It’s A Good Day To Start Living Your Best Life

You’re unique.

Perfect in your own way.
There is no reason you shouldn’t be comfortable in your skin because God brought you to this moment, this place, this time for a purpose. All of the heartbreak, the disappointment, the moments where you wanted to slap someone or scream in the middle of a workday. That’s okay because that simply shows how strong your spirit is!

There are a lot of people that didn’t make it home last night, a lot of people that didn’t wake up this morning. Men diagnosed with cancer, women that lost babies in the second trimester. But If you’re up and reading this you made it another day.

So make today count! Make it count in your own way! You don’t owe it to anyone to be great, to be special, to be happy but yourself! Life will never be easy and I’m sure I’ve written that before, life isn’t meant to be easy!

I’m not the first man to say this and I won’t be the last but ‘We Are Not Meant To Be Alone!’

We aren’t meant to be sad.

This isn’t a morning note about religion or inspiration, this is a morning note about LIVING! About SMILING! About realizing that  everything may not be great but it’s better than most and for that we can be grateful!

Someone out there loves you, someone prays for you and wishes that they could have your strength! Someone out there wants to be your protection, sanity and bestfriend. Someone out there is waiting for you to apply for that job that doesn’t make your skin crawl when you go to work in the morning!

Believe what you want will happen because what you want and what you need walk hand in hand.

I believe what you want will happen if you’re willing to put in the work to get it! Nothing worth having is going to come easy, prayer is necessary, talking to friends and family to ease your mind is necessary! But more than all that, working hard and not quitting is what will get you there!

There’s no magic formula, be true to yourself and those that hold you down and watch good things happen!

Good Morning and smile today because God didn’t give you another day to be sad

You Can’t Cover A Gunshot Wound with A Band-Aid; So Why Cover A Broken Heart with One


Imagine someone you love with all your heart. Someone you would give your last for. Standing in front of you smiling and laughing and turning you on and in the blink of an eye they pull out a gun and shoot you in your chest. You don’t know why they shot you but you know you’re lying on the ground bleeding to death. They don’t call an ambulance, they don’t try and stop they blood. They simply give you a hug, say they’re sorry and ask you what’s for dinner. That makes no sense right? Even though we do it every day in relationships.

Have you ever broken a body part, cut your hand on a piece of broken glass? It takes time to heal and even when it heals, a lot of times you have to teach your body how to use it again. It’s months, years in some cases before you’re feeling right. In some cases, your body will never be the same. Hearts work the same way. It takes time for that heart to rebound from the shock of being split in a thousand pieces and once you put it back together, it’s never going to be the same.

Why do men lie when almost every woman since Eve has said, “All I want is the truth, no matter how harsh it is?” I can’t speak for most men but let me tell you why I would lie. In my mind I thought, “What I’ve done is pretty bad, if I tell her the truth she’s going to leave or it’ll break her heart. But if I lie, she’s going to stay and we’ll be happy.” The problem with that logic is that even if a woman can’t prove or doesn’t know for sure; female intuition is undefeated. She may not “know” but she knows. The truth may be uncomfortable, it may be ugly, but it gives her options. Lying robs her of those options and in turn robs that relationship of being built on something real.

Love and by extension women are not toys that you play with when you feel like it, it breaks, you lose it, you just go buy another one that you like better or that’s newer. There are consequences to breaking valuable things. Walking away and starting over sounds appealing until you realize you’ll never get in that new woman what you had in the old one. And furthermore, even though that woman is “old” to you. She’s new to another man. How many times have you been chilling with a woman, having a good time, laughing and her phone starts blowing up? She rolls her eyes and says, “It’s no one.” That guy on his third glass of whiskey, wondering why she isn’t responding. He’s the guy that thought he could do better. He’s the guy that didn’t want to put in the work to repair what he’d broken. Don’t be that guy. He has cable, be the guy that has Direct TV.

Stop Expecting Her to Accept Your Apology; Start Expecting Her to Be Happy

Author Demez F. White

Author Demez F. White

Women have more respect for you when you’re genuine and this goes for every aspect of life. Do you love her? Do you want to protect her from anyone that talks about her or wants to do wrong by her? If the answer to those questions is yes, then why be insincere? If your woman puts on a dress that’s not flattering or a pair of jeans that do nothing for her shape, why tell her what you think she wants to hear? Do you want her going out with her friends, going to work, looking a mess? Because if you look her in the eyes and say, “Baby, you look amazing!” She’s going to believe you. When she walks into that office looking like a fool, that’s on you. Just be honest, “I don’t like the way that’s fitting you, what about that purple dress?”

