I Had A Dream About You Last Night

20140327-200825.jpg I Had A Dream About You Last Night

It felt real. I was actually mad at myself for waking up and even madder with myself that I couldn’t get back to sleep. In my dream you were in a white dress, it wasn’t a wedding dress or anything formal. Just a simple linen dress that hugged your curves. It was sleeveless and came to right above your knees, the neckline plunged just enough. You know what I remember most about the dream, it was your hair. Thick and curly, in a bun that I could let loose and play in, run my fingers through it.

It smelled really good, like mangos. We were standing really close, face to face. You couldn’t stop smiling, why I don’t know. You’d look me in the eyes and look away. You look me in the eyes and look away. There’s a breeze, you hold your dress down, I rub your neck, you touch my hand. A moment passes between us. A moment that leads to me leaning in and kissing you. The dream scares me because I can taste your lips, I can taste to the flavor of the gum. It’s takes a second, maybe a couple seconds, to catch each other’s rhythm but once we do we can’t pull away. When I go for your neck and you whisper in my ear, “I’m so wet.” I can’t control myself after that. I can see your eyes light up, the aggression take control.

Dreams are worst than nightmares for me. I can accept nightmares, I don’t mind waking up looking around with my heart beating, feeling like I’ve escaped hell. A couple seconds after my eyes adjust and I realize I’m in my bed the nightmare doesn’t scare me anymore. Dreams are different though. Dreams don’t fade away once my eyes adjust because the feeling of euphoria the dream gives me can never die. Your smile, your moan, the way my hands feel gripping your waist, it feels like something I loss. Not like something that never existed. Dreaming about you, is it God’s way of telling me that this dream is just a preview of what’s to come? That this is going to be more than a dream.

I had a dream about you last night and I can’t wait to go home and see what tonight’s dream has in store.

A Deal With the Devil

“Once you sign your name you do understand I own your soul right?”

He didn’t look like most people would think, imagine Bill Gates with a little more weight on him. Coming out of the bar he stopped me and asked me if I had a light. I told him I didn’t smoke but some sort of way we ended up talking. I told him I was lonely, that I’d thought about giving up. He laughed and said if I did such a thing I’d end up with him.

“Who are you that I’d end up with you?” He smiled, I’m Satan.

I laughed for the first time in a long time, a really deep, heartfelt laugh. It came out of his mouth so smoothly that I couldn’t help but to, the liquor flowing through my veins couldn’t have hurt.

“You’re Satan huh, I thought you’d be ummm bigger.” I leaned against the wall and caught my breath.

“I get that a lot. You shouldn’t believe all that Bible stuff. I knew Jesus, he was a hippie, smoked a lot of weed, was always under Mary Magdalene, she had him wrapped around her fingers. He did what he had to do, saving the souls of man and all but look at all the shit he makes you all go thru, sin is fun! Do you really want to give up sin? I’m not asking you to worship me, I’m simply asking you if you want to be happy. Doesn’t sin make you happy?”

Shit! Satan was making a good point and the crazy thing is I was actually believing him. Maybe I was the one going crazy. I did want to be happy but did I want to be happy because of something this crazy man was telling me?

“When you were 8 you ran into a brick wall on your motorized truck and busted up your chin. When you were 17 you got into a fight with your mothers husband, you call him that instead of your stepfather. When you were 22 you almost died in a drunk driving accident because you were too drunk to even drive. You met her in 2010, you know who “her” is. That’s who all this is about, the sadness, the drinking, the stress. If you want her back, I can make that happen for you. Just know it’s going to cost you your soul friend.”

I wiped my eyes, did this man just recite to me events of my life that he couldn’t have found on any database in this world? Did he just read my mind? The right side of my brain was saying walk away, it was saying this is a dream or some sort of black magic. The left side of my brain was telling me to hear him out. I mean did I really know what was waiting for me after I died? What would my soul be worth anyway once I was gone? My time on earth may be the best time of my life.

“What does costing me my soul mean? I’m not trying to be in that fire and brimstone and living my worst nightmare everyday for the rest of eternity. You’re the fucking Devil bro.” He put his cigarette out in his hand and laughed the same deep laugh I laughed before.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to believe that shit you hear in the bible? Hell isn’t like Heaven but it isn’t this burning, smoking, Guantanamo Bay sort of place ether. It’s sort of like Vegas with no clouds. It’s hot, I won’t lie to you but there’s women and every vice you can imagine. No diseases or guilt. The way you feel right now, you’ll never feel like this in hell!”

“You can get me her?”

