My Bestfriend Took Me On A Date Yesterday and I Might Leave My Girlfriend For Her

fullsizerender2 Relationships are like jobs in the sense that no matter how great they might be there are days where you’re just tired or moments where you know you have a good thing but you need reminding.
Yesterday I was sitting on the couch getting ready to engulf myself in NBA Basketball and a Game of Thrones Marathon when my bestfriend showed up and told me to take a shower and get dressed. I asked where we were going and they told me they didn’t know but that we were going to have a good time.

I threw on some jeans, a shirt and a blazer and waited for them to get ready. A part of me felt guilty for how I felt when she walked out the room. Is it normal to be attracted to your bestfriend? I wanted to hug her, to touch her cheek, feel her neck but I have a girlfriend so instead I just told her she looked nice and we left.

The first stop was happy hour in Katy and we were overdressed for the restaurant but I couldn’t stop staring at the way the dress was hugging her shape and once again I had to remind myself that I was a taken man. Sitting at the bar talking to a bartender about basketball and high school and whispering and giggling whenever she walked away, I was having a good time. A better time than I’d been having with my girlfriend recently and that surprised me. We’d always had this great chemistry and over time I hadn’t been smiling as much.

Now, I couldn’t stop smiling and if I wasn’t guilty for looking at her thighs on that barstool I was for sure guilty for comparing the two women.

She kept complimenting me and trying to take pictures of me and as much as men aren’t supposed to worry about such things, I found myself liking the attention. A beautiful woman that craved my presence, it felt good. My girlfriend is always telling me how special I am but when my bestfriend said it, there was a difference. I didn’t feel as though she was saying it because she felt obligated but because she wanted to be around me. Needed to be around me.

Stop two took us to Cyclone Anaya’s and by this time I’d say we were tipsy. The nachos were horrible, the bartender never cut the basketball games on and they mixed up our drinks. Even with all that we just talked. Talked about old friends, talked about life. Talked about things I wouldn’t talk to anyone else about and by this time any guilt I felt was gone. Being with the most beautiful woman in the room has a way of easing your guilt.

I admitted something to her that I’d never admitted to anyone. I admitted that something she told me about my upcoming novel made me change it. Her advice literally made me sit at my computer and re-think a chapter or two, something I’d never done before. Something my girlfriend never inspired me to do but this woman, this amazingly interesting and beautiful minded woman, did just that. Finding myself holding her hand as we walked and rubbing the small of her back I looked around for a second to make sure I didn’t see anyone that may have knew my woman but by then I didn’t care.

Is it possible to fall in love after one date with someone you’ve known for years? Is it possible to love two women at the same time? These are questions I was asking myself as I held her and allowed my lips to find her neck in the elevator. Just a pec, just a kiss to let her know maybe we should be, could be, more than friends.

Our last stop found us at Hotel Sorella drinking martini’s and on our phones more than we were talking to each other. I didn’t mind because being in her presence was enough. It was one of those moments where she wanted to take pictures together and for a second I wanted to stop it. I wanted to tell her, “This has been an amazing day but I have a woman at home that’s dope, that loves me.” I didn’t say any of those things though. I just took the pictures and allowed our bodies to mesh as the sun started to set over City Centre.

Ending the night right back where we started at my home I watched her stumble into the couch and just lay there. Taking off her shoes she alternated between checking her phone and looking at me.

I alternated between thoughts of kissing her and thoughts of not wanting to ruin our friendship and my relationship. I started making some snacks and she got up and told me it was time to go. Holding her hand I wanted to ask her to stay but doing that would probably make me lose my bestfriend and my girlfriend. I kissed her like friends shouldn’t kiss and stood at the door as she walked away.

As soon as I turned around my girlfriend showed up and I smiled because I could tell she’d had a good day too. That took away some of my guilt. Eating a bar food type dinner while watching Love and Hip Hop I enjoyed the company of the woman that had become the best of both worlds.

How Do You Make A Relationship Work? Go In the Other Room and Put Your Phone Down

fullsizerender1Whenever I write about relationships I tell people I’m no expert. I’m not the man that’s going to give you five steps on how to be this perfect man or how to find your perfect woman. I’m simply a guy that’s sharing my experiences and learning as I go. One thing I’ve learned more than anything this past year is that arguments will happen and it isn’t the arguments that hurt your relationship, it’s what happens after.

