Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed; If You Want Something, Just Ask

fullsizerender2Let’s say you really want to go to a concert or sporting event and you go on Ticketmaster or House of Blues and the event is sold out? What’s the first thing you do if you really want to go? You get online and you look for tickets being sold outside the venue. Why don’t we do that in real life when dealing with real people?

I’ve noticed something, too many people have become too cool to be excited about other people’s blessings. Or maybe it’s simply selfishness. Let’s say I have a friend that’s getting married and they don’t invite me to their wedding but I really want to go. Now I’m a logical man, weddings cost money and we aren’t great friends but I really like this person and want to help celebrate their day. Instead of texting them, “You forgot my invite, lol.” Or making a Facebook post saying, “I guess everyone isn’t cool enough to come to everyone’s wedding.” Or something else that’s passive aggressive why not just call them?

We’ve become so afraid of rejection or feeling like someone may think we’re too pressed that we don’t want to be human. If I know we’re friends but I don’t make the wedding guest list what’s the matter with calling and asking if I can stop by the reception or asking if I can come to the bachelor party or engagement party? If a friend is having their child a birthday party and your child doesn’t get invited, maybe they didn’t have the money to pay for 10 kids at Chuckie Cheese, why not ask if you could pay for your child simply because you want to be there.

I’m not one of those men that pretend I’m too cool for social media. I post statuses, tweet, watch snapchat videos. They’re entertaining and it keeps me abreast of people’s lives that I probably wouldn’t know anything about otherwise. But social media has also made people weary of rejection. I saw an entire thread recently about whether or not a guy should “shoot his shot” and it took me a second to realize that simply meant, “Should a man ask a woman out on a date or for her phone number?” Think about that for a minute, the idea that a woman might say no is so terrifying that men are literally not even risking it. That’s absurd. We’ll fill out 45 job applications when we’re unemployed but if you’re lonely and want a life mate, you’re afraid to ask a woman out? Where in the world does that make sense?

All I’m saying is, rejection is going to happen in every aspect of life but at some point the risk will be worth the reward.

What Do You Get For Having the Perfect Social Media Relationship… Nothing. Nothing At All

perfect-couple-2I love watching documentaries; I could literally sit up all night searching for the perfect one on Netflix. One of the things I love most about documentaries is that they’re true stories. These are real people that went through real things and we’re seeing it unfold through the eyes of their friends, family and co-workers. What I notice most about documentaries is that often times the people that seem the most perfect have the most secrets. By no means am I saying that that’s the same as couples that are perfect on social media but there is a correlation.

I saw a meme the other day that said, “It’s not fair that you share your entire relationship with us and then when you break up we don’t hear anything from you. That’s OUR RELATIONSHIP, we want to know what happened?” As funny as that may sound there’s actually some truth to that. Social media is a platform, you can build a business, build a brand, be a fan but more than anything you choose what you share. If you decide to share nothing but the good news and the romantic nights and the dope trips that’s your choice but understand something. If that’s not real, if you know in your heart that the image you’re projecting is simply for likes or to be in a competition with some woman you hated in high school. You’re doing yourself and your relationship a disservice.

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By no means am I saying that you should hop on social media and share hurtful and dark secrets about your relationship. What I am saying is that you should not get on social media and pretend. Putting a filter on a crappy relationship just so you can get notifications from Instagram is ignoring the problem. You don’t get any medals or gold stars for comments under a picture when you know the two of you barely talk at home.

Tomorrow someone could unplug the internet. We could wake up and our smart phones that we don’t go to the bathroom or eat lunch without could be as useless as iPhone chargers. The pictures you’ve posted about how great your relationship is vanished into Facebook and iCloud Heaven. Will the man or woman you’re in love with go to the ends of earth to find you? Are there pictures printed out on his desk of you?

You can remember how many likes the picture you posted of your date night got but can you remember the last time he smiled at you and you felt as though there were no doubts, no secrets, no hesitation. You get nothing for looking the part, playing the part. You get everything for seeing the flaws and working towards fixing them. You can pretend and have regrets or you can be honest and let people that may look to you and your relationship as an example know; we aren’t always perfect and sometimes I’m not even sure if we’re perfect for each other but we’re authentic and we never stop working towards where we want to be.

 

 

Scottie Pippen Is A Better Man Than Me

102216-sports-future-larsa-scottie-pippen I don’t write a lot about pop culture or celebrity gossip but is something really gossip if all the parties involved acknowledge it happened? When your woman is on social media all over a guy you really can’t blame anyone else but her. Don’t get mad at the paparazzi or blogs for reporting on a fire that her and Future started.

