Men Don’t Have Biological Clocks That Tick But That Sense of Urgency A Week From Your Mid 30’s May Beat Here and There

I’m turniI feel young 34 in about a week and a half and though I don’t believe men have a biological clock I very much believe that men get to a point in their lives where they start to want to move forward. I used to write about wanting a son often in my earlier blogs years ago. I let social media bully and manipulate me into stopping.

“You’re thirst trapping with the whole nice guy routine.”

“If you wanted a good woman you could have had one by now.”

The list goes on and on. So I stopped. I stopped writing about wanting a wife and a son and the house with the neighbors my age and good public schools. Just because I stopped writing about those things doesn’t mean I don’t still very much want them. It doesn’t mean that with each day that passes by I don’t come to realization that I won’t have four or five children. I literally sit at my desk at five am and think to myself, “Self, you’ll need to get married in the next year and you’ll need your wife to get pregnant every year so that she isn’t 40 plus popping out babies that have a 50% chance of having birth defects.”

Do I have a biological clock that pounds a little harder every time I see a picture of a cute baby or see someone that shouldn’t be having children having them with ease? I doubt it but I do have a sense of urgency creeping up on me just as fast as the number 34 is.

Men and women have been profiting for ages trying to tell people what husband or wife material means. Writing definitions and standards that will lead you to the promise land of the alter and a perfect life. The truth is it’s all a lie. What you want is what you want and if that’s shallow and materialistic then that’s what it is. And if it’s beautiful and passionate then that’s what it is. Someone can be the ideal image of perfection to 93% of the world and to you they aren’t. You have to let them go because no matter how hard you try and convince yourself otherwise; you can never make apple juice out of lemons.

I’m not good at being friends with women. At least I wasn’t in the past. Maybe I flirted too much, maybe I made them feel as though they were more than friends. It could just be that I wasn’t a good friend myself and didn’t realize it. Either way what I’ve realized is that I need my wife to be that friend. I need to like her, I need to want to share good news with her. I need who she is as a woman to make me smile. I need to trust her above all else. Things I didn’t think about when I turned 30 or even 32.

My writing has shifted over the years. I don’t really give my opinion anymore about relationships and dating. I simply write about what I’m feeling or going through. Maybe someone reading will relate and find their voice in my words.

The surreal thing about life is that no matter what you tell yourself, no matter what you tell other people, you know the truth. And as cliché as it sounds, the truth will always set you free.

If I Had You For 24 Hours

If I had you for one day we’d go grocery shopping. You can push the basket, I’d hug you from behind. Kiss you in the back of your neck. We’d argue over the white peaches or colorful peaches.

If I had you for 24hrs we’d spend half of those hours in bed or on the couch just talking. Reminiscing, flirting. I like cooking so I’d cook you French toast, watch you eat in one of my shirts. Your thighs teasing me. Me welcoming the tease.

If I had you for 24 hours I’d take you to the park, to the mall, out to eat. We’d laugh and touch each other in the most subtle ways possible. It would simply be about spending time with you.

If I had a day I’d introduce you to my grandmother. I’d hug you and smile at you and love you.

– Demez20140723-113310.jpg

The Reception… His and Hers Point of View

Everyone wants to get married, even the people that swear up and down they don’t need a wife or a husband. They want to get married. It’s something about taking those vows, about knowing that there is someone that will love you for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health. Marriage isn’t underrated, marriage is perfect when it’s done right.

I can’t speak for any other man on this earth but I know one thing when it comes to me. I’m so looking forward to the day when I say, “I do.” That’s why I write about weddings, receptions, honeymoons, vows because I’m speaking it into existence. Not to mention I’m a romantic at heart.



He couldn’t believe it was over, that it finally happened. Heartbreak, lies, makeup’s, breakups, it all lead them to this point and now she was his. Mind body and soul. Watching her walking down that aisle, seeing the look on her face, the seriousness and sexiness, the emotion in her eyes. He knew it was all worth it. It took everything he had in him not to cry but he didn’t and he was proud of himself because of that.

They were standing in the hallway, all the guest were already seated, appetizers were being served. The bridal party had already started to make their way into the ballroom. It was just him and his bride, he could see she was tired but excited at the same time.

