A Compliment A Day

#AComplimentADay

#AComplimentADay

A compliment a day is my way of saying “Enough with social media bullying!” Instead of making fun of people or looking for reasons to be cruel, I want society to look for reasons to give compliments. It’s easy to look for the lowest common dominator to get a laugh but how would you feel if you were the person people were laughing at?

When I was younger I suffered from bullying and as I got older I bullied other kids. Never physically but I made people feel small with my words. I had someone point out what I was doing and I thought long and hard about the people I talked about.

It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to stop it is to set an example of what not to do. That example starts with adults. Our children, they only do what they see us do. Compliment a stranger, compliment a friend, be sure to use #AComplimentADay.

One voice is enough to get one more voice and then another and then another. After long we can all be a voice that affects change! So join me and help me make a difference.

~ Demez F. White

Love > Pride… Some People Are Simply Irreplaceable

Through heartbreak we find out how strong we are. But it’s that same heartbreak that betrays us when it’s time to move on. Not every touch shoots the same current up your spine. Not every text or call receives the same smile before you answer or respond. Not every one is replaceable no matter how much Beyonce sings it or friends preach it.

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and had something so delicious that for the weeks following nothing you ate came close to satisfying you? Or maybe you have a date that’s flirty, cool, smart, attractive and for those 90 minutes you realize why you put up with all the bullshit; because of moments like this. So the next guy that you hang out with has lost before he started because he can’t compete with that perfect date.

Those feelings, multiply them times ten and that’s what it’s like trying to replace someone that you truly loved.

People use the word love effortlessly. I love Scandal, I love the Lakers, I love Pappadeaux or Morton’s. Even the people we date, the word love can flow from a person’s mouth in a matter of weeks but love isn’t a noun or adjective. It’s a verb. It’s an action word that derives from feeling like your heart is about to explode with happiness. Love is not sleeping because she went out and didn’t let you know she made it home safe. Love is smiling for no reason because you’re thinking about something silly she did.

Love isn’t fighting over her, love is fighting for her. Pride will make a man threaten or fight someone over a woman but only love can make you fight for her because love and pride cannot co-exist if you want her in your life. I say this not as a writer but as a man that has lost more than most people can imagine or bear because of my pride. Pride tells you that you can replace her, that what you’re feeling is weakness; but love tells you that sometimes you have to be weak and vulnerable in order to get to happy. Not all women are created equal and therefore some women are just irreplaceable.  

We tell are ourselves that no love is worth shutting down, that life happens and no matter how hard the pain hits you, there’s always a tomorrow. I’ve often said that God doesn’t take something out of our lives without replacing it with something better… But the truth is not all loves and romances and memories are created equal. And if they aren’t created equal how can you replace one with another? You’ll never get the same goosebumps, the same fear when they don’t call or joy when they touch you. Our minds can tell us that we can replace them but our hearts and bodies don’t lie in those moments where we lie unfulfilled and alone.

Pride Comes Before the Fall…

imagesCAPJJTL9You ever participated in one of those trust exercises where they ask you to close your eyes and fall back while trusting the group to catch you? There’s like a second where time freezes and you wonder if you’re going to crash into the floor and when you feel those hands catching you… there’s this deep breath like, “YES, I MADE IT!”

There’s a certain amount of pride you have to let go of to get through something like that. It may seem simple but letting go and trusting people to hold you down is one of the hardest things in the world. Especially if you’ve never done it before.

I said I don’t make New Year Resolutions but today I’m going to make an exception to that rule. I’m going to have to let go of some of this pride I have in 2013; it’s hurting me way more than it’s helping me at this point. It’s one thing to be a man that lives on principles and morals, it’s another to let those principles rule you. Discarding people, not calling like I should, walking away from business partnerships because of slights. These aren’t characteristics that are conducive to romantic, professional or social success. Learning to let go and let people in doesn’t require giving up pride but it does involve giving up superficial pride.

