Are They Looking For Help or Falling In Love?

perfect love The difference between someone loving you and someone trying to escape the prison they’ve set up around their heart is barely visible to the human eye. As a matter of fact it could take years for you to actually realize that they were looking for help and not looking for love.

A lot of people associate looking for help with financial situations. They’re looking for someone to help pay bills or to get some money from but when someone is looking for help it can often be emotional help. When someone has been damaged or hurt often times all they need is a good person in their life to balance out all the heartbreak and lies they had to deal with before.

This isn’t always a bad thing but it isn’t always a good thing either. What happens is you become a glorified stop gap. Someone to heal them but does healing equate to loving?

It’s not necessarily a bad thing you know. Someone needing you to help them opposed to falling in love with you. We can’t dictate why people need us in their lives; all we can hope is their intentions are genuine.
There are plenty of people out here looking for help for all the wrong reasons and karma always comes back on those people.
~ Demez

When It Is Okay to Ask Her If She’s Okay



I’m not sure the picture that accompanies this blog has anything to do with the actual content but I just like the picture. You can’t go wrong with thighs and curly hair and kitchen counters. Now let me get to the issue at hand.

Last night as it was storming and lightening as if the end of days was near my lights went out. A tree fell in the backyard, the wind was rocking the entire house. Rain was falling as if it was knocking on my front door. As I’m lying on the couch with my cell phone at 19% and my laptop at 30% I’m wondering one thing, “Is she okay?” Are her lights out? Was she out with friends or working late and stuck somewhere? Is she at home and it’s barely raining over there? Picking up my phone, wanting to call, wanting to send a text, I realized something. That’s not my job anymore, she has a man now.

Not to be petty or to over think a situation but the truth is people throw the word friends around. You have sex with a woman, make love to a woman, pick her up from work when it’s storming, get her medicine when she’s sick. She lifts you up when the world is beating you down, she cooks for you and kisses you and encourages all the good things about you that you didn’t even know existed. That woman may have once been your friend but when it became more than that, you can’t go back. There’s no pretending you didn’t love her and she didn’t love you. You can’t put the word “friends” on that now.

I can only speak for myself and write for myself, everyone isn’t going to have the same dynamic. Some couples can be best friends, can go out double dates, can talk like they never shared the same bed for countless nights. I’m not one of those men. I don’t love in a way that allows me to pretend we never had what we had. If any woman I’ve dated meets a man and she’s happy then outside of the occasional catch up conversation or social media interaction I’m probably going to let her go.

Letting her go doesn’t mean I won’t still be available if she needs me. If she has a flat or needs someone to talk to but talking, texting, sharing intimate details. That would have to stop for both of our sakes. It wouldn’t be fair to another woman if I’m still trying to maintain this “friendship” with a woman I once loved. It’s not fair to her new man that she’s still needing my emotional support. It’s not mean spirited to tell someone “We can’t be friends because being around you will always feel like more.” That’s just something adults have to do.

Be careful in this rain today and get prepared for hurricane season.

~ Demez F. White

Sex Is Always important: the Person You’re Having It With Just Might Not Be

feeling I wrote an article a while back entitled “There’s No Such Thing As Meaningless Sex,” and my logic was every time we give ourselves to someone we give a piece of ourselves to them. Whether it’s mentally, spiritually, emotionally or just physically. I thought it was a pretty straight forward piece but people actually disagreed with me in the comments. I’m not a man that believes in “I’m right, leave me alone.” If you have a differing opinion, I’d like to hear it and understand it.

For the most part it was a lot of people that were trying to belittle the spiritual aspect. I’m not going to argue with those people but there were also people that simply believe they can have sex with no emotional attachment. I can’t relate to that but who was I to tell them otherwise? Not to mention I can understand it.

Then there was one woman that sort of summed everything up in one breath, in one sentence. “Sex is always important, the person you’re having it with just might not be.” In that moment I realized that my logic wasn’t wrong but I hadn’t accounted for one very important, very particular thing. Good sex and good people are in one category and bad sex and people that don’t move you or in another. I still believe that sex on any level should be intimate but I can’t attach my beliefs to society as a whole. There are some women you look forward to holding after it’s over and some who you hand a paper towel and look to make sure she didn’t leave her panties. Some men get breakfast and looks of admiration; some men get looks of, “why did I waste you on my body count?”

In a perfect world which is where some of my writing takes place all of us are created equal. Not literally but just individually. That’s not right and I know it isn’t right but I’m still trying to figure out how to incorporate core values with what’s happening in the real world. I’m working on that as a writer. I never want my words to come off as judgmental but I also don’t want to write what people want to hear. Sex is addictive and a part of addictions that’s scary is sometimes you get addicted to the wrong person and wrong situation.

~ Demez F. White