Effort Is A Reflection of Interest…

a pink gift box“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

“If you can’t understand that I had a life before you…”

“I got your phone calls; I answer every third time you call.”

People can make up hundreds of excuses as to why they aren’t available when you need them to be available. But what we all know whether or not we want to admit it is that when someone wants to be around us they will find a way. Now this doesn’t mean if I call tonight I’m seeing her tonight but it does mean she’ll make the effort to see me sooner rather than later.

When I was younger I can admit I was all about playing the game. I get your number on a Wednesday, God forbid I call you on a Thursday. We have a really good date on a Friday, how dare I ask you out on that Sunday? That was the young me, the me that didn’t want to seem to pressed or anxious, the one that didn’t want to be called a “bug a boo” this was pre-thirst era. Now, I could really care less because of she’s worth my interest she’s going to be worth my effort and even a little bit of my pride. I’ve never met a woman that didn’t like a tastefully aggressive and assertive man. Playing this, “if she likes me, she’ll call,” role isn’t for us. Because the effort that we’re too cool to make, another man that doesn’t even have her interest will get a foot in the door while we’re trying to be cool.

I read something today that someone wrote on a post and I couldn’t agree with it more. When a woman thinks you’re funny, handsome, charming, interesting, etc… Texting her at 2am or calling while she’s getting ready for work makes her day. But if you’re that borderline guy that’s only getting her attention because the man she wants is not living up to his promise, those calls and texts become so annoying. That’s why I always laugh on the inside when guys buy books on, “How to get women.” There’s no formula, if she thinks you’re worth her time, she’ll make the effort. Even if that effort is just talking to you for five minutes outside of the gas station or reminding you that she see’s all the flirting you do. Be yourself and be confident and watch.

What I wish I would have known five years ago, hell, two years ago. Those moments when I was broke or needed a haircut or wasn’t happy I ignored some really cool women, blew them off because I couldn’t “impress” them. And now I realize that making an effort to simply let your interest be known matters way more than appearances. Some of my best encounters have been meeting and walking at the park, eating candy and people watching. Going to happy hours with twenty dollars in my pocket and two dollar margaritas. When you make the effort and you’re confident and honest and she see’s that you’re not where you want to be but everyday is a step forward. She’ll appreciate it and you may have only spent 15 dollars plus a tip but you paid the bill and were wearing really good cologne while doing it.

Make the effort and take a chance at doing better in life because regardless of what you think. Women do make us better!

Effort Is A Reflection of Interest…

What I wish I would have known five years ago, hell, two years ago. Those moments when I was broke or needed a haircut or wasn’t happy I ignored some really cool women, blew them off because I couldn’t “impress” them. And now I realize that making an effort to simply let your interest be known matters way more than appearances. Some of my best encounters have been meeting and walking at the park, eating candy and people watching. Going to happy hours with twenty dollars in my pocket and two dollar margaritas. When you make the effort and you’re confident and honest and she see’s that you’re not where you want to be but everyday is a step forward. She’ll appreciate it and you may have only spent 15 dollars plus a tip but you paid the bill and were wearing really good cologne while doing it.

www.demezw.com

a pink gift box“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

“If you can’t understand that I had a life before you…”

“I got your phone calls; I answer every third time you call.”

People can make up hundreds of excuses as to why they aren’t available when you need them to be available. But what we all know whether or not we want to admit it is that when someone wants to be around us they will find a way. Now this doesn’t mean if I call tonight I’m seeing her tonight but it does mean she’ll make the effort to see me sooner rather than later.

When I was younger I can admit I was all about playing the game. I get your number on a Wednesday, God forbid I call you on a Thursday. We have a really good date on a Friday, how dare I ask you out on that…

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There’s A Difference Between Being Selfish and Doing What’s Best For You

Don’t let people try and make you feel guilty or selfish because you don’t want to go along with their wishes or agenda. Children are a perfect example of this, especially in work environments. Do you know how often I’ve had men come to me and say, “My son has a game this weekend or my wife can’t pick the kid up from daycare so I can’t work late. I know you don’t have kids so can you stay?” If you say no people look at you like, “Oh my God, you’re so selfish.” How am I selfish because you and your wife didn’t plan better? Why is you having to pay a late fee at the daycare anymore important that me wanting to watch Netflix and take off my pants?

