Are They Looking For Help or Falling In Love?

perfect love The difference between someone loving you and someone trying to escape the prison they’ve set up around their heart is barely visible to the human eye. As a matter of fact it could take years for you to actually realize that they were looking for help and not looking for love.

A lot of people associate looking for help with financial situations. They’re looking for someone to help pay bills or to get some money from but when someone is looking for help it can often be emotional help. When someone has been damaged or hurt often times all they need is a good person in their life to balance out all the heartbreak and lies they had to deal with before.

This isn’t always a bad thing but it isn’t always a good thing either. What happens is you become a glorified stop gap. Someone to heal them but does healing equate to loving?

It’s not necessarily a bad thing you know. Someone needing you to help them opposed to falling in love with you. We can’t dictate why people need us in their lives; all we can hope is their intentions are genuine.
There are plenty of people out here looking for help for all the wrong reasons and karma always comes back on those people.
~ Demez

Sunday Morning Thoughts: The Man vs The Writer

My cousin and I

My cousin and I

Good Morning World!!!

I am on the tail end of a really long work weekend and before I go home and crash I had some thoughts I needed to get out of my head.

Last night I had a really long and fruitful conversation with a friend, I’m saying last night, I should be saying this morning. She called my writing “fantastical” which is a real word by the way, who knew? What she meant by that was the way that I write isn’t who I am in real life. I took offense to that at first but the more she explained herself and the more I listened I realized she was right.

My writing takes place in a perfect world where situations always make sense and men and women are adults. I write about chivalry and responsibility and men taking women out on dates and paying for dates. I write about acceptance and understanding. Principles that I would like to think I live by, the problem comes in when people take my writing and apply it to everything I do and everything I am as a man on an everyday basis. That’s not fair because I’ve made mistakes. I’ll probably make mistakes in the future.

It’s not that I try to come off as perfect or having all the answers when I write. It’s that I want to set a higher standard and a lot of times that means I have to live up to those standards. I once went out with a woman and I had her meet me at Hooters. March Madness was on, it was a Friday, I thought it was going to be a good time, I knew she liked basketball and who doesn’t like wings? As we’re sitting there I could tell she was upset so I’m thinking in my mind if I did something to piss her off, instead of racking my brain I just asked her. She said, “You wrote an article about places a man should take a woman on a date. There was Top Golf, there was Hotel Sorella and there was some other really romantic place. Why are we at Hooters?” At that point I realized she couldn’t separate the writer from the man and that was my fault.

There has been so many times that in the middle of a conversation a woman has literally quoted something I said and shut me up because how do I argue with my own words? That’s the problem when you put your voice and thoughts out there, you run of risk of being a hypocrite if you aren’t the man you’re telling the world you are. I’ve written about loving women that are girly, dresses and heels not realizing that if I’m dating a woman that isn’t girly that could be offensive. I’ve written about the proper way to date when I’ve sent text asking women to go get a drink knowing two days earlier I said that men should call and schedule. I was held accountable and it made me better.

Regrets Live In Untold Emotions

The moon shines really bright or the sky is really dark.

The stars are guiding me, hopefully to you.

My mind echo’s what my heart holds true.

The sting of rejection burns yet the pain is better than regret.

Untold truths lie like stones anchoring me as I drown.

My head pounding, anticipation building, excitement or nervousness?

To conform is to concede.

To bow down is to admit defeat.

To be told no hurts but to be told no means no regrets.

~ Demez F. White

letter-xy6k4p

“7 Adult Reasons Why Women Cheat…”

I base most of my writing on the ideal that I’m dealing with real readers and real people. We aren’t all Saints, we don’t all live in perfect bubbles. Some of us have cheated and lied and did things others will never know about. If you’re one of those women that has never cheated or lied or had sex outside of a relationship, congrats.

You may want to stop reading now and go have a pillow fight with a Unicorn. As for the rest of you, enjoy. And to any male readers I may have, just know if you’re doing any of these things to your woman she may not be cheating per say but you’re most def losing her one way or the other.

