Being Depressed Isn’t A License to Be Destructive

Depression can come and go like the weather. One minute it’s sunny and breezy and you can’t wait to go get a drink on your favorite patio bar and the next minute it starts to storm and you don’t have an umbrella. When you do get in the car, you realize you need gas and the windshield wipers aren’t working like they’re supposed to.

It hits you quick and hard and can be paralyzing to the point where you feel as though you don’t have the mental or physical energy to do anything. It’s in these moments where you have to fight the urge to be self-destructive.

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. Everyone you know has battled some form of depression or mental illness. It can be something as simple as losing your job or breaking up with a mate. Our brains interpret that pain and hurt as though it’s actual physical pain. When these moments of shock of happen you can’t use them as excuses to be destructive.

“I’m not happy in my relationship,” so I’m going to go find happiness between the legs of someone else. “I’m not getting what I need from my job,” so I’m going to leave work that other people are depending on me to finish undone. These are self-destructive traits and when you wake up from this cloud of depression you’ll have to deal with the consequences that came from your bad decisions.

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I often write that the fundamental problem with most adults, men and women, is that we are unwilling to accept our roles in our own depression and bad situations. It is human nature to look out and see how someone has wronged you. When we should be looking within ourselves. You can be an amazing woman and do everything a man asks but he cheats and you have a right to say it’s his fault. But after you get past the tears, the depression, the anger, there’s a part of you that knows you saw the signs and chose to ignore them. There’s a part of you that knows you looked the other way when things didn’t feel right. You aren’t the one that broke the trust but you are the one that should have been honest with yourself.

Talk to someone.

Be honest about your feelings and allow your mind to pursued your heart out of foolishness.

If Your Woman Can’t Tell the Difference Between You Being Controlling or Assertive; You’re the Problem

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@artbysu via Twitter

What’s understood doesn’t have to be spoken in most instances but sometimes it’s good to offer reminders.

Women love tactfully aggressive and assertive men. It’s been that way since the beginning of time. The problem is too many men are trying to be assertive with women that have no interest in them. You’re mad she won’t return your good morning text when you should be texting good morning to a woman that actually wants you to text her.

When a woman likes you, I’m not even talking about love, but simply likes you. You can call her on Wednesday or Thursday and say, “I’m taking you out on Friday night, wear that black dress you wore to your bestfriends birthday dinner and I love your hair over your shoulder.” No woman that knows you’re a quality a guy is going to take that as controlling.

What I tend to see most is men feeling like women may not accept them taking the lead. You ask her out, tell her you’re going to surprise her and you take her to a Chinese spot when she’s allergic to MSG or an Italian spot and she can’t eat cheese. Unless she flat out told you and you forgot, it’s okay. That’s why you have backup plans, that’s why you can get a bottle of wine and go get a pizza and she won’t feel like she got dressed up for nothing because you’re understanding, good company and she’s wearing the black dress for you, not to be seen. Assertiveness does that for you. Not being sure about yourself, does nothing for you.

2017 has been the year of the engagement and it’s not even April yet. The one thing most of the men have in common is that they didn’t play it cool, they didn’t see her text and decide, “I’m going to look thirsty if I answer to quickly.” They didn’t text her five times asking, “WYD” hoping that she’d be the one to make the plans because he was afraid of rejection. You don’t need dating books to tell you one simple truth. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You like her, initiate a conversation, find out who she is, what she likes and plan something off that conversation that you think she may enjoy. I can’t tell a man how to be a good husband but I can tell you how not to shoot yourself in the foot.

This picture isn’t really relevant to the story but I believe there’s something magical about couples celebrating brining a life into this world.

What Do You Get For Having the Perfect Social Media Relationship… Nothing. Nothing At All

perfect-couple-2I love watching documentaries; I could literally sit up all night searching for the perfect one on Netflix. One of the things I love most about documentaries is that they’re true stories. These are real people that went through real things and we’re seeing it unfold through the eyes of their friends, family and co-workers. What I notice most about documentaries is that often times the people that seem the most perfect have the most secrets. By no means am I saying that that’s the same as couples that are perfect on social media but there is a correlation.

I saw a meme the other day that said, “It’s not fair that you share your entire relationship with us and then when you break up we don’t hear anything from you. That’s OUR RELATIONSHIP, we want to know what happened?” As funny as that may sound there’s actually some truth to that. Social media is a platform, you can build a business, build a brand, be a fan but more than anything you choose what you share. If you decide to share nothing but the good news and the romantic nights and the dope trips that’s your choice but understand something. If that’s not real, if you know in your heart that the image you’re projecting is simply for likes or to be in a competition with some woman you hated in high school. You’re doing yourself and your relationship a disservice.

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By no means am I saying that you should hop on social media and share hurtful and dark secrets about your relationship. What I am saying is that you should not get on social media and pretend. Putting a filter on a crappy relationship just so you can get notifications from Instagram is ignoring the problem. You don’t get any medals or gold stars for comments under a picture when you know the two of you barely talk at home.

Tomorrow someone could unplug the internet. We could wake up and our smart phones that we don’t go to the bathroom or eat lunch without could be as useless as iPhone chargers. The pictures you’ve posted about how great your relationship is vanished into Facebook and iCloud Heaven. Will the man or woman you’re in love with go to the ends of earth to find you? Are there pictures printed out on his desk of you?

You can remember how many likes the picture you posted of your date night got but can you remember the last time he smiled at you and you felt as though there were no doubts, no secrets, no hesitation. You get nothing for looking the part, playing the part. You get everything for seeing the flaws and working towards fixing them. You can pretend and have regrets or you can be honest and let people that may look to you and your relationship as an example know; we aren’t always perfect and sometimes I’m not even sure if we’re perfect for each other but we’re authentic and we never stop working towards where we want to be.

 

 

Desire Is…

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What is it that you want, what is that you can taste even before your lips touch it? What is it that you dream about when your eyes are wide open and there’s a million tasks that need to be done? That feeling of hunger, of thirst, of pleasure that’s on the tips of your fingers. That feeling is desire and when desire calls you all you can do is smile and go get it.

For me desire is the female body, desire is full lips and nice teeth, desire smells like sweet perfume and fruity shampoo. Desire loves to talk about what she wore to work and how long it took her to get ready even though she woke up an hour early because she wanted to be cute today. My desire goes hand in hand with my passion for writing because one wouldn’t exist without the other.

Have you ever sat across from a woman on a beautiful Spring day watching her push her hair away from her ear and smile for no reason at all? Seeing the way the fork parts her lips so perfectly because she doesn’t want to mess up her lipstick or lip glass. The desire that makes you ignore the fact that every man in the restaurant looks her way when they know she’s not looking. Desire is understanding that what you have is worth the competition it will take to keep her.

I’ve never apologized for writing about women so much, it’s what I do. I love everything from fashion to thighs to the way their delicate feet fit in overpriced heels. I love women, that’s my fucking problem.