4 Reasons You Don’t Want A Good Man

If you made it pass the title and are reading this, I won’t play with your emotions. This isn’t a blog about why women don’t want “good men,” it’s a blog about why being a good man is becoming as cliche as saying, “I’m giving 100%.”

You want to know what kind of man constantly has to remind the world and women that he’s a “good man?” The sort of man that sweats insecurity and has to mask it by letting the world know he is who he thinks he is. I’m not a good man, if I’m being honest, I’m probably more flawed than most. But what I am is a man that recognizes my faults and is willing to try.

Four- I said it earlier but if a man is constantly telling you how good of a catch he is or how he’s this great guy you should probably run. It’s sort of like those women that put, “Kim ‘Beautiful’ Jones as their Facebook name. Do women that get 10 inboxes a day and have exes from 2007 still sending text like, “So what do you want for Christmas?” Have to say, “I’m beautiful? Nah. If you’re that dude or that women, people know. Believe me.

Three- Good guys have the tendency to be “yes men.” A lot of women think they want a man that’s going to cater to them but it’s sort of like eating a food you love every night of the week. Eventually you’ll just get tired of it. Guys that cater to a woman’s every need forget one thing. Half the time women don’t know what they want themselves and they need aggression, conflict, tension, force. They need for a man to take control and say “I told your ass no! You’re not going out tonight. Now take off those clothes, get back on this couch and let’s watch this episode of Empire we DVR’d.”

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Two- Good guys let the better man win. Or sometimes he doesn’t even have to be the better man. He could just be the man that’s going harder for her affections than he is. It’s the “honorable” thing to do. Women aren’t playing games or trying to make you see how valuable she is when she decides to entertain another man. Sometimes it’s as simple as, men get comfortable and stop being the man that we were when you got her. It’s okay to fight for the woman you believe is destined to have your children. It’s okay to let your testosterone ring and tell that guy, “If you call my girl again, I’ll beat your ass.” Being a man isn’t always about taking the high road or being a good guy. Sometimes it’s just about letting that animalistic instinct out and being a man in our most primitive form.

One- Good guys worry about hurting women. Every man should want to worry about hurting women but when you love hard, when you love on a level that has no boundaries. Sometimes there are casualties. Good guys take off clothes slowly and wait till she’s had a shower and is comfortable. It’s necessary sometimes to rip the buttons on that blouse she loves, to kiss her and push her up against a door after she’s been at work for 9 hours. It’s okay to tell her the truth and make her cry when all she needed was for you to lie to her while she vents. Love isn’t always pretty, it isn’t always nice and good. Sometimes love is harsh and rough and nasty but that love is perfectly imperfect.

Dear God; I’m A Flawed Man

IMG_0128 Dear God,

I can be insecure at times. If I’m being honest at 4am on a Tuesday morning I can be insecure a lot of the times. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the writer I see myself being in my head. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the husband or father I make the characters in my stories out to be. My insecurities are masked by my talent, by my ability to stop people from getting close to me. My insecurities protect me from my fears.

Fears that consume me. Fears that I drown in the unrelenting sea of bottles that have come to comfort me. Fears that hold my confidence in their hands like the oceans hold fish and ships. Fears that I’m not sure I will ever overcome. Fears that aren’t based in race or religion or sex but fears that are based in emotional and mental uncertainty.

Why is it that I was created this way? Why is it that I can’t see what everyone else seems to see in me? Does it make me weak? Does it make me undeserving of the life you’ve given me? Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going or where I’m destined to be. Sometimes I don’t know just how much my life matters or is going to matter in this world. There are times I’ve looked for signs, prayed for guidance only to feel more lost than when I first fell to my knees.

Last week at this same time before the sun rose I stood on a beach letting the waves wash over me looking out into the horizon trying to see my future. Trying to see if I could be a man better than my father, trying to see if I can be a man better than the man I am now. As the sun rose and my eyes burned from the salt and the tears I couldn’t see it. Falling to my knees in that sand I felt as though. I felt as though I felt nothing which is the worst feeling in the world.

Will I lose everything dear to me, everyone I love? Will I forsake the love you have for me and fall to doubt, envy, insecurity, fear? Or will I rise. Will I grow into the King’s blood that pumps into my flawed heart?

I write about relationships and love. I write about life and responsibility. And even though I have an amazing woman in my life and an amazing family at times I feel as though they’re all an illusion. A dream that turns into a nightmare when I awake and they’re no longer going to be here.

