You Can’t Cover A Gunshot Wound with A Band-Aid; So Why Cover A Broken Heart with One


Imagine someone you love with all your heart. Someone you would give your last for. Standing in front of you smiling and laughing and turning you on and in the blink of an eye they pull out a gun and shoot you in your chest. You don’t know why they shot you but you know you’re lying on the ground bleeding to death. They don’t call an ambulance, they don’t try and stop they blood. They simply give you a hug, say they’re sorry and ask you what’s for dinner. That makes no sense right? Even though we do it every day in relationships.

Have you ever broken a body part, cut your hand on a piece of broken glass? It takes time to heal and even when it heals, a lot of times you have to teach your body how to use it again. It’s months, years in some cases before you’re feeling right. In some cases, your body will never be the same. Hearts work the same way. It takes time for that heart to rebound from the shock of being split in a thousand pieces and once you put it back together, it’s never going to be the same.

Why do men lie when almost every woman since Eve has said, “All I want is the truth, no matter how harsh it is?” I can’t speak for most men but let me tell you why I would lie. In my mind I thought, “What I’ve done is pretty bad, if I tell her the truth she’s going to leave or it’ll break her heart. But if I lie, she’s going to stay and we’ll be happy.” The problem with that logic is that even if a woman can’t prove or doesn’t know for sure; female intuition is undefeated. She may not “know” but she knows. The truth may be uncomfortable, it may be ugly, but it gives her options. Lying robs her of those options and in turn robs that relationship of being built on something real.

Love and by extension women are not toys that you play with when you feel like it, it breaks, you lose it, you just go buy another one that you like better or that’s newer. There are consequences to breaking valuable things. Walking away and starting over sounds appealing until you realize you’ll never get in that new woman what you had in the old one. And furthermore, even though that woman is “old” to you. She’s new to another man. How many times have you been chilling with a woman, having a good time, laughing and her phone starts blowing up? She rolls her eyes and says, “It’s no one.” That guy on his third glass of whiskey, wondering why she isn’t responding. He’s the guy that thought he could do better. He’s the guy that didn’t want to put in the work to repair what he’d broken. Don’t be that guy. He has cable, be the guy that has Direct TV.

4 Ways to Help Him Through A Quarter Life Crisis

20140822-233539.jpg I’d never complain about being a man. I have no problem saying I’d suck at cramping or being pregnant and I definitely wouldn’t take to constant Facebook messages or sexual harassment too well. No, I love being a man but there’s one thing that we can all admit. It’s not okay for a man to show weakness or to be vulnerable with everyone. Don’t mistake this with it’s okay to not have emotions or to talk, it’s just not okay unless she means something to you.

Expectations are an amazing thing. They often force us to reach heights we didn’t even know we could reach but there’s also the weight of expectations that can be heavy on our pride and mental makeup. You reach a certain age and you aren’t feeling as accomplished as you should be, it’s not an easy thing to deal with. You can become withdrawn, depressed and some may see it as feeling sorry for yourself but it’s bigger than that. You don’t stop living or working, you just stress more. Having a woman there to take some of that stress away, some of that edge away, that makes all the difference in the world.

“I’m Proud of You.” This may seem small or insignificant but hearing this from the right woman when you’ve had a bad day or bad month or didn’t reach a goal you set for yourself. It fixes everything in that moment. You look at her eyes or hear her voice and you just feel as though you can take on the world in spite of any obstacles that come your way. “I’m proud of you,” means you believe in me. It means you see the small steps I’m taking and are just as excited about those as you are about the big steps.

“Dance With Me.” I love silly, serious women. That’s a thing. Women that are about their business and work and are busy but when she’s with you she has that silly side, that playful side, that laugh that you know not too men have gotten to see. She sees you at your desk writing or sitting on the couch sulking and she grabs your hand and shakes her hips and says, “come dance with me Mez” and in those moments where you’re feeling her body and her energy and holding her waist her hands or grabbing her ass you feel better. Holding her, dancing with her is better than alcohol, sex, Crave cupcakes. It’s better because it’s organic, it’s in the moment, it’s intimate in the most non-sexual but sensual way.

“I Told Someone About You.” There are a lot of ways to show a man you love him or care about him. There are a lot of ways to show affection or to cheer someone up. You can never go wrong with sex or a bottle of his favorite liquor or his favorite meal. But for me nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than knowing a woman wants professional success for me just as much as I do. When she calls or text saying, “A friend told me they needed a writer so I mentioned you.” Or “I know you haven’t been happy where you are so I was looking online and I saw this,” and she sends me a link to a company or opportunity. Those little gestures have such a huge impact because you know she’s selfless and your happiness means that much to her.

