Seeing Tomorrow Today

My peace

My peace

I was working in Crosby today and right as the rain started to fall I had to take a phone call so I pull over on his old Fm road called 1942 and as I’m taking the call I look up and see this beautiful home being built in the distance. Now because it’s raining and I have no crews working I cut off my truck, put on my rain coat and start to walk towards the property. Close enough to get a look but not close enough to walk onto the property. The first thing that crossed my mind (and this is probably the construction guy in me) is that they had to build the entire home from scratch.

Not plug into the existing plumbing or water or gas or lights but literally build everything from scratch. That’s how it is in places that aren’t annexed. The more I’m looking at the detail of this house the more I’m impressed. Three stories, a beautiful golden color, lots of land around the house, at least two acres. I thought to myself, “What do these people do for a living that they can build such a beautiful home in the middle of the country but just twenty minutes away from the third largest city in the country?

Standing there, soaking wet, day dreaming but completely aware I just watched the guys rush to put up equipment and find cover and I wondered what it would be like to come home from work and stand where I’m standing watching them build my home, my family’s home?

One of my favorite movies is the Notebook, mainly because I’m a romantic and I won’t try and take up for the overly dramatic acting but I love the story it told. The story that true love isn’t about romance or desire but it’s about building something and sacrifice. Are you willing to build that dream home in hopes that your love is strong enough to withstand any storm that comes forth?

As I stood there realizing my phone was about 43 rain drops from being destroyed and my truck was about to get stuck in the mud I thought all this beautiful home is missing is one of those decks that wraps all the way around. I want one of those decks and I want to build one of these homes from scratch.

I love writing because it gives me the ability to go anywhere in the world at any given time with anyone I choose. But I also love writing because it will give me the ability to go anywhere in the world, at any given time with anyone I choose…. And I’ll have my perfect home in the country to come back to.

Be careful in this rain.

~ Demez

Dating Tip: Romantic Dates Are More Mental Than Financial

Don’t be the guy making excuses when instead you can be making promises.

1. It cost too much. That’s literally not true; research is fast and easy.

2. Nice restaurants have slow nights, usually Monday- Wednesdays. Wine bottles 50% off. Extended happy hours. Waiters that are generous.

3. Order for her. Aggression, taking control is attractive. Ask her if she’s allergic to anything and then order. Don’t demand but ask without forcing. This way you know to order something good and you control the cost. I look up the menu and read reviews for every new restaurant I go to.

4. Always carry cash to tip well. Women may not always mention it but they notice the tip.

5. Laugh and smile without being silly.

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You’re Amazing: I Hope You Know That

a-candles_and_roses-1531917I see you and I see something that can be potentially great. I’m not afraid to say that I check your profile a couple times a week. I see when you go out and wonder if I should stop by and “accidently” run into you though my pride won’t allow me to be that guy. I’ve been trying to think of a way to phrase this but I’m your fan.

A part of me is almost afraid to meet you because I don’t think you can live up to the persona I’ve created for you in my head. I understand that. I get that I see you in a way that may not even be real and I’m not sure I want to disturb that. Maybe not knowing is good for me, if I did go out with you and hear you laugh, get used to your voice, feel your energy. If I did those things and they were what I think they are? Could I ever go back to not knowing you? I doubt it.

At 4am sitting at work these are the things I think about. You are what I think about. Will it happen one day, I honestly don’t know, but I do know I’ll enjoy thinking about it.

Stop Letting Idiots Tell You What Makes You A Man

gentleman Stop letting idiots tell you what makes you a man

These hoes ain’t loyal.

It ain’t nothing to cut that bitch off.

Bro’s over Hoes.

I can name a dozen hooks to songs and catch phrases that make it seem as though caring about or loving a woman makes you look silly or weak. The truth is life doesn’t work that way and it never has. We have a generation of not just boys but grown men that feel as though having gentleman like qualities makes them weak.