Reason Seven: Lowering Her Standards… There is nothing like getting accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I’ve never dated a woman that cooked everyday or wanted to have sex every night but if I did I probably couldn’t go back. It’s the same with women. If she’s dating a guy that’s meeting all her needs financially and this doesn’t mean she doesn’t work. This just means he supplements her lifestyle, before she was living paycheck to paycheck, now he pays a bill or two, buys groceries and clothes. She’s gotten used to having that extra money, having a man that doesn’t want her to want for anything. So dating you and you’re broke or struggling, she’s having to help you. Having to play the role her ex played. That’s not easy for a lot of women and it becomes very tempting to walk back thru those old doors. To call or text the guy that treated her like you simply can’t. It doesn’t make her less of a woman, it just makes her human. It’s hard out here when you’re on your own.

Reason Six: Sex… The Elephant in the Room… It’s important, it always was, it always will be. Sex is a unique thing because when it’s right it can right so many wrongs but when it’s wrong it’s incredibly frustrating. I wrote a blog awhile back about “Emotional Cheating” and how it’s worse than physical cheating because it simply means more. But a lot of emotional cheating starts because sexual needs aren’t being met. Quick question? Are there still guys in 2012 that don’t do oral? Answer, yes. My inbox is full of women that are frustrated with how selfish their mate is. Frustration and selfishness leads to vulnerability which leads to “friendships” which lead to… her bussin it wide open for good conversation. Once again, adults have affairs, this note isn’t about what’s right or wrong, it’s about what happens in the real world.

Reason Five: Children (Whispers: Yes Children)… Children and finances are the number one cause of resentment. Women have babies by men they were planning on breaking up with next week and those kids come up looking like those men. Those kids kill dreams and ruin bodies and strain relationships. It sounds really good to say, “I love my baby and I couldn’t imagine life without him/her” but that’s bullshit. I’ve talked to so many really good mothers that simply weren’t ready to be mothers and that’s not a bad thing. Children are expensive and needy and helpless and they change the course of lives. So when this man that you don’t love isn’t being a good dad, isn’t being a good provider but you’re staying in there for the sake of the child, she’s going to cheat. Smart ones will leave but when it comes to children and their fathers smart isn’t always on the top of the list. So when she gets a breath and she starts to remember the man she wanted before the loser knocked her up she may just creep. A night or two, an afternoon or two, just to remember what life was like before.

Reason Four: Friendships… Why do men and women both hate that “bestfriend” term when it comes to the opposite sex? Because more than not that friendship derived from a place of mutual attraction. And the thing about mutual attraction is that it never goes away. From a man’s perspective, women are easy to talk to when I’m struggling because I can’t be myself with a guy. And most women hate talking to other women because they already know what she’s going to say. Really bad fights with her man, she finds out he’s cheating, she finds out he’s lying. She runs to that “bestfriend” and even if it’s only for a night, for a moment, she finds comfort in his lips, his touch. Because she knows she can trust him and she knows that whatever happens will stay between them. The thing I try to tell other guys and most eventually get is that women are just smarter than us. They are graduating college at a faster pace, raising families on their own and they cheat better than us. Friendships = comfort= trust= opportunity.

Reason Three: Revenge… Vengeance is a natural and raw human emotion. Imagine a friend calling you and telling you the person you love, have sacrificed for, have cried over, have believed in…. is at Pappadeaux on 610 or Kirby in a booth feeding some chick fondue. You pace the house, call his phone ten times and get no answer. So against your better judgment knowing it’s true you go up there and there he is. With his ex that played him or some girl that liked waaaay too much stuff on FB or even worse he’s with a downgrade. You know yelling and cursing isn’t going to do a thing and hitting him or fighting her isn’t what you’re about. But what you do know, what every woman knows from birth is that men can’t handle the thought of dick running inside of their woman. We’re weak when it comes to that, we go crazy. So all his bullshit, all the hurt he’s caused leads her to want revenge. Leads her to fuck a man she’d never even go out with just to spite him, to hurt him. Women hate talking about revenge sex because it’s beneath most of you but it’s thriving. Especially when you have a generation of men that don’t know how to do wrong right.

