She’s Smiling Down on You From Heaven

20140422-013941.jpgDear Son or Daughter,

I know today can’t be easy for you. Whether you lost your mother when you were six or sixty, whether it was cancer or a car accident. Today can’t be easy because I know you never forget her calming words when you were sick or her smile when you were sad.

Today can’t be easy for you because today everyone around you is celebrating their mother and it makes you remember yours. The conversations after school when she answered a question or solved a problem that you didn’t think could be solved. That time when she got a t-shirt or pair of shoes you didn’t think she would. That Christmas where you couldn’t wait to go outside and show your friends what you got.

It was never about the Christmas gifts or food at Thanksgiving or clothes on the first day of school. It was about watching her cook and sing, cook and talk on the phone, cook and ask you to taste this or taste that. The older you get the more you appreciate how happy she was to see you happy. The older you get, the more you remember what she taught you.

I know you see a picture of her and cry sometimes, not wanting to question God but doing it anyway. Wondering why you couldn’t just get one more day, one more hour, one more minute with her. Another hug, another conversation, a phone call just to tell her about your day because no one could understand like she could.

Our mothers are our Guardian Angels, they carried us for nine months and sheltered us, sacrificed for us, went without for us. Just because she’s not here doesn’t mean she still isn’t doing that. When you have those moments where you feel like no one understands, it’s her that’s the voice in your head, in your heart. When you have heartbreak, when that person that should have been there for you during the bad times falls short; it’s her whispering, “You deserve better.” The moments she shared with you, no matter how brief they may seem now made you the person you are.

The love you have in your soul for your mother can never be filled, it will never be replaced but understand it doesn’t have to. Let that love make you great, let that love flow to your children, your husband or wife, your passions and ambitions. She still watched over you, I swear.

Your mother is proud of you and so am I. Stay strong and if you need to talk I’m here.

Sincerely Yours,

Demez

Why A Woman Needs A Husband…

God didn’t create us to be alone. I’ve written this before and this is pretty much why I write in a sense.

I don’t really like writing from a woman’s perspective at times because I’m not really telling you all anything you don’t already know but it helps when you hear it articulated from a male point of view. The thing is I know that women make me better, I know that love and support and memorable moments will just mean more once I’m married or even in a serious relationship. I can admit that to myself.

But what I’m seeing a lot of lately is women that are starting to get this mindset that marriage just isn’t necessary anymore. Being single and dating and living alone is better than the bullshit. Maybe they really believe that…. Or maybe, just maybe they haven’t found the right guy to change their mindset.

Because if you know like I know the same way a woman will change my life is the same way I’ll change hers for the better. Because that’s what we do, good men make good women great! And good women make good men unstoppable.

Protection- I was at a gun show yesterday, they had all these pretty pink pistols and tasers. Self defense classes and posters encouraging women to get their concealed hand gun licenses. “Protect yourself!” was the motto. Look, if you’re living alone I understand that you have to look out for you. But between you and I… Wouldn’t you rather have a man do that? A husband that would put himself inbetween you and harm and danger and fear. A man that is willing to not only take a bullet for you but to beat the hell out of anyone that threatened you or disrespected you? Some women have brothers, some have homeboys but there is nothing like knowing that if anyone hurts you he’ll hurt them. In 2012 most of the women I meet make just as much if not more than me, most of them have more education and have traveled just as much. But what I can still provide, besides that ring. Is the ability to get out of a warm bed, tell her to lock the bedroom door and go downstairs or outside to see what that noise is.

Release- Sex is dangerous and addictive. It’s the one thing that screws up seemingly good women. How many women are reading this or know a woman that doesn’t really drink, has never done drugs, has never even skipped a class in college but has went crazy behind a man? So what happens, either she tried to turn off emotions which is basically impossible or she just stops having sex. One month turns into four months which turns into a year. For all the talk about hoes and boppers the average woman sleeps with less than 5 men in her lifetime. That’s a lot of sexual frustration. The right husband fixes all of that because you’re not worried about diseases or pregnancy or him just wanting to hit it. You married him so you trust him so your body is his and his is yours and when you need that release, when you need to be unapologetically freaky and nasty he isn’t going to judge you or tell his friends. You’re his wife… Sexual releases without guilt or fear or “what-ifs” are rare these days.

Friendship/Companionship- You know what bothers about a lot of the women I either meet or talk to? It’s this dependence they have on friends. This idea that my girl or my boy is just so much more important than any person I could ever date. An example, she words a lot so she finally gets a day off. She has to spend it with her friends. She has a problem, she needs to vent, she has to call her friends first. Don’t mistake what I’m saying, friends are a great thing. But how many married couples do you know that spend more time with their friends than their husband? How many married couples do you know (happily married) that don’t call their man or woman their bestfriend? When you’ve had a bad day and all you want is comfort, I can pretty much guarantee you that lying on the couch with a man that loves you and just decompressing is better than happy hour with your “girl” that’s going to blow you off next week because she’s in her 4th FB relationship in the past 6 months. The older we get, the more we start to lean on our partners. The easier and more serious conversations get. Husbands listen not because they have to but because any man worth his weight in gold knows that being there for his wife means she’s not going out there looking for another ear.

Growth- Who you are today isn’t who’ll you’ll be a year from now. Who you are at 22 isn’t who you’ll be at 32. Growth isn’t just physically but mentally and spiritually, I know so many guys that just got tired of running the streets, avoiding calls and certain restaurants because one of your women might be there. Blocking chicks on FB or hiding certain pictures. It’s tiring… So they grow out of that and they want more. It’s the same thing with women, you can turn a hoe into a housewife, I promise. Because once it’s out of her system, it’s out. She’s done all that dirty shit so now she’s ready to be good. Men and women, husbands and wives help each other grow. Friends often see us for who we were, they grow apart and move on. Husbands grow closer together, women accept all our faults and love us when we make it thru the tough times.

Look, my writing, my message isn’t an attack on women that don’t want to get married or have children. My writing isn’t telling people that friendships aren’t valuable or important. But what my writing is saying is that there will never be a more important relationship then the one you have with the man or woman you marry. You’ll never share more secrets than those that you share with your husband. You’ll never want to protect a person more than you want to protect him or the life you create. I believe in marriage and I believe that our lives are better because of it.

Don’t forget to watch Michelle Obama speak tonight!