I can’t even believe I was thinking this, if my grandparents knew I was even entertaining Satan they would probably fall dead. But he was offering me something God hadn’t bothered to offer me. He was offering me the one person, the one thing that I needed.

“I can get you her, that son, the daughter. The perfect number one spot on the NYT and any other thing your heart can imagine. Do you want a life of struggle and fear working for the big man upstairs or do you want to live like a God on earth with my help?”

To Be Continued…

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The Greatest Love Story Ever Told…

imagesCA455K2P Most people have these really detailed and sincere memories from childhood, they remember the first time they rode a bike or the first time they kissed a girl. I can’t say that I don’t remember those things but I can say they don’t matter too much to me. What I do remember is the first time I saw her.

Stepping out of a Porsche truck, looking like one of those women that you didn’t actually see outside of Instagram or a movie. Thick hair, flawless skin, laughing at something or maybe making someone laugh. Men like me didn’t approach women like her, steel toe boots, needing to shave, only in the Galleria to change my sisters tire while she had a back seat full of bags.

Before I knew what I was doing I was walking towards her. Her shorts were short and her blouse was loose but her shape was one that told me men never stopped coming. My goal wasn’t to get her phone number or ask her out, not that day. My goal was simply to make her smile. That’s the sort of woman she was, making her smile was equilivent to another woman stripping for you.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you but I can’t let you pump that gas while using a cell phone. You might blow all of us up and I’m starving, I’d hate to die hungry. Let me get that for you.” Before she could stop me I smiled, swiped my card and started to pump her gas. I’m not going to lie, it killed me putting supreme in someone else’s car but I was getting my smile.

“Hey girl, let me call you back, I don’t want to blow myself up.” She smiled and threw her phone in the truck. “So I don’t know if I should thank you for the gas or thank you for saving my life.” I liked that, she was gorgeous but she didn’t take herself too seriously.

“How about we just call it even?”

“What exactly makes us even?” I couldn’t hesitate, if I said something corny she would get in her car and I’d never see her again. If I said something funny she’d chalk it up to me just being a nice guy. I needed it to be more than that, when I walked over I was happy getting a smile. Now I wanted more.

“We’re even because I’ve been working around sweaty guys all day, I skipped lunch, I had to change my sisters flat and I’m probably going to be stuck in traffic but I got to chat with your pretty ass for a minute or two so all this was worth it since it got me here.”

As I talked I never took my eyes off of her. When she didn’t look away I knew I had a chance.

“You’re far too good with words Mr. Stranger to look so scruffy. My name is Cece and I have the pleasure of talking to…”

“I’m Adam.” Putting the gas pump back, trying not to stare at her neck and lips I knew this would be my only chance.

“Look, I’m really not looking forward to getting in this traffic, in thirty minutes it’ll die down. Why don’t you come have a drink with me? I’m not exactly dressed for Morton’s but Grand Lux will have me. If you don’t drink, let me buy you a couple of cookies.” I could see the wheels turning in her head, I was expecting her to say no, I’d already accepted that.

“I’ll follow you but just so you know, I may drink you under the table scruffy.”

And just like that, that’s how it started. That was the beginning of the rest of my life, that was the beginning of the greatest love story that would ever be told.

To be continued…

It’s Not Your Fault You’re Not Her

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n Jazmine Sullivan has a song called, “In Love With Another Man,” which is sort of self explanatory. The song is dope because she’s saying what most women know but don’t like to admit. You may be a better man, you may treat me better and love me harder but I’m in love with him and not you. The ironic thing is men feel the same way at times, it’s just not easy for us to express.

It’s not hard to make someone fall in love with you. If you have it in you to be what they need you to be it’ll happen and it’ll happen fast. In my younger years I would always say, “It’s not my fault you caught feelings. I was upfront with you.” What I didn’t want to admit is that I was doing things that endeared me to her. You can’t treat someone like they matter when that’s not what you want from them.

The hardest conversation in the world to have is telling an amazing woman that I know you’re great and you know you’re great but I just don’t want you. No matter how much you sugarcoat it or make it about your shortcomings, all she’ll hear is, “You don’t want me.” A million reasons and excuses may come but what you really want to say is… “It’s not your fault you’re not her.” I don’t dream about you. I don’t cut off conversations at work when I see your name on my phone. I don’t cancel plans to see you. I’d do those things for her and you’re just not her. It’s harsh but it’s the truth and this is some more truth. The only way to get over not being with the person you want is to find someone better than them. Not a knockoff of who they are, not someone that’s going to do what they weren’t doing but a person that’s simply better than them.

