Love Letter #12

Dear Future Wife,

Good Morning! I woke up in a really good mood this morning and I’d like to think you had something to do with that. I know you prayed for me last night, I know you slept alone dreaming about us. I can’t explain how I know, I just know.

Love is about realizing what’s important. It’s about waking up and smiling because the bills are paid and I know we’re going to go to church. It’s about seeing you wrapped in a towel and not wanting you physically but just smiling because you’re here, because I can feel you in the room. I’m not afraid of falling anymore, I’ve started to warm at the thought of it.

When I was younger I told myself I wouldn’t be ready for a wife until I could give her this seven thousand dollar ring and house and present her with a new car on our six month anniversary. My ideas of what love and commitment were, were childish, not childish because they aren’t great gestures but childish because love isn’t materialistic or based on what you can do for me and I can do for you. Love is simple and you build on it, you build on the small things until one day you look up and the big things are just there. Just here.

I would never give you a fake diamond because it looked like something really expensive. I know what you deserve and I will give you that one day but I have no problem falling to my knees with a one carat ring I got from a pawn shop. I would love to sit on the tail gate of my truck eating pizza and HEB wine with you while you’re wearing that ring proudly. There’s nothing fake about our future, nothing fake about the potential greatness of our love. Over these past couple of years I’ve prepared myself for you and I’m excited. I can see the growth and I can see us.

Different men prioritize different things. Some value money, some lust, some just want attention with no real motive other than filling a void. I value funny, I value soft, I value family and honesty and morals. Maybe if I would have written this letter two years ago I’d have been writing about morning sex when writing to my future wife, when writing to you. Now all I want in the morning is for you to wake me up for work and for us to talk while we get ready. Just to be loved by you and for you to know I’d lay down my life without hesitation for you.

So good morning beautiful and enjoy your day! Our day is coming soon, know that.

Love Always and Forever,

Demez F. White

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Love Letter #28

FB-Ring.jpg Dear You,
I went to church on Sunday and the topic of the sermon was, “How to love a woman?” I immediately thought about you. It was storming, I needed gas and to put air in my tire but I got up and went to church anyway because I had questions and where else do you go for answers? The trip was worth it, he didn’t really tell my anything that I didn’t already know but he sort of reaffirmed some things and gave me a fresh perspective.

“If you aren’t ready to be selfless and put aside your pride then you may as well stay single because marriage and relationships are about sacrifice.” It’s easy for me to tell myself I’m selfless because of what I’m willing to do but love isn’t about what you’re willing to do, it’s about what you’re willing to forfeit. Your ego tells you that it’s none of her business where you are when you leave work but love tells you to tell her exactly where you’ll be. Your pride wants to cut her off when she’s complaining but love tells you to sit back and listen. I worry that I don’t have those traits in me, I worry that I won’t have them by the time I meet you.

This isn’t my first time saying this but the truth is I’ve always thought my family would be my wife and children. That even though I have a mother and aunts and cousins and sisters and grandparents the people that I would love like no other and know they loved me back was my family. The woman I make vows to and the seeds that come from that union. I always thought that you would be my family. I think that’s why the idea that love excites me and scares me so. I think that’s why I’m such a romantic.

When I first started this blog, I started it with the idea that you would read it one day and realize how great we could be. I started it with the concept that writing would make me a better man, it would help me express emotions and thoughts I’m not able to express in person at times. As I sit at this computer waiting and thinking and living all I can hope is that I won’t let you down when the day comes. All I can hope is that I’m better today than I was yesterday and I’ll be even better tomorrow. I haven’t said the words I love you to anyone in so long. Not a woman, not family, not friends. Those words scare me but I do hope I say them to you every night one night soon.

Sincerely Yours,
Demez F. White

I Want You To Be My Wife…

Dear ……,

 I don’t want a girlfriend.

I don’t want to creep when your man is tripping.

I don’t want to date for a year or two and wonder when the time will be right.

I want to take you in my arms, hug you tight and let you know that I’m not going anywhere. I want to kiss you when you’re having a bad day, I want to listen to you curse out your boss and co-worker and worrisome friend in the passenger seat so you can get it off your chest.

My entire life I’ve used my head, I’ve used my pride. I’ve never taken chances because in my world taking chances was a sign of weakness, weakness isn’t a trait that men are supposed to carry. And now I’ve realized it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of desire.

The desire to be more to you than just another man, the desire to let you know that you’re worth calling, texting, writing about, seeing, that you’re worth more than I can ever give in ten lifetimes. I don’t know where I got some of my thoughts and ideas from but I do know I’ve learned to do better because of you and I’ll keep doing better because of you.

If you only knew the effect you had on me, on my thoughts, my happiness, then I’m positive you’d charge me a fortune. I’m positive you’d wonder if I’d been smoking.

You’ll be my wife one day, I don’t have much doubt about that. But until that time comes I’m just going to enjoy the journey.

Love Always and Forever,

 

Demez F. White  

 

Good Morning Sunshine…

Dear Sunshine,

 

“Even if I don’t have much to my name, even with the ups and downs that come with the fame I know you’re my baby, my darling… priceless. The moment I sat eyes on you I knew I would fall. You make it better.” Raheem DeVaughn

I don’t know why I’m writing this note to sunshine, I can’t see myself ever calling someone this for a nickname but the sun is shooting through my office right now so it just makes sense. I went to sleep last night at maybe six thirty and didn’t wake up until my alarm clock went off this morning. I supposed my body was just tired but it must have worked because I feel amazing right now.

And when I wake up feeling amazing it’s usually because I had a good dream. I can only remember bits and pieces of it but I do remember a kiss and a hug and a smile. Maybe there was a pineapple and a briefcase. It was rather random but then again I’m a random guy.

I’m writing this to no one in particular or maybe I’m writing it to someone very particular. All I know is life has a way of balancing out, of introducing us to people that will shape us, the way we think, the way we feel, the way we touch.

Watching this sunshine come through these blinds gives me such spirit, such calm. Gives me hope that my priceless moments are right around the corner.

So wherever you are at this exact moment whether it’s getting out of bed, in your car on your way to work or kissing the guy I’ll eventually take you from goodbye… Just know this.

You’re beautiful because you’re perfect in my mind before I ever met you.

You’re calming because the thoughts I have of you fluctuate from sex to compassion to lust to just a smile.

You’re sweet because I imagine these different scents and smells coming off your pores after a hot shower or bath.

You’re everything we need each other to be and that I’m sure of!

So Good Morning Sunshine and be careful today, I love you.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Demez F. White