5 Struggles That Only Guys Who Date Tomboys Will Understand

Cute Sweatshirts

Cute Sweatshirts

One- It’s not your hoodie girl! You want to know what an awkward feeling is? Putting on your favorite hoodie and it smells like jasmine tea, raspberry lotion and re-runs of Basketball Wives. Do you know how hard it is to be cool walking into Home Depot or the barbershop and you smell like you should be walking into Bed Bath and Beyond? “Why are you always staining my hoodies with your freshly washed body wash and shampoo? You have like four department stores full of clothes?” “I just look better in them than you do.”

Two- She’s not flirting, she’s just a Patriots fan. You’re having a nice family gathering or game night. All the women are in the kitchen or living room talking about whatever it is women talk about and all the guys are on the porch locked in a vicious battle for domino supremacy. In the mist of the Budweiser’s, whiskey, cigar smoke and vulgar jokes is this 5’2 terrorist that has hijacked the game with stories of how great Tom Brady is and how she knows all these domino rules no one has heard about. All the guys are laughing, she wants to know what’s up with James Harden not playing defense. You want to know why she’s not in the house knitting or exchanging peach cobbler recipes but did you really expect anything different? She’s a Tomboy and it’s just what they do. If you tried to tame her, she’d probably dunk on you while you’re getting a pot out the cabinet.

Three- Everything is a competition. No seriously, it’s like living with a mix between Mayweather and a cheerleader from Bring It Own. “Hey babe, have you seen my watch with the brown band?” “Whoever finds it first gets 10 dollars!” “What? I just want the watch because I have a meeting.” Loser has to wash dishes!” How me BBQ’ing turned into a BBQ death match; I will never know.

Four- Play wrestling will leave you scarred for life. If the future mother of your children and source of your stress grew up with a lot of brothers or boy cousins, there’s a chance she’s going to be a Tomboy. There’s also a chance she knows more wrestling moves than Hulk Hogan before he started hating black people. Sure, it all starts with boy shorts and tank tops and pillow fights until you throw her on the couch and now it’s a war baby. I think I came to work with a dislocated shoulder and broke fibula all because she thought it would be funny to hop on my back and choke me out since “You thought you could just pick me up and spin me around huh?” Webae told Namon in season 4 of the Wire, “You either real or you not Nae.” Well, when it comes to “play fighting” with a Tomboy, I may not be real in these streets son.

Five- Tomboys are pervs. Your ass is never safe. Bent over tying your shoe, she’s going to slap it. Opening up the fridge for some mouthwatering delicious Simply Lemonade, she’s going to grap your waist and give you the “got you!” I’ve never been to prison or in a locker room full of curly haired, colorful fingernail loving jocks but I imagine that’s about how it works. Protect yourself at all times.

It Helps Make Me Better

1. When I first started writing, like really writing I found my best work, my motivation came from a woman. Having a woman call me, asking me to write her a particular story is everything! “Write me something nasty.” “Write me something smart.” “I read what you wrote last night I wasn’t feeling it.” For me, Demez, I appreciate smart. I like the idea of someone caring about not just my words but the quality if my words just as much as I do. What happens is if the woman I’m into doesn’t like to read or doesn’t do that then I’m going to have that connection with someone else.

2. Giving is caring. I always talk about what men need to do for women. How its our job to step up and set examples but it works both ways. My grandmother used to take my grandfathers shoes off and none of us ate before he did. I know we live in a different age but some practices are just universal.

3. Common Manners- Calling and asking if someone needs anything before you come to their home. Asking if anyone would like something to drink when they enter your home. Calling to make sure they made it home safe. Manners matter.

4. Flirting. Sexting. Pics that no other guy is going to see. Don’t make me ask.

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She’s Overdressed If She’s Wearing Underwear…

handsI was sitting at my computer and I started to write a fictional story for the blog tonight but then as I was thinking what I wanted to write it hit me…

I don’t want to write about something that’s not real tonight. I want to write about the basis for the erotica that I do write about. And that’s sexy women.