“Come to Bed.” One of the first things to go when you’re stressing or not happy is sleep. Some men drink themselves to sleep, others take whatever pill they can find. Some just scroll social media all night or try and work. When a woman comes and rubs your neck or back and pulls you off the couch or out of your office and says, “come to bed” you do it. Maybe she doesn’t want to sleep alone, can’t sleep without your warmth but more than that she just wants to have you close. There’s so much intimacy in those before dawn conversations about life, work, family, stresses. Her semi naked body wrapped around yours, her head on your chest and that conversation is therapy. Maybe it ends in earth shattering sex but it’s not about that. It’s about that connection, that bond that’s being strengthened. Even if you only get a couple hours of sleep there’s comfort in knowing she can’t sleep without you.

As You Leave Me by Etheridge Knight

Shiny record albums scattered over
the living room floor, reflecting light
from the lamp, sharp reflections that hurt
my eyes as I watch you, squatting among the platters,
the beer foam making mustaches on your lips.

And, too,
the shadows on your cheeks from your long lashes
fascinate me–almost as much as the dimples
in your cheeks, your arms and your legs.

hum along with Mathis–how you love Mathis!
with his burnished hair and quicksilver voice that dances
among the stars and whirls through canyons
like windblown snow, sometimes I think that Mathis
could take you from me if you could be complete
without me. I glance at my watch. It is now time.

You rise,
silently, and to the bedroom and the paint;
on the lips red, on the eyes black,
and I lean in the doorway and smoke, and see you
grow old before my eyes, and smoke, why do you
chatter while you dress? and smile when you grab
your large leather purse? don’t you know that when you leave me
I walk to the window and watch you? and light
a reefer as I watch you? and I die as I watch you
disappear in the dark streets
to whistle and smile at the johns


Suicide Doesn’t Make You A Coward

A lot of people think suicide makes you weak but the hardest thing in the world is to hurt yourself.

Our bodies, our minds, our spirits are naturally designed to not hurt us. It’s why a person with a gun to their head pulls away at the last minute. It’s why if you’ve ever tried to cut yourself its almost impossible.

So for someone to fight all that off and still kill themselves, how does that make them weak?

Sometimes the voices in our heads, the regrets, the pain is unbearable and all you want is it to stop. So you do what’s necessary.

Suicide isn’t the trait of a coward, it’s just someone that’s tired of fighting the demons.

We judge people without knowing their struggle. Without knowing how much they fought the pain and regret and fear.

Pray for their souls and know that if they made the ultimate decision to take their life, they must have felt there was no other choice.

~ Demez F. White


A Love Born of the Night Dies in the Moonlight

Their language is unique because no words are needed.

Her smile tells him her resolve is already defeated.

They’re both aware that reality is just a turn of a doorknob away.

Reality is powerful but not as powerful as the intensity of their union.

“This has to be the last time,” she whispers, echoes in desire tainting the purity of her words.

“This can never be the last time because your touch will live forever in my heart.” Rubbing her face, embracing her tears he knew their love was flawed.

Images of her skin blurring the line between fantasy and infatuation.

Visions of his lips caressing the places saturated by her desire.

A love doomed can never prosper.

A love born of the night dies in the moonlight.

~ Demez F. White


Losing Provides Necessary Lessons

20131119-220624.jpgTransparency is a word I don’t often use but it’s a word that describes my writing perfectly. I try my best to be as honest with my words as I can while still trying to keep some things sacred. I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, one that will haunt me and keep me up at nights but it will also make me a better man.

Intentions matter just as much as our actions do. It’s easy to use “I’m single” as an excuse to be selfish but our actions and intentions have to match. If I tell a woman I’m single and I should be allowed to date or do what I want those are intentions. If my actions are courting her and talking to her and making her care about me then those are my actions. No matter what I’ve said I’ve done enough that she’s invested now. So it’s up to me to either go all in or fall back, there can’t be a middle ground.

I’m always writing about respect and accountability. Men need to step up and be men. I don’t want my words to be hollow and in a way they have been. Being honest is easy, people respect honest but just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re right. Part of being a man, part of growing up is realizing that options are overrated. There will always be available women, there will always be opportunities to meet a woman that has something the woman you’re with or dating doesn’t. We have to decide is losing someone that matters worth options? On Friday I would have wrote some bullshit answer. On today that answer is no. It’s not worth it.

