What Do You Get For Having the Perfect Social Media Relationship… Nothing. Nothing At All

perfect-couple-2I love watching documentaries; I could literally sit up all night searching for the perfect one on Netflix. One of the things I love most about documentaries is that they’re true stories. These are real people that went through real things and we’re seeing it unfold through the eyes of their friends, family and co-workers. What I notice most about documentaries is that often times the people that seem the most perfect have the most secrets. By no means am I saying that that’s the same as couples that are perfect on social media but there is a correlation.

I saw a meme the other day that said, “It’s not fair that you share your entire relationship with us and then when you break up we don’t hear anything from you. That’s OUR RELATIONSHIP, we want to know what happened?” As funny as that may sound there’s actually some truth to that. Social media is a platform, you can build a business, build a brand, be a fan but more than anything you choose what you share. If you decide to share nothing but the good news and the romantic nights and the dope trips that’s your choice but understand something. If that’s not real, if you know in your heart that the image you’re projecting is simply for likes or to be in a competition with some woman you hated in high school. You’re doing yourself and your relationship a disservice.

perfect-couple

By no means am I saying that you should hop on social media and share hurtful and dark secrets about your relationship. What I am saying is that you should not get on social media and pretend. Putting a filter on a crappy relationship just so you can get notifications from Instagram is ignoring the problem. You don’t get any medals or gold stars for comments under a picture when you know the two of you barely talk at home.

Tomorrow someone could unplug the internet. We could wake up and our smart phones that we don’t go to the bathroom or eat lunch without could be as useless as iPhone chargers. The pictures you’ve posted about how great your relationship is vanished into Facebook and iCloud Heaven. Will the man or woman you’re in love with go to the ends of earth to find you? Are there pictures printed out on his desk of you?

You can remember how many likes the picture you posted of your date night got but can you remember the last time he smiled at you and you felt as though there were no doubts, no secrets, no hesitation. You get nothing for looking the part, playing the part. You get everything for seeing the flaws and working towards fixing them. You can pretend and have regrets or you can be honest and let people that may look to you and your relationship as an example know; we aren’t always perfect and sometimes I’m not even sure if we’re perfect for each other but we’re authentic and we never stop working towards where we want to be.

 

 

Talking About Your Ex Says More About You Than Them

blog pic5I’ve always found it incredibly awkward when people go on rants about how unimpressive their ex’s were. Think about it for a minute, this is someone you spent countless days and weeks with. Someone you more than likely slept with and thought about marrying or having children with so why now are you letting the world know how sorry they were?

Every relationship isn’t going to end on good terms so I understand anger or resentment towards someone but being angry with what someone did isn’t the same as not appreciating what they meant to you.

My girlfriend was with her ex for 8 years or so. Of course we’ve talked about their relationship because that’s what couples do, you have those conversations about why it didn’t work, etc. But one thing she’s never done is went out of her way to bad mouth the man. I’ve never heard her mention any of his flaws to me and that’s how it should be. Just because you break up with someone it doesn’t mean you get the green light to be a jerk.

There are secrets that we only tell the people we’re most intimate with. Secrets you can only tell the man or woman that you love. What I could never respect is a person that tells those secrets after they’ve broken up with someone. That says so much about your character that you feel like it’s okay to betray someone’s trust just because you’re not longer together.

Let me be crystal clear. I want the woman I marry to have certain standards. I want her to only have claimed men that are equal to me or better men than me. I don’t need to know that I’m the smartest, most attractive, funniest, wealthiest guy she’s ever dated because what does any of that matter? I have her and she loves me for whatever I am or I’m not. Putting down someone else just to make someone feel better means that the person you’re with has some insecurity issues that they need to check.

A Life For A Life…

Standing outside my car, my face itching from a desperately needed shave , lips chapped. My jacket soaked from the rain that was showing no signs of letting up, I watched them.

I didn’t try to hide or blend in. I just leaned against the car, flask in my left pocket, 9 millimeter in my right. Maybe if it wasn’t pouring the people leaving Discovery Green would have noticed my red eyes.

Maybe if they hadn’t been downing margaritas and beers all day they would seen how out of place I was in the black camouflage jacket and steel toe boots.

She hugged his arm as they walked to his car, it wasn’t an urgent walk or run like the people around them. They walked like they were savoring every moment together. Her dress was stuck to her body, every curve showing. Every other step or so his hand would find her back or ass, she’d smile or giggle.

He opened her door first but before they got in they kissed. A hungry kiss, an ‘I can’t wait until we get home kiss.’ When he got in the car they kissed again. He was trying to start the car but it wouldn’t start. I cut the battery cable and fuel line.

