She Don’t Love You; She’s Just Lonely

She Don’t Love You She Just Lonely
Days like today when she calls you and says she just wants to hear your voice, days like today when she sends you a text smiling and asking you what you’re doing. Days like today is her being lonely, it’s not you or what you’re doing; it’s what I’m not doing.

I don’t doubt you’re a good man, I don’t doubt you care about her and love her and treat her better then myself or any man ever has. I don’t even doubt that a part of her cares for you but she’ll never love you because you aren’t me. She’ll never love you because no matter how good of a man you are you’ll never touch her soul like I touched her soul. You’ll never feel the pain, the warmth, the passion that we felt all those nights, all those mornings, all those rainy days. Her infatuation with you is because she’s lonely, it’s because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do and her pride won’t let her forgive me.

At night when you go to hold her and she pulls away it’s not because she’s too warm, it’s because at night is when it’s hardest for her to lie to herself. In the morning when she closes the bathroom door while she’s brushing her teeth or taking a shower it’s because she isn’t as comfortable with you as she is with me. Those doubts you have in your head, those moments when you’re driving and you cut off the radio trying to shake that feeling, you can’t shake it can you? You can’t shake it because you know she doesn’t love you, she’s just lonely. Having you there is better than being alone. She doesn’t know any other way because all she knows how to do is love, all she wants to do is love.

Her guilt gets the best of her sometimes, she feels bad for allowing you to love her like you do. She watches you sleep or cook or talk about something that happened at work and she wants to scream, “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” But then she’d have to be alone again and that scares her more then anything. Not because she can’t do it but because being alone means that she may call me, it means that the love she can’t control, the love that makes her crazy, the love that sucks her in and swallows her whole may take over her life again. She doesn’t know if she’s ready for that so she settles with you.

Regardless of my faults I’m a good man and because I’m a good man I would never try and ruin what you have regardless of the quicksand it’s built on. I won’t be her excuse for breaking your heart, I’ve already put more pain in her life then I can ever atone for and I won’t add to that by making her live with the regret of leaving you for me. So instead I’ll just wish you good luck in loving a woman that doesn’t love you but is simply lonely.

Cuffing Season or Settling Season?

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_nIt’s incredibly easy to feel like cold weather and a Boyz II Men Christmas CD is Gods way of telling you that he doesn’t want you to be alone during the Holiday season but isn’t there something sort of off about giving the most intimate and family oriented time of year to someone just because it’s cold or you don’t want to go to Thanksgiving dinner alone?

I’ve been guilty of making cuffing season jokes since Halloween, maybe even before that, but understand something, Cuffing season is a real thing. Outside of the songs and jokes people really do enter into situationships this time of year and there are tangible reasons for it. The weather is colder, the nights come earlier, people don’t want to go out. It feels better lying on the couch watching a movie, cooking and staying warm. The Holidays feel better when there’s someone to share them with even if that’s not someone you were wanting to spend that time with in June or July.

It’s more than just physical interaction by the way and by physical I’m not talking about sex. It’s being close to someone, laying on them, cooking next to them, seeing them step out the shower. Even if you never do more than feel their body heat against yours you’re building a connection with someone based off the fact it’s cold outside. You’re spending Thanksgiving feeding him or her, you’re going to buy them a Christmas gift because you like how they look in a tie or a pair of shoes. Feelings start to develop that aren’t real because come Spring you’re going to want to pursue other options. We all want to be important to someone, the important thing is that it isn’t phantom importance.

There’s a difference between compromising and settling, compromising is having an honest opinion about where you are in life and what you’re looking for and realizing your expectations will have you lonely. Settling is seeing the way someone looks at you and falling in love not with that person but with that feeling. Settling is him calling you and asking if you’re hungry and you remembering how good that feels to know someone is thinking about you. “Cuffing Season” isn’t the time of year to decide which is which. It’s okay to be alone, being alone is better than having to pull yourself out of a situation you never intended on being in anyway.

All Men and Women Aren’t Created Equal… But Deserving None the Less

I admire the way Dr. King, Jesus and Socrates looked at the world. The saw the best in everyone, thought that everyone was equal from birth. And if you look at the world in a broad sense they were right. We all deserve basic rights.

Voting.

Healthcare.

Freedom of Religion and Speech.

The idea that a 14 year old girl can be gunned down on a bus for wanting an education isn’t logical or human. But today on this beautiful Friday in Houston, Texas I’m not talking about basic human rights.

I’m writing about the women that men fall for, the women that deserve my time, money, respect, patience, love, tongue, lips, smile and most importantly my words. All women just aren’t created equal and the truth is everyone knows it but sometimes it’s just not politically correct to say it. If you’re pretty as hell, work at a job that you love, have no children or maybe one that’s cute as hell and you are just interesting in a lot of ways… You’re simply going to get a better grade of courtship than the extremely loud and ghetto girl that feels the world has screwed her over. Or the single chick that refuses to fix herself up because she’s not going to let men “dictate” how she looks. All women aren’t equal and if you’re a woman reading this…

All men aren’t equal either.

I know plenty… PLENTY… of men that are more than willing to sit back and not just let a woman lead but let a woman dictate everything from what he wears to how much money he gets for beer and Madden. Guys that live at home and could care less about moving out, in their eyes why move when I could just stay with mom until I find a woman to move in with?

Those men are not my equal and I wouldn’t even insult myself or women by pretending that they are.

