A Day In Florida; A Day I Wont Forget

airportWe’ve all been at home watching the news and you see something unimaginable happen and what’s the first thing you think, “That’s horrible!” Even though in the back of your mind what you don’t want to admit to yourself is, “I’m happy it wasn’t someone I loved.” This doesn’t make you a bad person or an evil person, it makes you human. None of us want to pass an accident on the road and imagine it’s our child or woman or mother.

So today as I’m boarding my plane to Havana and buckling my seatbelt I look at my phone one last time before I put it in airplane mode and the CNN update says, “There has just been a shooting at the Ft. Lauderdale airport in Florida.” An airport I just left my girlfriend at, an airport my cousin works out of often. The flight from Miami to Cuba is 45 minutes and that was the longest 45 minutes of my life.

When I arrive in Cuba there’s no WIFI, no cable, they have their own cellular network, everyone speaks Spanish and I notice no-one is on their phone tweeting or texting or snapchatting. My mom tries to call me and the call drops, my girl tries to call me and the call drops, customs doesn’t want to let me leave Cuba because they’re wondering why I landed and stayed for three hours just to leave. What’s supposed to be this perfect vacation to start of 2017 has turned into this nightmare moving in slow motion. The not knowing killing me more than bullets ever could.

After a plane ride, a bus ride, a train ride and AT&T suspending my service for using my phone in Cuba I’m waiting at a train station in Miami. Half my luggage gone, lost or stolen and half my heart in the pit of my stomach. Who do I see pulling up to greet me, the two women that seem to always have it together but managed to scare me to death.

My phone now functional I get text after text, call after call, message after message. Telling me in the heart of the storm my reporter put aside her fear and told the world a story that needed to be told. In the blink of an eye she owned her courage and did her job.

Why Is My Generation Producing So Many Weak Men?

dwhiteI remember sitting in the garage as a kid and listening to my grandfather and our next door neighbor talk about everything from their wives to work. Men have always talked to each other and has conversations, gossiped but it was usually with each other. One man to another, not six or seven guys in a group chat.

I’m not going to sit on this computer and be that guy that’s mocking men for wearing skinny jeans and sweat pants that look like they belong to a 12 year old girl running track. Maybe that’s the style now and it’s a generational thing but I am going to condemn men for no longer wanting to be men.

This isn’t about being gay or straight or transsexual. That’s not what I mean by not wanting to be a man. I simply mean, we have too many guys out here that take more pleasure in taking selfies or arguing online than they do taking out the trash.

I’m sure women get messaged on social media all the time but ask most women when is the last time a man walked over to them, introduced himself. Started a conversation and was interesting and funny and at the end of that encounter, asked for a phone number or a date? It rarely happens anymore, guys would rather argue online about why women suck than actually pursue them. Comment on pictures and get mad when they don’t get a response. It’s not okay and it’s getting worse.

My father’s generation of men dropped the ball. I know too many men and women in their late 20’s to early 40’s that have no relationship or screwed up relationships with their father’s. Men that don’t know what it means to be strong because they never saw it. I know too many guys that have moved from their mothers house to their woman’s house and the only difference is they respect their mom.

It doesn’t make you weak because you don’t make the money your woman makes or because you’re going through a hard time. It makes you weak when you aren’t trying and when you’re too proud to accept help and it’s at the expense of your relationships well being.

You ever been siting on the couch watching a game and your women comes out the room and asks, “How do I look?” She does a little spin and smiles and you give her that look like, “You aren’t wearing that out this house or if I’m not with you.” She knows it’s not coming from insecurity or being controlling. The respect she has for you and your opinion makes her go in that room and change, she respects your strength, even if she feels like the dress isn’t that short or tight. She’ll do it for your peace of mind. When you’re a weak guy, you can’t make those types of request. Asking her to change, to cook when she’s tired, to come home early because you miss her. You can do that when she knows you hold her down.

