5 Life Lessons I Learned In the Last Week of 2015

photo(1)This has been a tough week. My grandmother passing hasn’t really hit me yet, at least I don’t think it has. So, I’ll do what I do best and write. Even though it’s only Tuesday, we only have two days left in 2015 and these are the life lessons I’ve learned.

5- Life isn’t about what happens when someone is sick or dying or gone. Life is about the moments when they’re here. The moments you have an opportunity to do right by them. It’s easy to cry once their gone but it’s even easier to talk to them and make them laugh and be there for them when it’s inconvenient. Anyone can be a good grandson or husband or boyfriend on a beautiful Sunday afternoon when the Texans aren’t playing. Can you be a good person when you’ve just gotten off work, your feet hurt and you have to fight traffic? Give people their flowers while they’re living or you will regret it.

4- Character is who people are when they’re scared. You ever see the zombie movies where two people are running and one of them pushes the other down so they can get away. That’s sort of what life is. You’re either willing to be a good person and do the right thing when your heart is beating out your chest and you feel like your back is against the wall or you’re not. Sometimes being a good person won’t pay off right away but it will pay off. Karma is a living, breathing thing.

3- You should always be honest but not everyone deserves or appreciates it. Giving someone a piece of your mind or checking someone may make you feel good for a moment but we don’t always have to keep it real. Sometimes smiling and walking away hurt people so much more than yelling at them or “checking them.” It won’t feel good to bite your tongue. It won’t feel good to see someone doing wrong or going down a wrong path and knowing you can’t stop them. That’s life though, some people only learn by getting burned.

2- Build your own home before you try and help others. I see so many good natured people that give and give and give and then they look up and don’t have anything? You can’t help people if you haven’t taken the time to look out for yourself. My grandparents weren’t wealthy, my mother and father aren’t wealthy. Anything I build in this life, I will build not because of handouts or luck. I will build based off the life lessons I was taught. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither are wealth, families, friendships. You want a garage, start with a screwdriver. You want a office, start with a pen. No one is obligated to help us. We have to help ourselves.

1- Be a man that gives more than you take. I can’t take care of a woman at this point in my life. I’m okay with that but what I can do is take on a bigger burden. Maybe I don’t pay all the bills but I pay the biggest bills. Maybe I don’t always clean up but her car stays clean and I take out the trash. Have a home, don’t move in a with a woman. Go to work and if you have children, let them see you treating their mother like a woman that means the world to you.

Stop Letting Idiots Tell You What Makes You A Man

gentleman Stop letting idiots tell you what makes you a man

These hoes ain’t loyal.

It ain’t nothing to cut that bitch off.

Bro’s over Hoes.

I can name a dozen hooks to songs and catch phrases that make it seem as though caring about or loving a woman makes you look silly or weak. The truth is life doesn’t work that way and it never has. We have a generation of not just boys but grown men that feel as though having gentleman like qualities makes them weak.

If I write something saying men should respect women I’ll get a guy saying, “What about women respecting men bro!” If I say men should open doors and get the check on dates I’ll have a guy say, “Women don’t want a good man, what is she brining to the table?!” If I try to explain to a guy the benefits of good conversation and building a friendship before you bring up sex he says, “Nah! You got to be aggressive, women like when you’re upfront.” Foolish! Stop listening to rappers and these internet idiots that don’t know the difference between a sports coat and blazer. Being a gentleman gets you more respect and dating opportunities than being an asshole ever will.

I can sit up here and create a dozen list. Men should open doors, men should call and make sure she’s okay if she’s driving home after a date. Real men should do this, real men should do that. Men should walk on this side of the street or not talk about this. Every guy is different, every woman is different. There’s no set of rules that makes you a man or less of a man but respect is universal. Whether you’re a hood dude, charming, funny, cool, it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you how to be a man because most of us know how to be a man. I can just remind you that letting a few women who did you dirty or lack certain values make you disrespectful towards all the rest will get you nowhere.

Life is too short to fear what other people will think about you. If you’re happy and doing what you know is right then just live man. Just live life. Being that guy that makes women smile, that guy that walks into a room and holds it down. It never gets old.

~ Demez F. White

Real Men Open Doors: Seven Gentlemanly Traits That Cost Us Nothing

suits Real Men Open Doors: Seven Gentlemanly Traits That Cost Us Nothing

A big topic of conversation over the past several years has been about who pays for a date? Women want equality so if they invite you out shouldn’t they pay but on the other hand if a man has romantic intentions shouldn’t he pay? There’s no right or wrong answer, each situation is different. Each relationship, courtship and friendship has different levels, different dynamics. I personally always pay or offer to but we all have different finances and responsibilities.

This isn’t about that though. This is about simple things that don’t cost us anything but get us all sorts of goodwill.

Seven- Opening and holding open doors is slowly becoming a lost art. Not just with the women that smell good on date nights but anytime you see an elderly person, woman or child. It amazes me how women look almost surprised when I open their door. It only takes a couple of seconds and it’s appreciated.

Six- Yes ma’am and no sir- I was simply raised to address people older than myself as Mr. and Mrs. and yes sir and no ma’am. Nothing bothers me more than seeing children say, “Yeah” to someone twice their age. Being a grown man saying yes sir and no sir to men my grandfather’s or even father’s age is just a sign of respect.

Five- Giving up your seat. Whether its in a waiting room, on a train, a bus or a crowded restaurant bar if you’re sitting and a woman is standing offer her your seat. I’ve never worn heels but they aren’t made for standing in. I look at it this way. If it was my mother, grandmother, wife standing there I’d want a man to do it for them.

Four- Offer the last piece before you eat it. It could be cake, pizza, beer or just enough in the bottle for one more glass of wine. Ask would anyone else like this before you eat it. It’s the polite thing to do and manners tend to be contagious and attractive.

Three- It’s okay to tuck your shirt in at times, to wear a tie when it’s a casual setting. You can be overdressed, that’s fine. Society has become so casual. Slacks and a blazer to meet a friend for drinks is fine. A suit and tie on a first date doesn’t mean you’re trying too hard. Good cologne, a nice watch and clean shoes should be the norm.

Two- If someone is on the phone or not paying attention just try and make eye contact and say, “Excuse me.” Two simple words that take the rude aspect of interruption away. “Thank you,” works the same way. A person holds the elevator for you, compliments you, anything… Just say thank you.

One- It’s okay to look at beautiful women, just don’t stare. If a woman is fine she knows she’s being admired. Most women that are curvy can’t hide it. Hips, breasts, a nice butt tend to stand out. Gentleman don’t ever mention the obvious unless you know her. Compliment details other men miss. Her jewelry, her hair, her purse. Her perfume. Be confident and smile but just don’t stare. Until she walks away and then stare 🙂