If you’re going to apologize to a woman you hurt; stop expecting her to accept it. Stop expecting that all will be forgiven because you now feel remorse or understand what you did was wrong. Apologies are meant to let someone know that you are truly sorry and remorseful for what you did. They aren’t meant so that you can get your foot back in the door. They aren’t tools for longer conversations that you hope turn into dates that you hope make her remember what you used to have. Women respect sincerity, maybe she’ll never look at you like she once did. Maybe she’ll never hug you and melt because of your cologne or watch you sleep but she’ll respect you. Sometimes an apology isn’t a “Maybe we can be friends” but it’s an “Now we can finally move on.”

You know the best apology you can give a woman? It’s not words, it’s showing her that you’re the man she always thought you could be. Women are so cool because unlike men, their love doesn’t die but it transitions. She can not want you but can be happy that you’ve grown and will never treat another woman like you treated her. That lets her know she mattered, that you learned from losing her and because of her you became this man that she once loved the idea of.

The day I knew I grew up was the day I decided that not every wrong deserves an apology. Not every broken heart deserves a love letter. Letting someone go, letting them be happy, that’s you saying, “I’m sorry and I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.” When you’re constantly trying to find ways to wiggle back into their lives for the same half -hearted apologies, you aren’t allowing them the chance to be happy.

Real love, that love that burns your chest when you can’t sleep. That love that causes food you used to love to taste like bile in your mouth. That love is reserved for the people we never want to see hurt. It’s reserved for the people that come into our lives like a tornado and rip away the memory of anyone that came before them. Love like that means you have to let them go.

Are They Looking For Help or Falling In Love?

perfect love The difference between someone loving you and someone trying to escape the prison they’ve set up around their heart is barely visible to the human eye. As a matter of fact it could take years for you to actually realize that they were looking for help and not looking for love.

A lot of people associate looking for help with financial situations. They’re looking for someone to help pay bills or to get some money from but when someone is looking for help it can often be emotional help. When someone has been damaged or hurt often times all they need is a good person in their life to balance out all the heartbreak and lies they had to deal with before.

This isn’t always a bad thing but it isn’t always a good thing either. What happens is you become a glorified stop gap. Someone to heal them but does healing equate to loving?

It’s not necessarily a bad thing you know. Someone needing you to help them opposed to falling in love with you. We can’t dictate why people need us in their lives; all we can hope is their intentions are genuine.
There are plenty of people out here looking for help for all the wrong reasons and karma always comes back on those people.
~ Demez

When It Is Okay to Ask Her If She’s Okay



I’m not sure the picture that accompanies this blog has anything to do with the actual content but I just like the picture. You can’t go wrong with thighs and curly hair and kitchen counters. Now let me get to the issue at hand.

Last night as it was storming and lightening as if the end of days was near my lights went out. A tree fell in the backyard, the wind was rocking the entire house. Rain was falling as if it was knocking on my front door. As I’m lying on the couch with my cell phone at 19% and my laptop at 30% I’m wondering one thing, “Is she okay?” Are her lights out? Was she out with friends or working late and stuck somewhere? Is she at home and it’s barely raining over there? Picking up my phone, wanting to call, wanting to send a text, I realized something. That’s not my job anymore, she has a man now.

Not to be petty or to over think a situation but the truth is people throw the word friends around. You have sex with a woman, make love to a woman, pick her up from work when it’s storming, get her medicine when she’s sick. She lifts you up when the world is beating you down, she cooks for you and kisses you and encourages all the good things about you that you didn’t even know existed. That woman may have once been your friend but when it became more than that, you can’t go back. There’s no pretending you didn’t love her and she didn’t love you. You can’t put the word “friends” on that now.

I can only speak for myself and write for myself, everyone isn’t going to have the same dynamic. Some couples can be best friends, can go out double dates, can talk like they never shared the same bed for countless nights. I’m not one of those men. I don’t love in a way that allows me to pretend we never had what we had. If any woman I’ve dated meets a man and she’s happy then outside of the occasional catch up conversation or social media interaction I’m probably going to let her go.

