Why Is My Generation Producing So Many Weak Men?

dwhiteI remember sitting in the garage as a kid and listening to my grandfather and our next door neighbor talk about everything from their wives to work. Men have always talked to each other and has conversations, gossiped but it was usually with each other. One man to another, not six or seven guys in a group chat.

I’m not going to sit on this computer and be that guy that’s mocking men for wearing skinny jeans and sweat pants that look like they belong to a 12 year old girl running track. Maybe that’s the style now and it’s a generational thing but I am going to condemn men for no longer wanting to be men.

This isn’t about being gay or straight or transsexual. That’s not what I mean by not wanting to be a man. I simply mean, we have too many guys out here that take more pleasure in taking selfies or arguing online than they do taking out the trash.

I’m sure women get messaged on social media all the time but ask most women when is the last time a man walked over to them, introduced himself. Started a conversation and was interesting and funny and at the end of that encounter, asked for a phone number or a date? It rarely happens anymore, guys would rather argue online about why women suck than actually pursue them. Comment on pictures and get mad when they don’t get a response. It’s not okay and it’s getting worse.

My father’s generation of men dropped the ball. I know too many men and women in their late 20’s to early 40’s that have no relationship or screwed up relationships with their father’s. Men that don’t know what it means to be strong because they never saw it. I know too many guys that have moved from their mothers house to their woman’s house and the only difference is they respect their mom.

It doesn’t make you weak because you don’t make the money your woman makes or because you’re going through a hard time. It makes you weak when you aren’t trying and when you’re too proud to accept help and it’s at the expense of your relationships well being.

You ever been siting on the couch watching a game and your women comes out the room and asks, “How do I look?” She does a little spin and smiles and you give her that look like, “You aren’t wearing that out this house or if I’m not with you.” She knows it’s not coming from insecurity or being controlling. The respect she has for you and your opinion makes her go in that room and change, she respects your strength, even if she feels like the dress isn’t that short or tight. She’ll do it for your peace of mind. When you’re a weak guy, you can’t make those types of request. Asking her to change, to cook when she’s tired, to come home early because you miss her. You can do that when she knows you hold her down.

5 Reasons Relationships Struggle in the Selfie Generation

Social media validation is the equilivant to buying a stock that feels really hot and trendy but has no actual value. You can post a picture that has 200 likes but are those 200 likes from strangers and associates more valuable than a genuine compliment from one man that adores you? As a man I can post, “I cooked too much food and hate eating alone,” and get a woman or two messaging me. Does that mean as much as texting my girlfriend I cooked her favorite meal? Seeking outside validation will eventually find you on the outside looking in. 

1. Nothing is private anymore. If people aren’t posting their issues online, they’re telling their friends or associates. The idea that what happens between a man and a woman should stay between a man and a woman has become as outdated as the Blackberry that sits in my desk drawer. 

2. “Likes” matter more than intentions. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone sends me a picture and 5 seconds later it’s online. The idea that everyone needs to see this opposed to just one person is engrained in out generation. 

3. Having standby relationship alternatives. Your man doesn’t call you enough, cool, I have a homeboy I can talk too. Your woman doesn’t cook enough, cool, I have a homegirl that always cooks enough to get me a plate. We invite options into our lives and then wonder why we don’t want to fight for something that could be great. 

4. Pretending gender roles don’t exist. There is an entire generation of women that don’t value being a lady. There is an entire generation of men that think it’s corny to spoil, court, take care of. 
  5. We’ve taken the value out of boyfriends and girlfriends. I’ve been guilty of this myself. One of my biggest blogs was entitled, “You’re Single Until You’re Married.” That’s not accurate. It’s okay to be faithful to a woman while you’re in a relationship. It’s okay to claim someone and not entertain people you know want you. Be a boyfriend, get her a dog, let her spend the night so you know what she’s like once she gets comfortable. And if it doesn’t workout, cool, you gave it your all.  

6 Things I Love About the Women in My Generation

Demez F. White

Demez F. White

6 Things I Love About the Women in My Generation
Often I read about what the women in my generation aren’t. They aren’t like our mothers or grandmothers, they don’t cook, want to go out every other night. Would rather work towards being a CEO than a wife. You talk to one guy and it’s, “All women want to shake their ass, all women want to be like men.” You talk to another guy, “Women don’t care about marriage or love, they just want a guy with money or they want to lead the household.”

All of this has a little truth to it but there are way more good apples out here than bad. Women in our generation simply have more options. We love to romanticize the way things were in the 60’s-80’s but what we don’t talk about is most of those women stayed in abusive, unhappy marriages and relationships because they had no choice. Our women have choices so they take advantage of them. I can respect that.

These are ten things I love about the women in my generation.

Six- Education- I love an educated women. I’m not going to be politically correct on this. I’m talking a woman that reads and has good study habits. A woman that takes pride in the grades she got and how hard she worked. The women in my generation have taken higher education to another level. Especially black women who are graduating college and going to grad schools at some of the highest rates this country has ever seen. That’s cool and sexy as hell!

Five- Aggressiveness- Twenty years ago, it was considered taboo for a woman to ask a man out on a date. To call first or often, to offer to pay for drinks or buy dinner; that isn’t the case anymore. I still think it’s up to us as men to set the standard and be the aggressor but it’s okay for a woman to make it happen every now and again.

Four- Sex Appeal- I can be hard on women that show too much, that tell too much. The world doesn’t need to see you in your panties or a dress that barely covers your ass cheeks but women today have a sense of sex appeal that women back then just didn’t have. Some take it to the extreme, others wear it just right.

