You’re Not Where You Want To Be In Life; Don’t Worry, Few Of Us Are

lies You’re Not Where You Want To Be In Life; Don’t Worry, Few Of Us Are

We’ve had beautiful weather almost this entire month. Gas is cheap enough where with a hundred dollars in your pocket you can be in Kemah or Austin for a Saturday of drinks and laughs and crawfish or BBQ. I haven’t had to cut my AC or Heater on in my home in like two weeks which means my bills won’t be harassing me. It’s been a good month so why are there so many miserable people? So many unhappy/ I’m looking for a fight sort of people. It’s because people have a hard time accepting that their version of happy and their story isn’t going to match someone else’s.

You know something I’ve never fully understood? It’s adults that work and live in the real world that make fun of other adults that spend income tax money. I want to scream, “YOU DO REALIZE INCOME TAXES COME FROM TAXES TAKEN OUT OF YOUR INCOME!” And furthermore it doesn’t mean you make too much money when you get no taxes back. Do you own a home, have children, donate to charity, have student loans, the list goes on. So this idea that “I don’t need my income tax money because I’m good” is crazy! I go to work everyday and every month they take taxes out of my check. Do they hesitate to take that money? Can I say, “Chill for a couple months Uncle Sam, I will pay you all my taxes in a couple months.” Yeah, I can’t.

In the mid to late 2000’s I would see people I went to high school with graduating from college and all I could think was, “I graduated higher than them. That person could barely read. They asked me for help with that exam.” I’d see men that cheated or weren’t responsible traveling with pretty women and getting married. Maybe back then I wouldn’t have admitted this but that made me so depressed. There were weeks where I didn’t even log onto Facebook because I couldn’t see that. Ten years later I see the error in my logic. Their happiness wasn’t a condemnation on my value or self-worth. Instead of being happy for them, I was a hater. It’s impossible for a hater to be happy. My journey is my journey, good or bad, win or lose.

I remember being at 300 before it was this new bowling alley and a woman that worked at a law firm invited me to her companies bowling outing. I was working picking up dead dogs, cleaning the sides of the roads, flagging cars at intersections. I didn’t meet them in my work clothes, I didn’t even throw on some jeans and a sweater. I put on a suit and walked in there like I’d just left a board meeting. Gas tank on E, maybe 5 dollars in my pocket. When someone asked me why I was drinking water all night, I told them, “It’s an early morning and I live far.” What I remember most about that night is taking a picture and posting it online and having all these people say things like, “I see you.” “Looking good.” “I want an invite.” I was putting on for some likes knowing I was hungry as hell and wanted to take them up on their offers of drinks and food. Pride and insecurity are horrible combinations. You never know what people that look like they have it all together are going through. Love your journey and your struggle.

Love is War Passion Pleasure Pain and Fear…

Couple holding handsLove is War

Love is war because love is fighting for what you want. Fighting for what you believe will make you happy. Fighting for that woman that will change your life for the better. War isn’t sexy or romantic or sweet. War leaves wounds and scratches and causes nightmares and there’s no graceful defeat if you lose because to lose means to have your heart ripped out. Love is war and love is worth the price of war!

Love is Passion

Love is cold wine and hot sex. Love is arguments that seem some intense and serious but only lead to sex on the couch and pallets on the living room floor. Love is jealousy and insecurity because you don’t think it’s possible for someone to be as passionate about you as you are about them. Love is watching her cry and wanting to absorb that pain so that she never feels it again. Love is passion and passion is violent and sexy and gives us life!

Love is Pleasure

Love is the feeling of her legs wrapped around your legs on a rainy Saturday morning. Love is that sensation you feel before you place yourself inside of her. Love is her skin moist from just getting out of the shower. Love is her heart racing because your tongue is racing. Love is hard nipples and goosebumps. Love is wet lips and wet spots. Love is explicit good morning text and panties in her purse. Love is pleasure and pleasure is addictive.

Love is Pain

Love is not being able to eat when she doesn’t answer your phone calls. Love is a pounding headache when she’s mad at you for not bringing her something to eat because she’s cramping. Love is that moment of emptiness when you’re inches away from her but she doesn’t want you to kiss her. Love is pain because true love affects not just our heart but our physical being.

Love is Fear

Love is wanting her so much that you’re afraid everytime you talk to her will be the last time. Love is seeing her talk to another man, smile at another man, laugh with another man and wanting to destroy him! To make his life a living hell just because he’s getting some of her. Love is her telling you she needs space and you fearing the worst. Love is crying in the dark because you know she doesn’t love you like you love her and that fear is tearing at your essence. Love is being scared that you can’t please her, that can’t give her what she had before you or what she desires. Love is fear and fear makes us work that much harder for the love we crave.

Love is a lot of things but most importantly love is worth all those things because to be single, to be without that feeling of love…. It allows you to appreciate everything that comes with it, all the emotions, all the passions, all the fears and tears.

I love the idea of love because I’ve loved and lost and realize how much better than made me.