Letting her go doesn’t mean I won’t still be available if she needs me. If she has a flat or needs someone to talk to but talking, texting, sharing intimate details. That would have to stop for both of our sakes. It wouldn’t be fair to another woman if I’m still trying to maintain this “friendship” with a woman I once loved. It’s not fair to her new man that she’s still needing my emotional support. It’s not mean spirited to tell someone “We can’t be friends because being around you will always feel like more.” That’s just something adults have to do.

Be careful in this rain today and get prepared for hurricane season.

~ Demez F. White

3 Years Ago Today

baby angel Three years ago today she told me she was pregnant. A part of me knew she was lying but another part of me wanted it to be true, needed it to be true. I’m a man that fully expects to not have my first child until I’m married but there’s a cost for unprotected pleasures. If I had to pay that cost I was more than willing.

That night I didn’t feel fear or regret or anxiety. I wasn’t upset or excited or numb. All I felt was love, love for someone that would need me, love for a child that was probably no bigger than a mustard seed. It wasn’t a perfect situation but God doesn’t make mistakes right?

I knew in my heart she didn’t want to have my child. I knew it wasn’t a part of her plans the same way it wasn’t a part of mines but I was willing to do whatever it took. She wasn’t, she didn’t want to keep it and no matter how much I tried to talk her out of it, I couldn’t.

Driving home, her blowing my phone up, I pulled over and cried. I cried like I’ve never cried before for a life I would never know. That’s the downside to being creative you know, to having this imagination that’s explosive. I see things simply by thinking about them.

That night was the first night I experienced hate. How could I not hate a person that wasn’t willing to accept life? Today she/he would have been close to three. When it’s quiet and I feel alone I wonder what that child would be like, I wonder if he’d look like me or her. Would it be a little girl that always talking back or laughing?

Women say that men have no rights when it comes to what happens to a fetus, “Stop trying to regulate our vaginas!” I suppose I understand that but how can you not understand what it’s like to know a woman is going to erase someone that could have been your world? When a man feels a woman’s stomach, when he’s reading to her or singing or playing music that baby knows he’s there.

Three years ago today I felt as alone as I do today.

Three years ago today made me realize I may never trust a woman again.

It’s my fault. I should have been able to talk her out of what she did. I should have been in a better position to persuade her to keep that child. I wasn’t and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about three years ago today.

~ Demez F. White

Losing God’s Gift

letter-xy6k4p Rubbing his fingers across the keys he closed his eyes and ignored the tears and the pain in his hands. He didn’t get excited anymore by the applause or packed Halls. They didn’t exist to him, all that existed was the music, the notes, the chords. With each press of the ivory keys he knew he was coming one step closer to never playing again. At the age of twenty four he’d played for two Presidents, a King and Queen, the Pope and more diplomats and stars then he could ever keep count of.

He didn’t own a car or home and there was no girlfriend or wife waiting on him. Music was his life; the piano was his wife, son, daughter and first love. Traveling around the world five times over he let out every bit of regret and emotion he had in what was to be his last performance.

Doctors in New York, Hong Kong, England and Johannesburg all told him the same thing in one way, shape or form, “You have an early onset of tendinitis and it’s highly unlikely you’ve ever be able to play the piano again but with medication and physical therapy you can live a normal life.” Some told him three months, some told him three weeks but they were all telling him his life was over.

Since he was four people told him that God gave him a gift very few people would ever have. He never read music even though he taught himself. Everything was played by ear, he was one with it. How do you live a life where the only thing you’ve ever loved has abandoned you? How do you wake up knowing for a quarter century that all your hard work and preparation to be quite possibly the most celebrated pianist of all time was now over?

Those questions plagued him, struck fear in him but tonight all he wanted was to make love to the keys one last time. Sweating, his eyes red, his hands feeling like a thousand knives were going into them he finished the show with an original piece he’d never played before. A piece no one in the audience would be familiar with. The intensity of the performance slowed to a slower tempo that spoke to the pain that was in his heart.

Finishing the performance, opening his eyes, rubbing the keys and walking off the stage for what would probably be his last performance he finally looked up when he realized they were all standing for him. Screaming and clapping and crying for him. As he took his bow, walking back to the dressing rooms the applause only got louder. The chants of his name only got louder.