Lessons aren’t meant to be kind to us. If they were most of us wouldn’t get the full impact. Lessons need to hurt, they need to make us cry and curse and fear. When we’re children our parents popped us on the hand for touching the oven or outlet because they knew it was better to get popped on the hand then to get burned or electrocuted. We’d remember that sting and stay away. Dating, relationships, they work the same way. You screw up, you lose someone special, you get burned. That lesson will stick with you so much longer and teach you so much more because it hurts.

My writing sets a standard so in turn I have to live up to that standard. In 2013 I got better at it but I still fell short, as I write this there will be times where I let people down that care about me. There will be times I hurt people I had no intentions on hurting but what do intentions matter if my actions are what matters.


Don’t Fear Death; Fear Not Living

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n My back has been killing me the past few days so I went to the doctor today. I thought maybe I pulled something at work or slept wrong on the couch. She told me I had some fluid in my lungs, that my left lung was working twice as hard because my right lung was struggling.

It wasn’t back pain, it was my lung. “I think it’s a blood clot and if it is you need to go get a ct scan so we can get in and get it ASAP. In that moment my life flashed before my eyes. The seriousness in her eyes, the realization that I wasn’t overreacting when I felt like something just wasn’t right with my body. In that moment I thought I would die.

I’ve said so many times I’m not afraid of death, that I’m only afraid of dying unaccomplished. That’s bullshit, I don’t want to die at all, I don’t want to leave my family, I don’t want to not have a wife and a son and a daughter. I want to see my novels turned into movies and on library shelves. The fear was real and in those couple of hours waiting on those test results all I saw was all I didn’t accomplish. Sitting in the parking lot of the Kelsey Seybold clinic crying and praying and begging I knew that whatever happened, whatever the results my life would never be the same.

The test results came back negative in reference to the blood clot but the fluid is still here, the pain is still here, it’s still a struggle to breathe too heavily or talk too much. I still live with the fear that I’m going to lie down and not wake up. That I’m going to take a deep breath and not be able to exhale.

Most men love to say they have no regrets, I’m not one of them. There are so many things I regret, so many things I have to make right. So many kisses I need to give, so many trips I have to take, so many hugs I blew off.

If I’m being honest, I’ve seen my death so many times in my head. I’ve seen my family standing over me in the hospital room, I’ve seen their tears and I’ve felt their heartbreak. I’ve seen my last moments and as brave as I’d like to be that scares me because a part of me feels like it’s all coming true.

My body just doesn’t feel right and the more I pretend like everything is going to be alright to be strong for those around me, the more I’m coming to accept that I can’t live afraid to die. I have to live like I could die at anytime.

Don’t take life for granted because God says, “No man knows the hour or the time.”

Moans of Pleasure or Moans of Revenge?

228263_581014860585_118401058_31484293_5420516_nWhat’s real? Words aren’t always real, emotions live and die in the moment and a touch isn’t always just a touch. So what’s real? Is the pleasure real? Is her body under my body real? Is my tongue inside of her real? Are her moans for me or are they for the hurt he’s caused her? Are they moans of pleasure or moans of revenge? Is she real or am I the fool?

“Why is it that you don’t care?” She pushed me in the chest and stood at the foot of the bed, her skin glowing and her eyes dark. “Who says I don’t care?! I just don’t want to argue about some shit that isn’t going to change!” I just wanted her to leave, how many lies can one man stomach, how much disappointment can live inside of such a beautiful face? It wasn’t a stretch to say I hated her, it wasn’t a stretch to say that if I thought I could kill her and get away with it I would.

“How do you live with yourself? You fuck me today and go home and play the dutiful wife and fuck him tonight?! You look me in my face and tell me you think about me when he’s inside of you and you don’t expect me to hate you! You killed my baby but kept his because he has more money in his bank account. God is punishing us, you know that right! He’s punishing you for being a selfish bitch and he’s punishing me for loving you. Until we stop this, until we do right by the people in our lives, neither of us will be happy.”

She crawled onto the bed, I pushed her away. She slapped me! I pushed her away! She bit my chest, I grabbed the back of her neck and held her down on the bed. She scratched the side of my neck, it would have been so easy to snap her neck but I let her go and fell back on the bed. “If you hate me so much, why don’t you use condoms?! Why do you open the door when I come?! You act like you’re so much better than this but you can’t stop no more than I can!”

Holding the back of her neck, her stomach flat on the bed, her scratch marks stinging my chest I spread her legs with knees and went inside of her. The fighting, the screaming, the slammed doors, this is what she wanted from the beginning. What she needed. The harder she moaned the harder I thrust and the harder she came. Were her moans for me and the pleasure I was bringing her or were they for the pain he caused her and the revenge she was getting?

