An Open Letter to the Father’s That Weren’t There; It’s Not too Late

img_0173I didn’t want to post this on yesterday because I believe that Father’s Day is reserved for the men that deserve to get recognition. The ones that takes turns getting up at night when the baby is crying. The dads that have to rush home from work to get to little league practices and then help with homework because mom has to cook dinner. Those men deserve all the days of being spoiled they can get.

Life isn’t lunch meat or milk. There’s no expiration date on when you can say, “I need to start over,” or “I want to make things right.” There are so many father’s out here that weren’t there when their children were kids and they don’t know how to make that right. It’s too late for ice cream and Barbie dolls or GI Joes. It’s too late for camping in the backyard and little league games. So they just let year after year go until they’re strangers to the people that share their DNA. Not realizing it’s never too late to at the very least have a friendship.

Holding grudges against your father for not being there only hurts you. I spent years trying to be a better man than my father and in the end I’m no better than him because the ultimate character of a man is to be able to forgive. A lot of our father’s just weren’t ready for fatherhood. They didn’t know how to be dads and by the time they were willing to try or realized their mistakes it was too late. At least in their eyes. So it’s up to us to reach out to them, maybe we’ll never have the father/ son relationship we craved as children but there’s value in becoming their friend. In getting to know where you came from. There’s value in your children knowing where they came from.

The easiest thing in the world is to make a mistake or screw up and walk away. Saying to yourself, “They were good without me as children, so why would they need me as teenagers or adults?” Just because a child grows up doesn’t mean he or she ever stops being your child. Even if it’s just a phone call once a week or Sunday dinner at Popeye’s, that quality time does wonders.

How the Last Great American President Lead to the Death of a Nation

President Obama and TrumpI thought if we just ignored Trump he would go away. Sort of like a summer cold. I don’t need to take any medicine because I’ll be okay in a day or two, it’s summer. Well my friends, it’s not summer anymore and we still have that cold. I thought writing about him, tweeting about him, Facebooking about him; those things would just give him more attention. He lives off attention. However, it’s almost a year later and he’s the Republican nominee for President. I think it’s time to stop ignoring him.

How do you destroy arguably the greatest Republic the world has ever known? You don’t have a once in a lifetime flood that puts the country under water. You don’t have a volcano that erupts and covers the country in lava. You don’t even have nuclear war that takes out millions of people and brings down skyscrapers and schools.

You destroy a country with a 4 step process. Racism, money and arrogance.

Racism

The number of hate groups in this country has grown by over 500% since the moment President Obama took office. We as a country ignored that racism still existed, of course we’d made progress since water hoses, dogs and separate water fountains but the culture and mentality never went away. The more popular President Obama became, the more resentment and hate started to build. So much so that by his second term you had United States Congressman and Senators openly saying they would veto everything and not work with him. There are certain counties in this country that have threatened to leave America because President Obama is our President. These people needed a voice. They needed someone that would feed into their hate and that voice became Donald Trump.

Money

Americans like wealth. We like the idea of someone building something and working for themselves. In Donald Trump a lot of Americans see a guy that came from nothing to something and is going to “Make America Great Again” by creating jobs. The problem with this logic is Donald Trump borrowed money from his father to start his first business. He had connections and was able to go bankrupt and just start over. But we live in a world of “Do as I say and not as I do.” So already tired of the Republicans they couldn’t relate to, they chose a man whose money they could relate to.

Arrogance

The Republican party thought they could play with fire and not get burnt. They thought they could walk the line of racism, sexism, inequality and there be no repercussions. They created a monster in the tea party and now they can’t control that monster. You have Senators and Congressman that are qualified to run this country and they can’t even get 2% of votes because the public sees them as empty suits. The sad thing is had they worked with President Obama and given him and his policies a chance. Trump would still be hosting TV shows instead of being 4 months away from the most important job on this earth.

There is a very simple and scary way Donald Trump can become President of the United States of America. Most Americans don’t vote. Hilary Clinton and Bernie Sanders both have supporters that will not vote for the other. So what happens if people that hate President Obama and simply vote Republican have a bigger turnout than those that don’t? I know people right now that think, “There’s no way Trump can win,” so I’m not voting. Have that mindset and America won’t be great again but will be at war again and again and again.

The Arrogance of A Man

dwhiteEven the smartest man can be a fool and not even know it.

Living life blind to the resentment, to the needs of those closest to his heart.

The arrogance of believing that Camelot won’t come crashing down.

The arrogance of believing that what was once pure cannot become tainted.

 

The best of intentions become clouded by the worst of judgements.

The most confident decisions become blinded by moments of insecurity and inadequacy gift wrapped in lies and deception.

The most memorable moments become soaked in insincerity.

The love becomes resentment.

 

Her own arrogance, her own ego, tell her what she needs to do. Tell her what she has to do. To not only win but to survive.

None of those are stronger than her heart. For heart betrays her and her resentment doesn’t push away love but embraces love and makes the hurt that much more painful.