“We did it, you’re stuck with me now hubby! There’s no divorce, no walking away, I’ll kill you before that happens.”

She was smiling, laughing but he could tell she was dead serious and he didn’t even mind. He took her hands, spun her around in the hallway and kissed her on those lips he couldn’t get enough of.

“I’ve been waiting on this, what we’re doing now, since the first moment I met you. So you can keep your threats woman because I’m not going anywhere! Come here!” Her dress was a mermaid gown so she could barely move without assistance but neither one of them cared. He picked her up off the ground and kissed her over and over and over.

“Hey! Everyone is waiting on your two, it’s been like ten minutes since the best man and maid of honor came in.” They looked at each other and laughed, it was their day, they didn’t care if people had to wait on them.


Walking into the ballroom, sitting at the table, her husband on her left, her girls on her right. Life just couldn’t get any better! The ice sculpture, the string quartet, the doves! THEY HAD DOVES!!! Was all she could scream in her mind to keep from jumping up with joy. This wedding was everything she wanted and more, everything she saw in her dreams from when she was six years old. It all happened, it was still happening.

It scared her how much he loved her, she would never tell a soul that but it scared her. The thought of not being able to return the sort of blind passion and enthusiasm he had for her. She would try and she would give her all but the way he was looking at her at that alter, the sincerity in which he gave those vows. It was life altering.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

She came out of her day dream when she heard the best man tapping the champagne glass to get everyone’s attention.

Excuse me, excuse me, I know all of you are ready to eat this good food and dance and take full advantage of this open bar but I would like to give a toast to the lovely couple. I wish I could say my best friend called me after his first date with his future wife and told me he would marry her. I would like to say we were at a party and he introduced me to her and I could just see the chemistry. But if I told you all a story like that, I would be straight lying.

The crowd laughed.

My boy, my friend since I could remember, he’s always been cut from a different cloth. He didn’t talk about the women he dated or slept with or anything and he damn sure wasn’t going to talk about the women he loved. I knew he was going to marry this woman the day I logged on to Facebook and each and every one of his stories had a little piece of her in it. See, that’s how he is, he’s never forward and direct, it’s always about the writing. And when he started putting her in story after story, novel after novel…. I knew it was a wrap! I was scared at first because I thought him getting so into her would mean the end of our friendship. You know how some guys do when they get a girlfriend but for him, he was stayed the best friend a guy could ask for. And instead of losing a brother, I gained a sister.

Everyone sighed.

These two are perfect for each other and no one deserves to be happier more than them. I wish you all the best and I hope you guys start making babies ASAP so I can have someone to take to the mall and pickup chicks with. I love you both! Congratulations!

It was a good toast, a good speech, even though she really didn’t like him.


His boy did his best, he knew he didn’t care for his wife and the feeling was mutual. She didn’t like his ways and he didn’t like her ways but because of him they found a way to chill. He was taking it easy on the drinks tonight since it was his wedding and because he wanted their first dance to be flawless.

Her maid of honor stood up and tapped her glass, he knew her and her sister weren’t close but they were sisters and friends none the less. Not to mention she was probably the prettiest bridesmaid anyone had ever seen which couldn’t hurt the pictures.

Growing up my sister was always little miss perfect. She cleaned up her room everyday, made straight A’s, said yes maam and no maam. Everyone loved her because she always did everything right. So when she called me and said she’d met a guy that was perfect! I didn’t suck my teeth and take a deep breath because I knew her and I knew she wasn’t exaggerating. If she said she met a guy that was perfect I knew that meant he was perfect for her. The way he looks at her when she’s not looking or talks about her when she’s not around, I think… wait, I know every woman wants that. It’s not often we get blessed with soul mates and my sister and brother-n-law have been blessed. I love you little sister and I know you’re in great hands. I wish nothing but the best for the two of you!

“I love you.”

He leaned over and whispered it in her ear, the crowd was clapping from the toast and the DJ was starting to spin some music while the food was being served.


45 Minutes Later…

She’d changed out of her wedding gown to something easier to move around in, it was still white and classy but it oozed regal sex appeal. They took the dance floor hand in hand, he was nervous and she knew it but she still let him lead.

