It’s A Good Day To Start Living Your Best Life

You’re unique.

Perfect in your own way.
There is no reason you shouldn’t be comfortable in your skin because God brought you to this moment, this place, this time for a purpose. All of the heartbreak, the disappointment, the moments where you wanted to slap someone or scream in the middle of a workday. That’s okay because that simply shows how strong your spirit is!

There are a lot of people that didn’t make it home last night, a lot of people that didn’t wake up this morning. Men diagnosed with cancer, women that lost babies in the second trimester. But If you’re up and reading this you made it another day.

So make today count! Make it count in your own way! You don’t owe it to anyone to be great, to be special, to be happy but yourself! Life will never be easy and I’m sure I’ve written that before, life isn’t meant to be easy!

I’m not the first man to say this and I won’t be the last but ‘We Are Not Meant To Be Alone!’

We aren’t meant to be sad.

This isn’t a morning note about religion or inspiration, this is a morning note about LIVING! About SMILING! About realizing that  everything may not be great but it’s better than most and for that we can be grateful!

Someone out there loves you, someone prays for you and wishes that they could have your strength! Someone out there wants to be your protection, sanity and bestfriend. Someone out there is waiting for you to apply for that job that doesn’t make your skin crawl when you go to work in the morning!

Believe what you want will happen because what you want and what you need walk hand in hand.

I believe what you want will happen if you’re willing to put in the work to get it! Nothing worth having is going to come easy, prayer is necessary, talking to friends and family to ease your mind is necessary! But more than all that, working hard and not quitting is what will get you there!

There’s no magic formula, be true to yourself and those that hold you down and watch good things happen!

Good Morning and smile today because God didn’t give you another day to be sad

4:00am Thoughts From Houston: Fight or Flight

Stop Waiting

Stop Waiting

I have a hard time saying, “I love you.”

Not saying it in the sense that I have a hard time falling in love but just saying the words. I feel like every time I say them too often it loses it’s meaning a little. Those three words are meant to be said during those special moments where your heart skips a beat.

Saying that out loud as I wrote it made me sound Kenny G soft but you get what I mean.

There’s a point in every relationship where you have to make a decision to fight or flight. I’ve been listening to 90.9 KTSU all day while I’m at work and they’ve been playing these old R&B songs. As I listen to them, really listen to them I hear these men talking about these women in a way that men rarely do today. Men talking about loving women that have husbands, men talking about loving women that have moved on but they only want one night.

Music isn’t like that today. Guys brag about sleeping with another mans’ woman but how often do you hear a guy sing about being in love with another mans’ woman? So it made me think, why don’t guys talk about fighting for women anymore? Is it pride? Is it arrogance? Is it feeling that women are replaceable and if she won’t act right another woman will?

Normally I would write in 3rd person as to shift this away from myself but tonight I’ll use me as an example. I think I told myself I would never fight for a woman because how could she truly love me if she allowed another man into her world, into that space where it was even a competition? I get competing for her affections if we’re dating but if we are a couple then how did it make it pass that place that should only be reserved for me?

That was my logic in my younger days and even just a couple years ago but what I came to realize is that thinking like that means you’ve stopped seeing what everyone else sees. Look at a relationship like an NBA season. You could play your ass off and win a championship and enjoy the spoils of that trophy but one day you have to wake up and play that season all over again and the joy you felt from that ring will be eclipsed by the disappointment of not even making the playoffs. So when you get a woman and you win her heart, the season may be over but you still have an entire career worth of Championship moments. Are you willing to compete or are you going to say, “I already won so why am I still giving my all?”

If you push her away or stop being the man you were when she first met you there are repercussions to those actions and life is really cool in this way. Most of the decisions we make are ours to make. Whether you fight or flight; just know in the end you’re the one that has to live with that choice.

Dear God; I’m A Flawed Man

IMG_0128 Dear God,

I can be insecure at times. If I’m being honest at 4am on a Tuesday morning I can be insecure a lot of the times. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the writer I see myself being in my head. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the husband or father I make the characters in my stories out to be. My insecurities are masked by my talent, by my ability to stop people from getting close to me. My insecurities protect me from my fears.