My girlfriend and I both have social media profiles, followings. What we say matters, not on a Kim and Kanye level but on a level that will have people interested or at the very least paying attention. What neither of us can do is let our emotion or passion or anger spread to the world of social media.

Early in our relationship she’d get mad at me and get all Meek Mill with the Twitter fingers and I had to sit her down and let her know that’s not okay. And when I was upset or frustrated it wasn’t okay for me to run to my blog and write about it. You know what is okay? Working out, going to take a nap, calling your sister or friend to vent.

There’s nothing impressive about holding grudges and resentment with someone you want to hold and kiss and laugh with. It doesn’t make you gangster depriving yourself of kisses and tacos because the person you’d cross an ocean for pissed you off. Let that hurt go, put that phone down, cool down and Netflix and Chill.

If you’re halfway attractive or interesting people will co-sign anything you say. So you’re mad and put out there, “I don’t understand why my man can’t accept that some days I don’t feel like cooking.” You get random guys commenting, “I’d cook for you every night.” “Your man is selfish.” These guys aren’t doing anything but being cheerleaders in hopes that they’re first in line if your relationship doesn’t work. Women are even worse because they’re 10 times more passive aggressive with their flirting, “I work all week and I can’t even get a night to myself, my girl is tripping.” What I didn’t mention is that maybe there were issues in the past where I didn’t earn her trust. Maybe the men I’m hanging out with don’t respect my relationship and she’s worried they’ll put me in a compromising position. Stay offline and take a nap. Wake up and talk to your him or her, you’d be surprised at how something you thought was minor hurt them more than you knew.

 

 

Sensuality: Kisses Cuddling and Sundays

I often write about sex when I write stories. Sex is universal, it makes sense on a lot of levels to a lot of people but tonight I don’t want to write a story and I don’t want to write about sex, I want to write about sensuality and why that means so much more than sex.

Listening to the radio the other day they had some local rapper on there joking about ‘Sex is better than love,’ And I get why people feel that way but I don’t think they get the point of why love is better than sex and in this case why sensuality is better than sex.

Sensuality isn’t just those sensual moments where you lock eyes after a date or kiss her on the neck from behind. I mean, those are the moments that get the attention, that we remember when times are bad and lust fills our mind. Real sensual moments are the moments that are selfless. The moments where no one else is going to see how vulnerable she is, when she’s lying on the couch looking a mess, pissed off and not feeling good. When she’s mad at the world and taking it out on you because you’re there and because she knows you love her enough to deal with it.

That moment when she lays her head on your lap and just falls asleep or that moment when you rub her stomach or her ass and she just closes her eyes. That’s sensuality because you both know the moment isn’t going to end with hot sex or super four play but it doesn’t matter because you have no intentions of going anywhere.

Men are supposed to be tough, we kill bugs and fix cars and drive to the store in thunderstorms to get snacks and liquor. We’re also human, we feel and lose and get frustrated. Sensuality is being able to share those frustrations and fears with her and not worry about how you’re perceived or what you did wrong. Lying on her thighs, feeling her warmth, her hands in your hair or her laugh making life better. That’s sensual, that’s a perfect moment and the older you get in life the less of those perfect moments you have.

I entitled this blog Kissing, Cuddling and Sunday’s because those three things go together like ice cream, hot chocolate and whip cream. I could kiss all day, I love nice lips and wet tongues and the closeness that I feel when that kiss happens. Sensual isn’t the word for the connection that comes with something feeling so damn right!

I write a lot, I spend hours in front of this computer. Putting this machine on standby, showering and crawling into bed at 3am, her body molding to mine like a magnet as soon as I hit the sheets. She never stops snoring, she never turns around, she just backs up and finds that comfort in my chest. Maybe she’s in a nightgown, maybe panties, maybe naked. But it’s not sexual, it’s sensual.