He wasn’t nervous because of the moment he was nervous because he wasn’t a dancer. Always and Forever came thru the speakers, the crowd made a circle around the couple and she just allowed herself to fall into the moment. Luther was singing and she was in his arms not wanting this night, this moment to end.

“So I see you took those dance lessons seriously.” No one could hear the two of them.

“I had to, this is your day right.” She bit his hear and whispered.

“This is our day and I’m ready for you to fuck your wife!”

They cut the cake, threw the bouquet, took more pictures and gave more hugs than they thought possible and in the end they were in the back of the limo on their way to the airport….

Well you know the rest, doing what married couples do.

A Life for A Life: Consenting Adults


“I need you to do me a favor.”

He could have asked me this over the phone but I knew if it was important enough for him to drive all the way from Sugarland then it was serious. I’d finished bbq’ing a while ago but the grill was still smoking. I handed him a beer and waited for the other shoe to drop.

“You know I love my wife right? I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been over here, not because you aren’t still my best friend but because I really don’t mind spending every single free moment I have with her. I need you to hear me out before you say anything. Don’t react or overreact, just hear me out.”

The more he paced the more I was hating it was Sunday and I couldn’t go buy something harder for us to drink.

“I’ve never loved anyone in my life more than I love this woman. Growing up, I never really felt like I had a family. My mom remarried, had other children, never knew my father. My grandparents were old. You were like my brother, you are my brother but it’s not the same. I didn’t feel like I had a family until I found her.”

I didn’t know where he was going with this but I could see in his eyes and the way he was crushing these beers in one gulp that it wasn’t going to be good.

“She’s pregnant bro, she’s glowing and happy and talking about baby names.” I cut him off and stood up to congratulate him. He pushed me away and slammed his fist into my punching bag!

“I can’t have kids! I can’t have fucking kids! I got an STD when we were in college, I never had any symptoms. Went to the doctor and got some blood work done for something else and they told me. I probably should have told her but I just couldn’t lose her. Now this?!”

He handed me a wallet sized sonogram picture. “I don’t know whose baby that is but it’s not mine.”

I was at a loss for words, I could see why he was stressing so hard but that didn’t change the fact that I didn’t know what he wanted from me. I didn’t have to say what was understood, he was going to ask me or else he wouldn’t be standing here right now.

“She’s the only family I have and I’m not breaking my vows. This child is half hers and that’s enough for me, that’s enough for me to love him or her and to be the best gotdamn father in the world. But I can’t walk this earth knowing that at anytime so man can come rip my family apart.”

Our eyes met and for the first time I understood what he was asking me. What I hoped he was asking me.

“I could have my lawyers get him to sign over his parental rights but what guarantee is that? I could pay him off but you know as well as I do he’s more than likely to just come back and ask for more. I need this to be permanent.”

He said it, a part of me thought it but it’s no way I thought he would actually ask it.

“We aren’t killers man, yeah, we’ve done some shit, blurred some lines but you’re talking about premeditated murder!”

He hit the punching bag!

“I’m talking about saving my fucking family! I’m talking about not losing my wife! I’m coming to you because there isn’t a person on this fucking earth I would come to for this but you! You’re my brother, the shit we’ve done, the shit we’ve seen. I’ll owe you my life, you owe me.”

 I didn’t want him to say it, to bring it up. I wanted him to ask me because we were friends, brothers, not because he helped me once when I was young and stupid. I did owe him for sins I would never forget, sins I would never wash off. I knew people, I worked in circles where I could get this done for him. But no matter what it would always leave a trail. I would have to do this myself.

“There are other ways, just tell her the truth, tell her you know.”

“Right now, she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She thinks this is my baby, all the sex we have, all the times I’ve cum in her. Right now she doesn’t think she’s living a lie. If I tell her I know her, she’ll never be able to forgive herself and if she can’t forgive herself how can she live with me?! This is the only way.”

To bring a life into this world we would have to take a life….

Part II tomorrow  

Too Beautiful to be Loved…

too beautiful Is there such a thing as being too pretty? As being too sensual or too sexy or too perfect?