Fears that consume me. Fears that I drown in the unrelenting sea of bottles that have come to comfort me. Fears that hold my confidence in their hands like the oceans hold fish and ships. Fears that I’m not sure I will ever overcome. Fears that aren’t based in race or religion or sex but fears that are based in emotional and mental uncertainty.

Why is it that I was created this way? Why is it that I can’t see what everyone else seems to see in me? Does it make me weak? Does it make me undeserving of the life you’ve given me? Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going or where I’m destined to be. Sometimes I don’t know just how much my life matters or is going to matter in this world. There are times I’ve looked for signs, prayed for guidance only to feel more lost than when I first fell to my knees.

Last week at this same time before the sun rose I stood on a beach letting the waves wash over me looking out into the horizon trying to see my future. Trying to see if I could be a man better than my father, trying to see if I can be a man better than the man I am now. As the sun rose and my eyes burned from the salt and the tears I couldn’t see it. Falling to my knees in that sand I felt as though. I felt as though I felt nothing which is the worst feeling in the world.

Will I lose everything dear to me, everyone I love? Will I forsake the love you have for me and fall to doubt, envy, insecurity, fear? Or will I rise. Will I grow into the King’s blood that pumps into my flawed heart?

I write about relationships and love. I write about life and responsibility. And even though I have an amazing woman in my life and an amazing family at times I feel as though they’re all an illusion. A dream that turns into a nightmare when I awake and they’re no longer going to be here.

For a man that prides himself on not really needing friends and being able to spend hours and days alone just writing; the thought of being alone in this world scares me more than standing on a beach with a sword waiting on a thousand ships with 10,000 soldiers bearing down on me. Death doesn’t scare me, war or tension don’t scare me. But the idea, the thought of dying unaccomplished or alone scares me to death.

This morning, I just want to talk to you God, write to you. To ask that you don’t give up on me. To ask that you don’t allow me to give up on myself. I will keep fighting with your help. I will keep living with your help. I just need you.

In Your Darling Son Jesus’s Name,

Amen

~ Demez

Please Pray With Me

Memories

Memories

I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important.

I wouldn’t b here at 6am on a Tuesday morning if I didn’t feel this hole in my heart. If I didn’t feel like I need you more than I’ve ever needed you at the moment. I worked last night and I’m sitting at the kitchen table writing and drinking and cooking dinner. Or maybe it’s breakfast but it isn’t breakfast food.

Mornings like this all I want more than anything in the world is for you to pray with me. To hold my hands and look me in my eyes and tell me everything will be okay. To sit you on my lap and just hold you for a second or minute and know I’m not in this alone. Mornings like this all I want is for you to pray with me and let me know it’s real.

Do you know what it’s like to feel alone, to feel like you have to take the world on by yourself? I do and it’s not something I take pride in or feel like makes me stronger. I’d give up this solitude for knowing someone  worries about me just as much as they worry about themselves anyday of the week.

Pray with me and tell me I’m not crazy.

Pray with me and tell me I won’t end up like my father.

Pray with me and let me know I’ll be okay.

Real Men…. Pray

Blessings

Blessings

Real Men Pray
Real men like women with curves, real men wear suits, real men don’t drink fruity drinks. I’ve said this before and I’ll probably write it a dozen more times; as long as you’re taking care of your responsibilities as a man. Your family, working, keeping your word, then everything else is perception, preference. You’re not a real man if you like slim women? You’re not a real man if you consider dressing up slacks and a polo shirt? You’re not a real man if you spend a Saturday night in your underwear drinking pink panties or pina colada daiquiris with your girl? Okay, you keep being that guy. For me what makes me a real man is praying. Praying for the people I love, praying when I’m stressing or hurting or happy. Praying when I’m not sure how God is going to make a way but I know he’ll make a way.

I recently had a conversation with an atheist. She was a really smart woman and we clicked but she took offense to something I wrote. I basically said “I’m not sure I could love a woman that didn’t believe in God. I could accept short hair or a different race, maybe even different religions. But to know she didn’t believe in anything? I need to know we can pray together. I need to know if I’m hurting then she can pray for me or if she’s stressing we can pray together. I need to know we’re equally yoked.” The ironic thing was she kept trying to argue with me about, “How do you know there’s a God? You Christians this, you’re such hypocrites.” She was visibly angry and all I could tell her was, “I just know it in my heart.”

