Faith Over Everything 

  The last time I was in a chapel at a hospital was the morning my grandfather died. When I walked in there were people of all races and religions praying because disease has no gender or color. Death doesn’t have a minimum or maximum age requirement.
That morning I got on my knees and didn’t ask God for anything but peace for my grandfather. Being here now, in this same chapel, my faith has grown stronger. I didn’t talk to God for a long time after that; that loss and anger overwhelming me. It wasn’t until I accepted that same peace that I asked for that I was able to move on. 
~ Demez

Late Night Thoughts

I don’t feel great right now. I’m sure it’s the flu but I haven’t had that in so long I can’t be 100% positive. Sitting on top of I-10 watching my crew work all I want is for them to finish so I can go home and get in bed.

My grandfather has to have another surgery tomorrow because the leg they cut off isn’t healing. The last time I saw him it took everything in me not to cry when he told me to go get his wheelchair so he could go home. I feel like they’re just gutting him piece by piece and the shit is eating me up inside!

Yesterday when I got off I saw my grandmother next door cleaning her flower beds. I got some trash bags and went over to start picking up the stuff she trimmed. I got Ethan out the house and told him that men help in the yard. He took it so serious. His dad isn’t around and I feel like its my responsibility to teach him. I gave him two dollars and told him he did a great job, he lit up. That made my day.

My aunt is always talking about taking them and moving far away. That scares the hell out of me; those kids saved me. Added years to my grandparents lives.

Pillow talk. I miss that so much, I should be having that instead of writing. I’m 30 and there are days where I feel like Superman and days where I feel like an utter fucking failure. I keep waiting for that person to tell me I’m not and I believe them.

I can see myself becoming mean, becoming recluse and I know if I don’t fix it quick something bad will happen.

Just pray for me.

20131119-220624.jpg

F*cking the Pain Away…

He needed more than my words, more than my condolences. Pulling him into the empty hospital room, stepping out of my panties and pushing him on the bed I found his mouth and kissed him like he needed to be kissed. Kissed him so he could forget what he’d just heard, kissed him so he’d remember why that bitch did what she did! Unzipping his pants and taking him in my mouth I felt like I was sucking his soul out of him! His hands running through my hair, the moisture in my mouth getting wetter and wetter with each tug of my hair.

Licking up and down and looked him in his red, dark eyes and came up. Pulling up my dress, sitting on top of him it took me a minute to get past the pain. Four years of fingers and vibrators didn’t prepare me for his girth but once I was on he fit like a glove.

Up!

Down!

Up!

Down!

He put his hand over my mouth as a rode him to stop the groaning but I couldn’t control it, the pain and hate and years of build up were leaking out of me and onto him. Being on top of him was like being on top of a fucking rocket that was ready to explode!

I leaned down and took his tongue in his mouth, he could taste his self on my lips. His finger in my ass, his tongue in my mouth I could feel the orgasm coming, I could feel his dick in my stomach!

“Get it out baby! Get it out! I licked the salty tears coming out of his eyes and sucked away his pain!

Pain was pleasure and pleasure was pain!

He flipped me over! And put me on my stomach, spread my legs and licked my ass before he put himself inside of me from behind! I gripped the rail on the hospital bed and tried to throw it back but his strokes were shooting chills thru my body paralyzing me with pleasure! I didn’t remember him being this rough but feeling his tears fall on my back I knew he needed to get it out! I knew he needed to find an outlet for the pain he was feeling. Biting the back of my neck and pulling my hair I knew he was cumming. I knew he was putting his seed inside of me to replace the seed he’d just lost. Our love was volatile but it was real.