“He is not my first choice for a Valentine but at the moment he asked I had no other options. And I think it’s sweet that he asked. I’m not interested in him. Not attracted to him. He’s cool though. I need a gift that says “Thanks for the movie and dinner. You are not getting a kiss when it’s over, but I really appreciate hanging with you. This date doesn’t mean anything to me besides confirming that you are cool.” C.R.
I won’t use her name to protect the innocent but I read this post today on one of my social media networks. The post itself made me take a step back and look at my computer but it was the several hundred comments that really got my attention. Women didn’t seem to have a problem with it while men were literally outraged that this poor guy was going to go home with not so much as a kiss or even aware that he was literally “better than nothing.”
Over the past couple of years the friendzone has become a place men go when the woman they desire doesn’t want to date them but still hangs out with them. In essence it’s become a bad thing but the truth is it’s not that bad. Developing friendships can help us socially, professionally, emotionally and even romantically. Once you get past the fact you won’t see her naked or feel her lips you can embrace knowing you’ve met someone you can have drinks with and talk to, there’s no pressure once you’ve established what lines won’t be crossed. Who knows, after a year or so maybe things progress pass friendship. That’s not the case at all with the, “You’re better than nothing zone.” There won’t be a comfort level, there’s no sexual tension or intense moments up against the car. You’re just a guy, a warm body that’s better than her watching Lifetime or hanging out with that bitter girlfriend that just got dumped.
Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Most of the women seemed to think it was perfectly fine that she was entertaining this man she had no interest in. “At least he has a foot in the door,” “Maybe he can charm his way into her liking him.” The men were more straight forward, there’s no point if there’s no interest.
No matter how the date works out the point is still the same, he isn’t going to have sex on Valentine’s, there will be no kiss and no lap dance. No being invited in for a night cap while she gets more comfortable. For as much as Valentine’s day is about romance and love and sexy nights it’s about the potential for more.
The “free food” guy gets called when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like cooking or doesn’t have any money but at least she probably likes him.
The “booty call” guy at least gets sex.
The “friendzone” guy literally has her trust, concern and friendship. She’ll introduce him to other women, call and ask if he needs anything before she comes over.
Then there’s the “better than nothing” guy and for him there’s really no peace. All he can hope is that she doesn’t stay on her phone all night and that she doesn’t order too many drinks. After all, who wants to pay for all those drinks if you don’t have tipsy sex?