Guess What? It’s Okay To Have Values

Hers It’s okay to have values.

It’s okay to care what people think about you.

Everyone isn’t going to like you and that’s fine.

I’ve never particularly cared if I was liked as long as I was respected. In life you have to have a value system, you have to hold yourself to certain standards and live by certain beliefs even if people don’t agree with you. Everyone isn’t going to like you or be your friend but when people see that you’re about your word and honest; they’ll respect you.

Over the past couple years I’ve had my rationale questioned when it comes to women. People read my writing and think I have this unrealistic expectation of women or my views are that of a man that wants a woman barefoot and pregnant. Most of those people have either never really read my writing or read excerpts and make an opinion.

I don’t believe in calling women out of their names (the bedroom excluded.) If I can’t get my point across without a bunch of b**ches and hoes then I’m not much of a writer or man. I feel as though conversation can solve most of our problems, most misunderstandings stem from miscommunication or third parties. I’d rather be the guy that makes you laugh instead of the guy that’s too cool for the room. I have no desire to have a woman be barefoot and pregnant but I do feel like as a man it’s my job to give her that option to stay at home if that’s what she wants.

My writing is all about holding men accountable. When a man is genuine and loving and a leader then 9 out of 10 times the woman is going to appreciate it and respect it and both of us will thrive. What’s happening is standards are getting lower and lower, what was unacceptable in my grandparents generation, in my parents’ generation has almost become the norm. It’s literally cool now to be an asshole, to be disrespectful, to make fun of others. I have no desire to be that person or to date that person. You know what’s attractive to me? Being nice, being sweet, being caring.

If we can have sex but you aren’t willing to introduce me to your parents then that’s a problem. If we can get drunk and make out in a parking lot but can’t pray together, go to bible study together, then that’s a problem. I don’t want you coming to my home at 2am, not because I don’t want to see you but because we live in a dangerous world and if you want to see me, I’ll come to you. If a woman sends me a sexy pic I’m going to admire it and delete it because phones get stolen all the time; I don’t want her image out there. If we’re meeting for dinner then I’m going to pick a restaurant on her side of town because I’d rather drive home tipsy then have her because the odds that she isn’t going to drive and text are slim. That’s my value system, that’s who I am. I won’t apologize for it.

I take pride in seeing that a woman’s car is dirty and washing it. I like asking her for her keys so I can fill her car up because I have never met a woman that likes pumping gas. The best phone call in the world is when you can hear the smile in her voice when she jumps in a clean, fueled car knowing you’re the one that did that. We throw these words around like tricking, thirst, whipped when what I think you mean is spoiling, protecting, providing for. When I have a conversation with a woman I care about we’re not talking about other people, we’re talking about us. Our careers, our futures, our families. There’s value in honesty, in sincerity. If I say something that’s offensive or ignorant, tell me and I can either apologize or try to word what I was saying better. Life is too short for enemies, that’s my belief.

~ Demez F. White

My Definition of Being a Man

Demez

Demez

I’m positive if you asked 100 men what their definition of being a man was you’d get 100 different answers. Some would sound alike and some might sound completely different. I was raised in a home with my grandmother and grandfather where the roles were traditional. That’s where I get my thinking. I don’t expect for everyone to agree with me, we were all raised differently. What makes me proud, what makes me feel as though I’m making my grandfather proud may not be who you are. As long as you take care of your family, respect those around you, can look a man in his eyes and be accountable. I can respect you.

Using My Hands– Being a man means you can use your hands. I’m a romance writer for the most part, I can accept that but that doesn’t stop me from being able to change a tire. That doesn’t stop me from being able to change a battery or wash a car.

If I hear something in the backyard or on the roof it’s my job to go out there and see what it is. If a mouse runs across the floor I can’t scream and jump on a chair with my girlfriend. I need to be the one to find it and kill it. This isn’t up for debate, being a man means certain things just need to be inherent in you.

Accepting Responsibility– Boys lie to avoid arguments. There are so many men that told women they had to work this weekend or that they didn’t have any money. “Hey babe, can we go out Saturday because all these restaurants are going to be so packed on Friday.” Being a man requires that you have uncomfortable conversations. I know plenty of guys that talk to several women, that doesn’t impress me. You want my respect, be the guy where each woman you date knows she isn’t the only one.

If you have a problem with another man, address him. Don’t get loud or gossip, pull him to the side when no one else is around and let him know what the problem is. Men respect straight forwardness. Social media has made men as catty as women. That’s not a trait my grandfather would be proud of.

Taking Care of Home– I don’t condone cheating, it happens, I won’t judge the men that do it. However, don’t take food or resources from home to accommodate your guilty pleasure. You have a woman on the side find another way to finance that. You like to go to the casino or buy games or shoes or clothes, do that with the money after you’ve brought groceries and paid bills and asked the people you live with if they need anything. There’s such a thing as “doing wrong right” and that means taking care of the people that will be there for you when you have nothing.

Don’t Forget Where You Come From– My generation has a habit of wanting to live like the rich and famous on an everyday budget. If you can afford to hire maids and servants and get your car washed and oil changed and have someone else cut your yard more power to you. If you can’t there’s nothing the matter with doing it yourself and being honest about it. I see it every day, people lying about where they come from or what they have. Be proud of what you have, don’t exaggerate because there will come a day when the truth will come out. Men understand this and accept where they are in life and appreciate each moment they rise.

Accepting Your Part– I’ve always said never trust a person that’s always the victim. Every relationship, date, job, family situation that goes wrong is never their fault. We all play a part when things go wrong. Being a man is owning the part you played and sometimes more. It won’t be fun having all that responsibility and blame placed on you when it wasn’t your fault but its what men do.