How to Discredit A Black Man? Just Call Him Angry

Kanye West and Eddie Murphy

Kanye West and Eddie Murphy

This morning Kanye West gave an interview on the popular morning radio show the Breakfast Club and almost immediately the reactions started to pour in. Everything from he supports child molesters and slut shaming to he’s crazy for loving his wife. Now to be fair you also had the “he’s a genius crowd,” which is also understandable.

Let’s talk for a minute about what Kanye is. He’s a man that’s pretty open about his faith, one of his biggest hits was “Jesus Walks.” He’s a man that dropped out of college to literally become one of the biggest musical stars in the world. Something we praise Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs for. He’s never been in prison or fathered a bunch of children. He’s never glorified the selling of drugs of pimping and killing of women or children. Everyone that works with him talks about his work ethic and passion.

Let’s talk about who Eddie Murphy is. This is a man that at 19 saved Saturday Night Live. A writer, actor and director that has always hired black people not just in front of the camera but behind the camera. Everyone he’s worked with raves about his loyalty and comedic timing.

Both are proud and talented men who’ve recently been given the “angry” label. Eddie Murphy chose not to make fun and mock a man he’s looked up to for all his life so he’s “angry.” Kanye talks about his love for his wife, defends his best friends wife, makes a song dedicated to his daughter and late mom. He isn’t passionate or a standup guy he’s angry and emotional.

We diminish black men’s thoughts and concerns by reducing them to temper tantrums. We allow the media and trolls to highlight a sentence here or quote there and turn a valid point into a catchy punch line.

I’ve often been accused of being too serious but the world lacks serious men. Everything can’t be about getting a laugh or fitting in. You have to stand for something. And if you decide to stand for something and have a voice people will try and silence that voice.

How Does It Feel?

1 hot sex I knew she was mad at me, I knew she was trying to prove a point. We were both prideful and stubborn and mean when we wanted to be. I fired the first shot by telling her I was taking someone else to the concert since she didn’t know if she would be back in town in time. It was petty, I could have waited but I needed her to know that my life didn’t revolve around her.

“Who are you taking then?” Was the text she sent me five minutes after she hung up in my face; The truth was I had no idea who I was taking but sometimes the less you say, the bigger the statement.

“I’m taking a friend. I’ll see you Monday.”

I was expecting a smart comeback or a couple curse words, a couple of threats but nothing. Finding a date wasn’t hard when you have concert tickets to Babyface and reservations to a 4 star restaurant, it was finding a date that looked as good or better than the woman you were dating. At 30 I was probably too old to be playing these games but if she was forcing me to play I may as well play to win.

Setting it all up, apologizing for calling her so late and trying to convince her she wasn’t short notice, she agreed. Not knowing she was a pawn in a cat and mouse game, backing out my driveway my phone vibrated several times in a row.

Curiosity got the best of me so I picked it up to the FB notifications and realized I’d been tagged in several pictures of her in Vegas. Most of them were with her girls and then there were the three with her and a guy. Sitting by the pool, sitting at the craps table, a group picture at dinner.

“I guess you’re not the only one that can have friends and guess what, he’s from Houston too.”

That’s what her text read as I was knocking on my new date’s door. Whatever childish ambitions I had of making her jealous backfired on me and now I could barely think straight. Rushing thru dinner, ignoring my date thru most of the concert, trying my best to not look at my phone or call and go off. I told her we needed to leave early so we wouldn’t be stuck in the parking garage for an hour and she liked me so she didn’t question it.

A part of me felt sorry for the way I was treating her, I tried to justify that I paid for dinner and kept asking her if she needed anything but there was no justification for the distance and silence. As soon as she walked into her apartment and I knew she was safe I started to drive towards Kats blowing her phone up.

“Who was the guy in the picture?”

“Did you know him before you went to Vegas?

“Did you fuck him in Vegas?!”

The more questions I asked myself the angrier I got. The angrier I got the faster I drove, especially since she wasn’t answering my phone calls. Usually you couldn’t get into her complex without someone buzzing you in but the security guard at the gate knew my face so he just waved me in. Not even bothering to park on the 5th floor to avoid getting towed I parked on her floor and walked to her door with a purpose!

