5 Struggles That Only Guys Who Date Tomboys Will Understand

Cute Sweatshirts

Cute Sweatshirts

One- It’s not your hoodie girl! You want to know what an awkward feeling is? Putting on your favorite hoodie and it smells like jasmine tea, raspberry lotion and re-runs of Basketball Wives. Do you know how hard it is to be cool walking into Home Depot or the barbershop and you smell like you should be walking into Bed Bath and Beyond? “Why are you always staining my hoodies with your freshly washed body wash and shampoo? You have like four department stores full of clothes?” “I just look better in them than you do.”

Two- She’s not flirting, she’s just a Patriots fan. You’re having a nice family gathering or game night. All the women are in the kitchen or living room talking about whatever it is women talk about and all the guys are on the porch locked in a vicious battle for domino supremacy. In the mist of the Budweiser’s, whiskey, cigar smoke and vulgar jokes is this 5’2 terrorist that has hijacked the game with stories of how great Tom Brady is and how she knows all these domino rules no one has heard about. All the guys are laughing, she wants to know what’s up with James Harden not playing defense. You want to know why she’s not in the house knitting or exchanging peach cobbler recipes but did you really expect anything different? She’s a Tomboy and it’s just what they do. If you tried to tame her, she’d probably dunk on you while you’re getting a pot out the cabinet.

Three- Everything is a competition. No seriously, it’s like living with a mix between Mayweather and a cheerleader from Bring It Own. “Hey babe, have you seen my watch with the brown band?” “Whoever finds it first gets 10 dollars!” “What? I just want the watch because I have a meeting.” Loser has to wash dishes!” How me BBQ’ing turned into a BBQ death match; I will never know.

Four- Play wrestling will leave you scarred for life. If the future mother of your children and source of your stress grew up with a lot of brothers or boy cousins, there’s a chance she’s going to be a Tomboy. There’s also a chance she knows more wrestling moves than Hulk Hogan before he started hating black people. Sure, it all starts with boy shorts and tank tops and pillow fights until you throw her on the couch and now it’s a war baby. I think I came to work with a dislocated shoulder and broke fibula all because she thought it would be funny to hop on my back and choke me out since “You thought you could just pick me up and spin me around huh?” Webae told Namon in season 4 of the Wire, “You either real or you not Nae.” Well, when it comes to “play fighting” with a Tomboy, I may not be real in these streets son.

Five- Tomboys are pervs. Your ass is never safe. Bent over tying your shoe, she’s going to slap it. Opening up the fridge for some mouthwatering delicious Simply Lemonade, she’s going to grap your waist and give you the “got you!” I’ve never been to prison or in a locker room full of curly haired, colorful fingernail loving jocks but I imagine that’s about how it works. Protect yourself at all times.

Instead of Falling Back; Try Stepping Up

Relentless Passion

Relentless Passion

How strong is your fall back game? And for those not familiar with this 21st century language, are you a person that’s quick to give up on someone that has potential?

Pride is a dangerous thing. It will have you questioning something that feels so right. I’ve never understood bragging about falling back because in essence you’re bragging about giving up.

Our generation has bi-polar tendencies. On one hand we love having options and being single but on the other hand we want people to be faithful and loyal after a couple of dates. You can’t have both. In my world there’s no falling back, there’s only stepping up or walking away. If she’s entertaining two men she’s not playing games, she’s being courted. Do you want to be the guy that’s emotional and let’s her go or do you want to be the one that wins her?

Nothing in life worth having is going to come easy. If you’re not willing to work for it, then fall back and find that woman that’s ready to commit to you while you’re doing the bare minimum. You don’t take her on dates, that’s okay. You don’t cook or compliment her, it’s fine. Those are the women that won’t challenge you. That won’t call you out on your bullshit when they need to. Is that what you want?

That love that changes you, that makes you better. That woman you’re willing to fight for isn’t meant for everyone. That woman isn’t community vagina. That woman requires stepping up. That woman is going to make demands of you mentally that other women want. You fall back with a woman like that and when you try and stand up she’s gone.

