Faith, Family and Words

a holiday The bible is just a book of words to me. I do believe that there are life lessons to be taught and words that can inspire us but it was a book written by man translated time after time over centuries. For me faith is much more important, believing that God is real and that he watches over us and that believing in not just him but in seeing the best in people.

For me faith is walking and talking and trying to be the best man possible for my family, my readers and my future wife. Faith is knowing I’ll fall short, knowing I’ll do things that I’m not proud of but that no matter how far I fall I’m never beyond God’s outstretched hand.

My faith is what sustained me when I had to bury my grandfather. My faith is what keeps me strong when I watch my grandmother crying. Faith tells me that no matter what I want to happen or what I think is going to happen God has a plan for me and he’s simply waiting on me to become the man I’m supposed to be before he blesses me with what I desire.

Family. That word gets thrown around a lot but family isn’t blood. Family represents the people that are there for you when you need them. Family represents the people that you love unconditionally no matter what they do or say or how mad you get. Yes, family is cousins and uncles and mothers and fathers but more than anything our family starts when we are married and have children. That’s the way I look at it. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. My grandfather was the glue and without him I see the family I knew as a child fracturing. So now it’s time I start my own.

A wife is more than a lover, then a mother, then a best friend. A wife is the second part of life. I’m aware that people read my writing and feel like I may be exaggerating but I don’t care. I don’t care because I mean everything I write. It would be easy to stick to writing about sex and why good women are single. That stuff gets the highest views but I need to be sincere and sincerity lies in me being upfront with the fact that I’m going to put a lot of weight on the woman I take vows with. They’ll be times where I need her way more than she needs me and that scares me. It scares me to know someone will have that much power over me. It’s a scary that I can accept because it means I trust and love a person enough to share a home, children, memories and uninhibited passion with them.

Honestly, I’ve never been comfortable asking anyone for help. If my truck stopped and I didn’t have a dime to my name I’d struggle to call someone. I can’t tell you why that is but I can tell you that I wouldn’t be uncomfortable or struggling to call my wife or even a girlfriend.

Words are my babies. I write them for pleasure, I write them for fun, I write them for work and everything in between. I take joy in writing emails and text messages and letters. Demez F. White was born to be a writer and I know that with all my heart. Maybe that’s why I’m so used to solitude because when you write as much as I do you spend so much time alone with your thoughts. Words define me just as much as my faith does and just as much as my family will.

Flirting, Courtship and Romance…

On Saturday I thought about the concept of writing a relationship book. But like I said I’m not in a relationship nor have I been in awhile so writing that would simply be a bunch of romantic ideals. Not practical life tested words. And I can’t do that. But what I can write about and what I am quite good at is courtships and flirting. I can be sitting at a bar and make conversation with ease, I know when to flirt, what questions to ask. It comes natural.

People will tell you that dating is about asking questions and setting goals. That’s bullshit. Dating is about making someone smile and not just being interesting but being real. The worst thing you can do is show your “representative” to people. If you can’t afford to go to a five star restaurant, don’t make it seem like you can. Go get pizza and beer or a cheap bottle of wine.

To court a woman is not to try and make her see you’re a great person, there’s a lot of great guys that never get call backs or have sex or get her to fall in love. To court a woman is to tie into her emotions, her mind and her sensibilities as a woman.

These are a couple of facts that I promise you no woman will dispute.

(A)   Women are turned on my mental and social aggression, tactful, of course. No woman wants an indecisive or weak man. I learned this early, if you make plans make sure you know where you’re going and why you’re there. She’ll appreciate it because I guarantee you several men have called or picked her up on some… “So where do you want to go?” stuff.

(B)   Women love gifts. This doesn’t mean you have to show up with purses, watches or Tiffany’s. But it does mean if you show up with a cupcake, some chocolates, flowers or even some Starbursts. Ask yourself one question? When is the last time a guy simply brought her some candy because he was thinking about her. Grand romantic gestures sound great but when you’re just starting off it’s simplicity that matters.

(C)   Be yourself, I don’t care if all she talks about on FB is work and Basketball Wives. Or maybe you’ve looked thru her albums and every guy she’s dated is 6’3 and looks like Edris Elba. The simple fact of the matter is she’s out with YOU. She’s opened the door because there’s something about you she likes. So be yourself, be passionate about whatever it is you do and at the very least she’ll respect you and probably be turned on by your confidence.

(D)   Don’t try to be her friend. Women have friends, be honest about why you’re there. You’re attractive, you’re sexy, I want to eventually get to the point where I’m cooking you breakfast and watching you sleep. Now maybe you shouldn’t be that blunt but you get what I’m saying. Flirt and let her know that I’m a man and you’re a woman and this date is the first step in us building something. You don’t even have to be serious when you say it but just be charming.

I have no problem admitting that I enjoy dating. I enjoy getting to know people and asking those same questions knowing no woman will have exactly the same answer. Do I want a girlfriend and a real relationship, of course I do. But until that time comes this is the life I live.

My point… I may not be able to write about how to make a marriage work but I can write about how to make those first 3 months of a courtship turn into something much more. I’ve had a lot of women fall in love with me and I’ve probably fallen in love with so many more. The falling is the easy part, it’s the staying there that I’m still working on.