She’s Smiling Down on You From Heaven

20140422-013941.jpgDear Son or Daughter,

I know today can’t be easy for you. Whether you lost your mother when you were six or sixty, whether it was cancer or a car accident. Today can’t be easy because I know you never forget her calming words when you were sick or her smile when you were sad.

Today can’t be easy for you because today everyone around you is celebrating their mother and it makes you remember yours. The conversations after school when she answered a question or solved a problem that you didn’t think could be solved. That time when she got a t-shirt or pair of shoes you didn’t think she would. That Christmas where you couldn’t wait to go outside and show your friends what you got.

It was never about the Christmas gifts or food at Thanksgiving or clothes on the first day of school. It was about watching her cook and sing, cook and talk on the phone, cook and ask you to taste this or taste that. The older you get the more you appreciate how happy she was to see you happy. The older you get, the more you remember what she taught you.

I know you see a picture of her and cry sometimes, not wanting to question God but doing it anyway. Wondering why you couldn’t just get one more day, one more hour, one more minute with her. Another hug, another conversation, a phone call just to tell her about your day because no one could understand like she could.

Our mothers are our Guardian Angels, they carried us for nine months and sheltered us, sacrificed for us, went without for us. Just because she’s not here doesn’t mean she still isn’t doing that. When you have those moments where you feel like no one understands, it’s her that’s the voice in your head, in your heart. When you have heartbreak, when that person that should have been there for you during the bad times falls short; it’s her whispering, “You deserve better.” The moments she shared with you, no matter how brief they may seem now made you the person you are.

The love you have in your soul for your mother can never be filled, it will never be replaced but understand it doesn’t have to. Let that love make you great, let that love flow to your children, your husband or wife, your passions and ambitions. She still watched over you, I swear.

Your mother is proud of you and so am I. Stay strong and if you need to talk I’m here.

Sincerely Yours,

Demez

A Deal With the Devil

“Once you sign your name you do understand I own your soul right?”

He didn’t look like most people would think, imagine Bill Gates with a little more weight on him. Coming out of the bar he stopped me and asked me if I had a light. I told him I didn’t smoke but some sort of way we ended up talking. I told him I was lonely, that I’d thought about giving up. He laughed and said if I did such a thing I’d end up with him.

“Who are you that I’d end up with you?” He smiled, I’m Satan.

I laughed for the first time in a long time, a really deep, heartfelt laugh. It came out of his mouth so smoothly that I couldn’t help but to, the liquor flowing through my veins couldn’t have hurt.

“You’re Satan huh, I thought you’d be ummm bigger.” I leaned against the wall and caught my breath.

“I get that a lot. You shouldn’t believe all that Bible stuff. I knew Jesus, he was a hippie, smoked a lot of weed, was always under Mary Magdalene, she had him wrapped around her fingers. He did what he had to do, saving the souls of man and all but look at all the shit he makes you all go thru, sin is fun! Do you really want to give up sin? I’m not asking you to worship me, I’m simply asking you if you want to be happy. Doesn’t sin make you happy?”

Shit! Satan was making a good point and the crazy thing is I was actually believing him. Maybe I was the one going crazy. I did want to be happy but did I want to be happy because of something this crazy man was telling me?

“When you were 8 you ran into a brick wall on your motorized truck and busted up your chin. When you were 17 you got into a fight with your mothers husband, you call him that instead of your stepfather. When you were 22 you almost died in a drunk driving accident because you were too drunk to even drive. You met her in 2010, you know who “her” is. That’s who all this is about, the sadness, the drinking, the stress. If you want her back, I can make that happen for you. Just know it’s going to cost you your soul friend.”

I wiped my eyes, did this man just recite to me events of my life that he couldn’t have found on any database in this world? Did he just read my mind? The right side of my brain was saying walk away, it was saying this is a dream or some sort of black magic. The left side of my brain was telling me to hear him out. I mean did I really know what was waiting for me after I died? What would my soul be worth anyway once I was gone? My time on earth may be the best time of my life.

“What does costing me my soul mean? I’m not trying to be in that fire and brimstone and living my worst nightmare everyday for the rest of eternity. You’re the fucking Devil bro.” He put his cigarette out in his hand and laughed the same deep laugh I laughed before.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to believe that shit you hear in the bible? Hell isn’t like Heaven but it isn’t this burning, smoking, Guantanamo Bay sort of place ether. It’s sort of like Vegas with no clouds. It’s hot, I won’t lie to you but there’s women and every vice you can imagine. No diseases or guilt. The way you feel right now, you’ll never feel like this in hell!”

“You can get me her?”

I can’t even believe I was thinking this, if my grandparents knew I was even entertaining Satan they would probably fall dead. But he was offering me something God hadn’t bothered to offer me. He was offering me the one person, the one thing that I needed.

“I can get you her, that son, the daughter. The perfect number one spot on the NYT and any other thing your heart can imagine. Do you want a life of struggle and fear working for the big man upstairs or do you want to live like a God on earth with my help?”

To Be Continued…

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If You Don’t Have Faith In Him; How Can He Have Faith In You

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n Today I found out someone I used to know is married. I spent the better part of my afternoon sitting in my office just sort of thinking. I often question why things happen the way they happen and in the midst of my thoughts one thought always comes to mind. If God wanted it for me it would be for me. Faith isn’t easy, it doesn’t come with perfect confidence. Not for me it doesn’t. For me faith comes with a lot of praying and a lot of sacrifice. Faith is knowing that he has my best interest in heart even when I don’t.

When we lose faith, in essence we’re severing our support system with God. It’s easy to be happy and to be a believer when everything is going well. When the woman you think you’ll marry is happy and you look forward to going to work. Our faith is tested when that woman marries another man, when you look at your cell for 15 minutes before work wondering if you should call in. The easiest thing in the world is to give up, is to feel sorry for yourself but why give up when he has never given up on you?

In my heart I know that I’m far from perfect, I know that I have so many ways I could better myself. My faith doesn’t allow me to dwell in my imperfections, in my fears, in my rejections. My faith gives me the strength to see past the bad dates or promotions I didn’t get. My faith gives me hope that everything I desire may not come when I want it but it will come. If it doesn’t it’s because God is protecting me from something I didn’t need anyway.

If you don’t have faith in him, how can he have faith in you? Remember that the next time your fears outweigh your convictions.