If I write something saying men should respect women I’ll get a guy saying, “What about women respecting men bro!” If I say men should open doors and get the check on dates I’ll have a guy say, “Women don’t want a good man, what is she brining to the table?!” If I try to explain to a guy the benefits of good conversation and building a friendship before you bring up sex he says, “Nah! You got to be aggressive, women like when you’re upfront.” Foolish! Stop listening to rappers and these internet idiots that don’t know the difference between a sports coat and blazer. Being a gentleman gets you more respect and dating opportunities than being an asshole ever will.

I can sit up here and create a dozen list. Men should open doors, men should call and make sure she’s okay if she’s driving home after a date. Real men should do this, real men should do that. Men should walk on this side of the street or not talk about this. Every guy is different, every woman is different. There’s no set of rules that makes you a man or less of a man but respect is universal. Whether you’re a hood dude, charming, funny, cool, it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you how to be a man because most of us know how to be a man. I can just remind you that letting a few women who did you dirty or lack certain values make you disrespectful towards all the rest will get you nowhere.

Life is too short to fear what other people will think about you. If you’re happy and doing what you know is right then just live man. Just live life. Being that guy that makes women smile, that guy that walks into a room and holds it down. It never gets old.

~ Demez F. White

I Don’t Know If I’m A Better Man Than Him but I’m A Better Man For You

20140721-194134.jpg I Don’t Know If I’m A Better Man Than Him but I’m A Better Man For You

I’m sure he’s a great guy, a good man. He probably calls you and asks if you need anything before he comes over. He opens your door and hugs you. But does your heart beat uncontrollably when you know he’s on the other side of that door? Does your body betray you and want him even when your mind is saying “wait?”

I know you’re comfortable around him. Your friends think he’s sweet, he calls you at just the right times, text you seconds after you text him. But does he push you against the door and take that kiss? Does he turn you around and kiss your shoulders, suck your shoulders? Or does he ask.

He believes in you but he doesn’t know how to motivate you.

He takes you dancing but has he ever whispered in your ear, “Dance for me baby.”

With him it’s peaceful and everything’s according to plan. You’re not that type of woman though. You like the occasional argument, the sex in inappropriate places, the road trips on a Wednesday just because.

I don’t know if I’m a better man than him but I know we make each other better. I know when we’re in bed it’s about more than sex, more than sleep. We touch each other without ever touching each other. You’re comfortable with him but with me you’re comfortable.

I once wrote that you’re single until you’re married and I meant that. I’d never try and take a woman that’s in a happy and healthy relationship but I’d by lying to you and myself if I didn’t recognize the obvious. He can’t make you as happy as I can make you.

I made a mistake. I opened that door for him. I have to live with the consequences of that. I don’t owe him anything, therefore if you have to break his heart for your heart to come home. So be it.

Or maybe this is all in my head and you never existed at all.

Demez

That Awkward Moment When You Know You’re Falling In Love

a park bench That Awkward Moment When You Know You’re Falling In Love

1. You’re at work or wake up in the middle of the night and you just want to send an “I miss you” text.
2. She tells you she doesn’t feel good and all you can think about is ways to heal her, make her smile, make her feel better. Chicken soup out the can in pretty tupperware; orange juice with no pulp and a dash of whiskey even though you aren’t even sure it’ll work.
3. You get upset when she tells you, “I was thinking about coming by but I didn’t.” You just want to see her. Want to have her under you, want to her that door shut and her coming up the porch to the front door. Knowing if she’s not with you there’s the possibility she can be with someone else.
4. Caring about the little stuff just isn’t something you do anymore.
5. Talking about her is cool, you laugh and smile at something she did when the person you’re talking to could care less.
6. The words don’t seem so foreign coming off your tongue anymore. “This is my girlfriend.” “I love you.” “What’s the matter?”
7. Some guy comments on her pictures and you look at his profile wondering who he is, wondering if she knows him. Wondering if he text her or says funny things to her. Wondering if you can beat him up or if she bites her lip and smiles for him like she does with you. You refuse to admit you’re jealous but it’s not really jealousy. It’s self preservation because you’re at a point now that without her, you just won’t make it.
8. It just feels like happy.

