Why You Should Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex (Not What You Think)

imagesCAC5JOYD Why You Should Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex (Not What You Think)

Someone is going to read this and ask, “How is the guy that writes erotica and loves date nights advocating for no sex until marriage?” That’s not exactly what I’m saying. I’m not a virgin and the odds that I’ll meet a woman that’s a virgin are slim but this isn’t about virginity. It’s about simply waiting. In an age where everything is about instant gratification and how soon can I get what I want now would it be so bad to date a person and not have sex with them until there’s an “I Do?” The truth is we know how good sex feels, we know how much it connects us but aren’t those the reasons why it should be sacred? Imagine meeting a person, dating, laughing, kissing and going through this process knowing that they mean so much to you, you were willing to wait.

This isn’t about what any of us have done in the past, whether you’ve slept with 2 men or 200, whether you’ve had a woman in your bed last night or last month. It’s about what you’re going to do now. When we have sex with someone we’re giving a piece of ourselves to them. Call it turning her out, call it being sprung, it’s all a connection we can’t ignore. Aren’t our bodies worth more than that?

If you’re dating a woman with the sincere intentions on one day making her your wife what’s the matter with waiting? I’m not saying you can’t flirt or come to the edge a couple times but isn’t that reward worth pulling back? We’re not animals we should be able to have self control. For most of us, what has sex gotten us outside of pleasure? Children that a lot of people aren’t ready for, emotions and connections that made us do stupid things. Sex is a reward that God gave man and woman for coming together. That ability to create a child, if you just think about how amazingly beautiful that is, you can’t help but smile. That’s not meant to be taken in vain. I can admit to falling short and this article isn’t about judgment or about what we’ve done but about what we’re going to do.

It won’t be easy, they’ll be nights where wine has flowed and sexual tension is boiling. They’ll be nights where you remember the women that came before her and how good they felt and by just looking at her you know she’ll feel ten times better. You’ll have to get up and go home at midnight or sleep on the couch just because you know that there’s no way either of you will be able to say no tonight. It will not be easy but I can promise you it will be worth it. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting my wife yet but I have had the pleasure of being with women and I had the displeasure of feeling that guilt afterwards. I don’t want to feel that anymore. I vow today that the next woman I sleep with will be the woman I’ve just taken vows with. You should join me!

Demez . White

We’re Both Grown

hands There’s always a first time, the first time you see a woman smile, the first time you see her dressed up. There’s that first hug when you squeeze her just enough so she knows your intentions are not friendly. None of those compare to the first time you see her take off her clothes. I watch movies where I see men rip off panties and pop buttons on shirts, I could never do that because I appreciate the art form too much. Her stepping out of her heels, sliding out of her jeans or stepping out of a dress. The first time I saw her naked I memorized every inch. Her bellybutton, the scar on her lower thigh, the mole sitting right above her panty line.

Standing there, a smile on her face, legs slightly parted. This was our Rubicon, once she crossed the room and straddled my lap there wasn’t going to be a coming to Jesus moment where we realized this was happening too fast. The first time we kissed and my hand fell between her legs it took all the will power I had not to replace my tongue with my fingers, any that I had left died seeing the pink lace on her Virgin Island tan.

“I feel like you’re seducing me,” she whispered in my ear. Rubbing her hands in my hair, her lips on my forehead, my lips on her collarbone. Gripping her neck, pulling her mouth to mines, “I think we’re seducing each other.”

I could feel her hips moving, her moans were terribly distracting in the most pleasurable way possible. In an instant I didn’t want to taste her or have her lips around my hardness. I just needed to be inside her. I just wanted to be inside her.

She stood up, pulled it out and pulled her panties to the side. Our eyes met and she slid me in, no foreplay, no condom, no hesitation. My hands on her waist, her hands on my shoulders.





I don’t often remember a lot of first but tonight would be a first that I was soon not to forget.

Kings Only Notice Queens

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n Our pastor has been preaching these last couple of weeks about how a man should love a woman and about how a woman should respect a man. I won’t go into detail about what he said but I will say this, he made it clear that he was talking about within a marriage. That a man should expect good sex and to be treated like a King when he’s married. And that a woman should expect to be taken care of, protected, and cared for… within a marriage.