Sitting here, I can’t remember the last time I had sex, it’s been awhile. I sort of made a promise to myself that the next time it happened it would mean something. There would be no regrets or sneaking out while she’s sleep. No worrying about STD’s or Pregnancies or faulty condoms. “The next time I have sex it will be with a woman I can see myself waking up to everyday hereafter.” I meant that and it wouldn’t hurt if it was a woman that understood the value of leaving her panties at home every now and again. I write about sex so much because I love it, I love sexual women and all the flirting and innuendo that leads to memorial nights and mornings. I’m about that life when that life finds me.

It’s sort of like when you’re having a good text session.

Where are we going tonight? What should I wear?

I’m a man that likes fashion, I could tell her where we’re going and what most of the women are going to be dressed like but that’s waaaaay to easy. I’d rather just say…

You’ll look good in anything, just make sure you aren’t wearing panties. It’s a casual spot fyi.

Some women will ignore the fact that you asked them not to wear panties. Some will give you one of those token lol’s that they give everyone. But the ones that you want, the one that you can’t wait to flirt with all night says something like…

I wasn’t planning on wearing them anyway.

That’s when you get excited. It doesn’t mean you’ll have sex with her that night. It doesn’t even mean you’ll see whether or not she’s wearing panties. It’s just the idea that she’s flirty and sexy enough to play the game with you. I often run across two sorts of women, the goofy and silly ones that seem to laugh at everything and the serious ones that wear you down. It’s not often you meet the ones that just know what to say at the right time to turn you on.

Anyway, I’m almost out of Crown so I’m going to make a trip to someone’s restaurant and finish watching this game and have a couple drinks. You ladies that are going to forget the underwear at home tonight or in the morning.

We appreciate you!

Why Flirting With Married Women Is Fools Gold…

If you read my writing you know I do love my conversations and back and forth with the opposite sex. In some circles otherwise known as flirting. And from my experiences the sexiest and coolest flirters are usually married women.

Putting on my amateur therapist hat I want to say it’s because once you have children and a routine things may get a little stale at home. Husbands stop complimenting as much, the television is on a lot more, if there are kids they are always around. So talking to a guy that only sees the good stuff can be liberating. It reminds her of just how fine she is.

See, the thing is every woman wants to be sexy to someone. Yes, they love being mothers and aunts and business women but they also like the idea of men noticing their ass or hair or the fact that they’ve lost a couple lbs. So when you see the ring on her finger but she’s still smiling and blushing it isn’t because she’s ready to have this great affair. It’s because she’s just happy you noticed. That chemistry you think you feel is fools gold buddy. That’s her nostalgia.

I can’t tell you how many messages I get on FB from lonely married women. They don’t want me; they want my words. They read the statuses and pictures and blog post and they want to know they still have it. They want to talk and flirt with a man and feel as young and fine as they did before the stresses and mundanity of marriage. So for me to feel like I’m special or she really wants me, that’s fools gold.

I’m not there when she’s bloating or cramping or has morning breath. Those are things only husbands can love. I’m not there when those kids are throwing up or tearing shit up, that’s what vows are for. I’m the guy that she can escape reality with. Flirting is mindplay and I promise you it’s not going any further than words here and there. And to expect it to is… Fools Gold.

Successfully Flirting While Keeping Your Thirst In Check…

What’s the difference between a compliment and annoyance or what has better become known as ‘thirst?’

The difference is simple. Is your compliment worth her attention? Is it funny or corny? Is it smart or tacky? Do you come off as confident and cool or annoying and cheesy?

Flirting isn’t about attraction. Sure, it helps if she can immediately see herself kissing you but flirting is about smiles.

You want her to smile as much as possible when you’re coming on to her. Not laugh, you aren’t a comedian. But smile.

