There’s A Difference Between Giving Up and Knowing When Something Just Isn’t Working

Who Doesn't Want This?

We all want this but life isn’t perfect.

happy

That difference between true love and love.

“I’m never getting divorced.”

“People in our generation don’t know what loyalty is.”

“A man should take care of a woman like my grandfather and father did.”

We throw these phrases around in 2015 without actually thinking about what we’re saying. You notice how it’s always single people that make statements like, “I’m never getting divorced!” Or that say things like, “People don’t want to work for relationships anymore.” I respect any couple that can go through the ups and downs of life together for decades but let’s be honest about something. A lot of those women and men put up with things our generation would never put up with and why is that a bad thing?

If you work at a job for a year and realize you suck at it; no one blames you for quitting and finding a new job. If you buy a car because it’s sleek and pretty and realize the gas mileage sucks and it floods too much in Houston for something so low to the ground; no one judges you for trading it in for something that’s more practical. So why is it that we are so judgmental of people that realize a relationship or marriage isn’t working and decide to move on? If you give someone your all for six months and realize the differences are just too great to overcome would it be easier if you gave them a year, two years? Who are any of us to judge whether or not someone gave their all? Tell me if this makes sense: Be unhappy for a decade but you can say you were married for ten years or be unhappy for a year or two and spend the next eight enjoying your life and maybe actually finding someone that makes you smile.

For the longest time people would ask me about past relationships and I would say with pride, “I was with my ex for eight years.” But as I’ve gotten older I realized it didn’t make me strong or better than someone else for being in a relationship that long when I knew neither of us was happy. It made me a man that was afraid. Afraid of accepting that not being with her would mean uncertainty. It would mean maybe she would find happiness without me or maybe I would feel guilt for giving up on her. Fear of time wasted or guilt can’t be the cornerstone of a relationship. Being honest with yourself isn’t quitting, it’s being an adult.

How arrogant is it for people that are in marriages they resent or single people that have never even been engaged to make statements like, “People don’t try anymore.” Every marriage, household, relationship is different. You think that man or woman that you feel like just gave up went into their marriage with the idea they would get divorced? Every story is not the same and it’s okay to say, “This isn’t working, let’s be happy.”

Some People Work Things Out and Some Just Don’t Know When to Change

Some People Work Things Out and Some Just Don’t Know When to Change
“You should never change for a person, make the change for yourself.” I’m not sure whose words these are but they aren’t true even though I hear people saying them all the time. Part of growing up is changing but more than that it’s changing for the right reason and often times that reason is another person.

Top Five Reasons to Give Up

1. There’s always someone else, I have options. I can replace her in a heartbeat!
2. She wasn’t special anyway. Her ears were too big, her breasts were saggy without a bra. She waited too long to offer me a drink when I walked in the door.
3. I’m too young to settle down, I have plenty of time.
4. Love shouldn’t be this hard, love comes easy.
5. I’m tired, I need a break.

None of those reasons make much sense when you compare them to what you’re losing. Just because we have options doesn’t mean we have to take advantage of those options. Not every woman is replaceable, you may find someone that is as attractive as her, that’s more sexual than her. You could find a woman that does more for you financially or mentally. If you look hard enough you may even find someone that is just a better person that her. The problem is can you find someone that put it all together like she did? Chemistry doesn’t come in the form of one or two traits that look good on paper. Chemistry comes when the sum of the parts come together in this perfect harmony.

Every woman is two women, you have the “date” her and the “comfortable” her. The date her is the one that’s on point. The push up bra has them sitting right, the nails and hair and conversation just works. Those first couple dates you see her at her absolute best. Then there’s the comfortable her, the her that’s still beautiful but there’s no makeup, maybe they aren’t sitting so perfectly when the bra comes off. There will be days where she needs her hair fixed and her attitude is just horrible. These are the days you should love her the most because I promise you she isn’t showing too many people this side of her.

Guys are running around here at 45 talking about, “I’m too young to settle down.” I’m going to need you all to chill, when the right person comes alone there’s no such things as “too young.” Don’t get me wrong, do I think you should get married before you have lived a little, dated a little, gotten a feel for what you want. Of course I don’t but I do think part of settling down means we get past this Peter Pan mentally. If you’re single, enjoy it! Live it up and have fun! What you shouldn’t do though is walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you because you just want to have fun.

The same people that say, “It’s not working if you love it,” are the same people that love to say, “When you really love someone you don’t have to try.” I don’t care how much I love writing, when I’m sleepy at 3am and I have deadlines and worn eyes and have cancelled two dates this week, that’s work. The same goes for love, if you show me a person that has a perfect relationship; I’ll show you a person that’s in denial. Relationships take more work than most of us single people realize, I think what happens is when you’re far removed you remember the good or bad stuff. What you don’t remember is most relationships take place in the grey.

Giving up means one thing, you quit on someone. Once you need a break or quit there’s no bouncing back. It’ll always be broken now.

Life is simple. You either work it out or you keep living in ways that are self destructive that just won’t make you happy. You can’t work things out if you aren’t willing to change the bad stuff about you.

Her future ring.

Her future ring.