Earlier this week I was approached by a woman and told that we couldn’t go out because I had a drink with a friend of hers three or four years ago. I respected her loyalty but what I wanted to tell her is that her friend just wasn’t for me. Kings notice Queens. If a woman isn’t that, she isn’t for that man. Please understand me; just because I don’t see you as my Queen doesn’t mean there aren’t a thousand other men that don’t see you as theirs. I’m a firm believer that God created one woman for me and that same belief won’t allow me to settle. It won’t allow me to have a child that isn’t a Prince, it won’t allow me to marry a woman that isn’t a Queen. Forgive all the royal references, just watched Game of Thrones but you get it. I’m a King fighting for my Kingdom and the right Queen will either help me be legendary or doom me.

When I see a woman say that she’s out to dinner alone or wishing she had some company, you know what that tells me? It tells me that the options in her life aren’t viable. That they haven’t done enough to make her close that FB or Twitter app and make her want to call him. The same way Kings notice Queens, Queens notice Kings. And if she doesn’t see that potential in you, she’s falling back and can you blame her? I write about relationships and courtships and love so much because it’s serious f*cking business! We’re talking about waking up, making love to, creating life with someone! You can take that for granted if you want to, I can’t. I won’t.

My Queen is out there and I’ll find her or die trying.

Demez F. White

Another Man’s Child…

a belly “Can I touch it?”

“It’s not going to bite you.”

Two years, maybe more than that since I’d seen her. There wasn’t the awkwardness I thought there would be but it was still weird seeing her sitting on my couch. I wanted to touch it, she said it was alright if I did but it just didn’t feel right. Considering it wasn’t mines anymore. She was still beautiful, still sexy, still everything I remembered, everything that motivated me. Getting in front of her on my knees I put my hands on it, rubbed it. She giggled, she smiled, I looked up at her and saw she was happy. As long as she was happy that’s all that mattered to me.

Her stomach wasn’t big enough for a baby bump but with her shirt unbuttoned and her sitting down it wasn’t hard to tell. I couldn’t take my hand away, I kept hoping he would kick or growl or whatever babies do. I just wished he was mine, for the moments my hands were on her skin I wished we were enjoying this together and she wasn’t just here to pick up a book and see how I was doing.

The bible said it was wrong to covet another man’s wife but it didn’t say anything about another man’s fiancé. She smelled like I remembered even though I didn’t know the perfume, her hair was the same, she looked a little more mature but it fit her. I met her when she was barely 21 now she was almost 24. I met a girl, the woman sitting on my couch was a woman. She was comfortable around me, secure around me. I couldn’t deny I still loved her but I also couldn’t deny she was in love with him. Kissing her stomach while she played in my hair I knew today was only about pleasure for her. Sliding my tongue past her bellybutton I knew I’d probably never see her again but if this was our goodbye I would make her remember it.


Vowing to Love Yourself

381362_610561693495_118401058_31642797_1750460711_n I’ve often wondered what it would be like to stand in front of God and the people I love and recite vows to the woman that will have my children and help me build a life. I’ve written vows in my writing, I’ve thought about it when I was in love or watched 27 Dresses or the Best Man. For a man that’s so good with words, what would be the perfect words to say on that day if or when that day comes?

The truth is it doesn’t matter how much you love someone else if you don’t love yourself. The best thing we can do is look in the mirror and recite vows to ourselves. I vow to respect myself and my body, I vow to love, honor and cherish my mind, heart and spirit. I vow to not give into the temptation of the flesh unless there is true and sincere love attached. I vow to do everything possible to become the sort of man I would want my sisters or cousins or daughters to marry. With these vows I live and die. Making a covenant with ourselves instills a sense of pride in us, a sense of peace that you can’t have if you don’t love yourself. How can I love and honor and expect to be the head of a house, how can I ask a woman to love me like God loves the church if I’m not the man that I need to be? The answer to that question is: I can’t.

Vow to be the person that doesn’t feel guilty the moments after you make love to someone.

Vow to be the person that can do a good deed out the kindness of your heart and you won’t have people question your motives.

Vow to smile more today than you did yesterday.

Life is too short to waste your time wasting time. Spending time with people you don’t want, having sex and relationships and building trust with people you can never see yourself marrying? What purpose does that serve? When you do things like that, when we do things like that… All we’re doing is breaking the vows that we make with ourselves. You deserve to be happy and how can you be happy if you know in your heart the love that share with a good person isn’t true? Don’t feel guilty. Just because someone has God in their heart or treats you great doesn’t mean they’re right for you. Vow to not settle and to recognize your worth.