I’m good with words, I’ve always been good with words. But no matter how good I am at expressing myself I could never fully articulate the perfection there is in sensuality. That’s why it’s better than sex. Have you ever had sex with an attractive person you didn’t really like? It’s not that fun to be honest. Outside of the 20 or 30 minutes of pleasure you spend the entire time worried about if she has a man or if she’s fertile or if she’s going to start tripping. Sex and sensuality don’t go together because sex is simply an act. An act that has consequences that can affect you the rest of your life.

Touches that are comforting, kisses that are warming, words that are becoming of who the two of you are; there’s no doubt, no fear, that gives me life!

Just for the record, I’m dedicating this blog to you. I know that sounds incredibly gamey like it could be for a dozen chicks but you know who you are.
a romance

Don’t Fear Death; Fear Not Living

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n My back has been killing me the past few days so I went to the doctor today. I thought maybe I pulled something at work or slept wrong on the couch. She told me I had some fluid in my lungs, that my left lung was working twice as hard because my right lung was struggling.

It wasn’t back pain, it was my lung. “I think it’s a blood clot and if it is you need to go get a ct scan so we can get in and get it ASAP. In that moment my life flashed before my eyes. The seriousness in her eyes, the realization that I wasn’t overreacting when I felt like something just wasn’t right with my body. In that moment I thought I would die.

I’ve said so many times I’m not afraid of death, that I’m only afraid of dying unaccomplished. That’s bullshit, I don’t want to die at all, I don’t want to leave my family, I don’t want to not have a wife and a son and a daughter. I want to see my novels turned into movies and on library shelves. The fear was real and in those couple of hours waiting on those test results all I saw was all I didn’t accomplish. Sitting in the parking lot of the Kelsey Seybold clinic crying and praying and begging I knew that whatever happened, whatever the results my life would never be the same.

The test results came back negative in reference to the blood clot but the fluid is still here, the pain is still here, it’s still a struggle to breathe too heavily or talk too much. I still live with the fear that I’m going to lie down and not wake up. That I’m going to take a deep breath and not be able to exhale.

Most men love to say they have no regrets, I’m not one of them. There are so many things I regret, so many things I have to make right. So many kisses I need to give, so many trips I have to take, so many hugs I blew off.

If I’m being honest, I’ve seen my death so many times in my head. I’ve seen my family standing over me in the hospital room, I’ve seen their tears and I’ve felt their heartbreak. I’ve seen my last moments and as brave as I’d like to be that scares me because a part of me feels like it’s all coming true.

My body just doesn’t feel right and the more I pretend like everything is going to be alright to be strong for those around me, the more I’m coming to accept that I can’t live afraid to die. I have to live like I could die at anytime.

Don’t take life for granted because God says, “No man knows the hour or the time.”

If the World Is Ending…

proposalI’d like to slow dance with you in the middle of the Museum of Natural Arts with a saxophonist playing in the background and an empty bottle of wine sitting on the most expensive sculpture they have. I’d like to watch you twirl around like you don’t have a care in the world and fall in my arms. I’d like to look out over the museum district and the medical center and tell you that I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the world before the world ends.

I’d like to kiss you at the fifty yard line in front of a hundred thousand people watching the Texans and Patriots at the AFC Championship Game. I’d like to fall to one knee and tell 20 million people watching at home that I love you and that in front of them all I’m asking you to marry me, to have my children and to never stop looking at me like you’re looking at me now.

I’d like to make you a perfect breakfast at 6am and take you to Neiman’s an hour before it opens. Watch you try on dresses and heels and model just for me. I’d like for every associate in the store to be standing there waiting to take care of your every need. I’d like for us to go to my car with a hundred bags knowing that when we got home you won’t be wearing anything at all.

I’d like to train and run a marathon with you.

I’d like for us to take turns massaging the stress and hard work out of each other’s calves and thighs and shoulders. We can run the New York City Marathon and the Boston Marathon and the ones in Beijing and Spain. We can walk trails and climb hills while we’re there, make love on the banks of the French Rivera.

I’d like for us to take our children to Africa, to show them the Pyramids. To allow them to see that Africa isn’t all Aids and poverty, that it isn’t wild animals and crazy dictators. That there’s so much beauty and history there. So much culture and happiness.

