My Bestfriend Took Me On A Date Yesterday and I Might Leave My Girlfriend For Her

fullsizerender2 Relationships are like jobs in the sense that no matter how great they might be there are days where you’re just tired or moments where you know you have a good thing but you need reminding.
Yesterday I was sitting on the couch getting ready to engulf myself in NBA Basketball and a Game of Thrones Marathon when my bestfriend showed up and told me to take a shower and get dressed. I asked where we were going and they told me they didn’t know but that we were going to have a good time.

I threw on some jeans, a shirt and a blazer and waited for them to get ready. A part of me felt guilty for how I felt when she walked out the room. Is it normal to be attracted to your bestfriend? I wanted to hug her, to touch her cheek, feel her neck but I have a girlfriend so instead I just told her she looked nice and we left.

The first stop was happy hour in Katy and we were overdressed for the restaurant but I couldn’t stop staring at the way the dress was hugging her shape and once again I had to remind myself that I was a taken man. Sitting at the bar talking to a bartender about basketball and high school and whispering and giggling whenever she walked away, I was having a good time. A better time than I’d been having with my girlfriend recently and that surprised me. We’d always had this great chemistry and over time I hadn’t been smiling as much.

Now, I couldn’t stop smiling and if I wasn’t guilty for looking at her thighs on that barstool I was for sure guilty for comparing the two women.

She kept complimenting me and trying to take pictures of me and as much as men aren’t supposed to worry about such things, I found myself liking the attention. A beautiful woman that craved my presence, it felt good. My girlfriend is always telling me how special I am but when my bestfriend said it, there was a difference. I didn’t feel as though she was saying it because she felt obligated but because she wanted to be around me. Needed to be around me.

Stop two took us to Cyclone Anaya’s and by this time I’d say we were tipsy. The nachos were horrible, the bartender never cut the basketball games on and they mixed up our drinks. Even with all that we just talked. Talked about old friends, talked about life. Talked about things I wouldn’t talk to anyone else about and by this time any guilt I felt was gone. Being with the most beautiful woman in the room has a way of easing your guilt.

I admitted something to her that I’d never admitted to anyone. I admitted that something she told me about my upcoming novel made me change it. Her advice literally made me sit at my computer and re-think a chapter or two, something I’d never done before. Something my girlfriend never inspired me to do but this woman, this amazingly interesting and beautiful minded woman, did just that. Finding myself holding her hand as we walked and rubbing the small of her back I looked around for a second to make sure I didn’t see anyone that may have knew my woman but by then I didn’t care.

Is it possible to fall in love after one date with someone you’ve known for years? Is it possible to love two women at the same time? These are questions I was asking myself as I held her and allowed my lips to find her neck in the elevator. Just a pec, just a kiss to let her know maybe we should be, could be, more than friends.

Our last stop found us at Hotel Sorella drinking martini’s and on our phones more than we were talking to each other. I didn’t mind because being in her presence was enough. It was one of those moments where she wanted to take pictures together and for a second I wanted to stop it. I wanted to tell her, “This has been an amazing day but I have a woman at home that’s dope, that loves me.” I didn’t say any of those things though. I just took the pictures and allowed our bodies to mesh as the sun started to set over City Centre.

Ending the night right back where we started at my home I watched her stumble into the couch and just lay there. Taking off her shoes she alternated between checking her phone and looking at me.

I alternated between thoughts of kissing her and thoughts of not wanting to ruin our friendship and my relationship. I started making some snacks and she got up and told me it was time to go. Holding her hand I wanted to ask her to stay but doing that would probably make me lose my bestfriend and my girlfriend. I kissed her like friends shouldn’t kiss and stood at the door as she walked away.

As soon as I turned around my girlfriend showed up and I smiled because I could tell she’d had a good day too. That took away some of my guilt. Eating a bar food type dinner while watching Love and Hip Hop I enjoyed the company of the woman that had become the best of both worlds.

Dreams At 23; Reality At 33… Life Happens

IMG_0001I remember being 23 and feeling like I had all the answers. I was a year away from being a Civil Engineer, smiled a lot, thought I knew exactly what I wanted. 33 seemed like a lifetime away but when I saw 33 I saw a wife, a couple children, a career, stability. I was a “good guy,” you know the type. Never in any trouble, parents liked me, always did what was right. I was happy but it’s hard to explain what happiness feels like when it was a mirage. I figment of my imagination.

I hate math, I hate numbers so why was I going to be an engineer? I hate test, I’ve never tested well but I picked a career where in order to succeed you have to take and study for countless test. It made no sense but it felt right.

Sitting at my desk at 4:30am, the house quiet, not hearing or feeling any sounds other than my fingers hitting my keyboard those 23 year old ambitions feel like a lifetime ago. Instead of building homes or bridges I build people, I use words to tell stories that I hope make someone smile, cry, laugh, get aroused, want to fight. I’m not sure I know what happy is anymore or where to find it but I know this path is where I’m supposed to be.

Nothing is happening how I planned it and that scares the hell out of me. I’m the guy that washes dishes and makes up my bed before I go to work in the morning. I pause television shows before dramatic scenes to prepare myself like I know the characters on the screen. I read novels and send personalized emails to the authors thanking them for giving the world their art.