Why is Scottie Pippen a better man than me? I’m not one of those guys that’s going to pretend like I would never take a woman back for cheating. I’ve never had to make that decision but I can imagine that if you love a woman enough anything is possible. See, it’s not the cheating, it’s the flaunting it to the world that would close that door for me. Allowing another man to basically say, “This isn’t my woman, just a lil something I’m messing around with right now.” I can’t do it bro. Call it pride, call it arrogance, I don’t care. I mess up and you go out and get in another relationship, that’s on me. I mess up and you become a full on groupie? Girl bye.

Future has become our generations fu*kboy idol. I really do wish I could use a better term and believe me I racked my brain trying to find one but this is the most accurate term possible. He raps about drugs, how little value women have and hates the mother of his child because she moved on and found happiness. And before I get the, “It’s just music” crowd commenting. It can’t be just music when you not only rap about taking another man’s wife but you snapchat it and tweet about it and take pride in it. There are a generation of tattoo’d, skinny jean wearing, penicillin taking guys that idol the ain’t shi*ness of Future. Your wife leaves for him, you just have to throw the whole wife away and get a new one before Trump bans her country.

To be fair, I’ve never been married so maybe I don’t understand the love and energy it takes to fight for a marriage when you know you’ve both done wrong. Regardless of all of that, can’t do it bro. I wish Scottie the best and I hope Jordan forgives you for bringing this sort of energy to the legacy of the Bulls.

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

FB-Ring.jpgIt’s in poor taste to ask a woman her age.

It’s sort of not cool to ask a married couple when they’re going to have children.

Why do we really care when someone is going to move out of their parents’ home?

I can list a dozen different questions in a dozen different areas of life that aren’t probably the coolest questions to ask but people ask them anyway. Let’s add one more to the list.

“When are you going to get married?”

There are several reasons why people ask.

  1. They can be family and friends that are generally interested in your happiness and they want chubby babies to hold and put on Facebook and Instagram.
  2. They can be friends that think he/she is wasting your time and they’re asking you the question so that you can see he/she is wasting your time.
  3. Their relationship sucks and they are married or aren’t married but either way they see in you two what they want so it makes them want it for you.
  4. People are just nosy.
  5. If you’re too impressive in life it intimidates people. They start to look for reasons to pick you apart. If they can’t do it on a singular level they’ll do it on a relationship level.

 

I’m not naïve to the fact that friends have conversations. That guys talk at work or in the barbershop and girls talk in group text and over drinks. I’m not blind to any of this at all, so I know the question will get asked, especially when you’ve been dating someone for a while. What I don’t get is when it comes from complete strangers or people you aren’t cool with.

My mom wants to ask me why we haven’t gotten married, it’s my mom. Her aunt or best friend wants to ask me, those are people that love me. A random co-worker that sees a picture or reads a blog wants to ask me? Who sent you? I’m not cool enough to insert meme’s into my writing but if I was I’d insert one here.

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This may sound cliché but there’s no right or wrong way to do marriage or love. I’m sure you’ll read a hundred different experts tell you they have the answers. Most of those experts have been divorced three times and probably don’t slap their wife on the ass when she’s leaving the house. Some people get married in 3 months and they thrive and some get married in 3 years, either way it’s their decision. I get it, believe me I do, we let people in our lives via Social Media and they care. I know it’s become cool to “give no f*cks” and to say, “I’m not on social media like that,” but if you have a smart phone and have to deal with Houston traffic, you probably are on social media like that.

The next time someone that doesn’t know my middle name or wouldn’t call me if they hadn’t or from me in a month asks me, “When are you going to get married?” I’m going to start to ask some questions back. “When are you going to stop commenting on pictures of women that look nothing like your wife?” “When are you going to tell your kids to stop asking to play with my phone? My games are for me, not them.” “When are you going to respect your marriage?” Nothing to shady but just enough so they understand that it’s not okay.

The Cowboys lost last night and the Texans won so that’s always good too.

It’s Not Okay to Propose to Your Woman At Someone Else’s Wedding!

IMG_0141It’s Not Okay to Propose to Your Woman At Someone Else’s Wedding!

It Can’t Always Be About You

We all have that one friend that’s a one upper. Maybe they’re not your real friend but they’re a social media friend. You tell them you’re excited about Miami and they tell you, “You should see Spain!” You tell them your kid just got accepted into a college and they tell you how their kid got accepted into a better college.

One upper guy or gal doesn’t always do it because they’re jerks that lack common sense and etiquette. Sometimes they don’t have malicious intent at all; sometimes they just need the conversation to be about them.

The thing we all learn in like 1st grade though is that it can’t always be about you. There will be days where you don’t win the spelling bee and days where you aren’t the best kick ball player in the world. Adult life is sort of the same way. Every conversation doesn’t have to be about YOU. It’s okay to sit back and let someone tell you about their weekend without you telling them how much better your weekend was.

The one upper isn’t always interrupting with good news either. It can be something as simple as, “I cut my finger shaving,” and one upper will let you know how they broke their arm changing the channel with the remote. Anything to have people talk about or look at them instead of talking about or looking at you.