He got out and opened the hood of the sedan. I finished the last of the VSOP in the flask and threw it to the ground. Holding the heavy black gun in my right by my side I walked towards him. He was having trouble seeing in the rain, I wasn’t. When I stepped onto the street our eyes met. She put her hand over her mouth and stepped out the car.

He heard her scream and looked up. The gun was a foot away from his face, he didn’t know me but he knew of me.

“You don’t have to do this bro!”

He was scared, the cockiness and vibrato he had the one time I talked to him on the phone was gone. He didn’t know what this was about but she did. She stood in front of him and he let her.

For the first time I saw the ring on her finger. It wasn’t fear in her eyes, it was sadness.

“I’m sorry. You don’t want this! You’ll spend the rest of your life in prison. I’m not worth that!”

She was right, she wasn’t worth it. But the day she took the life of my child so that she could be with another man… She knew her penance was coming.

“A life for a life Manda.”

I pulled the trigger. He fell to the ground. She screamed, people on their way home from a Saturday Funday screamed. She fell to her knees, her purple floral dress covered in a crimson red.

“I life for a life.”

Putting the gun to my head. I smiled, knowing she’d live with this the rest of her life and that I’d finally have peace gave me calm.

I pulled the trigger.

CBA: Hand Grenades and Nawlins (Contains Adult Content)

They say what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas, when I went the only thing that stayed there was my car payment. Because the credit car bills and overdraft fees definitely followed me back. My girls and I were passing up field after field, tree after tree and after eight hours on the road I was just sort of thinking we should have flew. Girl talk was cool and there was plenty of room but I’ve never really been the patient type. This was my first trip since Sin City and I was more than ready to cut loose.

The town I grew up in outside of Atlanta, Georgia wasn’t exactly known for having diversity and my father wasn’t a member of PETA, the NAACP or any Rainbow coalitions. I went to the college my parents thought best suited me, I got the job my mother set up for me and I still hung out with my friends from High School even though we were all in our early twenties now.

“Earth to Becky! Earth to Becky! What are you over there thinking about girl?”

I pulled my eyes away from the window and realized she was talking to me. We were driving way to fast and the music was way to loud, three State Troopers stopped us and all three let us go. My friends thought it was so funny, I couldn’t help but think, would they have let us go with warnings and smiles if we were black?

It wasn’t something any of us talked about openly, we all dated guys that looked like us, we went to church with us and partied with us. Yeah, we all knew black people and we would jam the hell out of some rap or R&B but there wasn’t much past a co-worker here or a random friend there.

“Nothing, I’m just ready for this weekend, I need this break. I’m just sort of tired of home.”

“Is Albie still upset that you’re going to New Orleans?”

“Ever since he saw that Spike Lee special on HBO about Katrina, he swears we’re going to get attacked by a group of black guys with tattoos and dreadlocks.”

She looked at me sort of funny and scooted closer to where I was in the backseat; we were in a Tahoe so our friends in the front couldn’t really hear us unless we spoke up with the music blaring.

“Why are you looking at me like that Susie? We’re not going to get attacked by any black guys.” Was my friend that ignorant?

“Becks, lower your voice, would it be so bad if we were? You never think about it?”

Okay, I think I was reading her wrong. I grabbed her hand and sat closer, our thighs were touching now, we were both wearing shorts and her skin was warm. 

I whispered, “Have I ever thought about getting attacked by black men.”

“Not attacked silly, have you ever thought about being with one?” I looked at her to make sure she was serious. I could tell she was.

“When I was in college, there was this guy that was always at the library when I was there.” She pinched me arm.

“HE WAS A BLACK GUY!” She was still whispering but she whispered like a sailor.

“Lower your voice girl! Yeah he was black and really cute but he wasn’t “black.” Do you get me?”

“Yeah… He wasn’t Fifty or Lil Wayne, he was more like Drake.” We started to giggle, I liked being around my friends at times.

“We went out a couple of times but he was more nervous than me and when we did hook up, it wasn’t what I thought. He was…. It just wasn’t what I thought.”

“I feel corny for saying this but it wasn’t like the rap songs right? I was with this black guy once but he was almost whiter than me. So I understand you.”

“Sometimes when Albie is on top of me huffing and puffing, I close my eyes and imagine he’s some gangster black guy with the tattoos and the really big penis… Making me do stuff.”

She punched me, “You’re such a nasty whore! Tell me about it!”

“You know you’ve thought about it too.”

“Maybe we should ummm….” I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.

“Maybe we should what?”

“Lisa and Shannon aren’t exactly the blend in type, blond hair, blue eyes and Shannon still uses African American so she won’t offend people.” We both laughed, more like snickered. “We’re only going to be here for two days so I say tonight when they go to dinner we come up with a reason to sneak away.”