I started to bang on the door but realized where she lived and thought better of making a scene so I knocked lightly. My watch said midnight but I knew she was up because she was still posting pics on Instagram.

“Who is it?” Came from behind the door even though I knew she was looking thru the peephole.

“Open the damn door Kat!” I was trying to be cool about it but even hearing her voice had me hot!

“I don’t usually have visitors this time of night, can you come back tomorrow.” Her tone was extra icy but I knew her and I knew she wanted me to beg. That was our relationship, it was about power. One of us was always fighting to have the upper hand. On most days I would have left not feeling like playing the game but tonight I needed answers.

“I’m sorry for coming over so late, can you please open up so we can talk?”

She opened the door in one of my t-shirts that barely covered her panties. The apartment was dark except for the TV that was on mute and the candles burning. Her iPad and iPhone were sitting on the couch next to a blanket.

“Who the hell is the guy in the picture?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

“Who is the bitch you took to see Babyface tonight?! And don’t come in my house questioning me!”

I took a deep breath and poked her in the head with my finger, “Who is the guy in the fucking pictures?!”

Before I could duck she slapped me and started to swing, grabbing her arms and pinning her against the wall she couldn’t move but kept trying to knee me. Her chest was heaving up and down, she started to cry but wouldn’t stop trying to kick me. I’d hurt her feelings and she’d hurt mine and now here we were at midnight putting our hands on each other. “I’m sorry I took someone else to the concert okay.” I don’t know what made me apologize, maybe it was the tears in her eyes or the guilt or the fear of her being with another man.

“Fuck you, if you let me go I’m going to stab you. I hate you!” Holding her wrist with my left hand, I put my right hand under her shirt and rubbed her nipples before I kissed her, she bit my lip. She wasn’t trying to get loose, she was still cursing me but her body was reacting to me. Letting her go and falling to my knees and put her leg over my shoulder and kissed her thru her panties, I bit her thru her panties, I licked her thru her panties. She was soaking thru them, “just take them off, I still hate you!” Her arms were still high above her head and her shirt sat above her breasts. “I didn’t fuck him, I didn’t even give him my number but I should have! You better start acting right or I swear I’m going to let another man taste this pussy!”

Pulling the panties to the side I stopped playing with it and started apologizing properly. She was using my ears to guide me, the wetter she got the more she cursed me, the more she told me she loved me. Ten minutes ago I thought I was going to break up with her, now I couldn’t remember what I would do without her. Standing up, ripping off her panties, she wrapped her legs around me and I went inside of her.

“I won’t fuck up again baby! I promise! I promise! I’d kill you and him if another man touches this!”

“Don’t give another man a chance to touch this then…” She could barely talk for her moaning but I could hear every word she was saying clearly. Standing straight up I was trying to plant a flag inside of her!

“Cum in me baby! Cum in me!” It was first time she’d ever said the words to me and we’d had plenty of drunk sex and intense sex. The words weren’t lost on me.

Bleach and Fire!

imagesCAPJJTL9Thank God for credit alerts. Sitting in my office at work, my BlackBerry lighting up every five minutes I thought someone had stolen my credit card. Two thousand dollars on luggage, a plane ticket to Cozumel, seven hundred dollars at Victoria’s Secret. My first instinct was to call my credit card company and cancel the transactions but then it hit me that they couldn’t have gotten a plane ticket without their driver’s license or a passport.

Calling the airport, hearing the name of the person that purchased the one roundtrip ticket I sent out an email saying I’d be gone for the rest of the day and rushed into the parking garage. Driving seventy miles an hour in pouring rain running off three hours of sleep I didn’t know what this was about but I knew it wasn’t like her to act spontaneously. She was a thinker, an academic; she was maybe the most logical woman I knew.

Taking a credit card I gave her for emergencies and charging five thousand dollars worth of stuff and leaving town in the middle of a work month wasn’t her.