Awhile ago I read something that said, “You can’t change a person with your words, it has to be with your actions. You can tell people anything and in the beginning maybe that’s enough but eventually you have to put something behind those words.” That’s how prayer works for me. I often times ask God for a wife and then I get women in my life and mess it up. I ask for a new job and when someone comes to me and says, “Mez, I know somewhere that would be good for you but you’d have to move or you’d have to drive 45 minutes to work,” so I walk away. It’s not that God wasn’t listening, it’s that I wasn’t willing to work for that blessing. He’s not a genie, you don’t ask and tomorrow it falls in your lap. You have to put in work! Blood, sweat and tears behind that prayer, behind those words.

Real men pray because life can get hard. It can get confusing. You can feel like you have everything you want today and tomorrow it can be gone. Real men pray because it gives us clarity in what we have. There are nights where I’m sitting up wishing I could hop on a plane to wherever, wishing I lived in this perfect loft or drove this perfect car. In those moments I don’t pray for that loft or car I pray for understanding, for thanks. I’m not sleeping under a bridge, I’m not walking, I have air and food and family. Prayer isn’t always about asking and pleading, often times it’s about giving and being thankful. I’m not where I want to be but when I tell you I wake up every day and smile no matter how much I want to cry or feel sorry for myself. I smile because I’m here, I’m healthy and I’m gifted because I have breath in my lungs. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you. How many of those we know or love didn’t make it to tonight?

~ Demez F. White

I’m Falling For You

Everything

Everything

I’m Falling For You
Why can’t you stop smiling? Why does everything seem so funny? Why are you so happy? You can’t tell? I can tell. It’s contagious you know. Me, falling for you, that burst of energy I get whenever you walk into a room. That’s what has you smiling, knowing I’m falling for you. Knowing whatever this is, is turning into more than this. Knowing that I’m not going anywhere unless an act God intervenes and even then I’m not even sure that would stop what’s happening between us.

I think we go together now. I’m pretty sure you’re my girlfriend in more than just my mind. There’s the toothbrush that’s next to mines in the bathroom. The new towels and candles that seemed to come out of thin air. There’s me talking to you on the phone every morning, even when you’ve just let my home minutes earlier. There’s me calling you knowing exactly when you get off work. Waiting, anxious, excited for that kiss. I’m falling for you and I’m not afraid of where the fall will take me.

What does it mean exactly to fall for someone? It’s different for everyone but for me it’s feeling fearless! It’s feeling like I can stand down an army and if no one else is there, you are. It feels like a ray of sunshine bursting through the clouds when it’s been cold all day. Falling for you gives me a piece of mind I haven’t had since, forever.

If you don’t love me already, I’m going to make you love me. You’ll feel my heart beating while we kiss. You’ll feel my love for you in every moment we’re together and everyone moment we’re apart. My words and actions will touch parts of you that no man has ever even dreamed of touching. My affect on your life will be like a hurricane that wipes away a city and devastates your soul in the most beautiful way possible.

Who I am as a man. What I want, what I’m willing to do! No one will ever compare because they don’t see you, can’t see you like I see you. If I never make love to you physically I don’t care because our souls make love with each and every breath we take. Life is a gift and you are the essence of the perfect unwrapped beautiful package that I get to open over and over and over again.

I’m falling for you and guess what? I think you’re falling for me too.

~ Demez F. White

Pray For Me and We Go Together

20140629-172456.jpg Praying women change lives.

A praying woman is necessary in this life. Knowing you have that guardian Angel that only wants the best for you. That cries when you can’t, that begs God to make sure you make it home okay when you’re drunk. Not our mothers, our grandmothers or our daughters will ever pray for us like the woman that loves us intimately and passionately. More than your lips, breast or thighs I need that from you the most.

A woman calls you and asks you to dinner, that’s great. She calls you for drinks after work, then maybe she likes you. But when a woman asks you to church, worries about your spiritual well being, that’s when you know it’s real.

The way my faith is set up I couldn’t be with a woman that didn’t pray. That can’t understand the joy I feel when I go from feeling hopeless to feeling like everything will be okay. Every man needs that. So if you pray for me, we go together. Unless you’re family and then we’re just cool.

Amen