Invest In Happiness. Invest In Good Karma. Invest In Yourself

You're important. I know you are!

You’re important. I know you are!

It doesn’t make you a hater or a bad person if someone gets the job you want and you feel like you should have gotten the job. If you went on a date with a woman and she wasn’t feeling you but the next guy she goes on a date with she’s posting about him on Facebook. “It’s great when you meet a man that is who he says he is.” “Had the time of my life tonight.” “When a man smells great you don’t won’t that hug to end.” If you read all that and feel like, “I hope they break up or don’t make it,” that’s okay. All of this is okay because it’s your first reaction. What makes it not okay is if you feel that way tomorrow or the next day. If you delete her page or make salty comments or wish for people’s unhappiness.

I don’t care if you’re a Christian, Atheist, Israeli, Palestinian, an Alien, Buddhist or just someone that has your own set of beliefs and doesn’t exactly know who you are. Karma is a living, breathing part of all of us. Being happy for someone that’s doing well, that’s doing better than you means you’re an adult. We all find happiness at different points in our lives. We all find it for different reasons.

The other day I saw this Instagram post where this really attractive woman posted a picture of a woman that’s not considered as attractive by certain standards. Her caption was, “How does she have a man and I don’t? Look at her.” Of course there were some “lol’s” and “I feel you girl” but they all meant what they were writing. She’s “ugly” so she shouldn’t find love and happiness before me. In what world does that logic make sense? That may actually explain why you’re single. Be happy for people, smile and laugh at the fact that some man saw something in her beyond the physical. Invest in a good spirit and fill that Karma based piggy bank.

I see a couple about to get married, I send my congratulations. I see a teacher decide that her teaching career is over and she wants to pursue other avenues in life; I thank her for her service to our community and wish her the best. A guy I hated in high school has changed, seems to have grown and become a better man. I attribute it to him learning and I want him to be that man for his family. Watching people find happiness is like watching something beautiful.

Life is too short to harbor all that bitterness and jealously. It’s okay to smile and to be kind to people. It’s okay to compliment someone. I’ve never sent a man a social media message about his woman because there’s no point. He knows he has a good one but I’ve ran into guys at places and when they’re significant other came up in conversation, I’ve said, “You have a good one, God looked out for you.” No animosity, no undertones, no shade. Just me letting him know she is a blessing in his life and I hope he realizes it. Being happy for someone and sincere reflects not only you but who you’ll attract.

~ Demez F. White

That Awkward Moment I Realized My Friend May Hate Women

That Awkward Moment I Realized My Friend May Hate Women

I’m a fan of Law and Order SVU, I can watch that show every day, re-run after re-run. There’s just something really interesting about the criminal mind to me, how are you wired so differently from the rest of us? I see characters that are rapists, murders, molesters, serial cheaters and in most cases they genuinely hate women. There’s no hope for these men, the honest truth is either you lock them up or they’re going to hurt people again.

So when I write about my friend “hating” women I’m not talking to the extent of Ted Bundy or one of those weirdo’s that sleeps with women to give them HIV. I’m talking on a level I can’t quite understand but I’m starting to see more and more.

Women are talkative by nature. You put a group of women at a girl’s night or in a beauty shop and they’ll gossip. I’ve always felt like there’s nothing the matter with it, it’s just what they do. Men should be different though. Don’t get me wrong, we talk to each other, we share things that we probably shouldn’t be sharing but it’s usually with guys we’re cool with. Our brothers, best friends, guy’s we work with everyday. When I see men start to develop the same habits women have I have to question why? There’s this anger, this resentment that’s bubbling and I just don’t get it.

This is what every guy understands from the 2nd grade on; when the pretty girl with the two perfect ponytails doesn’t get you a lollipop for Valentines. All women aren’t going to like you, they all aren’t going to find you attractive or funny or charming. They’ll be some that just don’t like you period, they may not even know why they don’t like you. What you can’t do is take it personal. What you can’t do is take it out on “all” women. Don’t be that guy that throws around generalizations and bitterness and is just angry. For every woman that doesn’t return your call or that calls too much there’s several that will get it just right. I’m willing to give my friend or any man the benefit of the doubt after they’ve been betrayed or hurt or lied to or lied on but at some point you can’t be that guy that hates women.

What I’ve learned and of course it took me awhile is that the best thing you can do when you feel rejected or played or frustrated is be cool. Some woman lied on you, laugh about it. You ask two women out and they happen to be friends, apologize and keep it moving. You won’t win going back and forth, do you want to be that guy that’s arguing with women that you don’t even like?

Do I know for a fact my boy hates women, of course not but I do know something just isn’t right. I hope he finds his way in life and gets past whatever this is that makes him write stupid comments on Facebook or post tacky pictures on Instagram.