Having a sick mother or a grandmother that can’t drive and you can ask for some help financially but you can’t pick her up to take her to the grocery store, that’s selfish. Putting your mother in a elderly community where they have doctors, resources, where she won’t have to be at home by herself all day; maybe people judge you for that. But sometimes doing what’s best for you and being a little selfish go hand in hand.

We’re all somewhat selfish even if our selfishness is rooted in selflessness. Say someone works at a shelter and they feel as though people aren’t donating enough. Isn’t it sort of selfish and a little arrogant to feel like a person should not buy a plane ticket or a new coat but instead donate that money to the homeless? It’s their money, they worked for it, whether they want to throw it at strippers or spend it on a steak, that’s their right. And if they only want to give 20 dollars to your cause, so be it. Unless it’s family or someone that has been there for you; very few people owe you anything.

Society has a way of making you feel like doing what’s best for you is selfish. Your family is struggling, your brother lost his job, your sister is depressed; so you have to turn down a dream job to stay home and help. You have to give up on your dreams because it would be selfish to not be there. In 10, 20 years when you’ve realized that you haven’t lived the life you wanted because you were so busy taking care of everyone else; that regret will eat you alive. What so many people fell to realize is that you can help the ones you love so much more by being selfish. By building and growing and in the end you help them build and grow. As opposed to all of you struggling together.

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Author Demez F. White

Stop Expecting Rewards for Doing What You’re Supposed to Do

dwhiteI was cutting the yard yesterday. I was weed eating and playing in the flower beds and I was filthy. My girlfriend saw me and said, “You’re filthy but you look cute.” Instead of saying thank you I replied, “I know. When a man is doing manly type work you’re supposed to be turned on by that.” Her response to my arrogance was “So you want me to give you credit for doing what you’re supposed to be doing?” I smiled and thought about that. Was I wanting credit for doing what I was supposed to be doing or was I just feeling good about doing something I said I would do?

A couple days ago I was getting my inspection sticker for my work truck and I was with this guy I was training. While we were there a woman walked in and she was attractive. She sat down next to me and I could tell she wanted to ask me something but she was hesitant. “They are telling me I need a new gas cap; they told me the same thing last year and I feel like gas caps don’t go bad in a year?” I told her just to tell them that she would take her car somewhere else and not to worry about it and I’m pretty sure they’ll chill. She did that and got her inspection sticker. She thanked me, I said no problem and I left.

The guy I was training said, “She seemed interested, why didn’t you get her number.” I told him I had a girlfriend and there was no need in making a new friend that was never going to be a friend anyway.

You don’t get medals for doing the right thing, there’s no “likes” or “retweets” or pats on the back. There’s simply piece of mind and knowing you can sleep at night or leave your phone unattended. There’s no gift cards or frequent flyer miles; there’s simply coming home from work and knowing your lights, water and gas will be on.

Expecting rewards for doing what you’re supposed to do is only going to break your heart and make you seek out something more. The reward for doing what you’re supposed to do is knowing you’ll never have to answer for doing something you had no business doing.

My Definition of A Woman… Wait, How Can I Define A Woman?

Author Demez F. White

Author Demez F. White

My Definition of A Woman… Wait, How Can I Define A Woman?

Do you know exactly what you want? Have you thought about it and dreamed about it and pleasured yourself to everything from how she’s going to look to what she’s going to be wearing. Have you defined exactly what you want from her and what she’s going to do for you?

I know I have. I’ve thought about it often and if I’m being honest, in doing that I’m doing myself an injustice. One of the coolest things about women is that none of them are exactly alike. Sure, women can dress alike and talk alike but each person is just interestingly different. So why are we trying to define them?

Some of the best relationships and friendships of my life have come when I got to know women that were outside of my comfort zone. I’m a confident man but I can be quiet at times; I like to sit down and survey the room, listen to the conversation before I get in and give my opinion. That life of the party, let’s take shots woman, knows everyone’s name woman. That’s not what I saw myself with until I actually talked to her and fell in love with her and got inspired by her. It may not have lasted but it helped me become a better man, I better writer.