Most women are crazy sexual. They’re just as vulgar and freaky as men but the difference is you have to be clever with sexual flirting. Don’t ever use words like fuck, pussy, ass, they aren’t tactful and she’ll be immediately turned off. Use her clothes, her work environment, if you’re at a restaurant use the menu. Be creative.

Don’t try to out think the room when you’re flirting. If she’s texting or on the phone simply wait a minute or two. “Excuse me… I couldn’t help but notice your heels. I work with a lot of women and I’ve never seen any of them wear shoes like you’re wearing them. They are complimenting the hell out of our purse. Stay away from her body parts, she gets that all the time. She knows you’re more than likely gaming her but women are vain and appealing to her fashion sense, noticing shoes she probably spent a day picking out. You now have her smiling. That’s flirting and getting your foot in the door.

Texting. You’d be amazed at what smiley faces and song lyrics can do for you. Not romantic lyrics or cheesy lines but rap songs. Most corporate women, nurses, lawyers, teachers. They’re ratchet as hell on the inside. So while every other guy is sending “Hi, how are you?” Text or “Good Morning Beautiful” text you’re quoting Jeezy and making fun of her texting when she should be working. Beautiful women get tired of being Porcelain Dolls, make fun of her and let her be her. That’s flirty texting.

At the end of the day flirting is all about how comfortable she feels around you. That’s the key.

5 Flirting Tips for the 21st Century

Are you tired of hearing that it’s ‘cuffin season?’ I am too so don’t feel like a Grinch. But I can be honest with myself and admit that most of it is just hating on my part.

Who doesn’t want to be in the bed or on the couch snuggled up with someone. It’s cool enough for no AC but not cold enough for the heater.

I like the give and take of flirting. I think it makes us happier people. So these are 5 quick tips to get you on the road to getting a little body heat in your life.

5. Simplicity- ‘I love when a man comes at me with pickup line’ said no woman ever. A smile, a hello and a modest compliment. If she smiles and ask you your name, you keep going. If she simply says thank you and walks off. You tried and probably made her morning with that compliment. Don’t pursue her or press.

4. Humor- Everyone can’t do funny. And furthermore it’s even harder to do flirty funny. Because depending on the woman sexual humor will never work. So the humor has to be in the middle, making fun a really nice feature of hers works. Say she’s really fashionable, make fun of how it has to be hard finding a scarf to match those shoes or bracelets. It seems silly I know but I promise you the combination of humor, attention to detail and compliments will have her blushing.

3. Gestures- This literally requires very little charm. If you’re at Starbucks or a CVS or a restaurant getting something to go tell the cashier or server you’re getting hers to. Don’t even ask her. This serves two crucial purposes. Women love subtle aggressiveness and just men that take control. And the other is that the 5 or 10 dollars isn’t enough that she feels obligated but it’s enough that she knows you aren’t cheap.

2. Social Networks- ‘FB isn’t Match.com’ says most women I know even though that’s how I met half of them. Stay out of a woman’s inbox, don’t go liking 5 pics in a row and don’t add any of her pretty ass friends. You want her attention, wait until she post a status or picture and comment with something witty. She’ll notice you and respond to that comment. And that’s your ‘in.’ This is all dependent on her being somewhat attracted to you but your goal on a Social Network should never be to ‘take her out.’ It should be lol’s, smiley faces and interactions.

1. Wear you well- I used to be ashamed or feel uncomfortable when I’d meet women in my work clothes. An old polo or t-shirt, dusty jeans and steel toe boots. But now I’ll wash my hands, wash my face and walk into a Happy Hour with the swagger of a guy in an tailor made suit. Because its not your clothes or yor watch or your ego that makes flirting work. It’s the confidence of being comfortable with who you are. If you’re relaxed that vibe will extend to her.

These are just five tips that will hopefully lead to a phone number that will hopefully lead to date that will hopefully lead to some body heat.