Love Can Make You Crazy….

every-man.jpgTell me you love me.

Tell me you love me and I’ll never doubt you again. Tell me you love me even if it’s a lie and it burns your soul to tell that lie. The moments we live, the moments that make and break our lives are moments that never die. No matter what we do in life, how far we go or don’t go those moments will live within us.

If you tell me you love me, look me in my eyes and ask me to write about that love… I can’t help but to fall in love with you because I want to anyway. Love is a lot of great things but love can also be so damn damaging.

I’ve written about a lot of things since I started demezw.com. You know what I’ve never written about? It’s about a woman that sent me a text outside of CVS on 59 and Tidwell at 4:45pm and told me I wasn’t good enough. She told me she never loved me, she just felt sorry for me. I don’t remember being sober for months after that. There was even a couple of times I help my gun in my hand wondering If I deserved to be here.

Hearing the words, “I love you,” could have stopped me, could have calmed me. But they never came and the thoughts of my family and them having to live with my sins haunted me.

Tell me you love me.

Save me from myself, save me from a lifetime of not knowing and stressing over whether or not I’m making progress in being good enough. It’s something that keeps me up at night, something that drives my ambitions but that also sabotages them.

My pride may be the death of me. Calling her, telling her I miss her. Calling her again and again, that’s just never been me. I just can’t be the man that pops up and lies in my sword for the sake of making her happy? How do you sacrifice your pride when it’s gotten you thru so much?

Maybe I’m just crazy…..