You want to know why so many women were hostile today? It wasn’t because their child’s father isn’t in their life. It’s because most of them still haven’t found a man to replace him. They may have boyfriends, in some cases husbands but the man they’re with doesn’t make them feel like the man that shares DNA with their child. Love turns to resentment and resentment turns to hate.

It’s not that man’s fault that the woman he loves is in love with another.

Just like it’s not a woman’s fault that the man she loves only wants the woman he loves.

I’ve Been Thinking About Forever…

Dear You,

I haven’t been feeling well these past couple days, I didn’t even get out the bed until noon today. I’m about to go outside and do some yard work to try and shake off this cold or flu or just loneliness. But before I did that I wanted to write to you and just let you know I miss you.

I went and saw Twilight and the new James Bond over the weekend, I couldn’t help but think how much cooler it would have been with you. I actually wore sweat pants and Jordans, can you believe that? I was getting clothes ready and then it hit me… I’m going to the movies alone at 11am on a Saturday, there’s no need to get extra fly. I was sitting outside the theatre waiting for the movie the start and I could see you sitting across from me, smiling, sneaking candy out of your purse. Talking about people walking by but not being too mean about it.

Sitting in the movies, seeing other couples, it hurt.

If I could go back and do it again God knows I would do it over, I would do it differently. You’d be proud to know I’m not drinking as much anymore and I’m back to writing every day. I’ve started back cooking too, I sort of gave it up for awhile.

You could never really understand how much I miss you because I don’t think you were ever really for me. I think you were God’s way of giving me a preview of what I wanted, of what I needed. I just hope you’re happy.

Honestly, I can spend the rest of my life in the state of mind I’m in if it means you’re smiling. That’s the sacrifice I’m willing to make. I wouldn’t call it a deal with the devil but I would call it my way of repenting for hurting you.

Out of all the women I’ve known in my these 29.8 years of my life I can honestly say you’re the only one that has ever moved me without a kiss, a touch, any of that. It was never about that. It was about your passion for doing what you loved, it was about how you were the most beautiful woman in the room and never used it to your advantage. It was about how your faith and morals were more important than commercial success. I don’t know the guy and I’ll probably never get to know him but I just hope to God he knows what he has in you.

I go days, weeks, months without looking at your picture.

I haven’t thought about texting you or calling you for even longer stretches of time.

But just know you’re never too far from my thoughts. I’m far too prideful to make a fool of myself but just know I miss you. The little time I had with you impacted me and for that I’m grateful.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Demez

5 Reasons Why I Deserve You More…

I’m not big on comparing myself to other men because me wanting you has nothing to do with them.

Women are attracted to different things, different traits in men. I can be a better person but not a better fit.

I understand that but I also know that anything worth having is worth fighting for. I’ll walk away if that’s really what you want but not before you know that I deserve you more than him.

Five: I’d never ask more of you than I’m willing to give myself. I’d never take more than you’re willing to give. Not mentally, not emotionally and damn sure not physically.

Four: You’ll never have to meet me somewhere or come pick me up. You’ll never worry about me needing to borrow your car or use you. I’m a man and my job will always be to protect you.

Three: For better or worse I will put you on a pedestal. I’ll hold you to expectations that no man probably has. When you have a bad day I’ll be there with wine and flowers and love. Because I know that I’m blessed to have you in my life. Because you deserve to be happy and I deserve to see you smile.

Two: He may tell you what you want to hear. I’ll take a bullet for you because life before you wasn’t life. It was life.

One: I’m capable of writing a dozen bestsellers. With you on my side, on my team. A dozen would be on the low side. I deserve to be great so that I can give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of!

I deserve you more than him. Now I just have to meet you 🙂

Sleeping Next to Perfection…

Scene One…

Caramel skin on black sheets, the fan turning slowly overhead, the white comforter sitting just below the crack of her ass. Her last day teaching was Thursday, she went hard during the Holiday weekend celebrating her freedom so while I was going back to the real world today she was probably going to sleep until ten, be on Facebook until noon and spend the rest of the day catching up on Scandal or True Blood on OnDemand.

When she knocked on the door at two am there was no overnight bag, no call before hand. Just her in tight jeans and a peach blouse, barefoot and red eyed. “Your house was closer,” was all she said before she kissed me on the cheek, went and took a shower and then climbed in the bed as naked as the day she was born. Her skin was moist, she liked to sleep under me, her thighs wrapped around my thighs. The heat in-between her thighs on my leg, she was always wet in some form or fashion. Some nights more erotic than others.