Our voices got even lower.

“Sneak away for what?”

“I’m bored Becks and I know you are too, New Orleans isn’t lacking black guys and you hear those rappers. They go crazy for us. This is Mardi Gras, there will be a million people there, we sneak out and tell the girls we got lost. Find us a black club and…”

I squeezed her hand harder.

“Are you sure about this? I mean, are we going to be safe?”

“When have you ever heard of a woman getting raped when she was going somewhere trying to give up some vagina? I love my husband but he’s sooo boring in bed and for once I want to see a black penis in person! Are you in?”

I looked out the window and the New Orleans City Limit sign was the first thing I saw.

“I’m in, what happens at Mardi Gras stays at Mardi Gras.”

Four Hours Later

“I’M TIRED OF YOU HOGGING THE BATHROOM ALL THE TIME SHANNON! YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO DO THEIR HAIR AND MAKEUP! YOU ARE SO INCONSIDERATE.”

“I’m so sorry Becks, I didn’t even think I was in there that long, I really didn’t. Don’t be bad, we’re here to have fun.”

“DON’T TRY TO BE NICE NOW! YOU WEREN’T NICE WHEN I HAD TO WAIT OUT HERE FOR YOU ALL FREAKING DAY! JUST SO I CAN TAKE A SHOWER!”

Susie was turning red sitting on the bed, I just knew she was going to break down and start laughing. I didn’t want to do Lisa and Shannon like this but no matter what we came up with they just didn’t want to separate the group. So I had to resort to picking a fight and getting dramatic.

“She didn’t mean anything by it Becky, stop yelling at her please. We’re here to have fun and get some beads and drinks. It’s going to be okay.” I rolled by eyes and pushed the iron on the floor.

“It’s not going to be okay Lisa! And I’m soooo tired of you taking her side all the time!”

Susie got off the bed and came and stood by me, “Look guys, it’s been a long drive, we haven’t had a lot of rest. You two go to dinner and me and Becks will chill here, give her some time to cool down, get a nice shower and rest. New Orleans doesn’t sleep during Mardi Gras so who cares if we go out at two or three in the morning, we’re adults and we’re on a mini vaca. So lets get a group hug and regroup later on tonight?”

Shannon was looking pale and she was about to cry, I hate I had to make her feel that way but I wanted a black guy.

“I really am sorry about the shower Becks, tomorrow or in the morning; I promise I’ll be the last one in.” I just ignored her.

They left out the room, I locked the door and we both just fell out laughing.

“I feel horrible Suse! Horrible!”

“Look, we don’t have time to worry about them. Try this on!”

She pulled two dresses out of her suit case, one red and one purple. Both short and tight.

“They are perfect and I have something else for us.”

I reached in my purse and pulled out two Mardi Gras masks, they covered the top half of our faces but still showed our mouth and lips.

“When did you get these?” She picked it up and started feeling it, trying it on.

“At the lobby downstairs, tonight we won’t be Becky and Susie, we’re Sugar and Spice. No panties, no bras and no regrets.”

“And plenty of Hand Grenades and …..”

One Hour Later

Walking into the bar/lounge I’d never been more uncomfortable in my life, not only were we the only white people in the place but the black women were looking at us like we were bill collectors or terrorists. Our heels were tall and our dresses were short, the masquerade masks weren’t helping considering it wasn’t that type of party.

Susie whispered in my ear, “Do you see all these fine men in here?!”

I held her hand, “I do and I also see the way these women are looking at us.”

“They probably think we’re whores or lost, just take my lead.”

She held my sweaty hand and we walked with confidence to the middle of the dance floor. A Lil Wayne and Drake song was on and God knows I wasn’t the best dancer in the world. Susie on the other hand could shake it better than just about any black girl I knew.

“Calm down Becks and just take my lead…”

She grabbed both my hands and brought my body close to hers, I started to loosen up some, that and the fact that we’d taken almost four shots a piece before we left. I could feel her breath on my face, even though the masks were covering our faces I could feel her eyes burning through mine.

Tonight she was Sugar and I was Spice.

I started to whip my body from side to side in a rhythm that was not on beat at all and she was doing the same, our already short dresses were riding up dangerously high; I could feel the breeze on my ass. Her fingers were in my hair and my tongue on her lips, it was soft-core porn on the dance floor.

“OKAY! OKAY! YOU NASTY BITCHES NEED TO TAKE THAT DIKE SHIT BACK TO BOURBON STREET!”

I guess a couple of black girls didn’t find what we were doing too interesting because it was three of them standing in front of us and they weren’t looking very friendly. I was paying attention to them but Spice was still dancing and rubbing on me, she must have popped an ecstasy pill before we left.