They loved him because he could give them the release they desperately needed. Sitting down, placing his hands on the table he just stared at them and thought back to all the good times. Was he defeated or just hurt he thought.
Standing up, looking in the mirror, he realized if he was to lose his gift. He wouldn’t lose it in the steal of night; he’d lose it playing in front of thousands. Walking back out on the stage with to jacket, no bowtie, he didn’t even acknowledge the audience or the pain. He just sat down and fought over the gift God was taking away.

Stop Letting Hurt People Give You Advice

I’ve never been one of those men that thought, “I’m not married so I can’t give a married person advice.” What I have said however is that I won’t give a married person advice on how to make a marriage work. Let me explain the difference. If I know a man has an amazing wife but is seeing a 24 year old woman with no real career aspirations, several children and a bad attitude. I can tell him to leave her alone and do better, that may not be marriage advice but it’s advice that will affect a marriage.

When people have been heartbroken, lied to, disrespected, they aren’t in the right frame of mind to give advice. You aren’t happy with your relationship, your job; don’t ask someone that just got divorced whether or not you should leave. Don’t ask someone that got laid off or works somewhere they hate. What do you think their answer is going to be?

People by nature love to speak about situations in black and white terms. You go to your friend crying that you were cheated on, initial reactions are always, “Leave him, you deserve better.” When the truth is life is far from black and white. If this man treats you like a Goddess and has never hurt you a day in your life but had this one indiscretion, you’d be crazy to make a decision based off anger and advice from a hurt friend. You hate your job but get paid great money and have young children and debt that’s mounting. Don’t let someone tell you to follow your dream. Dreams don’t put food in children’s mouths.

There will always be a segment of society that’s just unhappy. They have children they can’t afford, jobs they don’t feel appreciated at. They hate Easter because what does a bunny have to do with Jesus, they hate Valentine’s because it’s man made. They hate Father’s Day because they either don’t have a father or their kid’s father isn’t around. These people, man or woman, will always give you negative advice. They won’t tell you to work anything out; they won’t compliment you on being level headed. It’s not in their nature.

Each situation is different. We each have different tolerance levels. I’ve seen marriages survive alcohol addictions, drug addictions, cheating and I’ve seen marriages not survive a year because one person refuses to stop flirting on Facebook. You have to look into your own heart and decide for yourself whether or not your career, relationship, friendship is worth saving. Don’t listen to the people that tell you to leave because they’ve been hurt and don’t listen to the people that will tell you to stay because they’re afraid of moving on themselves. Listen to what makes you happy.

Demez F. White
Hurt Rings

Love and Lies: One Woman’s Story

Love hurts

Love hurts

She kept looking for it, she looked in her console, she pulled over and looked under the seat. Pulling down her visor, for the life of her she couldn’t remember where it was. Already running late the last thing she needed was no way to get into the parking garage or office. Tapping her heels on the brakes it hit her, the badge was in her jacket and her jacket was on the floor in his bedroom.

Calling him back to back to back his phone was going straight to voicemail and knowing she didn’t have a key she was hoping he was still home. It’d only been ten minutes since she left. Whipping into his driveway, banging on the door, looking at her watch and cell phone hoping they weren’t right. His car was there so she knew he was.

When he opened the door she tried to rush pass him to go get her badge, before she could even step in the house or explain she realized he was blocking the door, “What the hell are you doing here?! Why are you here without calling?!”

It all rushed out her mouth at once, a mix between confusion and a defensive mechanism. “I just left 10 minutes ago? I’ve been here the last two days and nights, I left my badge and I need it to get into work. I called you, your phone was off!”

As it was coming out her mouth it was like she was coming down the stairs in slow motion. She couldn’t see her face but she could see that all she was wearing was one of his t-shirts. All she was saw was bare feet and legs, at that moment nothing else mattered. Not being late for work, not her badge, not explaining herself.

“You have a bitch over here naked ten minutes after I leave! Was she waiting in the closet, on the street! You son of a bitch!” Before he knew it she’d caught him twice in the face and was past him rushing towards the girl running up the stairs before she felt herself lifted off the grown and practically thrown outside.

He slammed the door! Kicking the paneling, banging on the door, all she saw was red! “Really?! Really?! You can’t give me an answer! Be a man! Talk to me! Give me my badge! Give me my shit! Who is that bitch?!”