I had a conversation once about wedding proposals and the simple truth is people are so blinded by love that they don’t often realize what’s okay and what’s not okay. Asking your woman to get married on a beach in Spain is dope. Asking your woman to get married at a reception your boy paid 85 dollars a plate for. That’s not too cool.

Why do people think this is okay? This is the ultimate level of one upperness! I’m going to choose the most important day of your life and turn it into a joint venture? This is not okay and a fight has to come with that.

Your friend goes through a horrible breakup and is crying and heartbroken and you sit there like, “I remember when I lost my dog; girl I didn’t think I would recover but I did.” Yo, this isn’t about your dog, this is about your friend.

One upping/ scene stealing has ruined more friendships than borrowing money and shoes and spring breaks where someone forgot to pay their half on the room. It’s okay for it not to always be about you. It’s okay to listen, to be happy for someone, to not turn the day or night or conversation into your show.

Houston Restaurant Week, Russell Wilson, Why Aren’t Women More Romantic and Rose

  Houston Restaurant Week is Christmas in August. It’s finding your favorite movie on Netflix when all you were looking to watch was your favorite episode of Sons of Anarchy. Every year they add more and more restaurants and every year I gain 10 pounds eating desserts because I feel obligated to finish my 3-course meal. I only have 3 suggestions, you ready to copy and paste this? 

1. Go somewhere you’ve never been before and ask your server what’s the best dish out of the options they’re giving you. 
2. Instead of taking a date just because, go alone. This way you get two restaurant week experiences for the price of one date. 
3. Don’t take pictures of your food or even use your phone while you’re there. Simply enjoy yourself. You can tag the restaurant and Houston Restaurant Week afterwards, social media isn’t going anywhere. 

Russell Wilson and Future were sent to us from the social media Gods in order for us to have random debates about modern families that really make no sense. Think about all the riveting conversation that comes from this clash of NFL QB’s and Hip Hop Royalty (at least to people that like dreads, drugs and hate wearing condoms.) 

1. Is Cierra wrong for introducing her son to the man she’s dating? 
2. Is Future an IHOP or Waffle House guy after he leaves the studio? 
3. If Russell Wilson was dating Cierra during the Super Bowl would he have gave the ball to Marshawn Lynch instead of passing it? 
4. Will little Future become the first kid to win a Heisman and a Source Award?

 

Tune in next week to find out!!!!! (Que trailer music to your favorite show)  
I heard a commercial on the radio today and the woman said, “Today is the anniversary of the first time you washed my car so I’m making you breakfast in bed.” I thought that was so efffing Romantic because it’s such a creative way to remind someone of the fact that you recognize what they do and mean to you. I’m a romantic and I love surprises. Cool surprises though, nothing like, I hit a parked car while I was driving your truck. Women are caring, sweet, reliable but ,last women aren’t really romantic. Do we as men or society ask them to be? Probably not. But it’s been over 95 degrees 22 days in a row so if he washed your car the least you can do is not record over his favorite shows on DVR. That and bacon, bacon is love! 

Rose is my 7 month old pit bull and she’s a terrorist. I’m not sure who her parents are but it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s related to those dogs that chase people on bicycles. (Fyi: Stay out the lanes of traffic on those bicycles. Cyclist are terrorist too!) Anyway, back to my possessed and spoiled blue eyed devil of a dog. She refuses to drink her water if it’s not exactly 56 degrees Fahrenheit or less. She barks at weird noises but doesn’t actually go see where the noise is coming from. Will Smith’s dog on I Am Legend fought a zombie dog for him; mines only fights my GAP flip flops and a has a viscous street beef with my couch pillows. Rose in essence is Debo on Friday without the flannel jacket. Saying all that, she did protect her mom from a pack of wolves while they were jogging so maybe I’ll keep her for like 3 more weeks 🙂 So in essence does that mean “I’m in love with a terrorist?” (You have to read that in the “I’m in love with the CoCo” voice) 

A Compliment A Day

#AComplimentADay

#AComplimentADay

A compliment a day is my way of saying “Enough with social media bullying!” Instead of making fun of people or looking for reasons to be cruel, I want society to look for reasons to give compliments. It’s easy to look for the lowest common dominator to get a laugh but how would you feel if you were the person people were laughing at?

When I was younger I suffered from bullying and as I got older I bullied other kids. Never physically but I made people feel small with my words. I had someone point out what I was doing and I thought long and hard about the people I talked about.

It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to stop it is to set an example of what not to do. That example starts with adults. Our children, they only do what they see us do. Compliment a stranger, compliment a friend, be sure to use #AComplimentADay.

One voice is enough to get one more voice and then another and then another. After long we can all be a voice that affects change! So join me and help me make a difference.

~ Demez F. White