Wanting Them At Their Worse…

391690_132115926895533_100002913805424_167373_1571942060_nHave you ever seen someone online or had a friend show you a picture of a person and they literally looked perfect? Or met someone in a club, restaurant or at an event and everything about them was just overwhelmingly charming and sexy? That’s seeing them at their best, they’ve primped and pampered and manicured for hours to get that look. It’s easy to want them, to want her, when she looks like that. She’s just gotten paid, her outfit is laid, her hair still smells like coconut or amber. Try wanting her when she’s at her worse. When she’s rocking flats that have seen better days, clothes that have been in the washer one too many times and an attitude that’s telling you, “You can’t do anything right.”

See, I used to think that too many people were waiting for perfect but now I’m not sure if that’s the case at all. It’s easy to convince yourself that you can be good to someone regardless of how bad things get when things are good. I mean, how do you know how you’ll handle adversity until that moment comes? I love her when she’s a size 4 and wants sex just as much as I do but can you love her if she goes to a size 8 and starts to stress about her career not going where she thought it would go? I respect men and women that have the ability to want people at their worse because if it was easy more of us would do it.

There’s this quote that I’ve seen several times. “A real woman can do it alone but a real man wouldn’t let her.” I don’t disagree with that concept. Here’s one that I’ve been thinking about due to some friends that are having financial trouble. “A man can struggle on his own until he gets back on his feet but a real woman wouldn’t let him.” As much as I write about the responsibility of men to step up and be better fathers, better husbands, better boyfriends, better friends… It’s a two way street. When that man has nothing and his life seems hopeless will you still want him?

If the answer to that question is yes know you have a good situation and it’s worth fighting for. When I was a kid my mom would get off work and throw on the most raggedly gown I’d ever seen in my life. This thing had seen way better days and my stepfather never said a thing about it. I couldn’t understand that until I grew up and realized after a point everyday isn’t MAC and Victoria’s Secret and 3 course meals. They’ll be bad days, stormy days and if you still want to be there… If you still feel like she’s the most beautiful woman in the world when she looks a mess. You can’t fight that.

Once A Good Girl Goes Bad… She’s Gone Forever

STUMBLR-sex-and-sexuality-24383985-467-700I write often, I love writing, but it isn’t how I pay my bills. I build and fix highways for a living, I see a hole or crack and I tear out the old concrete or asphalt, clean it out and pour some new material in there. In a matter of days it goes from potentially dangerous to brand new. People literally don’t even slow down, they just enjoy the new ride. But what they don’t realize is that even though the road feels smoother and rides better is that once it’s compromised it will never be the same. Because you’ve messed with the original makeup.

Women are mostly good by nature, I’m no genealogist but people aren’t born bad. You see these women that prostitute or strip or are bad mothers, 9 times out of 10 they had childhoods where they were neglected or abused. Teenage years were they got used or picked up, college years where she got date raped or played by a guy she thought loved her. Even if a woman can come back from 1 or all those things the bottom line is that good girl is gone now. Because she’s been exposed to the real world. The world that’s vicious and will eat you alive if you turn your back to it.

We see these women on FB or Instagram showing the world their bodies. We see women fighting over men that have little to nothing financially and even less morally. We laugh at them, feel sorry for them, judge them but what very few of us do is realize that she wasn’t always that way. Whether it was a father leaving, an uncle doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, a mother neglecting or a man turning her heart inside out something changed that good girl. And once innocence is lost, once anger overtakes fear. That good girl is lost forever.

Sure, maybe she’ll get to a place where she can find happy. But she’ll never love or trust the same way she did, she’ll never give a man so much of herself that she loses herself.

Think back to your first love… Not your high school or college crush but the first time you fell so deep for someone that it scared you. I’m talking you gave all of yourself with no hesitation because you just knew he or she would never let any harm come to you. That feeling of joy and happiness when you love like that is immeasurable because that’s the way God intended for a man to love a woman. That’s the first time we not just have sex but make love, your soul and body are one and life seems perfect. Now remember how it felt when that came crashing down. When he let you down or when you let him down and that hurt and pain changes you as a person. You aren’t so willing to love that hard again, you aren’t so willing to give so much of yourself that being without him or her literally paralyzes you. That good girl, the one that could only see the best in you is now cynical and not willing to let someone get close enough to hurt her like that again.

Once that foundation has a crack in it… It will never be the same no matter how many times you repair it. I’d like to think I fix a heart or help fix a heart every once and awhile with my writing.

Good Morning, I’m Demez F. White and this is