“Do you know how many I have turned down?”

“Do you know how they look at me?”

“Do you know what you did to me?”

More questions than an SAT exam and not nearly enough answers.

More doubt than a tied football game in the closing seconds but there can be no winner.

 

Looking into her eyes, her tears tearing a hole in his soul, her anguish ripping at the fabric of his manhood.

Wanting to fix it all in one night, wanting to heal it all in one moment.

Needing to turn back the hands of time and give her the time she’d been cheated of. Give her the opportunities taken away from her like a thief in the night.

Wanting her to hate him so that she wouldn’t seem so perfect, even in her pain.

 

The arrogance of a man goes against forgiveness.

The love of a woman embraces it.

Knowing that a man could touch her or inhale her after him cuts like a sword through flesh and bone and hurts just as much.

Knowing that her love was no longer guaranteed.

His arrogance died.

Thoughts Before the Dawn 

I miss my grandmother and it’s easy to go on with life during the day. It’s not easy at 5:00am. 
I sometimes wonder if my vices will get the best of me. If i’ll die with a glass in my hand and a bottle at my feet. 

I worry that I’ll never have children. That I can’t have children. That I’ll never stand in a hospital room looking at my child that’s a perfect mix between me and his mother. 

I worry that I’m but the writer I believe I am. That I haven’t put any books out in 4 years because I believe they’ll flop. 

I worry that I’m incapable of ever truly loving anyone. Worry that there’s something broke inside of me. 

– Demez 

Find Someone That Can Help You

IMG_0629When I was growing up my grandfather and uncles would always tell me to “find a woman that can help you.” And I never really understood what they were saying because for the most part they all worked and paid all the bills. Were they telling me to get a woman that would “take care of me?” Were they telling me to be a leech? That literally made no sense to me, especially coming from them.

Now that I’m older I’m starting to understand what they meant and it has nothing to do with a woman “taking care of you.” I believe it has to do with finding a woman that understands she has to be someone that knows what she has to do. That knows it not only takes more than one income but knows how to make moves that will benefit the relationship.

This is the thing about life. If you aren’t going forward, you’re going backwards, because even if you’re standing still you aren’t progressing.

I’m at work listening to this new Drake album and one thing stands out to me. He keeps referencing that “I did this all by myself.” And it’s music so I won’t take it literally but I have noticed that our generation has this mindset of, “I’m doing this alone and that makes me cool.” The thing is though, none of us do this alone. No man or woman is an island and what’s important is that you find someone who wants to not only help you keep your island afloat but who wants to make your island the best island ever.

I never write about marriage because I’m not even engaged nor have I ever been married. I’d feel like a snake oil salesman trying to tell a woman how to be a wife or a man how to be a husband. But I do often write from my own mistakes. I have been with women that weren’t doing so well and instead of being supportive or calming I was an asshole. Dismissive, belittling, impatient. Everything I tell men not to be. Finding someone that can help you isn’t just finding someone to split bills with. It’s finding someone that will understand when there’s no money to split bills with. That will still see your worth after life happens. Anyone can help with a check, can you help when the light at the end of the tunnel feels 500 miles away?

A Person You Used to Know

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Have you ever been trying to find an email or some information so you’re looking through old messages and you come across someone you used to talk to everyday? When you think back to that moment in your life you would have thought it was unimaginable that you’d never talk to that person again. But it happened. Now they’re just a part of your history, memories that will fade as you get older and someone new has taken their spot.

One day you’re sitting at work wondering what you can do for her to make her smile. One day you’re worried because her stomach won’t stop hurting or she has these headaches that won’t go away. So you read somewhere that taking too much Tylenol is dangerous so you’re googling green tea recipes’ and different ways for her to get better. You go from all this to nothing, not even a text on a birthday or a card when you find out someone important to her has died.

In those moments right after it happens you’re sick, sick that you ever met her, sick that you ever loved her, sick that you still want her. In those moments you literally can’t imagine life without her but guess what happens? Time happens.

A week turns into a month. A month turns into several months, a year turns into making different memories. Instead of planning a wedding you’re planning a trip alone. Instead of game night you’re at a sports bar talking to strangers like you’re bestfriends.

Caring about someone more than you care about anyone on this earth and in the blink of an eye you aren’t even on speaking terms. That’s going to leave a bruise but bruises heal. It’s going to hurt, you’ll want answers some nights, some nights you’ll want to hold them, some nights you’ll want to fight them and then one night you’ll stop dreaming about what could have been. Part of being human is having feelings. It’s not just feeling and tasting the beauty but also the hurt.

Maybe it’s right person, wrong time.

Maybe it’s right time, wrong person.

Maybe you just messed up.

Either way, life goes on.

Trying to Keep My Faith

IMG_0001It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything. Awhile for me is a week or so. I just woke up this morning with the desire to put my words down. For me faith is knowing something is going to happen or believing in something even though it hasn’t happened yet.