Reason Two: Opportunity… I had a book signing at aLoft last year, there was drinks and flirting and it was just a really nice atmosphere. There was this woman there that I knew was married, she didn’t hide it and she didn’t seem overly unhappy. We were talking and she just started to tell me how bored she was. It was quite honest and innocent but I could just tell she wasn’t there so much for my book but just to get out the house. There are a lot of women that don’t have girlfriends and that have men that have become complacent. So that night was her just wanting to be alive and I told her I had a room upstairs and we flirted but nothing came of it. However, I’m pretty sure, and this could be the arrogance of a writer, that if I would have pushed the issue she would have came upstairs. Not because she didn’t love her husband or her child. But because she was 34 feeling like her life was work, family and missionary sex. When women are bored or lonely and they get that vacation opportunity or that one guy that just makes sense when she knows she’s not wearing panties. Things between adults happen.

Reason One: Religion… Religion is the single most smothering trait women deal with. It’s judgmental and it’s one sided. Religion teaches submission and controls the masses with fear. That’s religion alone but religion combined with spirituality and faith lead to fulfilling lives.  But most people are fraud when it comes to faith. Why do you think you see so many women that quote Rick Ross or Wale or Friday night but have all the scriptures popping on Sunday or when they’re stressed? It’s not because they’re fake it’s because they feel guilty for sinning so they try to be extra religious. But this is the thing, God created us to be flawed, we will make mistakes, we aren’t meant to judge each other. And what happens is women get judged so hard for these small sins that they start to suppress sexuality and they do things that make no damn sense. Like being submissive to men that haven’t deserved it. Falling for sham preachers or deacons or guys that are general fuckups but tell you they love the Lord. You want to get some easy ass, go to a Bible Study and pretend to be interested and women will fall over you because they’ve been conditioned to “Love a Godly Man.” And that woman has a man at home that would rather watch the Lakers or Texans than go to church so that “Godly” man has his opening. I’m not knocking real faith and real belief but I know a lot of creeping taking place in the name of Jesus.

 

These aren’t scientific thoughts, this is just a man that loves debate, conversation and sharing real words and real topics with real people. I was put on this earth to write and put smiles on people’s faces.

 

Demez F. White

Taking Another Man’s Wife… Scene I

There’s always some truth behind ‘I’m just playing,’ or ‘you can’t take a joke.’ No matter how genuine the smile or how she touches you after she says it. Something inside of her, no matter how small is thinking the words that are spoken. Men aren’t supposed to show emotions, we aren’t supposed to question how someone feels about us if they’re there for us.

She’s lying in bed every night, there every morning. Breakfast is cooked and kisses and hugs are exchanged but in your heart they aren’t the same. It’s all in the warmth, it’s in the warmth. That warm feeling when her body presses up against yours and neither one of us want to let go. That feeling that you know would never go away just isn’t there.

How do you control that? How do you stop yourself from grabbing her and asking her to be honest! To make me believe that this is all in my head! Women have female intuition, men have a gut. In my gut I knew I was losing her. But I didn’t know why…

I just didn’t know why!

“Is everything alright Raquel?” She put her phone on the table and sat on my lap, when she rubbed my face my heart started to beat faster. When she touched my lip with her finger I felt like there wasn’t a more beautiful woman on the face of this earth.

“Everything is fine baby. What’s going on with you? You no like me cooking no more?” She pouted and used her silly accent. She took my hand and slid it under her nightgown. Her job allowed her the option of working from home or in the office, it all depended on her mood. Today must have been a lounge day.

Her hand guided my fingers inside of her, “Can you feel that? I’m wet for you baby, It will always be this way for you.” She grabbed my face and looked into my eyes while she pushed my hand inside of her harder. She pulled it out and licked her juices off my fingers and then she kissed me.

“Can I taste it before you go to work baby?” Before I looked at the clock on the stove she was on her knees in front of my chair, I was inside her mouth. The slurping and moaning the only noise in the room, her mouth was warm and wet. She was the only woman I’d never known that got just as wet giving head as she did receiving it. She stopped, looked up at me and wiped her mouth, never taking her hands from around my dick.