They have all these specials coming out lately about women with dark skin not feeling loved or women with weight issues not feeling loved. I can’t speak on that because every woman is different but you know who I know for a fact has the hardest time finding love? Beautiful women…

In our society we’ve been convinced that if you’re attractive or successful or wealthy you don’t have the right to be unhappy. How can a woman complain when men want to shower her with attention and gifts and bosses want to take her to lunch and smile at her.

The simple truth is beautiful women go thru the most bullshit, men want them for their bodies and as an accessory. If a pretty woman tells you she’s not dating anyone, you roll your eyes and say whatever. If a pretty woman tells you she’s sad or stressed you say, whatever. Average girls don’t want them around because they’re afraid she’s going to steal her man or shine. She can’t have guy friends because he never actually wanted to be her friend, he just figured he’d show her how great of a guy he was.

This is the thing, a woman that never gets the attention of men may have a boring life or a lonely life but she’ll never deal with the drama and heartbreak that comes with being the woman that is always breaking hearts. Even when she doesn’t want to. Just her smile and conversation and hug is enough to have men thinking of forever and the look she has when she’s sad or mad has guys wanting to beat down walls just to save her.

His Wife Can’t Be Your Best Friend…

FB-Ring.jpgMen and women can be friends but there comes a point in all our lives when what we did when we were younger isn’t as acceptable as when we’re older. When you’re single your bestfriend can be a woman that comes by at midnight and sleeps in the bed with you. You can leave your house at two am to change her flat tire or take a road trip with her. Once she’s married though, boundaries prohibit you from ever having that sort of relationship with her again. If you can’t understand that than you can’t understand basic respect.

No matter how cool and casual you try to be with the opposite sex men will always be protective of the women they love and care about. This is a problem because you can’t have two men in a woman’s life that are willing to protect her at all cost. I’m excluding family because with family it’s a different type of love and emotional connection. An example, if I get into it with a woman I’m in a relationship with and her father or brother or cousin comes at me to ask why I hurt her I’ll be willing to talk it out. If a guy that’s her “friend” calls me or comes at me over her it’s a whole other situation. That’s because she’s not for him, she’s for me. That goes for any man woman relationship.

Friendships have a way of building over time, especially if you’re both good people. Men know what they have in the women they love and marry, they know how special she is and they see the way other men look at her. It sounds selfish to say she’s “my woman” and I don’t want her having a male bestfriend because it is selfish. So what? Love is selfish, marriage is selfish. You’re taking a person and saying I only want you to be with me for the rest of our lives. I only want you to make love to me, to kiss me, to smile at me with that perfect smile. Having her share that with another man even if it’s only on a friendly level is scary because you know what that smile does to men regardless if he’s saying otherwise.



She’s Out Of Your League…

I didn’t feel bad about what I’d done, some men deserved to be with certain women. She was just not built for him, the way her ass fit right in everything she wore. She made every car I owned look good, we went out last night, every head turned. I know it was fucked up but real niggas just take what they want. He was standing in front of me looking like he was about to cry, I was tired of having this conversation with his love drunk ass.

“What did you expect?”

Handing him the drink he downed it in one motion and poured himself another, I’d never seen him look this rough in my life. Wrinkled jeans, an old t-shirt, he was a pretty boy to the core. I guess he was really fucked up over this.

“I didn’t expect this shit! I loved the girl!”

Sitting my glass down on the rail, taking off my suit jacket, it was time to be real with him. The fireworks looked amazing from up here. I was about to tell him of Renee’s Independence.

“Let me ask you a question? Is Renee the baddest bitch you’ve ever been with? Seriously, we’ve been with a lot of women, you ever seen one realer than her?”

He downed another drink and stood next to me on the balcony, it wasn’t a hard question to answer. We both knew the answer to it.

“Of course not, the first night we saw her in the club every dude in there was trying to get at her and I’m the one that got her number.”

I smiled at the memory, he was always good at getting numbers, he just couldn’t keep them.

“And you got mad props for that shit, the whole team was giving you love because you scooped her up but I knew it wouldn’t work.”

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew he knew. Maybe he didn’t know I was fucking her and she was on her way over here but he knew something. It was inevitable.