Until then we shall see.
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Why You Can’t Respect Her Without Respecting Her Relationship…

black woman crying Whenever I’ve dated a woman I’ve always had one rule when it came to male friends. If you knew him before you knew me I have no right to tell you who you can and can’t be friends with; I owe it to you to trust your judgment. However, if you meet the guy on a Tuesday at the gas station I don’t want to hear about you making new friends. That’s my logic and it mostly works. Sure, you’ll have the guys that hang around pretending to be friends waiting on you to mess up but the truth is if they had it in them to get her they would have gotten her a long time ago.

That’s me when I’m the boyfriend but what about when I’m the other guy. When I’m the friend that women lean on when their man isn’t acting right or when she just needs a male perspective. Do I tell her the truth and bash the hell out of the guy she loves because he deserves it? Do I lie and make her believe that everything will be okay and it’s just a rough patch? Or do I respect what they have and give her advice that will make her happy and help save her relationship?

The point where men mess up is they think by hating or bad mouthing her man they’ll get in good. They’ll fill the void she has when she breaks up with him but that’s a loser way of thinking. The truth is no matter what you tell her she’s not leaving until she’s ready so all you can do is be honest with her. Talk about his good qualities, talk about why she loves him and needs him. Her friends will talk bad about him, she will talk bad about him. When it’s over and she’s crying and hurt all she’ll remember is that you were the one that didn’t judge her or judge him. And in those moments where she’s just looking for someone that understands her you’ll be the one left standing. Now I doubt you’ll get anything sexual from her if that’s what you want but what you will have is her respect and her loyalty.

Women love hard, they always have and they always will. No matter how good of friends you think you are with a woman you can never win. The winner, the man she chooses will always be the man that’s in her bed, the man her heart belongs to. No matter how bad of a person he is if she loves him that’s where her loyalty will lie no matter how much you’ve done for her. So as a man you have one decision to make. Respect her relationship no matter how much you dislike him or walk away. No one will fault you for either one. If you walk away maybe she breaks up with him in six months and shows up at your door crying or maybe she marries him and the only time you talk to her is on FB when she sees you online. Either way, accept that the heart is greater than the mind when it comes to man/woman relationships.

You don’t get a win for being nice. Women like sweet and caring and secure but they don’t get wet for sweet, caring and secure. They get aroused for the men that protect them, take control of situations and allow them to feel like women. The guy that says, “Whatever you say babe,” is not getting as much ass as the man that says, “…..” and gives her a look or pushes her up against a wall and makes her shut up with his tongue. You didn’t become the “friend,” because you’re nice, you became the “friend” because she’d rather talk to you than f*ck you. Respect that and learn from it.

Demez White

His Wife Can’t Be Your Best Friend…

FB-Ring.jpgMen and women can be friends but there comes a point in all our lives when what we did when we were younger isn’t as acceptable as when we’re older. When you’re single your bestfriend can be a woman that comes by at midnight and sleeps in the bed with you. You can leave your house at two am to change her flat tire or take a road trip with her. Once she’s married though, boundaries prohibit you from ever having that sort of relationship with her again. If you can’t understand that than you can’t understand basic respect.

No matter how cool and casual you try to be with the opposite sex men will always be protective of the women they love and care about. This is a problem because you can’t have two men in a woman’s life that are willing to protect her at all cost. I’m excluding family because with family it’s a different type of love and emotional connection. An example, if I get into it with a woman I’m in a relationship with and her father or brother or cousin comes at me to ask why I hurt her I’ll be willing to talk it out. If a guy that’s her “friend” calls me or comes at me over her it’s a whole other situation. That’s because she’s not for him, she’s for me. That goes for any man woman relationship.

Friendships have a way of building over time, especially if you’re both good people. Men know what they have in the women they love and marry, they know how special she is and they see the way other men look at her. It sounds selfish to say she’s “my woman” and I don’t want her having a male bestfriend because it is selfish. So what? Love is selfish, marriage is selfish. You’re taking a person and saying I only want you to be with me for the rest of our lives. I only want you to make love to me, to kiss me, to smile at me with that perfect smile. Having her share that with another man even if it’s only on a friendly level is scary because you know what that smile does to men regardless if he’s saying otherwise.

 

 

Sins and Insecurity’s

I’d love to say it was a one time thing and the moments we shared in that hotel room stayed in that hotel room but is that ever the case?

My wife and I were both fighting or sins and insecurity’s even though neither one of us wanted to mention them.

How long had she been attracted to women? How many threesomes and freak sessions had she had before me? How many men had there been? Questions I’d never wanted to know the answers to were now tugging at my conscience.

And that wasn’t even the hardest part.

“Was she wetter than me?”

“Did her mouth feel better than mines?”

These are questions she asked out the blue when I was chopping up some vegetables for dinner. My back was turned so I didn’t realize how serious she was until I turned around and saw the tears in her eyes.

I wanted to say, “Everytime I kiss you I think your lips aren’t as soft as hers. Each time my tongue slips past your navel I think you’re not as sweet as her. When you’re on top of me I close my eyes and see her face and as much as I love you that scares me. You brought another woman into our marriage and now you may not be enough.”

That’s what I shoud have told my crying wife but it wasn’t in me to tell her the truth.

“She’s not you baby. No woman compares.”