Standing up she took her gown off and stood in front of me naked as the day she was born. Placing her fingers inside herself she rubbed them across my lips.

“This is yours and what I just had in my mouth is mine. I don’t know what I did to make you question me but stop it; I know you better than you know yourself and I hear everything you aren’t saying. Everytime you walk out the door you look at me like I’m not going to be here when you get back! Please stop that!”

When she sat on it, I grew another inch and she didn’t move. She didn’t bounce or ride or grind, she just sat there with me inside her, her hands around my neck. Her tears falling on my face. “Stop treating me like I don’t love you!” I gripped her ass and moved her slowly, I bit her collarbone and she played in my hair.

“I can’t imagine what my life would be like with you Rocky…. I can’t baby…” She started to move faster and she became wetter and I became harder and the bite marks became rougher! We were making love but this was something different, something with more emotion, with more intensity!

Being inside of this woman was the closest I’d ever come to Heaven. Being inside of her was a feeling that I’d looked forward to since the first night in that hotel room. Since the first night in the parking lot of that movie theater.

“I’m not going anywhere baby! Fuck me like you don’t want me to leave! Please! Fuck me like you love me! Ohhhhhhh! Awwwwww!”

The sound of her voice turned me on sooo damn much! I picked her up, still inside of her and sat her on the table. Peeking at the clock I knew I wasn’t going to make it to work on time but at this point I didn’t give a fuck. Puling out of her and pushing her down on the table I started to kiss her thighs, her insides were so wet, she was always so wet!

When I kissed her clit I could feel her tremble and when I sucked it I could feel her inhale and exhale. If being inside of her was Heaven then eating her was Heaven on earth. I wanted to believe her, I wanted to believe her tears. She’d never lied to me, never betrayed me but even with her thighs on my ears and her hands in my hair and my fingers tracing those big pretty nipples I couldn’t shake the doubt.

I just couldn’t shake the doubt…  

Raquel

Wearing his shirt that was covered in our sweat and my juices I sat on the bed and watched this man that loved me so much take a quick shower and drive off. When he kissed me goodbye it took everything in me not to fall to my knees and…

Expectations can be great but when someone needs so much from you. When they look and treat you like you can do no wrong! When he wants so much from me emotionally I just needed a break. I just needed to feel normal, like the weight of the world wasn’t on my shoulders!

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, for better or worse, richer or poorer. I wanted to be faithful but it just happened and I fell in love. My husband is my world, he would die for me and I don’t doubt that for a second but I also know he would never forgive me! He could never forgive me!

So I look him in his face, I kiss him and make love to him and laugh with him and encourage him only to lie to him. We’re never gonna break up because I’d tie him to the bed and burn this house down before I let him find out the truth and look at me with disappointment.

I’m Another Man’s Wife and he’s just going to have to accept that or God help us when the truth comes out.

Breakup Sex or Engagement Sex… Candy Cane Tales

“Why are you pouting?” He knew why I was pouting, a month of Christmas shopping for everyone from cousins to my mama and all I got was a couple gift cards and a ugly ass sweater! Hell yes I was pouting! I couldn’t do it around my family.

“I’m not pouting!” He laughed and got up to pour himself another drink.

“What would you call it then?” I snatched the drink out of his hand and walked over to the Christmas tree. I worked hard and paid my bills on time, if I wanted something I could just go buy it but it’s the thought of opening up a gift that just makes Christmas special.

It’s the ‘right’ thing to say, “Christmas is all about giving.” “I’m just happy I could see a smile on my nieces and nephews faces.” But what woman doesn’t want to open a gift and know someone… just one person knows her well enough to know what she really wanted!

“I’m not pouting!” I sat back down on the couch and tried to get into being nosey on FB but all these damn engagements and cute pictures weren’t doing anything for my Grinch like spirit. I shut my laptop and decided that today would be a great retail therapy day.