Last night wasn’t really erotic, it was just calming, having her in my bed was just calming. My house wasn’t closer than hers so knowing she wanted to be here, knowing she didn’t want to sleep alone just as much as I didn’t want to sleep alone was everything to me. If it wasn’t for her lying on my chest last night I would have spent it at my desk writing or on the couch for a couple hours. A bed wasn’t a bed when you were in it alone. Waking up to pillows and birds chirping could never compare to waking up to seeing her lips, the bridge of her nose, the way she fought for more cover only to push it off seconds later. When she was up and smiling she was perfect but when she was sleeping it was a different kind of perfect.

A perfect I could write about and watch all day. I took a picture with my mind. Etched every detail in my imagination for the 1000th time. Looking at my cell phone, knowing if I did what I was about to do I’d be late for work all I could do was smile because she was worth a crazy look from my boss.

Placing my lips on her lower back, my fingers tracing the outline of her ass she spread her legs as if it came natural. She wasn’t sleep anymore, I could hear the change in her breathing. Her stomach was still on the sheets but her back was arched just enough for my fingers to find what I was looking for. She was just wet enough for me know she was having the same dreams I had, the same morning desires I needed.

Turning her over, seeing the half closed eyes and slight smirk, she whispered… “Good morning and you better hurry or you’ll be late.” I always started with a kiss on the belly button, always started with my middle finger in her middle. Sort of like sticking a toe in bath water to make sure it wasn’t too hot or hot enough. The water was perfect so my mouth found the fountain and I had breakfast before work.

Leaving her shivering with the pillow between her legs and a glow on her face I kissed her, letting her suck her flavor off my tongue and walked out the door. Knowing this week would fly by as fast as a night of sleeping next to perfection.

Just Watch… (Explicit Content)

At first I thought it was a dream, the knocking at the door. But then I remembered I’d left the gate open, my cell was on the floor next to the couch dead, there was no clock on the cable box and once the sun was down there was no telling 10pm from 3am. The Remy martin 1738 and ambien had me knocked out since six, I could hear the doctors voice in my head telling me Michael Jackson died from trying to find rest in his sleep with the wrong combination but it was just two pills and two glasses.

Rubbing my face, tasting the dryness of my tongue the knocking at the door wouldn’t stop, it wasn’t a dream. Looking out the blinds I saw her car, parked behind my truck, clean has usual, her passenger side tires on the grass. That told me she was tipsy. the bugs were attracted to the light hanging over the door, she was swating them away, cursing under her breath. I opened the door and she walked right past me.

Standing at the fridge she drank orange juice straight from the carton, took a bite of a peach without rinsing it off. Wiping the juice from her mouth and smiling.

“Your phone was going to voicemail, I was hoping you had a bitch over here so I could make her leave but you disappoint.” She shook her head and took another swig of orange juice. A white sleeveless dress with a plunging neckline, gold accessories and her hair sitting over her left shoulder.

She was the only woman I knew that could and would come over unannounced.

“Go sit on the couch and cut on my playlist and before you look stupid, I know you have a playlist with my name on your iPod.” She walked into the bathroom and left the door open. The rest of the house was dark except that room and the TV on mute. I cut on her playlist, it was everything from Dipset to Beyonce. My bottle and glass were still on the floor, I poured myself a shot and let it roll down my throat.

Heels in her right hand, steaming towel in her left hand she stood inbetween my legs and leaned down kissing me on the forehead.

“You’re drunk… I’m drunk, drunk people don’t make love. They fuck. Don’t touch me, just watch.” She sat on the ottoman with her legs open. Inching up she raised her dress to her stomach and stuck her middle finger out for me, I caught it in my mouth and sucked it, she put that same finger in her mouth and then she found that spot between her legs that made life worth living.

“I like when you watch, you try to act so calm but you know you want to taste this. It’s Memorial Day Weekend, you know there are no panties allowed until Tuesday. It may take me a little longer to do this with my fingers, I’m used to my toys or your tongue.” Her eyes open she sucked me in, licking her wet lips and moaning my name, saying my name, whispering my name I saw her move her manicured nails faster and faster. The pink polish stood out against her brown thighs.

“It isn’t cheating if I don’t let you touch me.” I was fighting the battle of my life on the inside, I could see me bending her over the couch, burying my face inside of her. Pushing my hardness inside of her.

He owned her whether she would admit or not and to touch her would be a betrayal she wasn’t prepared for. Her eyes were daring me to take the chance, they were daring me to say fuck her rules and take what she was putting in front of me. But to take that tonight and indulge in that pleasure would be to put her well being at risk and that wasn’t something I was willing to do so I just watched.