I’d like to introduce you to my grandparents. My grandfather would make fun of you, make you laugh. My grandmother would love you and ask to take you shopping. My mother would become one of your bestfriends, my sisters would tell you I’m mean and ask that you ask that I buy them something. I’d like to make the family I already have and the family that you’d given me one with no weal links.

I’d like to make love you to in the backyard with the dog barking and the porch light off. With the extreme cold or extreme heat or maybe one of those perfect Houston nights as our backdrop. Your dress covering us, you on top of me in the lawn chair moaning, forgetting that anyone could be watching. I’d like to make love to you in the parking lot of the Hobby Center after we see a play, tipsy tongues and wet lips destroying a two thousand dollar gown.

I’d like to meet you and love you and love you and love you.

And if the world ends on Friday I have no one to blame but myself.

And if the day comes and life goes on as before on Saturday morning… I still have time to be the man and live the life I write about.

 

What I Want In A Wife

pofI should have entitled this, “What I need in a wife,” because that’s just how strongly I feel about this. See, lately I’ve been writing about how I’m turning 30 soon and that’s because I feel like it’s a landmark age. I’ve been careful not to marry the wrong woman, not to have children with the wrong woman, I’ve done these things because I believe very strongly that my destiny is tied to loving and building with the right woman.

So these are some things I want in a wife. Other men may have their own desires but these are strictly speaking for me.

A woman that loves herself more than anyone else does. I want her to not need me to tell her she’s beautiful or smart or worth all the love and attention I’m giving her. I need her to accept my affections knowing that she’s worth my affections.

A woman that has faith in our God. I don’t need her to love her bible or her preacher or her church. I want her to love her faith, to treat people like she’s want them to treat our children. I want her to pray with me, to hold my hand and pray that we’re living in the purpose God has created for us. When I was young my girlfriend at the time told me we never grew together in our faith and that pushed her away. It took me a long time to understand that; now I do. Now I’m looking forward to that spiritual foundation.

A woman that’s proud of me, that’s not ashamed to claim to me. I put a lot of myself in my blog, a lot of emotion and fears and desires. I will have no problem telling the world I love her and I need for her to do the same. I’ll hold her hand and face every enemy and problem and demon with her with no regard for what happens to me and if I’m willing to lay down my life and soul for her. I need her to do that for me.

I want to marry a woman that loves to read, that loves to talk. I’m a talker, I always have been. We can talk about whatever, just give me the conversation I crave. I want my wife to laugh with me, to argue with me, to cry with me, to share her mind with me.

A woman that’s passionate about something! It could be doing hair or accounting or working out but a woman that has her own identity.

I want to marry a woman that loves being sexy. That gets aroused when she sees me looking at her. I want my wife to be just as into me on our wedding night as she was on the first night we made love.

A woman that’s adventurous, whether it’s rock climbing or fishing or having sex in a parking lot on Christmas Even because we just couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

I want to marry a woman that loves fashion, that tries on three different outfits before she goes to work in the morning. That would never walk out the house in a shower cap or bathrobe, a woman that gets upset with a chipped nail or because she just curled her hair and all the curls fell. I love women that liked being women, that like being sensual. I want my wife to text and email me pictures of outfits she’s found online and ask my opinion. To come home with shoes she know she doesn’t need and know even though I’ll pretend I’m mad, I just want to see her pretty ass model them.

I want to marry a woman that understands how much I love my writing. That looks at me sitting at my laptop struggling to find the words and sits on my lap and kisses me and tells me everything will be okay. Just breathe and write and make sense of it later.

I want to marry a woman that wants to have my son just as much as I want her to have him.

I want to marry a woman that wants our little girl to be in Gerber commercials and to have so many baby clothes that when she gives them away tags are still on them. I can’t wait to brag about my beautiful wife and daughter and I want her to take bride in that.

Let’s go jogging and play tennis.

Let’s go to concerts and tailgate at Texans games.

I want a wife that’s happy. That’s happy because more than anything all I want is for her to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Underrated Places to Kiss

The human body and lips will always have a unique connection. I’m thinking when God created us he had this in mind. There’s the pleasure spots that all of us know about. In the heat of the moment you can’t go wrong kissing breasts, inner thighs, a neck.

