One of the reasons writing will always have a place in our society is because it allows you to explain yourself. Unlike Twitter which gives you a character limit and you can easily be misquoted or Instagram which gives you one minute and someone can take a fifteen second soundbite and ruin your life, articles allow you to give your entire side.

I have a lot of thoughts on my grandparents generation. I do believe in a sense they were the best of us, they were brave and professional and they built homes, communities and families. But they also had their flaws, they spoiled their children and made a lot of them lazy which led to being bad parents. They cheated in a way in which they would have entire families across town.

They are just such a confusing yet interesting generation. I won’t  get too deep into it but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with being raised by parents that were heavy in Jim Crow and segregation. They saw their parents and grandparents struggle and not know how to read in a lot of cases so they wanted more. More often included sin.

The one thing they did that I did respect, is they always knew to take care of home first. There’s a part on Fences that goes unnoticed. He gives his check to his wife faithfully to pay the bills before he buys his liquor, hangs with his friends, cheats. He knew to take care of home before anything else and when he stopped taking care of home, his life fell apart.

Women were the same way. A woman may have had all the chores to do in the world or may have worked her ass off but she knew when her man walked through the door there would be dinner. She knew that no matter what he was taking care of home so she took care of him.

Our generation has lost that. We live in this constant state of taking care of everything and everyone but home. It’s a bunch of things, it’s technology, it’s circumstance, it’s social media. But they all lead to the same conclusion. We are a generation of selfish people.

In the 90’s a man or woman would work all day and when they got home from work they would call their friend and have a conversation about what went on. Maybe if they have an office phone, they’ll call during lunch. Now we’re in an era where people have 24/7 access to you. If you aren’t talking in a group chat, you’re on the phone, if you aren’t on the phone, you’re on Facebook. Everything feels urgent when the truth is, it isn’t. We carry our phones around like slaves. We neglect those closes to us in hopes a stranger likes a picture.

We don’t take care of home. Getting online and pretending to be in love means more than coming home and making sure someone ate. Going to hang out with friend’s matters more than coming home and surprising your significant other. Everything becomes an argument about who did what or who does more because the truth is our generation just doesn’t care about home.

So we end up with blended families and regret. We end up with people not appreciating what they had until it’s gone when the truth of the matter is, the same people you neglect your family for. The same strangers you crave attention from, once you lose the person that was there for you when the camera phone was off, none of that attention will feel as important.

Life has been and will always be about priorities. Every decision we make leads to the next decision. You can try and justify them but in your heart you know, we all know.

Our grandparents didn’t always do things the right way but they knew to take care of home first.

We Aren’t Our Grandparents; Not Sure If That’s A Good or Bad Thing

When I was growing up my bedroom was right next to the living room and there were so many nights I would hear my grandmother and grandfather sitting in the living room talking. It was their routine. My grandmother would sit and read her bible and my grandfather would wait until the news went off and join her while she fixed him something sweet to eat.

Most nights I’m not sure what they talked about but I know they had very few secrets if any and they were each other’s sounding board. The thing about their generation is that they understood at some point your family evolved. Your immediate family went from your mom and dad and brothers and sisters to your husband or wife and your children. Your secrets and concerns stopped being between bestfriends and siblings and started being with your husband or wife.

Our generation has moved away from that and I can’t tell anyone reading this whether or not that’s good or bad, what works for you and your relationship works for you and your relationship but I can tell you that it can’t help that we don’t have that same sense of closeness and loyalty anymore.

It also works on the opposite in. My grandparents and that generation, the women didn’t ask a lot of questions and in a lot of cases, they didn’t have a lot of options. If they found a man that had a good job and was a good provider they didn’t divorce him no matter his flaws. Our women are different, they have jobs and careers and in a lot of cases are more financially stable then the men they’re with. There isn’t that same sense of accepting whatever he brings.

How cannot that not be a good thing?

I wish I could work and not worry about my wife working but we don’t live in that world anymore. You need two incomes and when your woman has to work how often can you come home to a homecooked meal? It’s the last day of 2017 and I haven’t one time this year.

Like I mentioned in the beginning, there’s no right or wrong answer but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a happy medium.

In case I get the feeling to write at 10:00pm on my cell phone this will more than likely be my last blog of 2017. So let me leave anyone reading with this thought.

Generations may change, cost of living and eras may change but the bond that a man and woman share will never change. If you find yourself questioning the priorities you share with a person you need to talk to them, make sure you’re on the same page. Often times we spend so much time analyzing that we forget to put down the cell phones and laptops and talk.