Pulling onto our street, double parking in front of our brownstone I tried my best to control my anger and my questions. A surprise vacation, a sick family member but no matter what I came up with none of it made sense? She was from Houston, all her family was either here or in Nigeria. She wouldn’t plan a vacation using my money or hers without me so what the hell was this about?!

Walking inside our home the strong smell of bleach and smoke hit me immediately! Even with the rain and cold the patio doors were open and there was a fire in the fire pit.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” My heart dropped to my stomach and for the first time since I could remember I cried. My watches, suits, ties, original manuscripts, my customized laptop, they were all burning and what wasn’t burning was sitting in the lounge chairs covered in bleach. My two dogs weren’t barking, they weren’t doing anything… “Where are my dogs!?”

Picking myself up off the ground, following the music to the bedroom she was in the closet picking out clothes and shoes like it was a Sunday before church. Leaning against the door, trying not to run and grab her neck I just watched her humming and smiling.

“Bitch! Are you crazy? Why would you do that? Why would you destroy my manuscripts?! My laptop?! My watches and pictures of my family!? My writing!!!” She took a handful of things out the closet and placed them in the suitcases she’s just bought with my money! My money!

“Do you remember who you were before me? Do you remember where you lived or where you worked? Do you remember coming to Dallas and begging me to come back to Houston? Asking me to leave a job I loved, friends, a home I made because you “loved” me. Because we could be “great” together. I took you from a college dropout to a degree. From a bullshit job to a career. I TOOK YOU FROM WRITING FOR FUN TO WRITING ON THE COAST OF FUCKING CANNES! Why did I destroy your shit, those clothes and watches and shoes you wear like a badge of honor for those groupie bitches you don’t think I know about! Why did I burn your awards and manuscripts and laptop you treat better than most people?! Why did I give those MUTS you love like children to some Mexicans that had an add on Craigslist?! I did it because you’re a fucking disappointment, because I’ve spent the last year pretending you’d stop flirting and going to lunches and happy hours and taking your little weekend “writing” trips! Went to the doctor today… I’m two months pregnant. I wanted to tell you, thought maybe it would change you. I saw Lacristy there, she told me he was yours, he looked just like you. You thought you could hide a fucking child! I’m just starting with you, when I’m finished you won’t have shit nor will this bastard inside of me have a father! Bleach and fire! Bleach and fire! You think I destroyed those material things you love?! Wait until I get started on destroying the life you love. You’ll regret the day you ever met me!”

The biggest medical city in the country, how in the hell did they run into each other. I guess I’d told the lie to myself for so long that I just figured she’d never find out. How could she…

Seeing the look in her eyes, the gun lying on the pillow next to the suitcase, I couldn’t stop shaking. My rage told me to choke the life out of her but common sense told me that if I launched for her she would take my life.

“Let me explain.”

Mid Day Prayers…

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you today not to ask anything for myself but to pray for the country I love with all my heart. You’ll blessed us with peace, prosperity, resources, freedom and so much more. So when I see the division and hate and fear that’s tearing her apart it breaks my heart.

Only you know what awaits men that have chosen to love other men and women that have chosen to love other women but while they’re here on this earth you created I ask that you give them strength to fight the hate. I ask that you create peace inside the hearts of those that hate them so.

Dear God… I ask today that you heal the disease of racism that’s running rapid. The blacks that hate the whites, the whites that hate the blacks, the hispanics that feel ostracized and neglected; that live in fear of deportation or assault.

I’m praying today that you calm the sexual exploitation of the women I love so much. That you put a sense of value and love and self worth in their heart! That you protect them against those that want to use and abuse them. From the youngest of them to the most mature of them. You didn’t create them for that purpose and I pray they see that.

My family dear God… I won’t be selfish and ask that they live forever but I do ask that you heal them of the pain their feeling. That you allow for the time they do have left to be prosperous and beautiful.

And last but not least I ask that you bless my future wife and give her hope and faith that I’m not only thinking and writing about her but that I’m looking for her.

In Your Darling Son Jesus name.