However…

There’s the other spots. The ones that are more subtle but just as sexy, just as inviting. These are the spots you kiss when there’s no rush, when your concern isn’t your pleasure, but her pleasure. Whether it be mentally, emotionally or physically.

5. Forehead- Comfort is not an easy thing to come by. Most attractive women get guys calling and texting all the time. “How are you today?” “Good Morning, you sleep well?” And their answers are normally “fine,” “okay,” etc. It’s rare that she says I was cramping all night or I’m stressing because I’m going to be 200 short on my bills. So when she does find a man that she’s comfortable enough with to go into detail that’s real. Whether it be a friendship or relationship. And in those moments grabbing her ass or trying to take off her panties probably isn’t the brightest idea. But a tight hug and forehead kiss works perfectly.

4. Belly button- Do you know what my favorite moment is with any woman? It’s not even sexual; it’s that moment when she’s fresh out a shower or bath. Her skin is warm and moist, her pores are open. There’s this soft sweet scent of that soap/lotion combination. See, that’s how you know if she’s truly beautiful. No makeup, no pushup bras or tight jeans. Just a robe or t-shirt and her feminine sensibilities. Lying on the couch, my head on her lap and kissing that warm, soft stomach. Maybe she giggles, maybe she rubs my head, maybe she falls asleep. There’s clarity in that kiss.

3. Hand- I once read this quote that said the reason women wear their wedding ring on the finger they wear it on is because it’s the only finger that has a direct vein to the heart. I’m not a doctor. I have no idea if this is true or not but I have a feeling it is. In an era not too long ago men would greet women by kissing her hand. We live in a germaphobic and cynical world now so kissing a strange woman’s hand isn’t as welcome. But there are moments, maybe on a date, maybe at a stop light or waiting to be seated at a restaurant where taking her hand and placing a soft kiss on it can tell her ‘I adore you.’

2. Shoulder- The shoulder is the step child of erotic zones. Men love going for that neck but bare shoulders can be just as sensitive. If she’s standing at the stove in a tank top, looking in the bathroom mirror in a towel. Sucking that shoulder, rubbing her stomach. It’s a prelude to great things.

1. Feet- Question? Have you ever sucked a woman’s toes? The feet are one of the most sensitive body parts on a woman. Now I wouldn’t suggest kissing her feet after she’s been at work all day or coming from the gym but after she takes a long bath, relaxes… Massaging her feet, kissing a toe here or there is going to get you all the brownie points in the world.

These 5 spots all differ. A couple provide warmth and comfort. A couple are preludes to sexual thrusts. But they all have one thing in common. Once you kiss her there she’ll smile and reciprocate.

5 Senses… Perfect Skies

Touch
Smell
Hear
See
Taste

Those are our five senses, those are the gifts God gave us to help us appreciate life.

If you’re in Houston right now and you’re reading this, step outside and just take it in. The wind, the perfect Fall sky, the moon. It’s a night that shouldn’t be spent alone. A night that should enhance our senses. The touch of her skin, the smell of her hair, the sounds of her voice, the connection with her eyes and the taste of her lips.

That’s what Fall nights like this should enhance.

I often times forget how blessed I am to have all my senses. To be able to close my eyes and still feel her hands on me. To be able to be miles or days away ans still see her radiance.

For all my romantic traits and gentlemanly qualities I’m a fan of visually nasty, of vocally freaky, of physically stimulating. My senses aren’t just here to help me live, they’re here to help me LOVE.

There’s a saying that says ‘He helps you take your clothes off but once it’s over you put them on alone.’ I think those guys are idiots. Watching her slide her panties back on, helping her fasten her bra and button her shirt. That’s intimacy, that’s desire, that’s struggle… The struggle not to rip it all off her again.

The sky is perfect tonight.
My imagination is perfect tonight.
My desire for wanting more is epic tonight.

My ‘her’ is elusive and that’s fine. I’ll drink this drink, jam this music and watch the elements enhance my senses around me.

Smile…

‘Smile… it’s the second best thing to do with your lips.’ – Anonymous

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. Author: Helen Keller

One quote represents all the sex appeal in the world in the simplest way. The other quote goes deeper, it speaks about what we all know but can’t really put our finger on. And that’s that the best feeling in the world isn’t really a touch or whispered words but it’s a feeling.

