What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

R.I.P Cupid

R.I.P Cupid

What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

“He is not my first choice for a Valentine but at the moment he asked I had no other options. And I think it’s sweet that he asked. I’m not interested in him. Not attracted to him. He’s cool though. I need a gift that says “Thanks for the movie and dinner. You are not getting a kiss when it’s over, but I really appreciate hanging with you. This date doesn’t mean anything to me besides confirming that you are cool.” C.R.

I won’t use her name to protect the innocent but I read this post today on one of my social media networks. The post itself made me take a step back and look at my computer but it was the several hundred comments that really got my attention. Women didn’t seem to have a problem with it while men were literally outraged that this poor guy was going to go home with not so much as a kiss or even aware that he was literally “better than nothing.”

Over the past couple of years the friendzone has become a place men go when the woman they desire doesn’t want to date them but still hangs out with them. In essence it’s become a bad thing but the truth is it’s not that bad. Developing friendships can help us socially, professionally, emotionally and even romantically. Once you get past the fact you won’t see her naked or feel her lips you can embrace knowing you’ve met someone you can have drinks with and talk to, there’s no pressure once you’ve established what lines won’t be crossed. Who knows, after a year or so maybe things progress pass friendship. That’s not the case at all with the, “You’re better than nothing zone.” There won’t be a comfort level, there’s no sexual tension or intense moments up against the car. You’re just a guy, a warm body that’s better than her watching Lifetime or hanging out with that bitter girlfriend that just got dumped.

Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Most of the women seemed to think it was perfectly fine that she was entertaining this man she had no interest in. “At least he has a foot in the door,” “Maybe he can charm his way into her liking him.” The men were more straight forward, there’s no point if there’s no interest.

No matter how the date works out the point is still the same, he isn’t going to have sex on Valentine’s, there will be no kiss and no lap dance. No being invited in for a night cap while she gets more comfortable. For as much as Valentine’s day is about romance and love and sexy nights it’s about the potential for more.

The “free food” guy gets called when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like cooking or doesn’t have any money but at least she probably likes him.

The “booty call” guy at least gets sex.

The “friendzone” guy literally has her trust, concern and friendship. She’ll introduce him to other women, call and ask if he needs anything before she comes over.

Then there’s the “better than nothing” guy and for him there’s really no peace. All he can hope is that she doesn’t stay on her phone all night and that she doesn’t order too many drinks. After all, who wants to pay for all those drinks if you don’t have tipsy sex?

4 Signs You’re Boyfriend #2

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n Statistics have shown that 1 out of 4 men that think they’re being a player or in a relationship with a woman that’s extremely forgiving or cool is actually the side guy. If she’s not calling you when she doesn’t feel good or doesn’t feel like getting up to cook, it’s not because she doesn’t want to bother you. You’re the side guy. If you never call or text her back when you say you’re going to and she simply says, “Don’t worry baby.” You’re the side guy. If you randomly see her out with a friend and she treats you as though you’re some guy she played kick ball with in the 3rd grade, it’s not because she doesn’t want people in her business. You’re boyfriend #2. Here are 4 signs that will let you know you won’t be getting invited to Thanksgiving Dinner.

Four- Have you ever seen her at her worse? When she’s sick does she ask you to come over or does she tell you not to worry about it? Once you’re serious with a woman there is usually only one person she’ll call for help before she calls you and that’s her mother. 9 times out of 10 she’s not going to call her mother to bring her Tylenol PM or Midol at 9pm so ask yourself one logical question. If she’s not calling me when she needs something, who’s she calling? You can go thru the list, bestfriend, sister, brother, cousin, parent… But I promise you you’ll come to one conclusion. Once you’re having sex with a woman, you become her first option. If you’re not her first option, you’re boyfriend #2.

Three- Have you ever met any of the people she’s always talking about? Her family, her friends, co-workers that she’s always going to happy hours with. Women love to brag about men, not he bought me this or he did that but “I love him, let me introduce him to you all.” Some women don’t have a social networking presence so maybe she’s not posting pics or tagging you in post but you’ll meet someone. That’s the progression of life. You talk two times a day, meet when you can but you never meet anyone important to her? You’re boyfriend #2.

Two- Do you share secrets? Not sexual secrets or things that happened ten years ago but I mean stuff that no one knows. Not things that emotionally bond us and give us false connections but real things. Do you know the status of her bills, does she pay them once they’re past due or does she pay them on time. Does she need new tires on her car or does her father or ex boyfriend handle her maintenance? Has she ever been afraid she was pregnant or had an abortion, has she ever been sexually assaulted? Serious issues that will not come up in small talk. That she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with friends. If she never gets this deep with you where her vulnerability starts to show, you’re her sideline pal.

One- Do you have to convince yourself that she loves you?

Some of these could mean she’s just not that interested in you. Some could mean you haven’t shown her enough for her to take you serious and another could simply mean she’s still going thru her ho phase and it’s not that you’re boyfriend #2 but 1 of 22. All of that’s possible but if you’re any combination of these 4 believe me when I say there’s another man lurking that knows nothing about you.