I turned and faced him, took my gun out my holster and sat it on the rail next to my drink. He looked at it and took a step back, I wouldn’t shoot up but I needed to prove a point.

“Calm your ass down! And listen to me for a second. Women like Renee, she’d rather be with a made nigga that’s paid, trickin, layin pipe… than be with an average nigga that’s treating her like a Queen. It’s not her fault though, look how fine she is, look at all the attention she gets. Why the fuck would she ever work a real job?”

His hands were on his head, he was pacing, looking at my gun. I’d taken the clip out just in case he tried to grab it but the truth was I didn’t think he had the heart to grab it. He just wasn’t built like that.

“So what you sayin D? Me loving her ain’t enough? I see the way she looks at me, she want me like I want her! We talk on the phone all the time, I know I’m not imagining shit!”

This nigga talking about “talking on the phone,” and I’m talking about taking her to places she’s never seen. Buying her shit that hugs her body like a glove, he just doesn’t get it. Maybe for some women it’s about the love but for her…

“Look, you my man so I’m go keep it real with you… She out of your league, she was from the first night you tried to talk to her. I don’t know why she gave you any play in the first place. Maybe it was because you’re a good man. And you are a good man. How many times have you covered for me? Lied for me? You even took that weed charge for me when you knew I was on probation. You a good dude but this game not made for suckers.”

He threw his glass across the living room and it shattered into the door.

“You calling me a sucker because I’m a “good dude.””                   

I grabbed his shirt and slammed him into the patio door!

“I’M CALLING YOU A SUCKER YOUR BITCH CHOSE! THAT’S WHY I ASKED YOU TO MEET ME OVER HERE! Look outside, look at the view. Look around you, women like Renee, she knows I’m not about shit when it comes to being faithful or holding her down if she’s sick or some shit. But I’m giving her the life, the access, shit you can’t give her because you’re not a made nigga.”

I was ruining my friendship but some women were worth a friend or two.



I let him go and pushed him, I was tired of it. Tired of pretending we didn’t live in different worlds.

“You call me a sucker, take my girl and disrespect me?” He was standing there with murder in his eyes.

“I did and it’s nothing you can do about it but move on… Go find some lame bitch and have lame kids and a white picket fence. Get the fuck out of my apartment before I forget we WERE boys.”

He didn’t say anything else, just looked at me with murder in his eyes but he was a lame. I wasn’t scared. He opened the door and Renee was standing there tipsy and smiling, when she saw him she jumped back, surprised.

“I’m sorry…”

He spat at her, “Fuck you bitch!”

I knew it wasn’t over…


Sing A Song For Me… B.S.

I think you’re beautiful.

I love you.

You should come to bed.

Those were the things I wanted to say; the things I should have said but that’s not what came out.

“I thought you would be sleep.” Is what came out, she was sitting on the piano stool playing with some keys, I didn’t think she knew how to play. I was sure she didn’t know how to play but neither did I. I only had it because I loved music and it looked good on the hardwood floors. I would bring someone in for dinner parties or the Holidays to play, music always calmed me.

That’s probably why we were friends. I knew she was down, she needed to get away so she’d stayed here the past couple nights. It was cool, the house didn’t seem as empty when she was here and I think we were both doing each other a favor. No one really wanted to be alone all the time and if you couldn’t be with the one you wanted…

“We had a baby shower today at work, I’m the one that picked up the cake. It’s her second baby, her husband even showed up and surprised her. I’m the only one there that isn’t married or close to it. I just don’t get it.”

I didn’t get it either, she should have been married with babies and the whole nine. She was a good woman but some chicks just had bad luck. I made it a habit not to ask her too many details about her love life; I was supportive of her, hell… I probably loved her but my support didn’t extend to knowing details. I was good with words, great with words but it was getting harder and harder finding the words to make her feel better.

No matter what I said, it wasn’t going to matter because I wasn’t the one she needed to hear the words from. She spend most of her time sitting at the piano writing songs or on the balcony playing with her phone. I was sure she was waiting on him to call so I gave her her space, waited on her to come to me.

