Stop Dating Guys Prettier Than You

 

 You can log onto the internet any time of the day and find a post or two or four million about dating or marriage. Most of them focus on the why; why aren’t people getting married, why are people getting divorced, why, why, why. There are smarter people than me that research that and can give you great answers that go to the core of whatever perceived problem there is. According to some people there’s no problem at all.

Like I mentioned above, this isn’t about that, this is merely about what makes a man a man? And guys that take pride in being pretty usually make lousy boyfriends. I know someone will read this and think I’m attacking men that like to look good or take pride in their appearance but understand this; I have zero issue with grooming or cologne or making sure your edge up and outfit is on point when you leave the house. I do however have issue with men that want to be prettier than the women they date.

How do you know a guy wants to be prettier than you? What are the signs?

One- He lets you do things that men should naturally want to do. He doesn’t take out the trash when it’s sitting by the door, he doesn’t just go wash your car when he sees it’s dirty, he doesn’t take bags out of your hand when you walk in from the grocery store. There’s a chance he’s not doing it because he just lacks home training but if he’s a pretty guy he’s not doing it because he doesn’t think he has to. That’s worse.

Two- He thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants because you’re “lucky to have him.” You want to know something about men that demand loyalty and respect? We don’t have to demand loyalty and respect. Our actions will make that woman follow us because she wants to, because she feels good when she does. Look at the guy that is constantly taking selfies with his tight shirts or “the sun is in my eyes” eye squint. Look at the guy that has to remind you incisively of his social status or financial status; they all have one thing in common. They want you to know they’re important, they’re desired. See, I was raised to believe men shouldn’t have to do anything but the right thing and everything else will fall into place.

Three- Seeking attention when they can’t get it from you. Now I guy doesn’t have to be “prettier than you” in order to cheat or lie but what’s his intentions? I know men that work outside 12 hours a day and love female attention but it’s usually because they love sex or just being around women. That’s different than a man that needs constant reassurance. Those guys are dangerous because they’ll never be happy with themselves and in turn won’t be able to make you happy.

Four- Guys that simply think, “I’m the catch.” I’ve always lived be the premise that women love hard so as a man I should treat the woman I’m with like she’s a gift from God because she’s going to treat me like that regardless once her heart is in it. When she walks into a room other men are going to look, other women are going to admire, that’s a feeling I cherish. Knowing she’s the sun and I’m just a planet that’s lucky enough to revolve around her. When guys feel as though, “I’m me, look at me, you need to be thankful.” They’ll never get it.

Relationships fail for plenty of reasons, there’s no formula for success or failure but there has to be a baseline in which gender roles and mutual respect flourish. Men aren’t meant to be afraid of hard work or selflessness. Men aren’t meant to be pretty. Women usually are turned on the most when we’re fixing a broken sink or toilet or changing her oil or breaks. There’s a reason why sweat and dirty jeans still make her want to hug you. Don’t be pretty, be a man.

The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

20140623-125738.jpg The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

Attraction is one of the most raw qualities we have. You can’t control it, there’s no internal debates, you just see a person and know you want them.

Attraction is natural and understandable. What’s not natural nor understandable is degrading or insulting others. We throw around words like ugly, dumb, fat, gay, stupid and no matter if they’re said out of hate, sarcasm, humor or anger they leave mental and emotional scars.

Everyone is beautiful to someone even if that someone isn’t you. What I don’t understand is why people focus so much on who they aren’t attracted to? What’s the value in that? In telling a person they’re ugly or fat or stupid. Focus on what does attract you to someone, on what does make you happy.

It took me a long time to find out who I was.

I was born with a misshaped head, the doctors screwed up. It was literally crooked, warped, whatever word you want to use. For years kids mocked me, made fun of me. There were days I didn’t even want to go to school. I literally had to have my gallbladder removed from anxiety and eating problems. Ugly, weirdo, whop head. Kids are relentless and some adults. It got better over the years but that changed me. It made me appreciate nice people. It’s why I despise bullies and the cowards that ignore them. I fought back by learning to hide the hurt, by learning to be the smartest guy in the room, self deprecating. It’s why I started writing, an outlet.

Life is a gift and for years I felt sorry for myself. Oral surgery for better teeth, cologne, watches, clothes. Anything to cover what I thought were imperfections. My entire life I’ve been called smart, funny, manner-able and none of that compared to the first time a woman called me handsome. I didn’t even believe her. I’m confident now, secure but that are a lot of people that aren’t.

I fought a lot but it didn’t stop so I learned to use words. Really hateful words in an articulate way. Words that cut people at their core. I learned to hide the emotions that came from insults.

Let people be great. When you feel the urge to mock someone, compliment them. Love outweighs hate.

Demez F. White