“We don’t want any problems; we’re just here to have a good time.”

“See, maybe you didn’t want a problem but you come down here in those short ass dresses shaking your white ass in front of my man… Now you got a problem white girl!”

“I love your black skin; it’s so smooth and pretty! I’m Sugar and she’s Spice and we just want to dance, would you like to dance with me Shanequia?”  

My heart almost fell out my stomach! Why the hell did she call this angry black girl Shanequia?!

“My friends just a little drunk, she didn’t mea….” I barely got another word out before they started to rush us, I just closed my eyes.

“Chill the fuck shawty! They don’t want no trouble! Don’t come in my shit tryin to fight and shit cause ya ole man checkin for these white bitches! Check ya nigga, not them now get the fuck outta my spot befo I go upside ya head!”

I had no idea who he was but I wasn’t going to interrupt him, he just saved our lives.

“What chu and ya girl come down here for lil mama? Those gurls was go fuck ya’ll up, ya heard me.”

His accent  was getting me wet and I wasn’t wearing panties as it was, I could feel it running down my leg. I forgot all about the near beating and decided to be Spice.

“Me and my “gurl” came down here for you.” I stepped close to him and I could see the outline of the tattoos on his arms and neck, it was too dark for me to get a good look at them.

“For me huh? You and ya gurl looking for a good time?” I licked my lips and decided there was no room to turn back now, you only live once.

“We don’t want a good time, we want some Thug Dick! Now do you have an office and a friend for my friend?”

“I’m enough for your both, I got an office, follow me.”

I wasn’t looking at any of them but the entire place had their eyes on us and I was pretty sure everyone knew what we were about to go in there and do but Sugar and Spice didn’t worry about things like that.

His office smelled like weed and there was a desk, a couch and a really big TV on the wall showing the entire club and outside. He reached behind his back and pulled out a gun, my heart was beating out my chest. He sat it on his desk, his shirt came off and he had abs like wow!

“Look lil mama, you and ya gurl came to get fucked, so stop standin dere and come here.” Spice didn’t run to any man so I went and sat on the couch, Sugar on the other hand, she got on her hands and knees and crawled over to where he was standing. She undid his belt and wasted no time pulling out the biggest cock I’d ever seen in my life!

She was holding it with both hands and looking at it in awe, “Don’t just stare at it bitch! Suck it!” I had no idea who it was on her knees on the floor but that wasn’t my bestfriend since the 4th grade. This woman was taking his cock to her mouth like she had done it her entire life, he had his hands in her hair but he never took his eyes off of me.

I sat on the couch and opened my legs, for whatever reason her pleasuring him was soaking me. One hand was in my mouth and the other was inside of me, he was gripping her entire head and forcing her to take more and more of him in her mouth and everytime she would gag or choke I would put another finger inside of me.

The contrast, her skin against his was amazing, his hair was undone and hanging on his shoulders, they looked like a thousand little snakes.

I could feel myself cumming, lost in the moment, I imagined it was me on my knees sucking and licking him and when I opened my eyes I didn’t have to imagine anymore. Sugar was on the floor looking up at me smiling, I opened my legs wider so she could kiss the wet spot. He walked up behind her grabbed my head, I shook my head no but he grabbed it again and made me kiss it. I tried to move my head away again but he made me lick it, I tried once more and he made me suck it, I didn’t stop sucking it, I couldn’t stop sucking it!

I could here Sugar slurping and I was so wet… He was rolling his eyes in the back of his head and playing in my hair, more like trying to pull my hair out the roots but the pain was pleasure.

Taking both my hands I pushed him away from me and stood up, Sugar fell to the floor. I slapped him an he slapped me back, I slapped him again and he slapped me back even harder! I walked over to his desk and placed both my hands flat on the wood and bent over. I played with myself from the back and that’s when I felt it.

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! IS THAT YOUR COCK!” It was ripping me open and I thought I would pass out, he wasn’t starting off slow or asking me if I was cool, he was beating my pussy to a pulp! And I couldn’t stop screaming in a good way of course.

We went on like that for the next couple of hours until we staggered out the back of his club to a cab that was already waiting for us. I’d never been so sore in my life, I was going to have to sleep with a bag of ice between my legs and Susie was so red that I just knew she was going to run back in there and ask him could she stay.

“I think my throat is going to be sore for a month.” She looked at me and laughed, the sun was coming up.

I had no idea what we were going to tell our friends but I did know what happens in Nawlins, stays in Nawlins and I had no idea what I was going to do when I got home because maybe the saying was true. Once you go black, you never go back!