One of the reasons writing will always have a place in our society is because it allows you to explain yourself. Unlike Twitter which gives you a character limit and you can easily be misquoted or Instagram which gives you one minute and someone can take a fifteen second soundbite and ruin your life, articles allow you to give your entire side.

I have a lot of thoughts on my grandparents generation. I do believe in a sense they were the best of us, they were brave and professional and they built homes, communities and families. But they also had their flaws, they spoiled their children and made a lot of them lazy which led to being bad parents. They cheated in a way in which they would have entire families across town.

They are just such a confusing yet interesting generation. I won’t  get too deep into it but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with being raised by parents that were heavy in Jim Crow and segregation. They saw their parents and grandparents struggle and not know how to read in a lot of cases so they wanted more. More often included sin.

The one thing they did that I did respect, is they always knew to take care of home first. There’s a part on Fences that goes unnoticed. He gives his check to his wife faithfully to pay the bills before he buys his liquor, hangs with his friends, cheats. He knew to take care of home before anything else and when he stopped taking care of home, his life fell apart.

Women were the same way. A woman may have had all the chores to do in the world or may have worked her ass off but she knew when her man walked through the door there would be dinner. She knew that no matter what he was taking care of home so she took care of him.

Our generation has lost that. We live in this constant state of taking care of everything and everyone but home. It’s a bunch of things, it’s technology, it’s circumstance, it’s social media. But they all lead to the same conclusion. We are a generation of selfish people.

In the 90’s a man or woman would work all day and when they got home from work they would call their friend and have a conversation about what went on. Maybe if they have an office phone, they’ll call during lunch. Now we’re in an era where people have 24/7 access to you. If you aren’t talking in a group chat, you’re on the phone, if you aren’t on the phone, you’re on Facebook. Everything feels urgent when the truth is, it isn’t. We carry our phones around like slaves. We neglect those closes to us in hopes a stranger likes a picture.

We don’t take care of home. Getting online and pretending to be in love means more than coming home and making sure someone ate. Going to hang out with friend’s matters more than coming home and surprising your significant other. Everything becomes an argument about who did what or who does more because the truth is our generation just doesn’t care about home.

So we end up with blended families and regret. We end up with people not appreciating what they had until it’s gone when the truth of the matter is, the same people you neglect your family for. The same strangers you crave attention from, once you lose the person that was there for you when the camera phone was off, none of that attention will feel as important.

Life has been and will always be about priorities. Every decision we make leads to the next decision. You can try and justify them but in your heart you know, we all know.

Our grandparents didn’t always do things the right way but they knew to take care of home first.

We Aren’t Our Grandparents; Not Sure If That’s A Good or Bad Thing

When I was growing up my bedroom was right next to the living room and there were so many nights I would hear my grandmother and grandfather sitting in the living room talking. It was their routine. My grandmother would sit and read her bible and my grandfather would wait until the news went off and join her while she fixed him something sweet to eat.

Most nights I’m not sure what they talked about but I know they had very few secrets if any and they were each other’s sounding board. The thing about their generation is that they understood at some point your family evolved. Your immediate family went from your mom and dad and brothers and sisters to your husband or wife and your children. Your secrets and concerns stopped being between bestfriends and siblings and started being with your husband or wife.

Our generation has moved away from that and I can’t tell anyone reading this whether or not that’s good or bad, what works for you and your relationship works for you and your relationship but I can tell you that it can’t help that we don’t have that same sense of closeness and loyalty anymore.

It also works on the opposite in. My grandparents and that generation, the women didn’t ask a lot of questions and in a lot of cases, they didn’t have a lot of options. If they found a man that had a good job and was a good provider they didn’t divorce him no matter his flaws. Our women are different, they have jobs and careers and in a lot of cases are more financially stable then the men they’re with. There isn’t that same sense of accepting whatever he brings.

How cannot that not be a good thing?

I wish I could work and not worry about my wife working but we don’t live in that world anymore. You need two incomes and when your woman has to work how often can you come home to a homecooked meal? It’s the last day of 2017 and I haven’t one time this year.

Like I mentioned in the beginning, there’s no right or wrong answer but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a happy medium.

In case I get the feeling to write at 10:00pm on my cell phone this will more than likely be my last blog of 2017. So let me leave anyone reading with this thought.

Generations may change, cost of living and eras may change but the bond that a man and woman share will never change. If you find yourself questioning the priorities you share with a person you need to talk to them, make sure you’re on the same page. Often times we spend so much time analyzing that we forget to put down the cell phones and laptops and talk.

Do more of that in 2018.DSC_0341(1)

Saying Goodbye… For Now

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Dear Mama,

I saw you for the last time today on this side. I know that wasn’t you in that coffin, not really, but today I said goodbye to you and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Before the viewing, before the funeral, I was there as soon as the church doors opened. I just needed to talk to you, to see you before everyone else. I needed to be strong for our family and the only way to do that was to get my tears out of the way early.

Tears don’t make you weak, you taught me that.

What makes you weak is not knowing when it’s okay to cry and holding that in. What makes you weak is not putting your faith and strength in God to get you through the tough times. You would have been so proud of us, so proud of the family. We stuck together, stayed with each other most of the day. I even drove half way around the world to be with Kelecia and Alexis tonight. We haven’t hung out like that as adults in forever. I’m not sure we have to be honest with you. It felt good, it felt right.

I find myself coming home looking at the house next door, wondering if you’re looking out the window and then it hits me like a mountain falling on an ant that you’re not there anymore. You knew when I was sad without me having to say a word. You knew when I was broke without me having to say a word. You knew when I needed a hug or just needed a friend.

Everyone probably feels like they have the best grandmother in the world and you can add me to that list. I don’t know if I’m a good man, I believe I am but even when I wasn’t, it was you that held me down and made me understand what I could be.

You’ll never see my children play in the yard or dance at my wedding. You’ll never see me walk across the stage and get that degree. You’ll never… Actually, I’m wrong. You’ll always be watching, always be my guardian Angel. I have so many words, so many stories but in the end, only three word stories matter most. I miss you. I love you. I’ll look out for everyone.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Love Always and Forever,

Mez

New Seasons Always Come

I was at my grandparents yesterday and when I finished washing their cars I walked inside and my grandmother was praying. I just stood there and listened to her.

She prayed for a lot of people but mostly she prayed for my grandfather. She prayed that God heals him, that he lifts his spirits. She must have prayed for him for a good fifteen minutes.

A couple years ago he’d just had surgery and he went into a coma. It was just the 3 of us and I’d never seen my grandmother freak out before. But that night she was on the floor screaming and crying. Begging God not to take him and that’s when I realized they were each others lives for the past 50 years.

Hearing her pray yesterday reminded me of that. He sleeps a lot, doesn’t eat as much. The dialysis is draining him mentally and physically.

I see it more and more and I see how its making my grandmother. I wish I could do more but the truth is new seasons come and there is no way to fight time.

I suppose I write about these things because there’s not a her to talk to about it. I worry about them both and I worry that my wife or children will never know them.

Random Friday thoughts. I need a drink 🙂