I wanted to throw a candle at him, watching him stand at the counter and stare at the watch he’d been talking about for a month. Three separate times I had to convince him not to buy the damn thing because I’d already bought it and he shows up with one of the ugliest sweaters I’ve ever seen in my life. And had the nerve to smile about it like he did a good thing!

I just couldn’t take it anymore… “I’m going to the mall.” He stopped me.

“Wait a minute babe, can you stop and get me some batteries for the remote?” Really!? Really?! That’s why he’s stopping me? Asshole! Little did he know I was taking this ugly ass sweater back and I had half a mind to curse the sales lady out for someone not telling him how hideous this thing really was!

“Sure I can take the sweater back Alec!” He just stared at me, damn! Did I say take the sweater back? Fuck!

“So you didn’t like it? Why didn’t you just say something?” He leaned against the bar and folded his arms. Great, this is all I needed, now I was going to seem ungrateful.

“It’s just not my style and I figured you would have known my style by now. There’s no shame in having someone take a gift back. Stop being so damn dramatic!” I snatched the bag with the sweater in it off the couch, along with my purse and reached for the door! He snatched the bag out of my hand and threw it across the room!

Was he losing his damn mind?!

“What the hell is the matter with you!?” He just smiled at me like it was the funniest thing in the world. Now I was getting pissed off!

“What is your fucking problem!? So I don’t like the sweater! You don’t have to be an asshole!”

“I don’t need this Kerri! I try and get you a nice gift and you’re around here acting like a child! I’m getting my shit and leaving! Do what you want with the sweater I don’t even care!”

He walked into the bedroom and I could hear him in the closet. Was he really getting his things? What the hell?! Hell no! There is no way he could get this pissed off over me taking a sweater back unless he was already planning on leaving anyway! He has me fucked me if he thinks I’m going to sit here and let him act a fool in my house?!

I kicked my shoes off and threw my purse on the couch! I walked into the bedroom my fist balled and my heart beating a mile a minute, if he wanted to act stupid we could both act stupid! My mouth dropped and the tears started falling before I could do anything about it!

“Asshole! I hate you!” I ran to the bed…

www.demezw.com for the part II

Arden B.

Neiman’s

Victoria’s Secret

MAC

And boxes that were wrapped so I couldn’t see what was inside. I didn’t know where to start! I started hitting his chest and hugging him at the same time!

“So you knew that sweater was ugly as hell and you made me walk around pissed off all Christmas morning when you had all this stuff the whole time?! I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face even though I wanted to choke him to death! Why would you play with me like this?!” He picked me up and sat me on the dresser, wiped my face with his thumbs. He kissed me and between the gifts and this change in emotion I kissed him back like it was NYE.

“You’re spoiled baby and I just wanted to see how you were going to act not having the perfect Christmas. You still gave me my gift, you still gave all your family their stuff and smiled the entire day. That’s when I realized why I loved you so much. I’m sorry for fucking with you. But before you open all the stuff on the bed, I have one more gift I want to give you first.”

He reached in his pocket and pulled out the light blue ring box. My heart stopped beating…

“It’s not the one I wanted to get but if you hang in here with me I promise I’ll upgrade this as soon as I can. I’d rather get this one from Tiffany’s than get something from a store that isn’t worthy of being on your finger.” I was picked up and he stood me up, dropped to one knee and asked.

“Will you marry me Kerri? Will you let me put a bunch of little spoiled, pretty, smart babies in you and drive you crazy and love you and make love to you and… Will you allow me to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel like you make me feel everyday?”

I laughed… I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. He looked at me like I was crazy, I shouldn’t have laughed.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I feel to the floor with my fiancé! “I’m laughing baby because I just realized I’m going to be one of these cheesy women on FB with a picture of all these gifts on the bed and this fly ass ring on my finger!

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I stood up and started to strip. They say you should always hold a little something back for your husband, you can’t give away all the tricks. Well, he proposed so he was about to see all the tricks.

“Engagement sex is better than make up sex; take off your clothes so I can show you!”

Part III tonight only on www.demezw.com Engagement Sex!!!