There’s A Difference Between Giving Up and Knowing When Something Just Isn’t Working

Who Doesn't Want This?

We all want this but life isn’t perfect.

happy

That difference between true love and love.

“I’m never getting divorced.”

“People in our generation don’t know what loyalty is.”

“A man should take care of a woman like my grandfather and father did.”

We throw these phrases around in 2015 without actually thinking about what we’re saying. You notice how it’s always single people that make statements like, “I’m never getting divorced!” Or that say things like, “People don’t want to work for relationships anymore.” I respect any couple that can go through the ups and downs of life together for decades but let’s be honest about something. A lot of those women and men put up with things our generation would never put up with and why is that a bad thing?

If you work at a job for a year and realize you suck at it; no one blames you for quitting and finding a new job. If you buy a car because it’s sleek and pretty and realize the gas mileage sucks and it floods too much in Houston for something so low to the ground; no one judges you for trading it in for something that’s more practical. So why is it that we are so judgmental of people that realize a relationship or marriage isn’t working and decide to move on? If you give someone your all for six months and realize the differences are just too great to overcome would it be easier if you gave them a year, two years? Who are any of us to judge whether or not someone gave their all? Tell me if this makes sense: Be unhappy for a decade but you can say you were married for ten years or be unhappy for a year or two and spend the next eight enjoying your life and maybe actually finding someone that makes you smile.

For the longest time people would ask me about past relationships and I would say with pride, “I was with my ex for eight years.” But as I’ve gotten older I realized it didn’t make me strong or better than someone else for being in a relationship that long when I knew neither of us was happy. It made me a man that was afraid. Afraid of accepting that not being with her would mean uncertainty. It would mean maybe she would find happiness without me or maybe I would feel guilt for giving up on her. Fear of time wasted or guilt can’t be the cornerstone of a relationship. Being honest with yourself isn’t quitting, it’s being an adult.

How arrogant is it for people that are in marriages they resent or single people that have never even been engaged to make statements like, “People don’t try anymore.” Every marriage, household, relationship is different. You think that man or woman that you feel like just gave up went into their marriage with the idea they would get divorced? Every story is not the same and it’s okay to say, “This isn’t working, let’s be happy.”

She’s Not Better Than You… Just More Interesting

betterBeing a single guy with career ambitions and no children I often get people giving me advice on the type of women I should date. Most say stay away from women with children, others say stay away from women over thirty five that have gotten used to being alone. Find a woman with a good job, find a woman that goes to church, find a woman that likes Unicorns. The advice never stops but all of them are hypocrites, especially the men.

The truth is as men we love interesting. We love sexy and cool and passionate. You can be the sweetest woman in the world but if you’re boring or tired all the time or bitter than I’m good. Women often wonder why “ho’s” get the ring before them or women with two children have men beating down their door when you have everything together and no kids and can’t even get men to call you back. The reason is those women are just more interesting, cool, funny, sexy and happy. You know how depressing it is to always talk to a woman that has issues, that’s sad or hates or job? That’s complaining about everything? You’re a great godmother, a great aunt, a great employee. I get it, you’re tired, but you need to also get that when you want something you make time and deal with those groggy weekday mornings.

Most men are fully aware of the flaws of the women they fall in love with. He knows she has a bigger body count than Ted Bundy but he also knows she’s fun to be around and she’s happy and she wants to be there. What women think is a good woman and what men think is a good woman are two different things. I love to cook, I keep my home spotless, I could care less if the woman I love does these things. As long as she keeps herself up, wants success as much as I do and is as passionate as I am. I can deal with her demons. I’ll check her ex that still calls if he won’t listen to her, I’ll deal with her insecurities and trust issues until she realizes I’m not them and more than anything I’ll make her feel how deep my love is. You love Jesus and you pay your bills on time but you’re boring, stagnant in life and expect a man to save you… To your girls and family you’re a great woman, to a man you’re boring and afraid to give your all. You want a ring but how can any man want to spend the rest of his life with a woman that’s not mentally, emotionally or sexually stimulating?

I’ll be coming home from a date or work and I’ll get on FB and see a hundred pretty single women on that little scroll playing phone or FB games. That is more interesting to a lot of them than accepting a date offer and that’s fine if that’s what they want. But when that woman that you despise accepts the offer you turned down don’t get mad at her or the man. Get mad at yourself.