How Much Is A Life Worth?

batonThis past week has opened up my eyes to what so many people see me as. When you get caught up in being in your bubble you tend to forget that there’s a world out there that will always see you as a nigger. In my 6 years of writing this blog, this may be my first time saying this word.

These past two weeks have opened my eyes to something I was ignorant too. No matter your education, your intelligence level. The way you speak or the way you dress, too certain segments of this population seeing a black face means the same.
The moment I walked into my doctor’s office and told them I had an accident the first question they asked me was, “What lawyer sent you?” Thought that was odd but okay. I go back a week later and tell them I need a refill on my prescription, they ask, “You sure you’re in pain?” Thought that was odd but okay. I tell them my job needs an update and I’m told, “We can make sure you’re off work for months if you don’t want to work. They’ll pay for it.” Now it’s not odd, now there’s no okay. I want my fingers to heal so I can write, I want my shoulder to not feel like it’s in a vice grip every time I sit down or lie down. These implications that I’m a scammer or junkie or don’t want to work are offensive. “But sir, we didn’t ummm…” You didn’t what? Realize that these dumb ass assumptions are either racist or ignorant?

We can tell these boys and men out here to speak better English. To present yourself better, to watch how you talk to people, hold your head down, don’t make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t ask questions, don’t put yourself in a position to be misunderstood and shot. What is it going to take for us to stop asking these questions? To stop going at each other and realize we need each other? Would it be easier if a man like me was shot? A guy with no criminal record and no questionable pictures, a guy that has hundreds of blogs and articles people can quote? Life is life and not everyone’s life comes in a pretty package but they still deserve that life if they haven’t done anything to lose it.

An Open Letter to the Father’s That Weren’t There; It’s Not too Late

img_0173I didn’t want to post this on yesterday because I believe that Father’s Day is reserved for the men that deserve to get recognition. The ones that takes turns getting up at night when the baby is crying. The dads that have to rush home from work to get to little league practices and then help with homework because mom has to cook dinner. Those men deserve all the days of being spoiled they can get.

Life isn’t lunch meat or milk. There’s no expiration date on when you can say, “I need to start over,” or “I want to make things right.” There are so many father’s out here that weren’t there when their children were kids and they don’t know how to make that right. It’s too late for ice cream and Barbie dolls or GI Joes. It’s too late for camping in the backyard and little league games. So they just let year after year go until they’re strangers to the people that share their DNA. Not realizing it’s never too late to at the very least have a friendship.

Holding grudges against your father for not being there only hurts you. I spent years trying to be a better man than my father and in the end I’m no better than him because the ultimate character of a man is to be able to forgive. A lot of our father’s just weren’t ready for fatherhood. They didn’t know how to be dads and by the time they were willing to try or realized their mistakes it was too late. At least in their eyes. So it’s up to us to reach out to them, maybe we’ll never have the father/ son relationship we craved as children but there’s value in becoming their friend. In getting to know where you came from. There’s value in your children knowing where they came from.

The easiest thing in the world is to make a mistake or screw up and walk away. Saying to yourself, “They were good without me as children, so why would they need me as teenagers or adults?” Just because a child grows up doesn’t mean he or she ever stops being your child. Even if it’s just a phone call once a week or Sunday dinner at Popeye’s, that quality time does wonders.

How the Last Great American President Lead to the Death of a Nation

President Obama and TrumpI thought if we just ignored Trump he would go away. Sort of like a summer cold. I don’t need to take any medicine because I’ll be okay in a day or two, it’s summer. Well my friends, it’s not summer anymore and we still have that cold. I thought writing about him, tweeting about him, Facebooking about him; those things would just give him more attention. He lives off attention. However, it’s almost a year later and he’s the Republican nominee for President. I think it’s time to stop ignoring him.

How do you destroy arguably the greatest Republic the world has ever known? You don’t have a once in a lifetime flood that puts the country under water. You don’t have a volcano that erupts and covers the country in lava. You don’t even have nuclear war that takes out millions of people and brings down skyscrapers and schools.

You destroy a country with a 4 step process. Racism, money and arrogance.