I don’t have any feelings, I don’t give any f*cks, bragging about falling back or ignoring people. I’m not sure when that became cool, I’m not sure why seemingly grown and mentally stable individuals would brag about that. My fall back game is borderline non-existent because I’m either going to step up or let her go.

Ten Lies We Tell Ourselves About the Opposite Sex

Ten “Money doesn’t matter.” Money does and will always matter when it comes to men and women. Understand something, we live in a world where being evenly yoked matters. If a woman is used to taking vacations, going to gala’s and eating out at nice places paying ten dollars for a chocolate martini then guess what. No matter how great a guy is it will become annoying that he can’t live that lifestyle with you. Because in a woman’s eyes that’s went to school or made herself successful she feels like it’s her right to have fun and enjoy life. And being with a man who’d rather sit at home or only eat and drink at value prices is just a turn off. Even if he’s a good man because they don’t correlate.

Nine “Sex Isn’t Everything.” I’m a writer, I get five inboxes a week from women in relationships that are simply horny. They’re with really good men that just don’t satisfy them, maybe it’s technique, maybe it’s size, maybe it’s just chemistry. But they got with these guys because they were good men that would make good husbands. The sex was great with the loser that always borrowed her car before him but this guy looks at her like she’s the only woman in the world. Common sense, logic… what’s more important? A man that you can trust or a man that can make you cum? Think really hard about this question. When the sex is bad and orgasms only come in the shower or when he’s not home the relationship is doomed. It sounds  great to say, ‘He’s a great guy, it’s just sex,’ but that’s not how we’re wired. 80% of women don’t cum at all during sex.   

Eight “They’ve lost their figure but I still love them.” Any man that leaves his wife because she has his children and gains some weight would be labeled a complete asshole. Any woman that cheats on her husband because his six pack has given way to longer nights at the office and actual six packs would be a bitch right? But who are we kidding? We’re a vain society. If you marry Beyonce and in four years you have Monique you won’t look at her the same. If you marry a man who’s body gives you goose bumps and all of a sudden he can’t walk up stairs without sweating it’s a turnoff. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘To keep them, do what you did to get them!” and that’s so true. It’s politically incorrect for a man to complain about his wife’s body but I work with all men and they do it all the time. Is it right? No, it’s selfish but that’s the point. I’m not writing what sounds good, I’m writing what I know men think. When their sexy wife becomes overweight and wears big panties to bed, the ‘in-loveness’ gives way to just loving her out of obligation.

Seven “Good <Bad.”  Women that are boring are simply boring.

 “What do you want to do tonight baby?”

Good girl: I’m tired, I had a long day at work and I just want to watch some TV and go to bed. Maybe we can do something this weekend, there’s a new movie coming out and we can go to that Chinese place.

Bad girl: I want to do you tonight or better yet I want you to do me. I’m tired, I’m stressed, bring that **** over here and give me some life! Stop by Pappas and get me some fondue and a bottle of wine. Thanks babe!

Now I know some good girls will read this and say, ‘That’s not me,’ but it probably is you. Good women expect men to be understanding that they’re tired or sleepy or stressed. And most men are very understanding. A good girl isn’t going to ask you to wait at a crowded restaurant or go out of your way. But she’s also not going to bang you like a porn star on a Thursday when she has to get up at 6am. She won’t get jealous and bring that excitement. She won’t piss you off and arouse you at the same time. Men love women that have fire, that have passion. Bad girls are just more interesting than good girls. That’s why so many ho’s are winning in 2012.

Six ”Bad> Good”  Do you know why I make the male characters in my writing such assholes? Because that’s what women want to read about. Guys that fight and have tattoos and are aggressive turn chicks on. Now you also have men that are just arrogant, no thug appeal but they have power. It’s the same concept though. Women are turned on by men that don’t come easy. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say, ‘He was just too damn interested. I could cancel on him today and tell him I don’t want to see him and tomorrow have him bring me dinner.’ Women hate weak men. They’ll put up with them because who wants to be lonely or deal with jerks all their life but bad guys just make a woman’s heart beat a little faster. And no matter how much she drops the… ‘I just want a good man to treat me right’ line, in the back of her mind she’ll always want excitement.