Pride

The pride of a woman lies in her beauty
And of a man in his strength
That of a fool lies in his words
And a meticulous man in his actions

Pride creates an imaginary throne
Were only the fool will rule forever
Forgetting in reality he perish with hate
For hidden in pride forever is hate

Pride itself is a very fruitful seed
Bearing itself from affluence and wealth
The biggest form of foolishness is empty pride
Lustful Pride with no trace
Pride in any form will lead you to death
Death, where there is still breath

Klever Gold

5 Reasons I Need A Wife

Five) I’m prideful, more prideful than most men. I rarely ask for help and I’ve never taken rejection well. To be honest I’m just tired of carrying all this pride like a weight around my neck. It gets hard always taking the high road or shutting people out based off principle. I just always figured when I got a wife we’d put aside our pride together.

Four) Communication gives me life and I hate sharing on any level. If she’s my wife she’d be in bed with me and that would cover pillow talk but it’s the ability to call her whenever. Right now I don’t have that. It’s the freedom to text highly inappropriate things while she’s on her way to work and know no other man is doing that with her. The person I am, I need to know we’re number one on each others priorities list.

Three) I want a son that looks like me, I’m vein sue me. I want a daughter that looks like her and I want a couple dogs. Something Presidential, maybe Golden Retrievers or German Sheppards. I’m 29 and I’m aware that’s not old but I’d love for my wife and I to enjoy each other for a couple years before we start a family. I think that’s important.

Two) I need a muse. Someone to look at in bed while she’s sleep and go to my office and write about her. Not necessarily about her but her being there breaths fire into my words. Not to mention I hate cooking for only me. There’s nothing like watching a person take the first bite of a meal you cooked.

One) I’ll self destruct if I’m alone. I’m just no good by myself, I’ve never been. Maybe I have mother issues or something but when it’s just me I think too much and drink more. I sleep less and stress harder. It’s not a good look.
Bonus) This isn’t me asking for resumes or needing dates. I’m quite set in that area, it’s more than that. It’s always been about more than that.

Fight For Me…

“Can you drop me off at the airport tonight? I took my car to the shop today.” Most people hated packing, it was actually one of my favorite things to do. It was sort of the calm before the storm that was airport life.

She hadn’t been talking much but I figured it was because she had a three day weekend and I spent the entire thing at a computer in my office. I’d get her something in DC to make up for it.

“Raquel! Can you take me to the airport baby?” She just sat on the couch with her laptop ignoring me, her headphones were in but I knew she heard me. What I could never understand was why she stayed over here if she was mad, she had her own place.

I ignored it and went back in the bedroom to finish packing, a cab to the airport was going to be ridiculous but it was too late to call anyone else.

“Hello, can I get a cab at 909 Texas Avenue, Houston, TX 77002. Have him call when he’s downstairs and I’ll come down. Thanks.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to take you!” She was standing in the doorway, glasses on, sweats, thermal top. She was more comfortable here than I was but I didn’t mine, hell, she was here more than me anyway.

“You didn’t seem like you were in the mood so it’s cool, I called a cab. Go back to whatever it is you were doing.” I turned around to go back to packing.

She wasn’t saying anything but I could tell she was behind me. We hadn’t had an argument in awhile, it wasn’t really our thing. Things were pretty good and she was just as busy as I was so I got the mood swings, work could be stressful.

“Do you want to know what I’m always doing on my computer?” Her tone was confrontational but I knew my cab would be here soon and this didn’t seem like a five minute conversation. Why she would wait until I was about to leave to bring it up was beyond me.

I just kept packing, another watch, deodorant, a couple ties.

“I’m on the computer talking to my ex, we Skype, we’ve had lunch a couple times. He’s a good guy and he has time for me. I don’t feel like an accessory.” I dropped everything on the bed and turned to look at her. She was crying, were her tears supposed to move me? She was in my house, using my wifi, my electricity to talk to another man?!

“Get the fuck out of my Loft! When I come back I don’t want any thing of yours in here, leave the key at the desk downstairs. Fuck you and fuck him too.”

“Really!? Really?! After two fucking years you just put me out, you don’t even want to talk about this?! We talk and hung out but I didn’t do anything with him, I’m just lonely! Can’t you understand that!? I’m just tired of sitting here with you in the next room like I don’t exist! Three days and three nights I was over here and you barely touched me, barely looked at me when I got out the shower or walked around naked! All you fucking care about is your writing and I’m lonely! I just wanted someone to talk to!”

