Scottie Pippen Is A Better Man Than Me

102216-sports-future-larsa-scottie-pippen I don’t write a lot about pop culture or celebrity gossip but is something really gossip if all the parties involved acknowledge it happened? When your woman is on social media all over a guy you really can’t blame anyone else but her. Don’t get mad at the paparazzi or blogs for reporting on a fire that her and Future started.

Why is Scottie Pippen a better man than me? I’m not one of those guys that’s going to pretend like I would never take a woman back for cheating. I’ve never had to make that decision but I can imagine that if you love a woman enough anything is possible. See, it’s not the cheating, it’s the flaunting it to the world that would close that door for me. Allowing another man to basically say, “This isn’t my woman, just a lil something I’m messing around with right now.” I can’t do it bro. Call it pride, call it arrogance, I don’t care. I mess up and you go out and get in another relationship, that’s on me. I mess up and you become a full on groupie? Girl bye.

Future has become our generations fu*kboy idol. I really do wish I could use a better term and believe me I racked my brain trying to find one but this is the most accurate term possible. He raps about drugs, how little value women have and hates the mother of his child because she moved on and found happiness. And before I get the, “It’s just music” crowd commenting. It can’t be just music when you not only rap about taking another man’s wife but you snapchat it and tweet about it and take pride in it. There are a generation of tattoo’d, skinny jean wearing, penicillin taking guys that idol the ain’t shi*ness of Future. Your wife leaves for him, you just have to throw the whole wife away and get a new one before Trump bans her country.

To be fair, I’ve never been married so maybe I don’t understand the love and energy it takes to fight for a marriage when you know you’ve both done wrong. Regardless of all of that, can’t do it bro. I wish Scottie the best and I hope Jordan forgives you for bringing this sort of energy to the legacy of the Bulls.

Don’t Call Her Insecure Unless You’re Willing to Call Yourself Insincere

Cute Sweatshirts

Cute Sweatshirts

What’s worse than being lied to? It’s having the feeling that you’re crazy. Some women call it intuition, some men call it having a feeling in your gut but it’s all the same for all of us. Those moments where you’re in the shower or driving to work and something just doesn’t feel right.

You can’t put your hand on it, you don’t have any real proof but whatever it is, is just nagging at you. A part of you wants to ask questions, investigate but you don’t want to be crazy. He’s already told you everything is okay, there’s nothing going on so why sabotage your own happiness?

As men and even women in some cases a well-placed or timed lie that you think does no harm makes all the sense in the world in that moment. “I don’t want to argue so let me just tell them what I think they want to hear.” The problem is maybe you can get away with one small lie but small lies often lead to bigger lies and now her insecurities are rooted in your insincerity. Insecurity and insincerity are like termites, constantly eating away and ripping at the foundation. On the outside everything looks fine, the house is clean and the dishes are put away but right beneath the surface is chaos.

In the past I’ve written about gender roles. Being a man isn’t about opening a door or buying dinner, of course those things will put a smile on her face but it’s more than that. Most women, regardless of how many articles or “love experts” tell you otherwise only want honesty. They only want you to be the man you were when they first met. They don’t want to have to guess at whether or not you’re going to be a different guy every day.

Making her feel like she’s crazy because she has doubts when you know you’ve given her reasons to have doubts is not cool. There’s a good chance you’ll lose her and is anything worth that?

~ Demez F. White

Voices In the Darkness

Voices In the Darkness

At times no matter how hard I try and ignore them the voices never go away.

In my dreams, in my nightmares, they wake me out of my sleep and terrorize me. Pulling me astray.

You’re all alone they say, you’re no good they say, why are you even here? Alcohol stops them at times but they don’t go away.

Anger gives way to solitude, solitude gives way to sadness, sadness gives way to hopelessness. No matter how hard I pray or ignore them in my heart I know the voices will eventually take me into their darkness.

Most of my life has been spent alone. Even in a room full of family and friends, there’s no one. With women on top of me, soothing me, still alone. Just me and the voices.

My phone rarely rings anymore. Text are few and in between. All that is left is my writing and I fear I’m slowly losing that with the lose of my desires, my dreams.

I’ll keep fighting the voices. I’ll keep remembering all that’s good within me but my fear is that my destiny walks hand in hand with my destruction.

~ Demez F. White

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Women, Double Standards and Fireworks…

black woman crying I’m the first man to admit that being nice and being weak aren’t the same thing. When women are younger I can see how they confuse the two but there’s not really an excuse for it as they get older. This is a known and something I’ve written about several times so I won’t go there tonight. Tonight I want to write about something else.

Double Standards.

You want to know something I will never understand despite my intelligence and slight arrogance. How can women deal with men that cheat, lie, are emotionally or in some cases physically abusive? How can women accept disrespect and disinterest for years in some cases from men that are just bad guys? How can they accept this and forgive them time after time but yet some men can’t so much as make a slight mistake and he’s dismissed? It’s like the higher you set the standard, the less room you have to screw up. Does that make much sense?

This last couple years I’ve personally dealt with so many women that get so dismissive or upset over the smallest things I do. Just so we’re clear, some have been romantic situations but most are strictly plutonic. Women that have gotten married and kept ex-boyfriends has friends but erased me. Women that I helped stand up after rock bottom but because I didn’t call for a week or said no they lost their mind. Long nights talking about men that stole money, slept with their friends, didn’t take care of children, broke promises… Men they forgave easily but I didn’t deserve that same forgiveness? You have to understand, I can deal with a woman not being interested, that happens to the best of us. It’s the other side of the coin that sort of takes a little bit out of me each time it happens.