Do more of that in 2018.DSC_0341(1)

Dear HBCU Presidents; Do Better!

trump blackDear HBCU’ Presidents,

Do Better!

There are very few institutions that represent what it means to be a black man or woman in America like the Historically Black College. It’s a place where kids had to go because schools like the University of Texas and Baylor wouldn’t accept them. Out of hate and bigotry rose Texas Southern University, Prairie View A&M University and countless other colleges throughout the south.

Colleges that gave young men and women pride, opportunity, a place to be amongst their own and thrive. Where has that pride gone? Why can it be found in twenty three year olds but not in the men and women that have risen the ranks to run these colleges?

Donald Trump is the President of the United States and we have to accept that but we don’t have to accept is his policies, his child like behavior and the unqualified and ill-intentioned people he has put into office.

Explain something to me because I am genuinely baffled. On February 28, 2017 over 80 Presidents of HBCU’s met with Trump and they were treated no better than tourist. Given a small speech, given a couple pictures and some lunch. No real conversation, no real change. A month later the Trump Administration questioned the need for HBCU’s and just this week word has come out that Trump wants to either defund or reduce funding for HBCU’s but you still want to reach out your hand to members of his administration?

I respect the work ethic of the generation that came before me but I cannot and will not respect men and women that are selling out the integrity of their schools for a check or photo op. Stop allowing people in high places to use you.

These young kids are not willing to sit back and accept it. You can’t charge them for degrees and make them work and struggle only to tell them that they have to do as you say or else.

Guess What? It’s Okay To Have Values

Hers It’s okay to have values.

It’s okay to care what people think about you.

Everyone isn’t going to like you and that’s fine.

I’ve never particularly cared if I was liked as long as I was respected. In life you have to have a value system, you have to hold yourself to certain standards and live by certain beliefs even if people don’t agree with you. Everyone isn’t going to like you or be your friend but when people see that you’re about your word and honest; they’ll respect you.

Over the past couple years I’ve had my rationale questioned when it comes to women. People read my writing and think I have this unrealistic expectation of women or my views are that of a man that wants a woman barefoot and pregnant. Most of those people have either never really read my writing or read excerpts and make an opinion.

I don’t believe in calling women out of their names (the bedroom excluded.) If I can’t get my point across without a bunch of b**ches and hoes then I’m not much of a writer or man. I feel as though conversation can solve most of our problems, most misunderstandings stem from miscommunication or third parties. I’d rather be the guy that makes you laugh instead of the guy that’s too cool for the room. I have no desire to have a woman be barefoot and pregnant but I do feel like as a man it’s my job to give her that option to stay at home if that’s what she wants.

My writing is all about holding men accountable. When a man is genuine and loving and a leader then 9 out of 10 times the woman is going to appreciate it and respect it and both of us will thrive. What’s happening is standards are getting lower and lower, what was unacceptable in my grandparents generation, in my parents’ generation has almost become the norm. It’s literally cool now to be an asshole, to be disrespectful, to make fun of others. I have no desire to be that person or to date that person. You know what’s attractive to me? Being nice, being sweet, being caring.

If we can have sex but you aren’t willing to introduce me to your parents then that’s a problem. If we can get drunk and make out in a parking lot but can’t pray together, go to bible study together, then that’s a problem. I don’t want you coming to my home at 2am, not because I don’t want to see you but because we live in a dangerous world and if you want to see me, I’ll come to you. If a woman sends me a sexy pic I’m going to admire it and delete it because phones get stolen all the time; I don’t want her image out there. If we’re meeting for dinner then I’m going to pick a restaurant on her side of town because I’d rather drive home tipsy then have her because the odds that she isn’t going to drive and text are slim. That’s my value system, that’s who I am. I won’t apologize for it.

I take pride in seeing that a woman’s car is dirty and washing it. I like asking her for her keys so I can fill her car up because I have never met a woman that likes pumping gas. The best phone call in the world is when you can hear the smile in her voice when she jumps in a clean, fueled car knowing you’re the one that did that. We throw these words around like tricking, thirst, whipped when what I think you mean is spoiling, protecting, providing for. When I have a conversation with a woman I care about we’re not talking about other people, we’re talking about us. Our careers, our futures, our families. There’s value in honesty, in sincerity. If I say something that’s offensive or ignorant, tell me and I can either apologize or try to word what I was saying better. Life is too short for enemies, that’s my belief.

~ Demez F. White