A feeling that is unexplainable, it could be your heart skipping a beat, it could be goose bumps. It’s different for each and every one of us but it’s the same. Because it’s a feeling that’s unique to the heart. I’m a romantic by nature, I love Love songs and poetry, dinner dates and long conversations. That’s just cool to me and that leads me to what this Thursday afternoon note is about.

Sex Appeal…

Sex appeal refers to an individual’s ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person, and is a factor in sexual selection or mate choice. The attraction can be to the physical or other qualities or traits of a person, or to such qualities in the context in which they appear. The attraction may be to a person’s looks or movements or to their voice or smell, besides other factors. The attraction may be enhanced by a person’s adornments, clothing, perfume, hair style, and anything else which can attract the sexual interest of another person.

Sex appeal is more than a short skirt or a tight blouse. It’s more than a woman licking her lips or a man winking. Even though I suppose it depends on how the man or woman looks. Sex appeal is both underrated and overrated at the same time.

It’s underrated because sex appeal can make up for soo many flaws. It’s literally in the eyes of the beholder. What’s sexy to one man may not be sexy to the next.

It’s overrated because what attracts you may literally be the only thing you’ll ever have in common with that person. A girl has a big ass and dimples, I smile at her, she smiles at me. As soon as we start to talk I realize she’s not what’s up. The sex appeal was there but it’s almost null in void.

One woman told me that she should be able to turn me on sexually with a kiss and a couple of words.

Another told me that all she has to do is sit next to me.

And the funny thing is, they’re both right.

Sex appeal is the key to the lock, it’s the smile that leads to the hello that leads to the kiss that leads to the clothes on the floor.

Sex appeal is the “goodbye” that turns into the, “don’t go” that turns into the clothes on the floor.

Sex appeal isn’t just about sex, it’s about the intimate moments that take place when you don’t even know a person.

Personally speaking, I’m a fan of all things sexy, all things flirty. I love lips, there is nothing that turns me on more than a woman that has a nice laugh, a sensual laugh. A friendly smile that’s erotic at the same time. For me sex appeal is a perfect color on her nails or a pair of earrings that go with bangles on a pretty wrist.

Details matter to me and there are so many details in a smile.

A Great Smile= Great Sex Appeal

I’m sure everyone that’s going to read this has an amazing amount of sex appeal and I’m even more certain there are a million people that appreciate it.

I actually have a person on my friends list that has the perfect smile and I was going to use her picture for this note but I can’t at the moment. I’m sure you know who you are, so enjoy that smile, it’s flat out sexy.

You all enjoy tonight, the weekend is simply one work day away!!!!

Demez F. White

Three Friday the 13th Date Nights

This picture really has nothing to do with the title of the blog but I figure every marriage started with really great date nights.

So we’ll go with that concept.

Date Night One

A 15 or 20 dollar bottle of vodka, 15 or 20 dollars worth of groceries. Stuff to make tacos and ice cream. Make sure to get her favorite and something sweet and fruity to mix the vodka with. Some fresh raspberries or strawberries to mix into the drink, it adds flavor and style. She’ll appreciate it. Light some candles, go on On Demand or Netflix and watch scary movies cuddled on the couch. It’ll be a great night, fear escalates the heart rate, fast beating hearts produce passion. Not to mention old movies bring back fond memories of our youth.

Date Night Two

Richard Perry will be at Fedora Lounge tonight. He plays modern jazz, basically R&B songs on a saxophone. The rain outside, drinks flowing and a live band setting it off. She’s been in the house all week because of the weather. Wearing ugly shoes as to not fall n her heels. Let her get sexy, drop her off at the door and park the car. Saxophones are just sexy instruments and love songs scream (car sex) so enjoy the night, enjoy being an adult.

Date Night Three

Go to the gym together. Help each other stretch, jog together, sweat together. Stop by Subway on the way home. Play domino’s or cards or monopoly and just be competitive and listen to music. Be kids, cheat, play fight.

Any of these will work on the city of Astronauts and Candy Paint 🙂 I need to get back to work now, be careful out there today. And remember, there’s someone out there thinking about you right now.