She was talking and the more she talked the more I wanted to hit her; I’d never hit a woman in my life but if she didn’t just stop and leave I was going to lose it! I paced the bedroom and tried to focus on happier times but all I kept seeing is her on my couch smiling and giggling because of another man.  The more I thought about it the angrier I became!

“Fuck!” I slammed my fist into the wall, it hurt like hell but I wasn’t going to let her see that.

“Fuck!” When it happened on TV the wall broke, the wall was fine, it was my hand that felt broke.

“Wow! You’re actually capable of getting mad! Capable of showing emotion! Do you really want me to leave?! I’ve been good to you, I’ve stood by you through the mood swings and late nights! Through the bullshit publishers and changing careers! I’ve been here! You’re going to talk to me GOTDAMMIT!!!”

I shook my hand and took a deep breath. “I don’t have shit to say to you Raquel, just leave!”

“Why is it so hard for you to fight for me?! To tell me you want me to stay!? How can you be so in love with me last night and today you can just want me to leave because I was talking to another man! How about you talk to me!? Can you do that please! Can you tell me why the hell writing is so much more important than me!? Please! Please!”

How the hell did I not see this coming? How did I not know she was feeling this way?!

“For once in your life! Don’t walk away from something that you can’t control! You expect perfection from everyone around you, loyalty but when I’m asking you to fight for me! To show me you care you just shut me out! He didn’t touch me! I would never let another man touch me but I needed someone to talk to! Can’t you understand that?!”

I grabbed her arms and pinned her against the wall!

She wasn’t trying to push me off of her, even with all this I still hated to see her cry. Was this my fault?

“Why did you tell me? Why did you tell me there was someone else?”

“I’m telling you because you need to know you can’t take me for granted! Because I don’t want anyone else but I’m tired of feeling like I’m always running in second! You know I love your writing and I love how passionate you are about it but there are days when I need more baby! Don’t shut me out! Please! I love you!”

 

To Be Continued…  

Legacies and Dreams…

Last week I was messing around with this website that does this face mash thing where they take two faces and create a baby. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world until I realized all the children looked the same no matter who the parents were. But it did get me to thinking, I’ve never really known my father on a personal level and I can’t say how that’s impacted me. I’ve had good role models in my life.

But I’m sure it has in some sense or another. How could it not?

I often think about my son though or who my son will be. I think the dream of any father, of any man is that your child becomes a better person than you were. Is that you leave him a legacy and a path that will allow him to be great. I don’t know who his mom will be let alone what he’ll look like or what his passions will be but I do feel like I’m creating a legacy for him.

Him being proud of me when the day comes is what matters to me most. Him standing up in a classroom and talking about how cool I am or how I read to him.

When I think of Dr. King on a personal level I think of the legacy he left his children, his wife. They had to share him with an entire community, a race, a cause. I’m sure he missed a lot of birthdays and little league games but it was for the greater good and how can you not be proud of that if you’re his children?

MLK had a dream that the world he came into wouldn’t be the same world his grandchildren came into to, that his children grew up in and that came to fruition. More than the speeches, the photos and the quotes is his sacrifice. Because not many are willing to give up what he gave up, to leave your family and peace for a greater good!

When I do have my son and I’m going on book tours or working crazy hours so that he could go to schools I didn’t go to or travel to places I couldn’t I want him to know this didn’t start with me. This started with the men and women that made these sacrifices in 1963, 1964, 1972… I want him to not only have a sense of what I’m giving up to make sure he becomes great but I want him to know what others before he was even thought of gave up.

Today isn’t just about celebrating a man, today is about remembering a legacy of selflessness that is rarely seen anymore. He didn’t run for office or try to build a mega church, he marched, turned the other cheek and pushed for real reform. And it’s not just about Dr. King, it’s about the countless others that were there with him.

My son will be a better man than me as I am a better man than my father. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what could have been but I do I will forever have a voice. And for better or worse I will use it and I will make a legacy and I will keep fulfilling his dream!

Demez F. White