Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

FB-Ring.jpgIt’s in poor taste to ask a woman her age.

It’s sort of not cool to ask a married couple when they’re going to have children.

Why do we really care when someone is going to move out of their parents’ home?

I can list a dozen different questions in a dozen different areas of life that aren’t probably the coolest questions to ask but people ask them anyway. Let’s add one more to the list.

“When are you going to get married?”

There are several reasons why people ask.

  1. They can be family and friends that are generally interested in your happiness and they want chubby babies to hold and put on Facebook and Instagram.
  2. They can be friends that think he/she is wasting your time and they’re asking you the question so that you can see he/she is wasting your time.
  3. Their relationship sucks and they are married or aren’t married but either way they see in you two what they want so it makes them want it for you.
  4. People are just nosy.
  5. If you’re too impressive in life it intimidates people. They start to look for reasons to pick you apart. If they can’t do it on a singular level they’ll do it on a relationship level.

 

I’m not naïve to the fact that friends have conversations. That guys talk at work or in the barbershop and girls talk in group text and over drinks. I’m not blind to any of this at all, so I know the question will get asked, especially when you’ve been dating someone for a while. What I don’t get is when it comes from complete strangers or people you aren’t cool with.

My mom wants to ask me why we haven’t gotten married, it’s my mom. Her aunt or best friend wants to ask me, those are people that love me. A random co-worker that sees a picture or reads a blog wants to ask me? Who sent you? I’m not cool enough to insert meme’s into my writing but if I was I’d insert one here.

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This may sound cliché but there’s no right or wrong way to do marriage or love. I’m sure you’ll read a hundred different experts tell you they have the answers. Most of those experts have been divorced three times and probably don’t slap their wife on the ass when she’s leaving the house. Some people get married in 3 months and they thrive and some get married in 3 years, either way it’s their decision. I get it, believe me I do, we let people in our lives via Social Media and they care. I know it’s become cool to “give no f*cks” and to say, “I’m not on social media like that,” but if you have a smart phone and have to deal with Houston traffic, you probably are on social media like that.

The next time someone that doesn’t know my middle name or wouldn’t call me if they hadn’t or from me in a month asks me, “When are you going to get married?” I’m going to start to ask some questions back. “When are you going to stop commenting on pictures of women that look nothing like your wife?” “When are you going to tell your kids to stop asking to play with my phone? My games are for me, not them.” “When are you going to respect your marriage?” Nothing to shady but just enough so they understand that it’s not okay.

The Cowboys lost last night and the Texans won so that’s always good too.

Stop Blaming Social Media or Outdated Stereotypes for Bad Behavior

385448_213663785373354_118911191515281_532154_1408080341_nI’ve been in a relationship for about two years now. You know how many women that I was friends with or that I knew casually have approached me in a manner that’s flirtatious or disrespectful? None. Not one. Every text, phone call or message has been to congratulate me or simply to catch up or say hello. Women don’t find men in relationships more attractive; often times men in relationships let the world know they’re still available.

There’s perception and then there’s reality. You can’t flirt and be accessible and friendly and then complain that women or men aren’t accepting of your relationship. I have some amazing friends that I’d hang out with. Happy hours, long conversations, dropping them off at the airport. Once I got in a relationship or they got in a relationship that friendship dynamic changed. They had a long day, they call their man. They go to happy hour or talk about it, with their man. The same for me. They aren’t acting funny or being fake friends, it’s just called growing up.

I want to ask a serious question. Have you ever seen someone that was in a dope relationship talk about other people’s relationship or problems? I don’t mean casual pillow talk with your man or woman. I don’t mean casual gossip with your girls. I mean, it’s every day and it’s not just one or two couples but it’s all the time. You don’t see that type of behavior out of people that are good. But you see it out of people that are lying to themselves.

If a woman compliments my writing at 2am and I respond in her inbox, “Thanks, I love when women are up late reading my words.” With that one sentence I just told her I was available. I can try and tell myself I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s the problem with women these days, they think every guy is flirting, etc. But I’d be lying to myself. There are lines you don’t cross and you shouldn’t want to cross. Not if you’re happy with what you have at home.

Breakup Sex or Engagement Sex… Candy Cane Tales

“Why are you pouting?” He knew why I was pouting, a month of Christmas shopping for everyone from cousins to my mama and all I got was a couple gift cards and a ugly ass sweater! Hell yes I was pouting! I couldn’t do it around my family.

“I’m not pouting!” He laughed and got up to pour himself another drink.

“What would you call it then?” I snatched the drink out of his hand and walked over to the Christmas tree. I worked hard and paid my bills on time, if I wanted something I could just go buy it but it’s the thought of opening up a gift that just makes Christmas special.