 

Perfect Days…

I think about marriage a lot. Maybe because I’ve convinced myself that my wife will complete me. As crazy as it sounds I’ve never really had a bestfriend or someone I was completely honest with. So when I write about these incredibly powerful, incredibly sensual women I’m writing about women that I see standing at the alter waiting on me. I named my novel ‘Walking Down the Aisle’ for Christ sake. So when I write these stories I’m writing in hopes that I’m foreshadowing. I used to see a certain face when I wrote these things, now I just see hope.

 I thought I would be nervous, I thought my hands would be shaking or my knees getting ready to buckle. I was twenty nine and the idea of sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life seemed unimaginable just a year ago. But standing here, seeing everyone stand up, hearing the music playing, I feel a sense of calm I’ve never felt before.

 A sense of love and pride and faith that’s like a halo over my head. My parents, her parents, my boys, her bridesmaids, none of them mattered. None of them were there, in my mind it was just me waiting up here. Just me at the alter waiting for her to come thru those doors.

 Adele came thru the speakers, her mom almost had a heart attack that she wasn’t walking down the aisle to “Here comes the bride” but this was her day, our day and this song was our song. This song represented everything we were, everything we felt. She was my “One and Only…”

 I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I’m worth it to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

 To prove I’m the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come and give me the chance

To prove that I’m the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts.

 I could hear the collective breath of the audience as she came into view, I’m sure every man says his first child is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen. Every parent thinks their son or daughter is the smartest person in the classroom. I’m positive every man that has stood at this alter before me just knew his wife was perfect.

 LIARS!

 LIARS!

 LIARS!

 Looking at her in that dress, seeing her shoulders, her neck, her collarbone glow, the grace, the sex appeal, the way every eye was not only on her but ON HER! There has never been a more perfect bride in this world, a more perfect woman for this song and for this MOMENT!

I have imagined this all, I imagined it the first night we hung out, I imagined it the first night we saw that wedding dress in the window. I imagined it the first time I held her hand and kissed her, it wouldn’t be easy but anything worth having is worth fighting for.

 And her love was worth fighting for, THIS MOMENT WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! The closer she got to the alter, the more the emotion hit me, the more I knew it was going to happen. I could stop holding my breath, I could stop thinking this was all a dream or a story, this was life…

THIS  WAS MY FUCKING WIFE LOOKING LIKE AN ANGEL IN FRONT OF ME!!!!

MY WIFE!!!

I grabbed her hands, they were warm and soft and perfect. They were the hands that belonged to me now, the fingers, the nails, they were all mine. She was mine, I was worthy, she was giving me a chance to love her forever!

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness two people be joined in Holy Matrimony…”

Honestly, I wasn’t hearing anything he was saying, I was looking at her. My best man tapped me on my back, the crowd giggled, I snapped out of my trance and remembered the vows I’d written. I knew them by heart, how could I not? Looking at her reminded me of the vows, of the promise I was making to her. I opened my mouth, licked my lips, smiled, talking to her was the most natural thing in the world.

I love you… I have since I was born I think. Even before I met you, before I knew you existed, I knew you EXISTED! Because I know in my heart God created you for me, I know in my heart there’s not a soul in this Universe that’s more in sync with what I need, with what I want! In front of God, this minister, our friends and family! I would go to the depths of hell to be with you, to bring you back! I will never let any harm come to you, I will never forsake you or put another before you!

I squeezed her right hand tighter and wiped a tear away from her face with my left hand.

Nobody’s perfect but you’re close. I don’t want you to obey me or to stay with me until death do us part, I want you work with you and stay live with me for eternity! In this life and the next! Waking up next to you every morning is a gift that I thank God for everyday! EVERY SINGLE DAY! You’re my wife, my heart and my soul! You’ll be the mother of my children and the foundation to my life and strength! I don’t know where I would be or who I would be without you. I don’t love you… I’M “IN LOVE” WITH YOU! At the mention of your name alone I still get chill bumps, will you marry me? Will you accept this love I have for you in my heart!?

“I said yes then, I’m saying yes today and I’ll say yes everyday you ask! I DO! I DO! I DO!”

The preacher laughed because she didn’t say her vows, she just skipped over all that and said “I do!” But it wasn’t a laughing matter to me, she was my wife, it was her day, she could do what she wanted!

“I DO!”

He just looked at us, “It seems my work here is done, place the ring on her finger.”

I did and she cried, this was going to be the best sex ever tonight. “By the Holy Father and the State of Texas I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your Bride!”

Have I been on your mind?

You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time

At the mention of my name, will I ever know

How it feels to hold you close

And have you tell me which ever road I chose you’ll go

I don’t know why I’m scared, I’ve been here before

Every feeling every word, I’ve imagined it all,

You never know if you never tried to forgive your past

And simply be mine