There’s a chance I’ll never have a Christmas tree in my home again. There’s a chance my children will never know what it is to sit on the front porch with their hands over their eyes while I plug in the Christmas lights for the first time. Something I did with my grandmother since I was old enough to remember. This time of year when the leaves start to change and the weather gets cooler I feel so far removed from who I was at 23. It’s a good thing and it’s a terrifying thing.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve come home from work and walked into a house with food cooking and that smell making me miss home. There’s so many days I just sit in my driveway and wonder if this is where I’m supposed to be. No one knows my innermost thoughts. People would rather group chat or text or be on social media than sit on the back of a truck drinking a beer or whiskey and talking about life. I hold my secrets and fears close to my heart because that’s the world we live in.

Questioning if I’m any better than the people that choose the love and attention of strangers on social networks just because I choose wordpress or novels. I fear for my sanity, for my health, for my happiness.

Just some random thoughts from a guy that can’t sleep and is craving a breakfast that doesn’t consist of leftover food from last night. I’ll sip this drink and go make that happen. Thanks for reading if you are.

Why Can’t Your Man Do It? Friendships Change When You’re In A Relationship; As They Should

IMG_0701 Why Can’t Your Man Do It? Friendships Change When You’re In A Relationship; As They Should

It’s a valid question. “Why can’t your man do it? It may seem awkward coming from a man you’ve been friends with for years but it’s a legit question. You need your inspection sticker, you need your car washed, you need a ride to the airport at 5am? The guy you could have called at any time to be there for you is now asking you, “Why can’t your man do it?” You look at the phone like, “You’ve done it a million times before, I didn’t think I needed to give you an explanation.”

If you’re over 25 reading this you’ve been at the point in your life where you were single and you have that seriously cool friend of the opposite sex. You want to go to LA for your birthday, you call your friend. There’s no awkward “we almost kissed moments.” There’s no, “I know we’re just friends but…” It’s strictly platonic and you two just genuinely like each other’s company. Concerts, lunch’s, 2am conversations about life and disappointments and dreams that don’t end with you asking them “So what are you wearing right now?”

Men aren’t selfish or territorial; don’t mistake your guy friend that no longer wants to be there for being any of those things. Men are just logical. Somewhere in the picture there’s a guy she’s cooking for, smiling for, kissing, getting jealous over. That’s the man that should be doing the things he used to do and he’s right.

Relationships are inherently selfish. You start to blow off friends and family you’ve spent years with because you fall in love. You stop wanting to go to happy hours with your friends and go to happy hour with your man or woman. A “Hungover” type night in Vegas with your people gets replaced with some Bed and Breakfast in Rhode Island or North Carolina you saw on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on Food Network. It isn’t personal, it isn’t you acting funny, it’s just the evolution of life. So if you’re doing all this, when you have a problem, your man should be the one you go to. Your man should be the one that is your shoulder to cry on. He should be the one that helps you when the bank freezes your account because of suspicious behavior. Don’t be mad at your guy friend for telling you that. Respect the fact he gets that your priorities have changed and he just wants you to be with a man that can take care of you.

5 Flirting Tips for the 21st Century

Are you tired of hearing that it’s ‘cuffin season?’ I am too so don’t feel like a Grinch. But I can be honest with myself and admit that most of it is just hating on my part.

Who doesn’t want to be in the bed or on the couch snuggled up with someone. It’s cool enough for no AC but not cold enough for the heater.

I like the give and take of flirting. I think it makes us happier people. So these are 5 quick tips to get you on the road to getting a little body heat in your life.

5. Simplicity- ‘I love when a man comes at me with pickup line’ said no woman ever. A smile, a hello and a modest compliment. If she smiles and ask you your name, you keep going. If she simply says thank you and walks off. You tried and probably made her morning with that compliment. Don’t pursue her or press.

4. Humor- Everyone can’t do funny. And furthermore it’s even harder to do flirty funny. Because depending on the woman sexual humor will never work. So the humor has to be in the middle, making fun a really nice feature of hers works. Say she’s really fashionable, make fun of how it has to be hard finding a scarf to match those shoes or bracelets. It seems silly I know but I promise you the combination of humor, attention to detail and compliments will have her blushing.

3. Gestures- This literally requires very little charm. If you’re at Starbucks or a CVS or a restaurant getting something to go tell the cashier or server you’re getting hers to. Don’t even ask her. This serves two crucial purposes. Women love subtle aggressiveness and just men that take control. And the other is that the 5 or 10 dollars isn’t enough that she feels obligated but it’s enough that she knows you aren’t cheap.

2. Social Networks- ‘FB isn’t Match.com’ says most women I know even though that’s how I met half of them. Stay out of a woman’s inbox, don’t go liking 5 pics in a row and don’t add any of her pretty ass friends. You want her attention, wait until she post a status or picture and comment with something witty. She’ll notice you and respond to that comment. And that’s your ‘in.’ This is all dependent on her being somewhat attracted to you but your goal on a Social Network should never be to ‘take her out.’ It should be lol’s, smiley faces and interactions.

1. Wear you well- I used to be ashamed or feel uncomfortable when I’d meet women in my work clothes. An old polo or t-shirt, dusty jeans and steel toe boots. But now I’ll wash my hands, wash my face and walk into a Happy Hour with the swagger of a guy in an tailor made suit. Because its not your clothes or yor watch or your ego that makes flirting work. It’s the confidence of being comfortable with who you are. If you’re relaxed that vibe will extend to her.

These are just five tips that will hopefully lead to a phone number that will hopefully lead to date that will hopefully lead to some body heat.