With each time I feel myself becoming just a tad bit colder. I feel myself becoming a tad bit more annoyed. I’m a good listener, a good friend, not because I want to in most cases but because I know how it feels to feel like there’s no one to talk to, I know how it feels to simply want to vent.

The way I’m starting to feel I’m just not sure anymore. I could have really used a friend today and instead I have my writing and my music, it’s a cold world right?

You’re Single Until You’re Married…Though Single Doesn’t Mean Available

FB-Ring.jpgWhy does the minister say, “If there is anyone here who objects to this Union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace? It’s because once you’re married no man or woman can come in-between the bond that God has Christened. There are no such vows or bonds for your girlfriend or boyfriend or baby daddy or boo or whatever you want to call the person you’re spending time with. People have this nasty habit of giving husband/wife rights to people that quite frankly don’t deserve those rights. I’m a very upfront man when it comes to the women I desire. If I think she’s too good for him or isn’t happy why ignore that? Is my loyalty to a man I’ve never met or is my loyalty to my own happiness?

Don’t misunderstand me, if someone is in a healthy and happy relationship that’s progressing and growing and flourishing I’d be a real ***** ass guy to try and get in the middle of that. But if I can see she’s only in there because she’s settling or because she feels like she has to be loyal then it’s completely fair to speak with her and to see if the door is open for a courtship.

I’m not a bad guy, I’m just willing to write what most people think but are afraid to say out loud for fear of being labeled unflattering names. You don’t think there was a woman in President Obama’s life before Michelle? Or a woman in Boris Kojo’s life before Nicole? I’m not saying these women took these men from whatever woman but I am saying that there was a point when they were dating other women and these women separated themselves from the pack.

As a man that loves women the worst image in the world to me is a grown woman that’s been with the same guy for two or three or four years and he’s given her a child. He’s told her a million times that he’s going to marry her one day but there she sits waiting for him to grow up and do right by her. What I want to scream to that woman is, “If he was going to marry you he would have done it by now!!!” She’s loyal, faithful and wants nothing more than him not realizing she’s single. Not realizing that man is simply killing time until he meets a woman worth marrying. The biggest mistake men and women make is mistaking loyalty for ignorance. Being faithful to a man or woman that doesn’t want to do right by you doesn’t make that man or woman stupid. It makes you stupid. You’re single until there’s an “I do.” Now single doesn’t mean available but it’s still single none the less.

The Week I Lost Faith In Women…

wpressI’ve spent the majority of my life living by one general principal, and that’s that all women are good. That even if she’s slept around or lied or did things that she regrets it was only because there wasn’t a man in her life that helped her realize her potential. Whether it be a father, a big brother, a boyfriend or husband.

I just never accepted the idea that once a good girl goes bad she’s gone forever.

This week however has opened this writers eyes. I honestly don’t think most women want what they think they want. They don’t want a good guy to build a life with, they want Scandal. They like the idea of emotional fights and cheating and good vs. evil. They like feeling like he’s torn on whether he wants her or the field.

I’ve spent the last four years taking up for women, writing about how men have to do better. How men have to step up and take care of children we father and women that love us. But what I’ve never went in on is the fact that these women know these guys aren’t about shit when they sleep with them, when they children for them. When a woman makes a conscience decision to go out with her girls instead of going to dinner with a guy that she likes but maybe doesn’t LIKE. She’s dug her own grave. At this moment, right now, I have no more compassion for them. Single moms, chicks with broken hearts and bad credit due to letting guys play them. That’s on them!

As a man I have my flaws, I’ll admit them openly and readily and I’ll accept my role in any situations I’ve been in that didn’t work. But what I can also accept is that fact that I’m just tired, I really am. I’m tired of always doing right by people that don’t appreciate it, that don’t realize just what sort of man I am.

I meet women close to their home when we go out because I don’t want them to have to drive far. I call a lot of times instead of texting because I know they hate that. I don’t do bugaboo sort of shit because I’m not build like that. I live my life by a code… I’m not going to do to you what I wouldn’t want you doing to me.

But on the eve of our Lord and Saviors birthday I just don’t know anymore. I just need more. I need to have my faith renewed.

Because right now all I see is a life of writing, alcohol and solitude.

Mutual Hate and Grief…

Skin.

A layer of skin is the difference between her being a murderer and a suicide victim. If she’d stabbed my child two months later she’d be in prison for the rest of her life but she stabbed him while he was still in her body. Women love to talk about how it’s “their body, their right” but what about my rights?! My fucking justice!

Watching her in the hospital room, lying in the bed I could feel nothing but hatred. The bitch wanted to hurt me, she wanted me to not just feel the pain she was feeling but to feel a pain that no man or woman should ever feel. The pain of burying your child.

Closing the door and blinking away the tears that I could no longer control, I sat at her bedside and shook her awake. Her eyes were red, she was groggy but she knew who I was. The look in her eyes wasn’t one of sorrow or regret, it was one of hate. She blamed me for the murder just as much as I blamed her. “I hope the bitch was worth it,” she said. I kissed her on the forehead and responded, “Say hello to my son for me.” I gripped my hands around her neck, she was too medicated and weak to scream. The harder I squeezed, the harder I cried. The blood vessels in her eyes popped, her body went limp and I let go…  She gasped for air and I placed my head in her lap. She was coughing and choking but she put her hand in my hair as I lay on her thighs. I hated her, she hated me but no one else knew what I was feeling but her and that bond kept me from killing her. That bond kept me from loving Alexis.