Racism

The number of hate groups in this country has grown by over 500% since the moment President Obama took office. We as a country ignored that racism still existed, of course we’d made progress since water hoses, dogs and separate water fountains but the culture and mentality never went away. The more popular President Obama became, the more resentment and hate started to build. So much so that by his second term you had United States Congressman and Senators openly saying they would veto everything and not work with him. There are certain counties in this country that have threatened to leave America because President Obama is our President. These people needed a voice. They needed someone that would feed into their hate and that voice became Donald Trump.

Money

Americans like wealth. We like the idea of someone building something and working for themselves. In Donald Trump a lot of Americans see a guy that came from nothing to something and is going to “Make America Great Again” by creating jobs. The problem with this logic is Donald Trump borrowed money from his father to start his first business. He had connections and was able to go bankrupt and just start over. But we live in a world of “Do as I say and not as I do.” So already tired of the Republicans they couldn’t relate to, they chose a man whose money they could relate to.

Arrogance

The Republican party thought they could play with fire and not get burnt. They thought they could walk the line of racism, sexism, inequality and there be no repercussions. They created a monster in the tea party and now they can’t control that monster. You have Senators and Congressman that are qualified to run this country and they can’t even get 2% of votes because the public sees them as empty suits. The sad thing is had they worked with President Obama and given him and his policies a chance. Trump would still be hosting TV shows instead of being 4 months away from the most important job on this earth.

There is a very simple and scary way Donald Trump can become President of the United States of America. Most Americans don’t vote. Hilary Clinton and Bernie Sanders both have supporters that will not vote for the other. So what happens if people that hate President Obama and simply vote Republican have a bigger turnout than those that don’t? I know people right now that think, “There’s no way Trump can win,” so I’m not voting. Have that mindset and America won’t be great again but will be at war again and again and again.

The Arrogance of A Man

dwhiteEven the smartest man can be a fool and not even know it.

Living life blind to the resentment, to the needs of those closest to his heart.

The arrogance of believing that Camelot won’t come crashing down.

The arrogance of believing that what was once pure cannot become tainted.

 

The best of intentions become clouded by the worst of judgements.

The most confident decisions become blinded by moments of insecurity and inadequacy gift wrapped in lies and deception.

The most memorable moments become soaked in insincerity.

The love becomes resentment.

 

Her own arrogance, her own ego, tell her what she needs to do. Tell her what she has to do. To not only win but to survive.

None of those are stronger than her heart. For heart betrays her and her resentment doesn’t push away love but embraces love and makes the hurt that much more painful.

“Do you know how many I have turned down?”

“Do you know how they look at me?”

“Do you know what you did to me?”

More questions than an SAT exam and not nearly enough answers.

More doubt than a tied football game in the closing seconds but there can be no winner.

 

Looking into her eyes, her tears tearing a hole in his soul, her anguish ripping at the fabric of his manhood.

Wanting to fix it all in one night, wanting to heal it all in one moment.

Needing to turn back the hands of time and give her the time she’d been cheated of. Give her the opportunities taken away from her like a thief in the night.

Wanting her to hate him so that she wouldn’t seem so perfect, even in her pain.

 

The arrogance of a man goes against forgiveness.

The love of a woman embraces it.

Knowing that a man could touch her or inhale her after him cuts like a sword through flesh and bone and hurts just as much.

Knowing that her love was no longer guaranteed.

His arrogance died.

Thoughts Before the Dawn 

I miss my grandmother and it’s easy to go on with life during the day. It’s not easy at 5:00am. 
I sometimes wonder if my vices will get the best of me. If i’ll die with a glass in my hand and a bottle at my feet. 

I worry that I’ll never have children. That I can’t have children. That I’ll never stand in a hospital room looking at my child that’s a perfect mix between me and his mother. 

I worry that I’m but the writer I believe I am. That I haven’t put any books out in 4 years because I believe they’ll flop. 

I worry that I’m incapable of ever truly loving anyone. Worry that there’s something broke inside of me. 

– Demez