Five “It’s the thought that counts.” It’s her birthday, she’s excited, ready, has been looking forward to this day for the past ten months. You show up with a balloon and a cookie because that’s all you can afford. Even though you went out over the weekend and dropped money on a basketball game or drinks. But you remembered, you look her in her eyes and tell her you love her and Happy Birthday baby. You know what she’s going to do, smile and go out and shake her ass with her friends and guys that are pinning money on her and buying drinks. Actions matter more than thoughts! They always will… It’s why I can get away with writing the way I write because my actions back me up. If they didn’t I’d have women coming out the woodworks putting me on blast. Put up 50, a 100 dollars a month to take care of her when that time comes. Words are great, thoughts make for cool love letters. But get shit done!

Four “It’s better to give than to receive.” This is true but not why people say it is. We give most of the time to get, no one likes a one sided relationship. Men don’t take care of and spoil beautiful women because we’re gentleman, we do it because she’s going to give us amazing sex and make us the envy of every other man in the room. Men don’t go down on women for twenty minutes because we want to please her, we know if she doesn’t get hers she’s more than likely going to be lazy when it’s time for me to get mine. Giving feels amazing but most of the time we give to get and even if we give out the kindness of our heart we still want something in return. It’s human nature. No one wants to feel played and giving and giving and giving without getting messes with our spirit.

Three “Who you were before me doesn’t matter.” What?! Does anyone believe this? Ummm no! But guess what, we say it all the time because it makes us feel better about being with someone that was a bad person or a whore or a jumpoff or a weirdo. You don’t think if I’m dating a woman that has slept with every fraternity guy at her college it isn’t in the back of my mind? Or if a woman finds out I fall in love with every woman that has a pretty smile and reads my writing she isn’t going to worry that history may repeat itself? Who you were makes you who you are. That’s not to say people don’t change or grow but when you do things you leave a trail. And Houston or any city is small in certain pockets and the black community is one of those pockets. So if the woman is special enough or if the man is cool enough we may over look it but it matters.

Two “Honesty is the best policy.” The truth will not always set you free, this isn’t to say you lie about major events or issues. But it is to say use common sense. If you’re on the phone with your ex or a home girl and you blow off your woman’s call, when she asks you why you didn’t answer, you don’t say because I was talking to my ex and that excited me. You don’t say because my home girl was telling me about a threesome she had. You just make something up. And we all do it but pretend like any lie whatsoever is the end of the world. If I wasn’t pleasing my woman, do I want her to tell me… “Demez, I love you but you aren’t big enough for me and I think about my ex in order to get aroused.” HELL NO! I’d probably lose my mind and all self esteem. I’d rather her give me the ‘It’s me and not you baby’ line. Lies when they’re selfless protect people from themselves. I would never tell a woman that your lack of ambition is unattractive to me because maybe she’s happy with where she is life so I’ll tell her, “You’re better than me and you deserve better.” Maybe we both know it’s a lie but that’s the game we play.

One “Love Conquers All” Love is damn near at the bottom of the priority list. First and foremost we have to be, need to be, physically attracted to someone. That’s not even up for debate. And if there is no physical attraction (mostly women here) than the guy better be paid. It’s why the Bill Gates and Seals of the world marry supermodels. Charm, sex appeal, style, all these things come before love. We forget that love isn’t really an option until all those other traits and character appeals happen. So you can’t love someone before you know them and you can’t get to know them unless you’re attracted to them or to their money which equals security or comfort. Love isn’t overrated but I know plenty of broke guys that were loving hard but their women would rather drive a car that worked. Love makes for great songs and cinema but when he’s sitting on the couch and you’re going to work every morning… What’s love got to do with that? Or if she’s running through our checking account but only bringing in 20% of our home gross, what’s love again? Love conquers nothing but the heart and the head usually wins out over the heart.