It’s not awkward because it’s weird or strange. It’s awkward because you don’t know whether or not you’re ready. What do you do with someone’s heart? That’s a lot of responsibility. Relationships aren’t pretty, perfect things that can fit inside of quotes. Relationships are about being there for someone when they’re hurting, at their worst. You’re the person that brings them comfort and lets them know, “You’re not doing this alone no matter how much you push me away or smother me.”

That awkward moment you fall in love is the moment you’ll never want to fall out of love.

Demez F. White

Destination Wedding! Memories To Live For!

Paradise Wedding

Paradise Wedding

I know a lot of people but I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve become comfortable with that. You have a circle of people you can depend on, talk to, love and the rest are simply associates. Knowing this about myself and of course depending on the woman I marry; I have no desire to have this huge wedding where we’re feeding 300 strangers and stressing out over flowers and bridesmaids and whether or not we should have an open bar because, well, receptions are just better with open bars.

I still make mistakes, a lot of them, but over the years the one thing that I don’t do anymore is compare who I am to who other men are. If a guy has 12 fraternity brothers or played football and is still cool with most of his teammates maybe he wants that big wedding. If a woman works at a hospital and knows every nurse at St. Luke’s maybe she’s looking forward to having 12 bridesmaids.

This isn’t about “my way is better than your way,” it’s simply saying I’d rather spend 30k on a trip to paradise, living like royalty for two weeks and maybe enough for a down payment on a new car or home. Seeing her in the dress is important but the only reason is because it’s her in the dress. Not the lace or the fit or the designer. Let’s use that dress to make memories I can place on my desk while I write, I can look at on my phone when I’m mad at you and remember why I need to go home instead of to happy hour.

Men aren’t supposed to care about these sorts of things but believe me when I tell you I do. Taking underwater pics, me in my tux, you in your dress. Jumping off a cliff into a waterfall representing us jumping into our marriage fearlessly! Cake on your chin, icing on your dress. Sand on our toes, we’ll look and feel a mess but the pictures and memories will be worth it. I have no doubt about that. A destination wedding is the way to go!
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14 Perfectly Romantic Valentine’s Ideas

vday idea 14 Perfectly Romantic Valentine’s Ideas

14- Get a list of about 30 songs, some hip hop, some love songs, some oldies. Buy a couple aprons and her favorite liquor and make a pizza and hot wings together. You can get a recipe online or buy the dough already made. You avoid crowds and make a mess, good times.

13- Give her a bunch a money in a card when some heartfelt words. Women love money, they love words. The sex will be great and you can go out on the 15th when flowers are regular price again.

12- Hire a masseuse to come in and give you two a massage. They’re a lot cheaper than you think. Invest in some candles, some thick plush white towels and make a day of it.

11- Take her to a restaurant that you’ve never been to that you know will be packed but make reservations. Hold her hand, walking through the crowd and while everyone else is waiting you go straight to your seat. She’ll be beyond turned on.

10- Go the fun route, go to the gym and workout together, it’ll be empty. A lot of people get this idea that Valentine’s Day has to be romantic, sometimes it just has to be a good day.

9- Today marks a week before it’s Valentine’s, ask her to take a half a day next Friday and meet you at a hotel. Get some takeout, some wine and have hotel sex. I don’t know why but it just feels different. But remember to stop and get her some fancy soap. Women love fancy soap.

8- Role playing is underrated. Of course you have the sexy nurse and cat burglar type of roles but I’m talking something simpler. Showing up and pretending to be two strangers, letting the stories roll. You have to have an artistic personality and be creative but it could be fun with the right approach.

7- Just ask her what she’d like to do.

6- Write her a love letter for every special day you have shared. Maybe some of the days she doesn’t even remember. Like the first day you saw her, the first day you kissed her, the first day you made love to her. Write to her about a moment where you were having a horrible day and she saved you, made you smile. Give them to her while you’re driving and then drive far, let her read them in the passenger seat with music playing and memories spinning.

5- Take a trip. Tell her to pack a bag and you’ll be gone for three days. If she trust you and feels safe she’ll roll with it. Big is always great but a small road trip is good too. Don’t let money dictate how much fun you can have.