For five minutes she screamed and yelled and kicked until she saw the police pull up and some of her senses started to come back to her. He opened the door once the police stepped out the car and started to run her plates.

“I hate you, you’re crazy, you’re nothing to me. I hope they lock your ass under the jail! Coming over here trying to fuck up stuff with my woman, what’s the matter with you?” At that moment the tears started to fall and all the fight left her. She couldn’t understand the words that were coming from his mouth, an hour ago that same mouth was on hers, on her skin, on her lips and now he was tearing her down to a point where she wasn’t sure this was reality.

“Please turn around and place your hands on your head maam.”

Part II Tonight

Someone Like You

It’s not a weak trait to admit I miss someone.

It’s not unmanly to say that I’m afraid I’ll never find someone to replace what she did for me mentally. To replace the inspiration, the encouragement she gave me.

Going crazy thinking about the if’s, buts’ and whys… That’s natural, it’s a part of life, a part of what makes us human. It’s so easy to focus on the bad times, to focus on what makes you hate someone that you forget what they added to your life.

I’ll stop talking in second person now.

I changed my number, the number I’ve had for 10 years because it was easier to change a number than it was to not talk to her. It was easier to take off days from work and write, drink, clear my mind than it was to think about her and still try and focus. I have no desire to talk to her again but that doesn’t mean I don’t lose sleep over losing the best friend I’ve had in awhile.

See, being single is sort of like playing Russian Roulette. You have to pull the trigger and hope it doesn’t kill you. Single is something I don’t do well, I mean, I do it very well on a social level but on a mental level…

Whoever reads this, I want you to read what I’m about to write very carefully.


I’ve been single for a long time; I’ve dated and I’ve had these semi “situations” but I haven’t a girlfriend or woman to call my own in some time. I’m starting to forget what that’s like and I think that’s why I get so hopeful when a situation comes along.

I speak about sex a lot, I love sensuality, sex, freaky women and things but more than all that. I miss having that friendship that comes with mutual chemistry, that comes with being comfortable with someone.

Friendships mean the world to me, I can be a very engaging man but I’m also difficult so when I meet people that can click with me… I try so hard and maybe I push them away.

I’ll write I’m having a bad day on FB and she would call just to see what was the matter.

I would write a note and she would text me to tell me what I could have done better.

I could be sitting in a bar looking at a drink I know I didn’t need and she would just have perfect timing, saving me from myself.

Loving women hard and fast comes so natural to me that one becoming my best friend is just going to happen, it’s like a force of nature.

There were dozens of reasons why she was not what I needed but she was what I needed in that moment in time. And I know now that there will be someone like her, someone better than her and that ties in to my marriage note from last night.

When you go thru a bad situation or not even a bad situation… But a situation that just doesn’t work out you tend to think the worse but it’s the opposite for me. I look forward to these moments because I know they are preparing me for something better.

My life is on an upward swing right now, I’m writing and my book will be in people’s hands in a couple of weeks. I have two novels I’m co-writing and Conversations Between Adults is still going strong; I even have a web series coming out and my blog and magazine articles are popping. I’m blessed and more than a woman, more than sexual congratulations, I just look forward to someone like her but that’s meant for me to share this with.

People will read this and think it’s about a certain woman and a part of it is but it’s more than that. It’s about all the women I’ve met over these past couple years. Each one came into my life and I wanted the next one to be someone better than her, someone like her but with more patience or better lips.

They say you find what you’re looking for when you stop looking; I think that’s bullshit. When you’re hungry you never stop looking for food.

I’m not the type of man to run away from responsibility; most of the women I’ve lost… I’ve lost because of my shortcomings, mistakes, insecurities I’ve had. I can accept that but I can accept that I know I’m destined to find someone that’s not only like those women but that’s better than those women.

Not better as a woman or better as a person but better for me.

It’s Wednesday Morning and I’m Demez F. White, author of Walking Down the Aisle and a future great husband and father. Time flies, spend it loving your life and loving people that will love you back.

I promise you that your time will come like I know my time will come. The glaswoman in rains is always half full, not half empty. I’m going to get drunk and flirt with the cutest woman in the restaurant, that should keep my mind occupied for at least the rest of the night.