I have really good days and I have bad days. More good than bad but if I’m being honest there haven’t been too many good days lately. The funny thing is because of these bad days I keep feeling like I’m losing my faith but once I take a step back I realize my faith has been keeping me going.

Growing up my grandparents always told me to watch the company I keep. They told me that I didn’t need to travel in packs. “If you’re going to get in trouble, get in trouble by yourself.” My grandfather loved saying that even though I never actually got in any trouble. I regret that now. I regret not being more open to friendships.

There are times when I just need to talk, have a beer on the back of my truck with a friend and just talk. I never cultivated those friendships so here I am. That scares me.

I’m at a point in my life where I have no doubt I will be a success professionally. My writing is evolving, my readership is growing every day. I’m going to put out three novels this year and all of them are different. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve always wanted to be and sometimes I wonder if there’s a trade-off? Did me being a loner help me with my writing but made me anti-social with everything else in my life?

I once read that every great artist is tortured. That you can’t be a writer without pain. I always thought that was written by people who didn’t know how to write. Now I understand it. Now I understand that in order to find the words you have to live in the darkness.

 

Who Do You Run To?

Life is defined by moments. dwhite

In-between going to work and making up the bed and brushing our teeth there are moments that shape us. Moments that make us who we are and stay with us. When you’re having a bad day, when you’re having a good day, when you just need to talk to someone. Who is it that you run to?

For some it’s their best friend, for some it’s their mother or sister. For most people in a relationship it’s going to be their significant other. That moment you get good news, he or she is the first person that pops in your mind. He or she is the only person you want to share that news with.

If they aren’t, they should be. It’s not just good news though, when your heart is broken and you need someone to help you put it back together, that man or woman you say you’re in love with; that should be the person you go to first. The person you talk to. If it’s not, then they don’t need to be in your life.

Accepting truths aren’t always easy because feelings get involved, comfort levels get involved. But if you’re more comfortable texting a friend or a random guy on twitter than you are the person you’re with; you just aren’t with the right person. Sometimes we get so caught up in who someone is that we don’t stop and think about how that person makes us feel.

You Can’t Be the Source of Her Tears and Wonder Why You Aren’t the Source of Her Happiness

FB-Ring.jpg You Can’t Be the Source of Her Tears and Wonder Why You Aren’t the Source of Her Happiness

Have you ever seen a woman cry? Have you ever seen her not be able to control her tears because she loves you that much and she’s hurting just that badly?

As men we have to be leaders and protectors and that’s not hard to do. You hear a strange noise outside, you tell her to lock the door and you grab the bat or gun and go see what it is. You see a mouse, you don’t jump on a chair, you kill it. You see it’s been raining all week and now it’s a beautiful Saturday; wash her car. What we seem to be failing to protect more than anything is hearts.

A lot of men look at tears as weakness or heartbreak. That’s not true. If a woman still loves you, she’ll cry for you and fuss at you and hate that she loves you. Her tears aren’t tears of, “I can’t do this anymore.” They’re tears of, “Why can’t this man just realize I love him like I’ve never loved another?” You can’t ask her to stop crying when you’re the reason she’s crying. You can’t ask her to be happy and forget about that argument last night because you’re the reason you argued.

You can take her to her favorite restaurant and buy her something to wear with shoes to match. You can book plane tickets to Egypt or Belize and take a dozen pictures of her soaking in the sites, sounds and people. You can try and do everything to make her smile, to make her laugh. The ironic thing is, all you need to do is be the man she’s crying over.

Texting the most inappropriate and flirty things as soon as you leave the driveway for work. Recording her singing in the kitchen or snoring, when she swears she doesn’t, and sending it to her in the middle of the day with a caption like… “If you don’t go out with me tonight I’m going to let the world know you snore.” Getting her to understand and feel as though you’re her bestfriend and loving her, hearing about her day, laughing at her corny jokes. That all those things, all those small things, add up to her not crying and being happy.

You Don’t Have to Put Her Down to Lift Her Up

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n I don’t often talk in absolutes but this is the one instance I will. Some of us are really bad at being adults. What does that mean? We don’t know how to be mature and view things from the standpoint of “Everything isn’t about me.”

If you’re the type of man that has to put down the woman you used to claim to love in order to make another woman feel better about herself than the simple truth is you probably aren’t capable of loving the woman you’re putting her down for. Some relationships aren’t going to work. No matter how hard we try or how much we want it; they just don’t happen. That doesn’t mean that the love that existed between the two of you vanished. So telling the world how much he or she sucks or is worthless says more about you than the person you’re trashing.

I’ve seen people that were head over heels in love with someone in December talk about them like a dog in February. I’ve seen people that couldn’t stop letting us know when they were on a plane together or at their favorite restaurant look at that same person in disgust. When breakups first happen, they hurt like hell. There’s resentment, anger, jealously, rage, depression but at some point the sun is going to come out. That’s when you have to decide whether or not you’re going to move on.

Putting down someone us to let another person know how dope they are just isn’t cool and ask yourself one question. Should the foundation that you have with her be based on what you didn’t have with someone else?