My definition of a woman isn’t what she does or what she wears. It isn’t that we have to have sex this many times or she needs to cook that many times. My definition of a woman isn’t anything I can define. When she walks into a room do I smile as though my direct deposit just hit on a Friday when I wasn’t expecting it until Monday? Does she respect her mother, laugh with her sisters, have friends that trust her? If I can’t write does a text from her telling me something silly or freaky or funny inspire the words to jump off the page? These are the questions I ask myself, not before I meet her, this isn’t an interview. These are the questions I ask when I’m falling in love and I don’t know about you but I can’t put falling in love in any sort of category nor can I define it. I just know it feels perfect.

A woman should be, wait, that doesn’t sound right. A women needs to be, stop, that doesn’t sound right either. A woman is perfect if she’s, if she’s what? Many men, including myself have become experts in what a woman should be. How she should dress, how she should act, what she should do with her vagina and hair and career. It’s not hard really, all it takes is an opinion, and we all have them. What I’ve seen lately however is the habitual destruction of individualism and creativity.

By giving a woman a definition, a standard she has to meet or else, aren’t we, aren’t I, taking away the very thing we love about most women. That piece of them that separates them from the last woman we dated. Yes, there will be general characteristics we’re attracted to. I love women that are witty, sexy, geeky but confident but does that mean I need to define every other aspect of what I want out of her? Instead defining I’m just going to start enjoying.

The next time you get ready to compare a woman to another woman or tell the world why these sorts of women suck or these sorts are amazing. Just remember we’re defined by our actions, not anything else.

Demez F. White

What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

R.I.P Cupid

R.I.P Cupid

What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

“He is not my first choice for a Valentine but at the moment he asked I had no other options. And I think it’s sweet that he asked. I’m not interested in him. Not attracted to him. He’s cool though. I need a gift that says “Thanks for the movie and dinner. You are not getting a kiss when it’s over, but I really appreciate hanging with you. This date doesn’t mean anything to me besides confirming that you are cool.” C.R.

I won’t use her name to protect the innocent but I read this post today on one of my social media networks. The post itself made me take a step back and look at my computer but it was the several hundred comments that really got my attention. Women didn’t seem to have a problem with it while men were literally outraged that this poor guy was going to go home with not so much as a kiss or even aware that he was literally “better than nothing.”

Over the past couple of years the friendzone has become a place men go when the woman they desire doesn’t want to date them but still hangs out with them. In essence it’s become a bad thing but the truth is it’s not that bad. Developing friendships can help us socially, professionally, emotionally and even romantically. Once you get past the fact you won’t see her naked or feel her lips you can embrace knowing you’ve met someone you can have drinks with and talk to, there’s no pressure once you’ve established what lines won’t be crossed. Who knows, after a year or so maybe things progress pass friendship. That’s not the case at all with the, “You’re better than nothing zone.” There won’t be a comfort level, there’s no sexual tension or intense moments up against the car. You’re just a guy, a warm body that’s better than her watching Lifetime or hanging out with that bitter girlfriend that just got dumped.

Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Most of the women seemed to think it was perfectly fine that she was entertaining this man she had no interest in. “At least he has a foot in the door,” “Maybe he can charm his way into her liking him.” The men were more straight forward, there’s no point if there’s no interest.

No matter how the date works out the point is still the same, he isn’t going to have sex on Valentine’s, there will be no kiss and no lap dance. No being invited in for a night cap while she gets more comfortable. For as much as Valentine’s day is about romance and love and sexy nights it’s about the potential for more.

The “free food” guy gets called when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like cooking or doesn’t have any money but at least she probably likes him.

The “booty call” guy at least gets sex.

The “friendzone” guy literally has her trust, concern and friendship. She’ll introduce him to other women, call and ask if he needs anything before she comes over.

Then there’s the “better than nothing” guy and for him there’s really no peace. All he can hope is that she doesn’t stay on her phone all night and that she doesn’t order too many drinks. After all, who wants to pay for all those drinks if you don’t have tipsy sex?