I want you all reading to get a full understanding of what I’m saying, there is nothing the matter with working at Popeyes or sweeping floors or digging ditches. A hard day’s work is a hard day’s work but the problem comes in when that man can no longer see a future for himself. When he starts to work to pay bills and all his dreams and hopes die at that 9-5 he hates going to. When his mood darkens and his regrets way on him in a way that’s almost suicidal. Once a man gets to that level what woman wants to deal with that? What woman wants to save him, give him hope and then help him rise from the ashes like a Phoenix? Are you that woman? That’s why it’s so important to know who you are before you try and build something with someone else.

It’s no different with women. Women with kids have to be more impressive than women without children. A woman that’s 26, living paycheck to paycheck, no attachments, living her life away at happy hours and going to New Orleans or Austin twice a month. She can do that, she can be irresponsible and sexy and free. She won’t be judged. But be the woman with the children staying with your mother every weekend while you get some “me” time. The ones that constantly blame all your issues and troubles on the father of that child you resent. You will be judged, by most men you meet. And most men won’t want anything past your body because you’ve put that out there. The more baggage you have, the more you need to bring to the table. It’s really that simple. Not just financially because no decent guy will ask anything of you financially. But mentally, spiritually, intellectually you have to just impress. You having a child doesn’t mean anything negative, you could have been married and happy and the guy just screwed up. But life is life and it isn’t fair.

Lastly, not all men and women are Kings and Queens. You have Court Jesters, Soldiers, Workers, Farmers, Peasants and etc… The moment we realize that expecting a man that only wants to fix cars and watch football and drink a cold beer to want to own his own shop or be the manager is the moment you’ll find happiness. The same goes for men. If a woman has no desire to sit in nail shops or hair salons or wear pretty panties and bras, then why would I or any man ask that of her? She is who she is and I can either love that or step back so another man can. Some men and women will just be more impressive than others. I can talk to anyone or write about anything from Eastern European History to the impact of reality television on our youth’s mindset. But I can’t fix a sink if it breaks, I can’t hunt deer or fish if the lights go out and we have to survive. All men won’t move you the same way but that makes them no less cool. And all women won’t inspire me to write novels but that doesn’t mean they can’t send a text that makes me smile. We’re not all equal but we’re all deserving in the right situation.

I’m four days sober today. It may not seem like a lot but when you’ve probably drank everyday most of the year that four days is a lifetime. I have my flaws and they’re deep but I love who I am, flaws, regrets, heartbreaks and all. Make sure you love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Enjoy your weekend and smile… You’re here baby! You’re living!

Flirting, Courtship and Romance…

On Saturday I thought about the concept of writing a relationship book. But like I said I’m not in a relationship nor have I been in awhile so writing that would simply be a bunch of romantic ideals. Not practical life tested words. And I can’t do that. But what I can write about and what I am quite good at is courtships and flirting. I can be sitting at a bar and make conversation with ease, I know when to flirt, what questions to ask. It comes natural.

People will tell you that dating is about asking questions and setting goals. That’s bullshit. Dating is about making someone smile and not just being interesting but being real. The worst thing you can do is show your “representative” to people. If you can’t afford to go to a five star restaurant, don’t make it seem like you can. Go get pizza and beer or a cheap bottle of wine.

To court a woman is not to try and make her see you’re a great person, there’s a lot of great guys that never get call backs or have sex or get her to fall in love. To court a woman is to tie into her emotions, her mind and her sensibilities as a woman.

These are a couple of facts that I promise you no woman will dispute.

(A)   Women are turned on my mental and social aggression, tactful, of course. No woman wants an indecisive or weak man. I learned this early, if you make plans make sure you know where you’re going and why you’re there. She’ll appreciate it because I guarantee you several men have called or picked her up on some… “So where do you want to go?” stuff.

(B)   Women love gifts. This doesn’t mean you have to show up with purses, watches or Tiffany’s. But it does mean if you show up with a cupcake, some chocolates, flowers or even some Starbursts. Ask yourself one question? When is the last time a guy simply brought her some candy because he was thinking about her. Grand romantic gestures sound great but when you’re just starting off it’s simplicity that matters.

(C)   Be yourself, I don’t care if all she talks about on FB is work and Basketball Wives. Or maybe you’ve looked thru her albums and every guy she’s dated is 6’3 and looks like Edris Elba. The simple fact of the matter is she’s out with YOU. She’s opened the door because there’s something about you she likes. So be yourself, be passionate about whatever it is you do and at the very least she’ll respect you and probably be turned on by your confidence.

(D)   Don’t try to be her friend. Women have friends, be honest about why you’re there. You’re attractive, you’re sexy, I want to eventually get to the point where I’m cooking you breakfast and watching you sleep. Now maybe you shouldn’t be that blunt but you get what I’m saying. Flirt and let her know that I’m a man and you’re a woman and this date is the first step in us building something. You don’t even have to be serious when you say it but just be charming.

I have no problem admitting that I enjoy dating. I enjoy getting to know people and asking those same questions knowing no woman will have exactly the same answer. Do I want a girlfriend and a real relationship, of course I do. But until that time comes this is the life I live.

My point… I may not be able to write about how to make a marriage work but I can write about how to make those first 3 months of a courtship turn into something much more. I’ve had a lot of women fall in love with me and I’ve probably fallen in love with so many more. The falling is the easy part, it’s the staying there that I’m still working on.