Why Raising Another Man’s Child Can Be Just As Rewarding As Raising Your Own

Family

Family

What are traits about others that people admire?

Being Selfless,

Passionate.

Happy.

Loving.

All those traits apply to single mothers. Of course we all know examples of bad mothers but most of the women I know lose their mind when their child is sick. They go without if their son or daughter needs a little more to eat or drink even though they know the kid is full. They take off work in order to make sure the kid isn’t at school sick when they know the child was probably never sick to begin with.

Mothers are selfless, passionate, happy and loving as hell when it comes to their children. The good ones are but the great ones are all in.

I recently had a friend tell me that she stopped talking to a guy that she was crazy about because he treated her two daughters differently. He wasn’t abusive or molesting them but the youngest girl was a daddy’s girl so she had an attitude towards him. So he would do things for the oldest girl and not for the youngest. These children were like 4 and 7 by the way.

She said, “Mez, he was being indifferent to my youngest daughter instead of just giving her time to adjust. He bought my oldest some candy, when the youngest asked where hers was, he said; ask your daddy.’ What sense does that make? So I dumped him.”

I could tell she missed him but she did what was best for her child and that made me smile.

My point is this, as a man when you can find it in your heart to love, care for, respect, play with, encourage, teach and just grow with the one thing in this world that that woman loves more than anything else. You’re going to win in life.

I grew up with a generation of people where a lot of us didn’t have father’s in the household. I know a bunch of women my age that aren’t with the men they have children with. My grandparents grew up in a generation where you got someone pregnant and married them, forget that you didn’t love her or that she wasn’t the woman you saw yourself with. You did it because it was right, because being there for her and your children was more important than dating and trying to find ‘perfection.’

When you take on the responsibility of a woman and her child or children; she knows the sacrifice you’re making. She may not talk about it or bring it up but she’s aware that they’re plenty of childless women out here. She’s aware that her child is going to have an adjustment period. She’s aware that the child’s father is either going to be in their life or is in their life and at the end of the day it will be ‘ME’ that has to be the bigger person.

I’ll be the one having to bite my tongue if they’re arguing about child support or insurance. I’ll be the one that has to pick up the pieces if he doesn’t come to get that kid for the weekend and she’s hurting because her baby is hurting.

Once the smoke settles and she realizes I’m not going anywhere, she’ll love me more than she’s ever loved anyone because I’ve handled loving her and that child like they were the most important things in the world to me.

I grew up without a father, my stepfather was a bum. So I don’t know what it’s like to have someone care about me, come to games, come to recitals, pick me up from school and have that man on man talk. If it would have been my stepfather I would have loved that man to death despite his short comings. That’s the thing about children, they aren’t slow, they aren’t blind. They simply want to know that you’re there, there for them. There for their mom, there for that family.

I want a son more than anything in this world but I want a wife first. I want a bestfriend first and I want financial security first.

Being with a woman that has a child isn’t a handicap, it’s a blessing in the sense that I’ll be able to not only touch the life of my future seed or that woman but I’ll be able to touch the life of a child that needs it. I respect women and I understand doing what you have to do to raise your child.

A woman can’t raise a man and a little girl needs a father. She needs to see a man treat her mother like a Goddess no matter how cheesy that sounds. I loved a woman whose daughter looked just like the child’s father, I mean they could have cloned this kid. Every time I tried to kiss her or hug her, the little girl would jump in-between us or look at me like I was evil. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world because I would want my daughter to do the same thing.

We’re adults for a reason, we have to be the bigger people. Children need adjustment periods and when they do adjust they’ll love you just as much as they love their biological father. I firmly believe that but you have to be a man, you have to be real and you have to be sincere.

The friend that I mentioned earlier, we aren’t that cool but if we were I would have went to the doctor with her, I would have went to the Lamaze classes and helped her out with cravings. Not because I want a relationship with her, I don’t know her like that but I would have done it because every woman deserves to have someone there with them and because her child’s father is unworthy. I would hate for those vibes to sink into that womb.

So I don’t know how many male readers I have but if you do read this, give a woman with children a chance and to all the women out there just know that some man will love you and want you not just because you’re fine as hell but because he wants to be an asset to you and your child’s life.

A Love Letter to My Mother

My Mother and I

My Mother and I

Dear Mother,

Last week I was texting a woman I’d met and she asked me if I’d ever written any love letters. I told her of course, I’ve written several, a lot more than several, considering I’m a writer and romance is something I take pride in. Her next question caught me by surprise. She asked, “Have you ever written a love letter to your mom?” I put my phone down and laughed because the question seemed weird. “A love letter to my mom?” However, when I really thought about it, I realized nothing in the world makes more sense.

You were the first woman I really loved before I even knew what love was. There’s no bond like the bond between a mother and child. When you really think about it, I was in your stomach, I grew from something the size of a pea to who I am today because you nurtured me. What you ate I ate, what you read, I read, what you listened to, I listened to.

Our relationship hasn’t been what a lot of son’s relationship is with their mother but don’t think I don’t love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I remember when I was in the 9th grade on the bus school and you called the 97.9 to brag on me. I remember you were 8 months pregnant walking around the campus of Sam Houston when I first went to college. I had no people skills and you and my aunt found me a roommate.

The very first job I had was an internship at your company and I was horrible. I almost caught a sexual harassment charge though that girl wasn’t even cute and was sort of evil, I scanned the wrong documents, I came to work late. With all that you covered for me.

I know I can be cold at times, standoffish, but I need you to understand that’s not a reflection of you. I think you’re an amazing woman and an amazing mother. That’s just something inside of me. Something I have to fix and deal with on my own. My little sisters look up to you. I look up to you.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be affectionate or call everyday but I will always be there for you because you are my mother and I do love you unconditionally. The way a son loves a mother. So now the next time I talk to a woman and she asks me if I’ve ever written a love letter to my mother, I can tell her.

Of course. I wrote one my Mother’s Day.

Love Forever and Always,

Your Son Demez

Another Man’s Child…

I’ll be 30 in a couple of months and the older I get the more women I meet with children. I work with a lot of guys that are older than me and that have had a lot more experience in the world than me and they all have one mutual piece of advice.

“Do not talk to women with children.”

But this is the thing, why not? When you really think about it the only thing that separates most of us none virgins from having children is a sperm here or there. I’ve had enough unprotected sex in my life to have 40 kids but I’ve been blessed because I’ve pulled out or she’s had protection. So who am I to judge or cut out an entire class of women because I sperm slipped through?

I know a lot of great women that thought they were dealing with some real men and once those pregnancy test came back positive, they realized those guys weren’t real at all. Does that take away from the woman she is? She’s still smart and cool and sexy and confident, now she just as a little more baggage. And as a man I can choose to look past that and see where it goes or I can turn my back and talk to the woman who’s man had weak sperm. I’m not a quitter, if she’s a good woman, a child isn’t going to change that, it’s only going to enhance it.

I get what my boys and co-workers are saying. They’ve dealt with the drama and issues and complications that come with being with a woman with a child but all woman aren’t created equal.

The same way I can get into a situation with a woman that has no children and a crazy ex is the same way I can get into a situation with a woman that has a child and a crazy child’s father. If a woman is addictive, she’s going to be addictive with or without a child coming with that package.  Am I currently dating a woman with children, no. But if I was to meet one that has a child and she was everything I wanted. That risk is well worth the reward.

I’m Demez and I’m drunk and rambling on a Friday night. I need a baby mama.