For a man that prides himself on not really needing friends and being able to spend hours and days alone just writing; the thought of being alone in this world scares me more than standing on a beach with a sword waiting on a thousand ships with 10,000 soldiers bearing down on me. Death doesn’t scare me, war or tension don’t scare me. But the idea, the thought of dying unaccomplished or alone scares me to death.

This morning, I just want to talk to you God, write to you. To ask that you don’t give up on me. To ask that you don’t allow me to give up on myself. I will keep fighting with your help. I will keep living with your help. I just need you.

In Your Darling Son Jesus’s Name,

Amen

~ Demez

Don’t Call Her Insecure Unless You’re Willing to Call Yourself Insincere

Cute Sweatshirts

Cute Sweatshirts

What’s worse than being lied to? It’s having the feeling that you’re crazy. Some women call it intuition, some men call it having a feeling in your gut but it’s all the same for all of us. Those moments where you’re in the shower or driving to work and something just doesn’t feel right.

You can’t put your hand on it, you don’t have any real proof but whatever it is, is just nagging at you. A part of you wants to ask questions, investigate but you don’t want to be crazy. He’s already told you everything is okay, there’s nothing going on so why sabotage your own happiness?

As men and even women in some cases a well-placed or timed lie that you think does no harm makes all the sense in the world in that moment. “I don’t want to argue so let me just tell them what I think they want to hear.” The problem is maybe you can get away with one small lie but small lies often lead to bigger lies and now her insecurities are rooted in your insincerity. Insecurity and insincerity are like termites, constantly eating away and ripping at the foundation. On the outside everything looks fine, the house is clean and the dishes are put away but right beneath the surface is chaos.

In the past I’ve written about gender roles. Being a man isn’t about opening a door or buying dinner, of course those things will put a smile on her face but it’s more than that. Most women, regardless of how many articles or “love experts” tell you otherwise only want honesty. They only want you to be the man you were when they first met. They don’t want to have to guess at whether or not you’re going to be a different guy every day.

Making her feel like she’s crazy because she has doubts when you know you’ve given her reasons to have doubts is not cool. There’s a good chance you’ll lose her and is anything worth that?

~ Demez F. White

Beauty: A Gift and a Curse

Curious

Curious

When people look at her, they see perfection. They see those eyes that light up any room, they see that body that can make the most unflattering clothes look amazing! Hips, breasts, smooth skin, men literally sell out friends and fall over themselves trying to get her to smile at them.

Her beauty is the stuff that legends are made of, her attractiveness is what makes men write songs and novels but there’s something people just don’t know.

Being beautiful isn’t always so simple.

Men don’t take no for an answer more often than not, relationships become almost impossible to end because the thought of someone taking something so perfect, so beautiful from a man is not something we can deal with all the time.

I can only speak from a male perspective, the feeling I get when I walk into a restaurant or a bar or a football game with the most attractive woman in the building, THERE IS NOT ANOTHER FEELING LIKE THAT and this is coming from a man that goes out of his way not to be stifling.

So I get the allure of not wanting to let a woman like this go, the allure of feeling like persistence isn’t annoyance. I can read and speak to women on a level that most men can’t, I guess it’s my gift and curse and from my experiences beautiful women have it the worse because people envy that. They’re afraid of that.

Women don’t like them because of simple insecurities and jealousies.

Men don’t like them because they can’t have them and that leads to rudeness and animosity. Life isn’t fair or easy for that level of viciousness. Why am I writing about this today? It’s Thursday, this article should be more upbeat, more sexy but I’m writing about this because this is Thursday! The day of putting on the tight dress, the day of getting your hair fixed and nails done and sleeping in on weekend.

It’s the night that men fall in love with the perfectly flawed woman. Tonight will lead to a first date which will lead to a first kiss which will lead to a broken heart.

That beautiful woman. What know one knows is she grew up in one of the worst neighborhoods in Germany, she came to America and had to deal with things that would have broken most men or women.

That beautiful woman. What people don’t know is her child’s father refuses to help her with their daughter because she won’t be with him, he threatens her with court and lies because he would rather have her hate him and be in his life then not have her at all.

That beautiful woman. What people don’t know is she’s more than qualified at her job but men can’t stop staring at her long enough to take her seriously. Maybe they don’t flirt, maybe they don’t grab her ass but their eyes tell it all.

That beautiful woman. She hates asking for even the smallest favor because that leads to texts and calls and misinterpretations.

