5 Relationship Goals for the 21st Century Man 


  Relationship Goals 
1. It’s okay to be silly. Laughing at her if she thinks she’s cute and had lipstick on her teeth. Laughing at yourself if you are trying to be stern but your pants are unzipped. Never take yourself too seriously. If you can’t have fun with the one you love; who can you have fun with?

2. Traveling is to relationships what oil changes are to cars. I don’t care if it’s a bed and breakfast an hour away from where you live or a 5 star hotel over looking Amsterdam in the Fall. You have to call her, ask her if she’s free this weekend and just take a trip. Anywhere. Role play. Have her meet you in the lobby and give her a different name, let her be creative, imaginative. Overlooking a foreign city on a balcony in hotel robes is life. 

3. Find ways to work together. It could be either one of your passions but find a way to help each other build on a legacy. It’ll be hard at first, you’ll both feel like you’re right. She’ll be passionate, you’ll be calm. You’ll get angry, she’ll laugh. But once it all comes together you’ll have created something you love with someone you love. 

4. Overdress for no reason at all. I mean get gala fancy in the middle of July to go to a reverse happy hour. Everyone at the restaurant is going to think you’re coming from somewhere special but you know what? It doesn’t even matter what they think. Maybe you don’t have money for a 5 star restaurant or a 200 dollar a plate dinner. Let her put in a gown, you put on your best suit and eat hotwings and mozzarella sticks and slow dance in a parking lot with the radio being the DJ. 

5. Don’t let arguments go to waste. If you’re going to fight, argue, make sure it’s worth it. Don’t go to bed angry over foolishness. Don’t not hold her or kiss her over pride. We’re all only guaranteed so many days and nights with the person that makes our hearts skip a beat. Don’t waste those moments. 

Needing A Friend but Not Quite Knowing How to Be A Friend

385448_213663785373354_118911191515281_532154_1408080341_n Tonight is my last night or I should say morning working for the next week or so. It’s been a long time and I am beyond tired but I’m also lonely. It’s weird, I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud though I can bring myself to write the words. All I can see in my head is eating fish and shrimp that have been in my freezer for a week, drinking cold beer and bourbon and coke and wasting the Sunday away just doing nothing.

When you’ve been on your feet most of three weeks doing nothing sounds amazing. The only problem is I don’t imagine doing this by myself. I imagine a friend being there but the truth is I’m not sure I have any? I know dozens of people but someone that I can just call out the blue to come hang out, no one comes to mind.

I don’t try to do this but I’m aware that when I give off a certain vulnerability and sadness that’s almost attractive in a way to some women because I think they want to save me, they want to make me smile.

When I say I’ve never learned how to be a friend what I mean is I have the responsibility part down. You need a ride to the airport, to borrow some money, an ear when you’ve had a bad day. I can do that but it’s that comfort level that friends seem to have that I’ve just never mastered.

I see the way people interact with each other and I don’t think I’ve ever had that, not even with family. You’ll meet very few people that will say anything bad about me as a man but that doesn’t mean I’m the one they call when they have tickets to a concert or game or want to go paintballing.

It just means I’m the one they call when things are serious. I suppose that’s almost a compliment but is it really? You want to know one of the things I love most about writing, blogging? It’s putting my thoughts out there feeling alone, feeling like I’m the only person in the world that feels this way and knowing that I’m not once the words are posted.

Being charming comes natural to me because I like being liked. Being attentive comes natural because I want to have a good professional and social reputation. It’s the in-between things that I sometimes struggle with. You ask me to plan a perfect date and keep a woman smiling all night, I can do that. You ask me to make a friendship work and I’m not sure I’ve done that yet. That scares me because no matter how smart or romantic or dependable I am or try to be everyone needs friends.

Growing up it was always stressed to me the importance of being a man by my family. The importance of having standards and pride and self respect and my word being important. Lessons I’ve never forgotten, but they never taught me how to be a friend even though my family are the friendliest people you’ve ever meet. How to transition from being serious and professional and dependable to being goofy and fun and whatever else friends are. I’m often the man people call with serious problems or with professional opportunities but I’m not the guy they call for the fun stuff. So on a Sunday morning when I’m about to get off work I’m writing to my readers instead of making plans to be lazy on a Sunday with a friend.

Demez F. White

Daddy’s Home

“I tried to make them go to bed three times and each time they would just sneak back down to wait on you.”

What was supposed to be a two day trip turned into a week. I try not to make promises to them I can’t keep but last night I promised I’d be home today. It was worth it, coming home to them knowing they were warm and safe and happy.

“Julian is going to say it was his idea to come down here but you know it was Emma.”

Picking Julian up, carrying him to his room it felt like he’d grown a foot in just a week. Even when they slept they had to be in matching pajamas. Standing in the door, watching him sleep I could hear them fussing. I know a lot of it was my fault, I never took our daughters side but I was also not very hard on her.