Amen

‘Round Two: Her Pleasure His Desire’

The best moments are the moments when she doesn’t know I’m watching. The moments when she’s not trying to be sexy, not trying to arouse me, not trying to be what she naturally is. This morning was amazing, every morning is amazing when she’s motivated. I thought I was dreaming when I woke up to see her mouth on me, her head moving up and down, the thunder and drowning out her moans as she slurped and sucked. I looked at the clock and knew we didn’t have a lot of time and she knew it to because as soon as she felt me moving she climbed on top of me and kissed me before I slid inside of her.

“I need you to make me cum baby, we don’t have a lot of time so hurry up.”

I sat up and grabbed her ass, sucked her nipple and gave her leverage to do her thing. I knew I wouldn’t cum this morning, it always took me forever. But I knew my baby, she’d make it up to me after work.

Whenever I didn’t cum there was always a round two.

Always…

My only hope was that we’d have a thunderstorm to accompany us.

Seeing her towel drop, images of her screaming my name, watching her put on her panties. I slid in the room and she saw me in the mirror and smiled.

“Why did you let me put them on if you’re only going to take them off?” I kissed the back of her neck and rubbed her neck, squeezing just enough to excite her.

“Because it’s more fun when I just pull them to the side, you ready for round two?”

 

Round Two….

“Harder!”

“Harder!”

“It’s Yours!!!”

“Pull harder!”

“Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!”

I knew he was standing behind me the entire time I was putting on the lotion with that little ass towel on. So when he walked up behind me, his hand around my neck, his lips on my spine. All I wanted was to finish what we started.

Standing up, bent over, my hands on the ground. You would have thought I was getting ready to hike a football.

Panties pulled to the side, my hair wrapped around his left hand, his right hand holding my waist. I loved it when he got like this, when he took control and made me take it. Our love making was amazing, the nights when we lit candles and took our time.

But tonight wasn’t one of those nights, he didn’t carry me to the bed and whisper in my ear. He bit the back of my neck and told me to bend over. Now all I could do was enjoy it, the more he moved inside of me, the more of my spots he found the wetter I got.

The more I pushed it back on him. The harder he pushed.

“I love you!”

“My God I love you!”

“I love you so much!”

It was crazy, in my mind I was calm, I was trying to control myself. I hated losing control. But his strokes were causing me to lose control. His strokes were taking me out of my zone so whenever I opened my mouth it wasn’t me I was hearing. The woman talking to him wasn’t me, it was me but it wasn’t….

“Fuck me!”

“I can feel you in my stomach baby!”

“I can feel you!”

He pulled out of me and picked me up, sitting me on the dresser and not slowing down a bit. He loved kissing and so did I so when he kissed me I could feel the vibration pulsate through my body. His back was going to me so scratched up but I didn’t care.

He needed to cum, I could feel how tense he was, how bad he wanted it. How bad he wanted me. I pulled back and rubbed my fingers across his lips.

“It’s yours baby, it’s yours…” I whispered in his ear.

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop! What are you doing!?”

He licked a trail to my bellybutton and then…..

“OH MY GOD!”

Round three was about to began!!!

My Sins…

My mouth was dry and no matter how much I’d drank before I could never remember being this tired. My head hurt so bad it hurt to open my eyes but when I moved my hands to rub them they wouldn’t move. I yawned and tried again but this time I could feel them pull.

“What the hell!?” When my eyes opened she was sitting on top of me, her hair falling over her shoulders, her nipples hard. A smile on her face, at the sight of her straddling me I could feel myself getting hard. Even though I felt like shit I knew if my hands were tied up it was because she wanted to be in control tonight.

My headache didn’t hurt so much anymore, my mouth wasn’t as dry.

Buzzzz….

Buzzzz….

My phone was vibrating on my chest, I looked down and saw her face. Her face?! Her face?! What… I would never put her face in my phone, did she do it. Fuck! Ariel… I looked up and she was still straddling me, still smiling. Rubbing her nipple and reaching on the side of me for something. If she wasn’t going to notice it, I wasn’t going to say anything.

My heart dropped to my stomach.