Three- Ambition- I have no problem with a woman that wants to be a mother and wife and make that her career. That’s not easy. What women in my generation have that women in other times didn’t is the ability to take over the world! They own businesses, walk into companies in leadership positions. There’s no intimidation or fear when it comes to, “I know I can do this job!” I love that and women are only going to get more empowered as society grows.

Two- Family- In every family there’s one person that’s the go-to person. Someone everyone comes to when they need to talk or need money. It used to be the older brother or successful uncle. More and more often that person is becoming the single, successful woman in the family. She’s the one that has to look out for her nieces and nephews and brother. It’s not an easy thing to do, to take on that responsibility and still try and find your happiness. That’s so cool to me.

One- Diversity- You can’t put the women of my generation, of our generation in a box. A woman can be at a Drake or Jay Z concert on a Friday night taking shots and selfies and on Saturday morning be volunteering at Red Cross. She can talk to you about pop culture on a date and on that same date talk to you about how to better manage your 401k. In every civilization women have always been second class citizens. That’s not the case anymore, especially today, especially with the women that I know, that I respect. Most of them make more money than me, have the same wit and charm and humor as me. Not to mention they love scotch and a good cigar just as much.

For all the foolishness that we put on each other. For all the bad mouthing and self loathing we live in a generation of women that are tailor made that help us build Kingdoms. If we stop fighting with each other and mocking each other and looking for the worst in every person we meet, we can see it.

Demez F. Whtie

10 Things I Wish My Generation Understood

a trini10- It’s okay to have secrets. Everything isn’t meant for social networks or even friends and family. What happens between a man and a woman should stay between a man and a woman. If you’re creeping, cheating, keep that between the two of you; whether it’s right or wrong is between you and God but if you’re going to do wrong do it right.

9- Your reputation matters. This is something our grandparents and even parents understood. It’s not cool being an asshole, it’s not funny making fun of people. Cursing, using the word nigga, bragging about a woman paying for a date or how many women you have. It shows a lack of character.

8- Women should act like women. No matter what society says we respect ladies. In 1776 if a guy slept with a lot of women but was good at his job no one cares, it’s the same way in 2013. In 1776 if a woman slept with a lot of men she was a whore no matter how good she was at her job. It’s the same way in 2013. Women and men are not the same, have tact.

7- Modesty is a valued commodity. We live in a world where the middle class is dying, where people are living pay check to pay check. Bragging online will get you robbed, it will have people jealous and envious and more than that it’s just tacky. You don’t have to talk about how much better your life is then everyone else’s, if it is people will just see it.

6- Just because Twitter and Instagram say you have followers, doesn’t mean you have followers. Huey P. Newton had followers, Bobby Kennedy had followers, President Obama and Ted Cruz have followers. 90% of the people that “follow” us on social networks just like looking at pictures or socializing. What makes you relevant isn’t a status, post or picture. What makes you relevant is “Are you touching or impacting lives with your actions or words?”

5- Women aren’t as tough as they pretend to be. Most women are doing it on their own because they don’t have any other options. She may know how to change a tire or mow the yard or wash her car; she’s trying her best to teach her son how to ride a bike or shoot a basketball but that’s because that man isn’t there. It’s more than that though, we have to watch how we talk to women around children. They’re listening, they’re emulating, they will do what they see us do. No matter how hard she pretends to be it’s hurting her.

4- The best way to deal with a situation is being upfront and honest. Leading people on, ignoring situations, ignoring problems. It just leads to confusion, resentment and lies. If you have a service I want and I can’t afford it, I’m just going to tell you I can’t afford it and I will give you a call when I can. I don’t want a discount but I also don’t want to hold you up. If I’m not interested in you romantically I’m going to tell you I don’t think we’re compatible. It won’t be easy but clarity combined with respectable honesty breeds respect.

3- Failure is underrated. Our ancestors took big risk and they lost big but they also won big. That’s how life works, if we only do what we think we’re good at we’ll never reach our potential. We can’t be a generation that makes all these jumps and leaps from a technological standpoint but is afraid to move out of our mothers home.

2- Reading and Writing make us better.

1- Small talk can be the start of some of the best memories of our lives. I make it a habit when I’m out now not to take out my phone unless it rings. If I see someone sitting at the bar alone I’m going to make conversation. We get so caught up in technology that we forget how cool life was when conversations mattered

49 Years Ago Today…

black history ~ July 2, 1964 – U.S. President Johnson signed the “Civil Rights Act of 1964” into law banning discrimination against others because of their race.

People love to complain that black people as a race need to move on, need to let go of bitterness and excuses from slavery, reconstruction, Jim Crow and criminal and financial slights that have occurred for the past 200 years. How do you rebound from all of that injustice and ignorance in 49 years? Sure, a few will rise and prosper but it takes generations, not decades to change the fortunes of a race.

Last week the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was butchered. I’ll give you all the cliff notes version; they basically said that people have to have a State ID to vote. Now understand this, the reason why voter turnout is so high is because you can vote using a Voter ID. There are a lot of people that don’t have drivers licenses or State ID’s. Older people, college students, people that lost their license for some reason.

They also passed law that for all intent and purpose will cut affirmative action. Why do we need it a lot of people say? We need it because we have to keep the haves honest. 80% of the University of Texas is white, that means 20% is split between every other race you can imagine. Do you think the people at UT will add more minorities or accept less if they don’t have affirmative action hanging over their head?

I respect hard work, I respect people’s ability to create their own way and be great but understand this… Life isn’t fair and sometimes we need a little help making it just a little more fair.