“Daddy, I just wanted to say goodnight to you and mommy is making me go to bed and you said you would read me and Jules a story and you never came!”

My wife gave me that look like, “You better not,” so I kneeled down kissed her on the forehead and tucked her in.

“Daddies sorry but you have to listen to your mother. I’m not taking anymore trips for awhile so I’ll read you and your brother a story tomorrow.”

Sitting on the bed, undoing my tie I could feel her arms reaching around me, “Leave the tie on.” However tired I was feeling went away that fast.

Taking a sip of scotch, watching her dance in the middle of our bedroom. No music, no stage, but her face so serious. Her hips and eyes so fucking serious. Stepping closer putting her finger in my mouth I sucked, she took that same finger and slid it inside her panties. Offering it to me again I sucked harder, this time picking her up and sitting her on my lap.

“I missed you so fucking much!”

I hated leaving but nights like this made coming home so worth it.


Forever Isn’t Long Enough

flowers Sitting at my desk listening to Teddy Pendergrass, drinking this last bit of rum and juice seeing my forever in front of me I can’t help but to smile. I’ve sort of gotten away from writing about love and marriage and being lonely. I’ve made an effort not to write about how much I’m looking forward to seeing you walk down the aisle.

I’ve stopped writing about how I’ve thought about everything from how I’ll propose to you to where we’ll make love for the first time as husband and wife. In the limo after the ceremony. In the hotel room on the floor. Will your dress be too fluffy for me to bring you to ecstasy while you have it on? Will it be different, will it feel different? I started pretending like my novel isn’t about marriage and commitment. I stopped being me because I was worrying about what people would think. Is he lonely, is he sad, did someone break his heart? I couldn’t be that guy you see, I didn’t want to be perceived like that. Why not though? What’s the matter with being the guy that wants a wife? What’s the matter with being the man that looks forward to watching you stress about flowers and bridesmaids and who’s going to move in with who?

Stairway to Heaven is playing as I’m typing and I can’t stop smiling, I can’t stop bouncing my leg and bobbing my head to the music. Maybe I’m drunk, I don’t think so, but maybe. I can see you standing in front of my desk, slow dancing, smiling, twirling and almost falling. I can see the happiness in your eyes, I can see your bare feet on the hardwood floors. “Put your hand in mine and come on this stairway to Heaven with me.” There’s no question mark because I’m not asking, I’m telling.

My entire life I’ve felt alone. Never really had a bestfriend, I didn’t get to know my brother until I was in my 20’s. My family is the coolest and most supportive people you’ll ever meet but even with them I’ve just always had a spot inside of me they couldn’t get to. A spot that I’ve always known is reserved for you, a spot that’s reserved for our love. My family is my family and that will never change! But my forever, my life, my heart, my bestfriend and lover and secret barer will be you. I’m 30 and I’ve never been completely honest with anyone in my life.

I can’t wait to sit up on nights when we can’t sleep and just talk. That’s all really. You’ll think I’m crazy but do you know I’ve never just sat up and talked with a woman all night. No sex, no falling asleep with her head on my lap. I’d like that, I want that. To just talk about old movies, old loves, our parents. I feel like I’m an orphan at times, not physically but mentally. A father that sees me and doesn’t know who I am, literally doesn’t know who I am because he’s so drunk. A mother that wasn’t ready to be a mom when she had me. I want to rub your stomach and tell you about how that made me fell. I need to listen to you talk about when you were at your lowest point so that I can never take you to that place. So that I can protect you and hate who you hate, love who you love, appreciate who protected you before me.

Forever isn’t long enough because I’ve already spent 30 years without you. You understand that right? I need you to understand that babe. I need you to get that I wouldn’t be ashamed to cry if I met you and lost you. I wouldn’t be afraid to show up and tell you that I waited for you so long that I can’t imagine life without you. That shit scares the hell out of me! Knowing that when that moment comes my life won’t be my life anymore. It excites me but scares me at the same damn time! I’m ready to be in love, to really be in “you love me like I love you love.”

It’s 1am, who’s up reading at 1am? Maybe you are, hopefully you are. Maybe you aren’t but who cares right. I’m speaking it into existence. People like my writing, people really read it and enjoy it, I take pride in that. I want you to be proud of me, I want you to motivate and inspire me. I want your naked body to be my muse. I need your skin to be my canvas, I need my tongue to be a paint brush. I like giving oral, I haven’t written that before, not as me. But I really like knowing the woman I’m with is pleased. I haven’t done it in awhile, do you know why? I realized I don’t want to be the guy that’s fucking and licking on someone that isn’t you. It’s you I want on the tip of my tongue, it’s you I want naked sitting on my desk when you’re horny. I want to put a son into you!

I’ll chill now before I say too much, before too much of who I am comes out in these words.

I Love You Until Forever Isn’t Forever…