Alone In A Crowded Room

Essence

Today will be different I tell myself. Walking down the sidewalk, beer in one hand, ice in the other. Today will be different. Most of the people inside will know your name, you like to talk so talk. Today will be different.

Standing around, saying my hellos, trying to make small talk. I realize something. Today may not be different. No matter how many people know my name or recognize my face I’m still alone in this crowded room. I used to think it was social anxiety then I thought it was just good old-fashioned introvert like behavior but now I’m not so sure it’s any of those things.

Sometimes I feel like something inside of me is broken. That piece of me that lets people in, that makes and keeps friends. Or maybe people just don’t like me. I’ve thought about that a lot to be honest. I know our generation isn’t supposed to care about such trivial things but I do.

My writing has made me known. So most of the time people will recognize my name as soon as I introduce myself. I like that feeling but what I’ve come to realize is that it’s a temporary feeling. This weekend I realized I have no friends. I know a lot of people, I occasionally talk to them but I have no real friends.
When the concept first hit me it scared me.

Now at 5:00am on a Monday morning I’m coming to accept it. I don’t know if this will always be the case but it’s the case now and I have to live with the hand I’ve been dealt. In my heart my wife will be my best friend so I won’t have to worry about this but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.

I can be at a book signing with a hundred people waiting for my autograph and feel like a stranger. I can be at a family holiday dinner and feel like I don’t know one person in the room. Sometimes it scares me how detached I am.

I want to blame this isolation on the writing but I’m not sure I can.

4 Factors to a Happier Work Week: Sleep, Masturbation, Exercise and Conversation

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_nHow often do we see or hear people crying about Mondays? Not because they had a good weekend, not because they had a bad weekend but simply because it’s Monday. TGIF has become a phrase everyone uses even when they have no plans for the weekend! Now some of it is because people simply hate their jobs and anytime away from work is a blessing. Some of it is mental, the weekend means no dropping kids off or getting up early, no worrying about what you’re going to wear or if you need to get gas before work or after work.

Those are all valid reasons but here’s the most serious reason: People let work and home life consume them. They go to work, fight traffic, have an hour or two of down time and then have to do it all over again the next day. You can’t live like that and not expect to be mentally drained. It’s why someone can sit in front of a computer all day and feel like they’ve just ran a marathon.

You have to take care of your body and mind. These are four factors that will not only help you make it through the work week but will also give you some clarity when everything around you is chaos.

Factor 1- Sleep

We love our technology, I’ve been guilty myself of carrying my cell phone from the kitchen to the bedroom to my office. Messing with my tablet while watching TV while my laptop is open in front of me. Technology has made our lives so much easier but it’s also killing our sleep. How many of us are on those cell phones in bed? Have the TV on in bed? Our bodies need rest, our minds need rest. Studies have shown that you are twice as likely to get a good night’s sleep if you stay off technology at least an hour before bedtime. If you can get a nap in at lunch or on the weekends do it. Sleep is us charging our batteries. You’d be amazed at how much the work week wouldn’t suck if you weren’t so tired.

Factor 2- Masturbation

I’m saying masturbation and not sex because I’m not married. If I was married this would obviously be sex. Masturbation is important because it allows you to release stress without all the feelings and emotions that come with sex. Sexual pleasure is one of those gifts from God that we need to thank him for everyday! It’s not just the act by the way of getting yourself off but it’s the memories. Stay away from porn, that corrupts the mind. Use your mind, use your imagination, take the time in the shower or before bed to give your body that release. Just because you’re single or celibate doesn’t mean you can’t have a productive sex life. With sexual fulfillment comes less anger and stress and watch those work days be just a little bit less annoying.

Factor 3- Exercise

I’m not one of these people that are all excited about supplements or going to the gym everyday. I’m not even going to pretend I do any of those things. But I have come to understand the importance of working out on some level. Whether it’s jogging for a bit before work, going to the gym after work or the punching bag and some jump rope. Just thirty minutes to an hour four or five days a week gives you so much energy and with a slight change in diet does wonders for your body and mind. You wake up and all of a sudden you can fit into those pants that you couldn’t a month ago or you look just a little bit better naked watch that swag when you walk into that office!

Factor 4- Conversation

Real conversation is so underrated. Not gossiping with your friends or mom or talking to that co-worker you just don’t care for. But real conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Genuine laughs, real words. I have nothing against texting or FB’ing or emails but nothing compares to seeing the name of someone you really want to talk to popping up on your phone. Even if it’s just twenty minutes on your way to work that conversation can last you the entire day. Ask questions, read the paper and discuss something that they didn’t know about. That you didn’t know about. Part of weariness is a tired and unused mind.

Why Men Love Mentally Stimulating Women

156962_10150323498710174_881165173_16061373_5591716_nOne- Random conversations; with technology at an all time high. FB chat, BB chat, Google chat, email, texting, messaging, the days of talking to someone on the phone often are becoming a thing of the past. So the concept of having a real hour long mentally stimulating conversation is maybe one of the sexiest things ever. When I hang up the phone my mind is just open because of her voice, her intelligence, her ability to absorb information and react. Yes… Phone conversations about politics, religion, life, love, real life issues can be so cool with the right smart woman.

Two- Natural Charm; charm is by far one of the most overlooked qualities on a woman. It often gets confused with flirting but it’s not even close. You can teach someone how to flirt but you can’t teach charm. Intelligent women usually have this natural ability to make you smile because they have the sense to know what works. If a man is mad she knows a joke to tell, if he’s sad she knows the right words to make him happy. Being able to recognize a problem and fix it in a manner of minutes isn’t something a basic chick can do.

Three- Situation and Circumstance; I’ve met so many women that carry themselves so ladylike, so elegantly and once I get to know them. Once we get comfortable, it’s all Jay Z, lets get drunk, what’s up homie… See intelligence isn’t always being prim and proper, a lot of times it’s about knowing when to be prim and proper. If I take her to my brother’s house for a fight and we’re drinking and talking noise, having a good time. She’s not setting the party off if she starts to talk about the mortgage prices or our Senate’s inability to get anything passed. By her seeing the crowd and seeing what everyone is about and adapting to that situation, she just showcased that beautiful brain of hers.

Four- Makes Date Nights Amazing; Have you ever tried to take someone that didn’t like history to a museum, it is just a waste of time. Talking about Plato or Caesar or Picasso to a woman that wants nothing to do with it. It’s not her fault she has no interest in history but when you take culture out of a relationship or date it becomes a bunch of drinking and reality show talk. I like exhibits and walking from restaurant to restaurant on a Sunday in City Centre drinking and talking about art. Not even in a geeky way but in a relaxing, calm way. Artists have the most interesting background stories and they make for perfect conversations.

Five- I’m a Freaking Writer!!!!; I write almost everyday of my life so the idea of having a woman that likes to read and give real feedback and make real corrections is so appealing to me. Women often mistake blind co-signing or random negative feedback for FEEDBACK… But real feedback is different, it just has a different vibe. Like I know she read it and I her opinions just make sense because she can explain herself and articulate herself.

At the end of the day beautiful women are everywhere and if you have charm or money or looks you can get one easy. Hell, lame guys can luck up on a fine woman. But you can’t luck up on a woman that’s an intellectual superstar because she just expects more, she just wants more.