I handed her the bowl of fruit and sat next to her on the piano, I hated seeing her like this. She deserved better than this but you can’t save someone when you don’t have the tools to save them.

You’ll be okay.

There’s someone for you.

The men you date are stupid.

How many more clichés could I rattle off before she jumped out a window? If there was one thing I knew she loved just as much as she loved the idea of being in love, it was her music. Maybe changing the subject would get her out of this funk.

“Sing a song for me?”

She smiled and looked at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen, she had on one of my pajama tops and I wanted to hug her, tell her everything was going to be okay? But was it going to be okay for someone like her. She was twenty eight, beautiful, educated, she wanted a man that made her heart skip a beat. A man that was on her level spiritually and all she got in return were excuses and broken hearts.

Women like her… How long does it take to get to know someone, fall in love, get married, by the time all that happens how many months, years have went by? The risk of pregnancies after thirty four or five were serious. I’m sure she thought those things because I thought about them for her.

Every time I knew she was crying, every time I knew she was disappointed, I thought about those things for her.

“The music business is breaking my heart, these men are breaking my heart and my co-workers all think I’m some sort of vixen but you want me to sing you a song?”

She stuffed some more fruit in her mouth, she was always cute when she was frustrated but I wouldn’t tell her that. Not now.

“She sent me a picture today.” When I thought about the picture I closed my eyes and tried to fight the image in my phone off my mind.

“Who sent you a picture?” She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine out the fridge, I could hear her looking for a cork screw. “I’M LISTENING!”

“Someone that wants to break me, she sent me a picture of her with another man. I ignored it as best I could, well, maybe that’s not totally true. But I didn’t go off or anything. She sent the picture and at that moment I could have killed her, I could have killed anyone.”

She came back in the room with the bottle, “No glasses?”

“We’re doing it hood style tonight, it looks like we both need a drink!” She took the bottle to the head and then passed it to me. “Finish the story.”

“I went to this bar by my job, I ordered a double shot of Hennessy and I had every intention on drinking until I passed out. The glass sat in front of me for about twenty minutes and then I paid for it and left. She doesn’t deserve me, I’m not going to fuck my life up over a woman that doesn’t want me. No matter how I feel when I’m around her. That’s what I want you to understand. These guys that have you feeling this way, they don’t deserve you. I can’t promise that you’ll find this perfect man and fall in love tomorrow. But I can promise you that you’re too good of a person to be alone for much longer. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and sing me a song pretty girl.”

She took the bottle from me and kissed me on the lips. It wasn’t sensual or romantic, it was simple and friendly.

“Thank you. I don’t know if I believe you but I know you mean everything you’re saying. And I don’t know why she did what she did but you should forgive her if you really love her. Women just leave men alone when they’re through with them, they don’t do shit to antagonize them. Believe me.”

She moved her hair from her face and put the bottle on the piano.

“I haven’t sung this song in a long time, I used to listen to it with my mom when I was a kid. I think Donny Hathaway was my first crush. Go stand by the window, I sound better from a little distance.”

Always the performer, I took the bottle and went and sit on the floor by the window.

I’ve been so many places in my life and time

I’ve sung a lot of songs I’ve made some bad rhyme

I’ve acted out my love in stages

With ten thousand people watching

But we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be

I’ve treated you unkindly but darlin’ can’t you see

There’s no one more important to me

Darlin’ can’t you please see through me

Cause we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing

You came out in front and I was hiding

But now I’m so much better and if my words don’t come together

Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I don’t think she realized how much the words she was singing reflected this moment, reflected what I really wanted her to say. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, either way her voice was beautiful and if we never became anything more. I knew that she would always be my friend and in this life, that was a damn good consolation prize. I stood up and clapped, she stood up and took a bow. The way my shirt clinged to her body, I knew we needed to get out the house.

“Get dressed, we can’t sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. Let’s go to the grocery store, I’ll cook you dinner tonight but only if you sing me another song before bed.”

She walked over and hugged me, “That’s a deal but I get to make dessert! I’m a beast when it comes to Pillsbury Cookies and Ice Cream.”

She walked off to get dressed and watching her glide across the floor, those pretty feet leaving the room. I knew we would both be alright.