a really good date on a Friday, how dare I ask you out on that Sunday? That was the young me, the me that didn’t want to seem to pressed or anxious, the one that didn’t want to be called a “bug a boo” this was pre-thirst era. Now, I could really care less because of she’s worth my interest she’s going to be worth my effort and even a little bit of my pride. I’ve never met a woman that didn’t like a tastefully aggressive and assertive man. Playing this, “if she likes me, she’ll call,” role isn’t for us. Because the effort that we’re too cool to make, another man that doesn’t even have her interest will get a foot in the door while we’re trying to be cool.

I read something today that someone wrote on a post and I couldn’t agree with it more. When a woman thinks you’re funny, handsome, charming, interesting, etc… Texting her at 2am or calling while she’s getting ready for work makes her day. But if you’re that borderline guy that’s only getting her attention because the man she wants is not living up to his promise, those calls and texts become so annoying. That’s why I always laugh on the inside when guys buy books on, “How to get women.” There’s no formula, if she thinks you’re worth her time, she’ll make the effort. Even if that effort is just talking to you for five minutes outside of the gas station or reminding you that she see’s all the flirting you do. Be yourself and be confident and watch.

What I wish I would have known five years ago, hell, two years ago. Those moments when I was broke or needed a haircut or wasn’t happy I ignored some really cool women, blew them off because I couldn’t “impress” them. And now I realize that making an effort to simply let your interest be known matters way more than appearances. Some of my best encounters have been meeting and walking at the park, eating candy and people watching. Going to happy hours with twenty dollars in my pocket and two dollar margaritas. When you make the effort and you’re confident and honest and she see’s that you’re not where you want to be but everyday is a step forward. She’ll appreciate it and you may have only spent 15 dollars plus a tip but you paid the bill and were wearing really good cologne while doing it.

Make the effort and take a chance at doing better in life because regardless of what you think. Women do make us better!

Effort Is A Reflection of Interest…

What I wish I would have known five years ago, hell, two years ago. Those moments when I was broke or needed a haircut or wasn’t happy I ignored some really cool women, blew them off because I couldn’t “impress” them. And now I realize that making an effort to simply let your interest be known matters way more than appearances. Some of my best encounters have been meeting and walking at the park, eating candy and people watching. Going to happy hours with twenty dollars in my pocket and two dollar margaritas. When you make the effort and you’re confident and honest and she see’s that you’re not where you want to be but everyday is a step forward. She’ll appreciate it and you may have only spent 15 dollars plus a tip but you paid the bill and were wearing really good cologne while doing it.

www.demezw.com

a pink gift box“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

“If you can’t understand that I had a life before you…”

“I got your phone calls; I answer every third time you call.”

People can make up hundreds of excuses as to why they aren’t available when you need them to be available. But what we all know whether or not we want to admit it is that when someone wants to be around us they will find a way. Now this doesn’t mean if I call tonight I’m seeing her tonight but it does mean she’ll make the effort to see me sooner rather than later.

When I was younger I can admit I was all about playing the game. I get your number on a Wednesday, God forbid I call you on a Thursday. We have a really good date on a Friday, how dare I ask you out on that…

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You Can’t Appreciate What You Have If You Can’t Let Go of What You Had

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Author Demez F. White

Memories are incredibly dope. You can be sitting at work watching a screen and a memory can flash before your eyes like a bolt of lightning. You didn’t ask for the memory, weren’t thinking about the memory but low and behold it happened. A brief moment in an otherwise uneventful day. You look up from your desk and ask yourself the question, “Where the hell did that come from?”

And just as soon as it was there, it’s now gone. After lunch and a phone call you don’t even think about it anymore. We’re all human and we all have thoughts we can’t control. Thoughts that could mean everything and thoughts that could mean nothing. That’s really up to you, it’s up to any of us what we give our time, effort and energy to.

This is the thing though, if you stay in the past, stay living in memories. It’s impossible to appreciate your present. Not fully. Not whole heartedly. How can you when stories and moments of times gone by are still playing like trailers on a movie screen in your head.

This week I made the decision to sell something that was a huge part of my past. I found myself holding on to it because it belonged to people that were very special to me. I’ve started a business, I need capital. I could hold on to something that gives me a good memory every now and again or I can let it go and use it to build on my present and future. Go into debt or make new memories with my old memories as a foundation. It’s an easy choice.

We can use a million different excuses as to why we want to live in the past but the simple truth is it’s an easy choice to make or not make. When you see someone making the decision to walk through old doors, to give time and attention to old memories. You have a choice to make. You talk to them and let them know or you give them room to embrace those old memories.

My Definition of A Woman… Wait, How Can I Define A Woman?

Author Demez F. White

Author Demez F. White

My Definition of A Woman… Wait, How Can I Define A Woman?

Do you know exactly what you want? Have you thought about it and dreamed about it and pleasured yourself to everything from how she’s going to look to what she’s going to be wearing. Have you defined exactly what you want from her and what she’s going to do for you?

I know I have. I’ve thought about it often and if I’m being honest, in doing that I’m doing myself an injustice. One of the coolest things about women is that none of them are exactly alike. Sure, women can dress alike and talk alike but each person is just interestingly different. So why are we trying to define them?

Some of the best relationships and friendships of my life have come when I got to know women that were outside of my comfort zone. I’m a confident man but I can be quiet at times; I like to sit down and survey the room, listen to the conversation before I get in and give my opinion. That life of the party, let’s take shots woman, knows everyone’s name woman. That’s not what I saw myself with until I actually talked to her and fell in love with her and got inspired by her. It may not have lasted but it helped me become a better man, I better writer.

My definition of a woman isn’t what she does or what she wears. It isn’t that we have to have sex this many times or she needs to cook that many times. My definition of a woman isn’t anything I can define. When she walks into a room do I smile as though my direct deposit just hit on a Friday when I wasn’t expecting it until Monday? Does she respect her mother, laugh with her sisters, have friends that trust her? If I can’t write does a text from her telling me something silly or freaky or funny inspire the words to jump off the page? These are the questions I ask myself, not before I meet her, this isn’t an interview. These are the questions I ask when I’m falling in love and I don’t know about you but I can’t put falling in love in any sort of category nor can I define it. I just know it feels perfect.

A woman should be, wait, that doesn’t sound right. A women needs to be, stop, that doesn’t sound right either. A woman is perfect if she’s, if she’s what? Many men, including myself have become experts in what a woman should be. How she should dress, how she should act, what she should do with her vagina and hair and career. It’s not hard really, all it takes is an opinion, and we all have them. What I’ve seen lately however is the habitual destruction of individualism and creativity.

By giving a woman a definition, a standard she has to meet or else, aren’t we, aren’t I, taking away the very thing we love about most women. That piece of them that separates them from the last woman we dated. Yes, there will be general characteristics we’re attracted to. I love women that are witty, sexy, geeky but confident but does that mean I need to define every other aspect of what I want out of her? Instead defining I’m just going to start enjoying.

The next time you get ready to compare a woman to another woman or tell the world why these sorts of women suck or these sorts are amazing. Just remember we’re defined by our actions, not anything else.

Demez F. White