Being average is being average.

Being above average is cool.

Being beautiful is walking a thin line, I don’t think most women would give it up but I know most women get tired of always having to deal with the pitfalls that come with it.

Having written all this I still hope to find the most arrogantly beautiful woman one day and go crazy over her. That’s the American dream right?

You all enjoy your weekend.

What You Won’t Do… Another Man Will

hot-sec.jpgI often write very glowingly about women, pretty much on a daily basis. I do this because I’m a positive person, what I don’t say, what I don’t really write about is how many really manipulative and nasty women there are in this world and there are a lot. Not too many women are going to fall in that top 10 percentile.

Beauty.

Brains.

Heart.

Ambition.

Intelligence.

Sex Appeal.

So when men find one like that I think what happens is they get spoiled and the longer she’s in his life, the more he takes for granted just how special she is. Especially if he isn’t her equal. If we looked at things from a biblical, religious point of view… we’re all created equal. We’re all God’s children. But this is the real world and in the real world we’re judged by our actions, our motives, our ambitions, not our intentions.

Intentions get you nowhere in life, you could have the best intentions in the world and still be a screw up. Life is about actions and reactions, ambitions and plans. When I was out last night and this afternoon I saw a couple of women that were really exceptional. I knew them from FB and I’d met them out and about once or twice but this weekend I got to really look at them.

That’s actually the cool thing about FB, you can get to know someone from a distance and once you meet them you sort of put their internet persona with their live persona and you have it all. And what I got from them was… their men must have been idiots. Look, I’m fully aware that you’ll never know a woman from the outside looking in but what I do know is that I’m a good judge of character.

And you would be amazed at how many men lose good women over the following things.

Insecurity- If your woman is pretty, men are going to flirt with her, ex’s will never stop calling or texting or sending FB messages no matter how many times she tells him she’s taken. It’s the price you pay for having a bad ass woman. And if a guy doesn’t feel like he deserves her or he sees the way people look at them when they walk into a room. He’s going to blow it eventually because he’ll never live up to what he thinks she wants. Not realizing that what she wants is him, including all your shortcomings.

Jealously- This is the weird one, a small amount of jealously adds passion, it shows concern, women like the idea that you still get a little salty over that co-worker that calls after work hours or the bartender that’s a little too friendly. But that’s pretty much where it stops. Tripping over guy friends, checking phones and calling too much, that will have her drained. And once a woman gets drained it’s over.

Whores- This is self explanatory.

Finances- When a woman is selfless, she’s really selfless. I know women that don’t go shopping for themselves without buying the man in their life something. They go out of their way for his birthday, for Christmas, if he gets a promotion. They take pride in giving. When a man can’t do the same, it hurts his pride and pride is a slow ticking time bomb to her cashing out.
Now let me wrap this up in a bow and bring in full circle.

There will always be men on the outskirts that see the jealously, insecurity, other women, money issues and just stress he’s putting her under. These aren’t the guys that will blow her phone up or call her to throw salt on the guy. These aren’t guys that will ask her to dinner or lunch. These are just men that appreciate who and what she is and know that women like her are rarely single. These are the guys that probably lost a good woman and have no intention on letting a woman like yours slip away. So if you don’t treat her right one of these guys will.

What people forget is that there was a man in Michelle’s life before Barack. There was a man in Beyonce’s life before Sean. There was a man in Kate’s life before William. These are extreme examples but the point is the still the same, women make men better, they have throughout time. And when you find one that makes you better, don’t fuck it up.

Sins and Insecurity’s

I’d love to say it was a one time thing and the moments we shared in that hotel room stayed in that hotel room but is that ever the case?

My wife and I were both fighting or sins and insecurity’s even though neither one of us wanted to mention them.

How long had she been attracted to women? How many threesomes and freak sessions had she had before me? How many men had there been? Questions I’d never wanted to know the answers to were now tugging at my conscience.

And that wasn’t even the hardest part.

“Was she wetter than me?”

“Did her mouth feel better than mines?”

These are questions she asked out the blue when I was chopping up some vegetables for dinner. My back was turned so I didn’t realize how serious she was until I turned around and saw the tears in her eyes.

I wanted to say, “Everytime I kiss you I think your lips aren’t as soft as hers. Each time my tongue slips past your navel I think you’re not as sweet as her. When you’re on top of me I close my eyes and see her face and as much as I love you that scares me. You brought another woman into our marriage and now you may not be enough.”