4- Slow dance at the top of a parking garage.

3- Take her shopping and let her model the clothes for you.

2- Send something to her office that she can share. Women love bragging even if they’re modest. Send cookies or cupcakes or food to her job, enough where she can share. Where all her co-workers can see. Let other people know she’s loved.

1- Kiss her a lot, cuddle on the couch, order Chinese, bit her thighs, lick her stomach. Enjoy the moment.

The Idea of Her…

FB-Ring.jpg Dear Single and Waiting,

I love women that want to be women. I get that when you’re alone you have to be tough. You have to do all the things around the house a man should be doing, you have to shield yourself from all the assholes and players and con artist that want nothing more than to sleep with you or get a couple dollars from you.

I’m not blind to what it takes to be a woman in our society these days, you can’t be weak, you can’t go to work and not carry yourself with a certain mindset or they will take advantage of you.

Understand this though, there is going to come a time when you have to put some of that toughness aside. When you have to smile and accept help when help is being offered. I’m not going to judge you for what you had to do when I wasn’t in your life. I understand that it will take some time for you to give up some of that control that has been with you since you were living on your own.

I’m not asking you to give up your identity or to be this submissive housewife that doesn’t ask questions and cooks every night. That works because I want you to or stays home because I want you to. That’s not what I’m asking, what I’m asking is that you trust me enough to let me be there for you.

You tell me your secrets and I’ll tell you mines, you open up to me about your past and I’ll open up to you about my fears. I don’t want to replace your best friend or your mother because I’m neither of those. I want to be your man! I don’t want you to be my Queen and I’m no King, I want us to be soldiers together building a Kingdom.

This idea that I’m going to cater to you or you to me isn’t something I’d ask or do. We are going to cater and spoil each other. A lot of men say and write that they want this woman that’s their everything, not me. I want you to have a life, to go to concerts with your girls, happy hours, brunches, shopping. I’ll be at home waiting for the details, for the drunken foreplay. You don’t have to earn my trust it’s already here waiting, all I ask is that you not lose it. The same way I won’t lose yours.

Tell me you love me and I’ll fight any man that disrespects you, that hurts you, that scares you. Show me you love me and I’ll give my life for your ass! These are vows I’m making before I even know who you are.

Being single these past several years, all the dating, all the women, all the hits and misses has taught me that what I want more than anything is everything. I’m sure I’ve broken some hearts with my words and my actions but I don’t regret that. I’d rather hurt them by telling them they just aren’t for me then string them along because I’m lonely or horny. It’s been awhile since I’ve really written, call it a sabbatical, call it writers block, call it whatever you like. Just know I’m back now with a passion and vengeance that will get me you and on the New York Times Bestsellers list!

Sincerely Yours,

Demez F. White

Too Beautiful to be Loved…

too beautiful Is there such a thing as being too pretty? As being too sensual or too sexy or too perfect?

They have all these specials coming out lately about women with dark skin not feeling loved or women with weight issues not feeling loved. I can’t speak on that because every woman is different but you know who I know for a fact has the hardest time finding love? Beautiful women…

In our society we’ve been convinced that if you’re attractive or successful or wealthy you don’t have the right to be unhappy. How can a woman complain when men want to shower her with attention and gifts and bosses want to take her to lunch and smile at her.

The simple truth is beautiful women go thru the most bullshit, men want them for their bodies and as an accessory. If a pretty woman tells you she’s not dating anyone, you roll your eyes and say whatever. If a pretty woman tells you she’s sad or stressed you say, whatever. Average girls don’t want them around because they’re afraid she’s going to steal her man or shine. She can’t have guy friends because he never actually wanted to be her friend, he just figured he’d show her how great of a guy he was.

This is the thing, a woman that never gets the attention of men may have a boring life or a lonely life but she’ll never deal with the drama and heartbreak that comes with being the woman that is always breaking hearts. Even when she doesn’t want to. Just her smile and conversation and hug is enough to have men thinking of forever and the look she has when she’s sad or mad has guys wanting to beat down walls just to save her.