She was holding my thirty two, I’d taken her to the range plenty of times but at this range she couldn’t miss if she wanted to. The words came to me quick, in my mind I knew what to say to explain whatever she’d found out but the look in her eyes told me she knew everything.

“Lie… Lie… So I can put a bullet in your bitch ass.” If she would have screamed it or yelled it or cried and slapped me I would have been more comfortable. But she was too damn calm, to focused. She rubbed the barrel of the gun on her nipple and rubbed it across my lips. The steel was cold but I wouldn’t let her see me afraid though I knew my eyes were betraying me.

“Ask me to shoot you Demez. Ask me to put a bullet in you. I promise you, you want me to shoot you.” She cocked back the hammer and I closed my eyes.

“ARGGHHHH!!!” I screamed out when she hit me in my face with the gun, I could feel the blood coming down my face. But she never lost her calm, she never stopped straddling me.

“Please baby let us talk about this! I’m not worth going to jail over! I’m sorry for what I did, for not telling you the truth! I’m sorry! Fuck! I’m sorry! I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die!”

She reached back and started to play with the head of my dick, as much as I didn’t want it to feel good all I could think was that this might be the last time I ever feel a hand, her hand on me. Would she kill me? An hour ago, a day ago, a week ago I wouldn’t even consider it but the way she looked today I just didn’t know.

Standing up, she pulled off her panties and threw them on the floor. She held the gun in one hand and spread the lips of her vagina with the other, I want you to eat me baby. I want you to be my bitch! Maybe if you make me cum I won’t shot you.”

I pulled at whatever was holding my wrists but they were too tight and I was still weak. This was more than a hangover. But if making her cum was going to save my life… Fine!

Drake was playing in the background, it was loud… really loud. A part of me felt like it was that loud to muffle gun shots. She sat down on my face, her wetness surprised me, the amount of force she was grinding my mouth with surprised me. It was hard without my fingers to stimulate her but I worked my tongue the best I could, catching her clit with my lips I sucked and bit soft with those lips. Licking and sucking and moving fast and then slow. I could hear her moaning, cursing, I could feel her thighs tightening on my ears.

She was cumming and she was cumming hard! I could feel her juices flood my mouth and almost choke me but there was nothing I could do but breathe out of my nose. She backed up and looked back at my dick.

“I want to ride you so bad baby but I don’t want that thing in me ever again!” She kissed me and licked her cum off my chin. She bit me so hard I could feel her saliva mixing with my blood.

“I saw the pictures, it’s going to be a boy huh? You were going to leave me for her? For your new family? I made you! I fucking made you bitch! When you didn’t think you could do it, I was there! When you quit your job to travel and write! I took care of HOOOOME!!!! YOU’LL NEVER SEE THAT BASTARD OR THAT WHORE AGAIN!”

The gun fell on the bed inches away from my head but I couldn’t reach it. She walked out the room, I was afraid for more than me now. I was afraid for her… The music got louder in the room.

Since you pick up I know he’s not around… I’m just sayin you can do better, tell me have you heard that lately.  

When she walked in with the gas can I lost all my strength, all my charm, all reason that she would let me go. Her words echoed in my mind, “If you make me cum I want shoot you.” I made her cum and now she was splashing gasoline all over the floor and the bed and the walls and finally on me! I closed my eyes when it landed on my face, it burned so bad on the cuts on my face!

“DON’T DO THIS! DON’T! I’M NOT WORTH IT! I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR! PLEASE! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!”

She just smiled at me and lit a match, throwing it towards the door and the flames caught instantly. She threw it towards the door… the door?! She kissed me again.

“PLEASEEE! PLEASE!!!! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! DON’T DO THIS!”

The gun was in her hand, she looked at me with tears in her eyes. I sent her an email while you were sleep. I told her that bastard in her belly would grow up without a father; I gave up too much for you Mez. I love babe, I’ll see you in hell.” She pulled the trigger and her blood went everywhere!

“NOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!”

The more I screamed and looked at her lifeless face looking up at me the more I regretted nothing. I closed my eyes and prayed right before the flames caught the bed spread. If I’d die tonight I’d die praying that God forgive my wife and bless my child.