That’s what I shoud have told my crying wife but it wasn’t in me to tell her the truth.

“She’s not you baby. No woman compares.”

London… 12 Times A Year

letter-xy6k4pEvery city has the perfect view from a hotel room, in Chicago it was Lake Michigan, in New York it was the Hudson, in Miami it was South Beach. Some people loved sleeping in their own bed, I wasn’t one of those people, I loved hotels. Room service, new restaurants, bottles of liquor at three in the morning.

Even when I came home I would spend a night or two in a hotel if I knew I was going right back on the road anyway. There really wasn’t a waterfront view in Downtown Houston but it was beautiful none the less. Standing on the balcony, watching the sun rise, orange juice and vodka in hand. The view was amazing, I could see all of Downtown, the Medical Center, Minute Maid Park.

I soaked in details like men soaked in beautiful women, there was a story in every image, in every conversation.

Number nine, last night was number nine.

Twelve times a year, once a month she would come to me. San Antonio, Boston, Orlando but mostly right here in our city. I don’t know what she told him to get away and if I was honest with myself I probably didn’t want to know anyway.

Nine times this year we’ve made love in a hotel room, ate room service and showered together. Laughed and cuddled, she would talk about her aspirations, I would talk about writing.

February was New Orleans.

April was Austin.

Once a month she was mine, once a month my life felt normal. Watching her sleep, the sheet barely covering her ass, it was a perfect ass. Her hair on the pillow, the tattoo on her shoulder a constant reminder that she would wake up and leave at any minute.

She’d stop asking me to spend more time with her months ago, I’d stopped asking her to leave him a year ago. I wouldn’t be boyfriend number two but I couldn’t imagine a world without her. She didn’t want to be my once a month fling but she couldn’t leave me alone either.

Neither one of us was a victim, we were both adults. She had a husband, I had a girlfriend, I had writing. I climbed in the bed and wrapped my arms around her, she curled up and placed her head in my chest.

“Do you ever sleep?” She had the sexiest morning voice ever.

I pushed her hair away from her face, “Writers don’t sleep, we watch and learn.” I kissed her, her eyes were still closed. She was still tired but I needed to hear her voice, to make some more memories with before the clock struck midnight.

“How long have you been watching, what did you learn?”

She wrapped her leg around my thigh, she was naked, I was in boxers. I could feel her lips on my leg. She was always wet, especially in the morning. It was a feeling I could get used to but I wouldn’t allow myself to get used to. She kissed my neck, I kissed her forehead.

“I learned that you have a small scar on the bottom of your ass.” I rubbed my hand across it. “I learned that you never move when you sleep, you stayed in the same spot almost all night. Sometimes you talk but I could barely make out what you were saying.” I ran my finger across her lips, I could feel her hand on her favorite thing.

“I don’t move when I sleep because when my baby was nine months she fell out the bed and it scared me half to death. So I would sleep with her against the wall and never move, I had to feel her close to me. If you really knew me, if you were around me every day you wouldn’t be so into me. Sometimes I hate myself, I hate you for what we’re doing.” I took my finger away from her lip and wiped the tears from her eyes.

I knew what she meant, I wasn’t married but my girlfriend was a good woman. But I didn’t love her, she was someone to take to events, to have dinner with. To text when I was waiting in the airport or feeling lonely.

But no matter what she wouldn’t be the women who’s warmth I was absorbing, who’s tears I was drying. Who I stayed up all night watching and studying, writing about. She could never be my inspiration.

“Thou shall not covet another man’s wife. I think about that line every time I’m about to touch you, about to see you. I wonder if I’m going to hell because of you, because I look forward to seeing you more than I’ve ever looked forward to praying or going to church.”

She pulled it out and climbed on top of me, there were still tears in her eyes, the sheet was tangled at our waist. We’d stopped using condoms in March, I can’t tell you why, we never talked about it but a part of me wanted to get her pregnant. Everything was in slow motion, her hands on my chest, my hands on her ribs.

Her tears falling, lust and pain going hand in hand. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, she was starting to move faster, grind faster.  

“Am I worth hell Mez, am I worth your soul?”

She opened her eyes and looked down at me, they were the most beautiful and devious eyes I’d ever seen.

“Even pussy this good isn’t worth hell.”

She smiled, put her nipples on my chest and kissed me with those full lips.

My mouth may have said she wasn’t but my actions were saying something totally different. Maybe we would be together in hell.

 

Walking Down the Aisle

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