10am Thoughts in Houston

Lounging on my couch, too tired to go write, hungry but not feeling like cooking breakfast I can’t help but to take stock on where I am in this search for a wife. Or for something more meaningful then a situationship.

I’ve been up trying to wonder when’s the last time a woman cooked for me. Breakfast, lunch, dinner? I literally can’t remember. Then I tried to think when’s the last time someone showed up at my home and surprised me with food or wearing something sexy. I can’t remember that.

It seems I’m always the giver. Financially, emotionally, sexually. I’m always the one that has to please, not really asking for much because I don’t want to have to ask. If you like or love someone it should just come natural.

Starting the year I had so much hope. I still have hope but there has to be something in my character that pushes people away.

My Christmas tree is still up; I keep telling myself its because I’m being lazy but it’s more than that. I think it’s the only thing that makes my home feel homey. I’ll take it down before the weekend but for the next day or so I’ll just look at it.

There’s things I miss. Things I need to find in 2014 or else hope may not be enough.

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Can I Have You For Lunch?

“What are you wearing today?” He called her from the Hotel lobby. It was quiet in the middle of a Wednesday.

“You ask me that everyday? Why do you want to know? If you’re putting me in one of your stories I need to see a check.” She laughed knowing she was going to tell him, she just liked playing this game.

“Just tell me and stop being difficult.” He smiled to himself; he hadn’t heard her laugh in a couple of days.

“Leopard and black lace underwear, black bra, grey slacks, purple camisole, grey purple and white cardigan sweater and drum roll… Four inch purple suede pumps.” She looked at her pumps sitting on the floor next to her desk. They were made for modeling, not working. She touched up her lip gloss.

“Can you work in four inch pumps?” Her tone changed, she lowered her voice before she answered.

“I can put in more work than you can imagine in these pumps.” He adjusted the way he was sitting, he didn’t want people to see his erection.

“Take an extended lunch and meet me at Hotel Granduca in Uptown Park.” There was a silence, she wanted him as much as he wanted her but there was a silence.

“I have a lot of work to do.” He knew she wanted him to need her; to stop showing his representative, to stop being so cool and be real.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks. My attorney, my publishers, my grandparents. I’m dealing with a lot and the only time my mind has peace is when I’m inside of you. There’s no place in the world as calm as your body on top of mine. I need you, please.” He gave her what she needed, what he feared. Access to what no one else saw.

“Don’t game me author. Don’t use that million dollar imagination to get in my head and between my legs if you don’t mean this shit.” She needed to know this was real because she was falling whether he knew it or not.

“I’ll be waiting.” He smiled and checked into the hotel.

She hung up the phone and smiled at what was to come.

Lunch Time Thoughts and Vows…

I’m at work incredibly sleepy at the moment. A weekend that consists of liquor and sleepless nights tends to make for groggy Mondays. But as I sit here typing my life away on my Blackberry I started to think about something rather serious.

My marriage vows…

And I’m aware there’s no wedding date set. No honeymoon plans paid and no ring on a finger.

No girlfriend either though that’s not really a concern. I just think about them a lot. So I’m going to write a dry run. Since I need to use a woman for the vows to feel real I’ll use *……*.

I hope you don’t mind.

‘Dearly beloveded blah blah blah…’

As we stand at this alter there is no doubt that this is the happiest moment of my life.

There isn’t a morning that goes by that I don’t wake up and expect you to be gone. Because I can’t imagine that you’re real. Every call, every touch, every moment I lay my eyes on you I fall in love.

People say you shouldn’t make a person your world, your everything, because without them what do you have?

I tell those same people they never had you in their life. I love you and if you’ll have me on this day I’ll spend everyday after making sure you never want for a thing.

I love you ….

There isn’t a war I wouldn’t fight just to put a smile on your face.