It’s the ‘right’ thing to say, “Christmas is all about giving.” “I’m just happy I could see a smile on my nieces and nephews faces.” But what woman doesn’t want to open a gift and know someone… just one person knows her well enough to know what she really wanted!

“I’m not pouting!” I sat back down on the couch and tried to get into being nosey on FB but all these damn engagements and cute pictures weren’t doing anything for my Grinch like spirit. I shut my laptop and decided that today would be a great retail therapy day.

I wanted to throw a candle at him, watching him stand at the counter and stare at the watch he’d been talking about for a month. Three separate times I had to convince him not to buy the damn thing because I’d already bought it and he shows up with one of the ugliest sweaters I’ve ever seen in my life. And had the nerve to smile about it like he did a good thing!

I just couldn’t take it anymore… “I’m going to the mall.” He stopped me.

“Wait a minute babe, can you stop and get me some batteries for the remote?” Really!? Really?! That’s why he’s stopping me? Asshole! Little did he know I was taking this ugly ass sweater back and I had half a mind to curse the sales lady out for someone not telling him how hideous this thing really was!

“Sure I can take the sweater back Alec!” He just stared at me, damn! Did I say take the sweater back? Fuck!

“So you didn’t like it? Why didn’t you just say something?” He leaned against the bar and folded his arms. Great, this is all I needed, now I was going to seem ungrateful.

“It’s just not my style and I figured you would have known my style by now. There’s no shame in having someone take a gift back. Stop being so damn dramatic!” I snatched the bag with the sweater in it off the couch, along with my purse and reached for the door! He snatched the bag out of my hand and threw it across the room!

Was he losing his damn mind?!

“What the hell is the matter with you!?” He just smiled at me like it was the funniest thing in the world. Now I was getting pissed off!

“What is your fucking problem!? So I don’t like the sweater! You don’t have to be an asshole!”

“I don’t need this Kerri! I try and get you a nice gift and you’re around here acting like a child! I’m getting my shit and leaving! Do what you want with the sweater I don’t even care!”

He walked into the bedroom and I could hear him in the closet. Was he really getting his things? What the hell?! Hell no! There is no way he could get this pissed off over me taking a sweater back unless he was already planning on leaving anyway! He has me fucked me if he thinks I’m going to sit here and let him act a fool in my house?!

I kicked my shoes off and threw my purse on the couch! I walked into the bedroom my fist balled and my heart beating a mile a minute, if he wanted to act stupid we could both act stupid! My mouth dropped and the tears started falling before I could do anything about it!

“Asshole! I hate you!” I ran to the bed…

www.demezw.com for the part II

Arden B.

Neiman’s

Victoria’s Secret

MAC

And boxes that were wrapped so I couldn’t see what was inside. I didn’t know where to start! I started hitting his chest and hugging him at the same time!

“So you knew that sweater was ugly as hell and you made me walk around pissed off all Christmas morning when you had all this stuff the whole time?! I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face even though I wanted to choke him to death! Why would you play with me like this?!” He picked me up and sat me on the dresser, wiped my face with his thumbs. He kissed me and between the gifts and this change in emotion I kissed him back like it was NYE.

“You’re spoiled baby and I just wanted to see how you were going to act not having the perfect Christmas. You still gave me my gift, you still gave all your family their stuff and smiled the entire day. That’s when I realized why I loved you so much. I’m sorry for fucking with you. But before you open all the stuff on the bed, I have one more gift I want to give you first.”

He reached in his pocket and pulled out the light blue ring box. My heart stopped beating…

“It’s not the one I wanted to get but if you hang in here with me I promise I’ll upgrade this as soon as I can. I’d rather get this one from Tiffany’s than get something from a store that isn’t worthy of being on your finger.” I was picked up and he stood me up, dropped to one knee and asked.

“Will you marry me Kerri? Will you let me put a bunch of little spoiled, pretty, smart babies in you and drive you crazy and love you and make love to you and… Will you allow me to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel like you make me feel everyday?”

I laughed… I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. He looked at me like I was crazy, I shouldn’t have laughed.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I feel to the floor with my fiancé! “I’m laughing baby because I just realized I’m going to be one of these cheesy women on FB with a picture of all these gifts on the bed and this fly ass ring on my finger!

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I stood up and started to strip. They say you should always hold a little something back for your husband, you can’t give away all the tricks. Well, he proposed so he was about to see all the tricks.

“Engagement sex is better than make up sex; take off your clothes so I can show you!”

Part III tonight only on www.demezw.com Engagement Sex!!!